Question:
Do I continue with my plan for surgery after the death of a friend who had surgery?

My friend died yeaterday from an embolism resulting from open rny/ revision. my surgery is on October 1st. This has sent me reeling, I knew the risks but they semed very slim. Until my friend died from one of these complications. I don't know what to do, 2 days ago I was all set to go to surgery and was very happy. Now i am not so sure. If anyone has any help for me please email me.    — Jeanine G. (posted on September 14, 2001)

September 14, 2001
Jeanine. I'm not really sure what I want to say here, but I am scheduled for my Open RNY in 6 days...9/21/01...and I am a nurse and very well aware of the possible complications including death. I don't think anyone can answer for you on this one. I know that I no longer want to live half a life, always dealing with the problems that weighing 300 pounds present. I want to live healthy and full of enough energy to do the things I would like to do...have enough energy for my grandsons, go horse back riding, fitting into airline seats, etc. Best wishes in your decision.
   — Yvonne R.

September 14, 2001
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. I know I would be frightened too if I were you. For me personally though, there is something more frightening than dying as a result of this surgery and that is dying without it. Five years ago, my sister and best friend died of obesity related causes. I stood by and watched as she became weaker and weaker and her body systems failed one after the other. There was nothing any of us, including her doctors, could do to stop the progression of her disease. She suffered excrutiating pain and as the end drew near, she begged me to never let this happen to me. Thankfully, she lost concsiousness before the end and was spared any further pain in her final days. It took me more than four years to figure out that surgery was the only way I could avoid having my life end as hers did. It has taken me since last January to get to the point where I can finally see the goal of a surgery date in my future. You are the only one who can make this decision for you. You know what your life will be like if you do not have this surgery. None of us can know the outcome of any decision we make ahead of time. There are no guarantees. May you be guided by wisdom and love. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
   — Julia O.

September 15, 2001
I'm curious if they were careful enough to give her the shots to "lesson the chance" of getting a clot???? I had many of those shots in my stomach following my Open RNY. I don't think anything is completely foolproof but it did give me better odds of not developing one. "You are wise to think hard about having this surgery, but what will happen IF you DON'T have it?" I thought I was aware of all the risks, but I never imagined my "already low potassium" going even more lower to dangerous levels! I've had to to to the ER twice in August to have potassim by IV. But the surgery was the only other option I had, and I could'nt bare being 319 any longer.... my knees will almost certainly have to be replaced once the weight is off. I guess what I'm trying to say, is it is dangerous to stay the way you are, and there is also some danger to have the surgery. "Only you know" your complete health history and can weight the options whether it is more dangerous to stay the way you are or go ahead with surgery. For me, the balance of danger was more on the "staying the way I was" side. But everyone's situation is different. Good luck to you with your decision. I am truely sorry to hear of your friend and also for Julia. (To the best of my knowledge it is NOT the norm, but it does'nt help to know that when it does happen.
   — Danmark

September 15, 2001
God's everlasting Arms are around you tightly in your time of grief. I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with the other postings -- EVERY thing has risk, including WLS. WLS is the only way I have hope of returning to life, energy to exercise, pain reduced maybe even GONE, etc. My husband had his on 6/12/01 and at present is busily at work finishing our basement! A task he wanted to do when we moved here SEVEN YEARS AGO but could not due to the weight he was carrying. Your friend would want you to take care of yourself; your SELF! That means do the research, think it through, talk to others with experience, and then compare the risks. This is one of the most personal decisions one can make, but my surgery date is 9/28/01 and although I'm apprehensive, my desire to feel alive again far outweighs (no pun intended OUCH) my fear. God bless you, and God bless America! CJ
   — cjtich

September 15, 2001
I am so sorry for the losses of all those posing on this question, please accept my sympathy for your pain. I was very apprehensive before my surgery about the possibility of death due to a deliberate choice on my part. I really reflected on WHY I was chosing this surgery. Was it vanity? Was it REALLY for health reasons? When I could honestly say it was for my health, and that my life would only get worse if I didn't have it, I had peace in my decision. I hope you can find peace in yours. I am now down 120# and 15 months post op. It has not been a picnic, but my life is truly better, and God has been with me. Jill
   — Jill C.

September 15, 2001
Jeanie, I am extremely sorry for your loss. I understand the fear that you must be feeling. I had my surgery 5 mths ago and I have lost 81 pds I feel great and I feel this surgery literally saved my life. I do believe I will live a longer life than I would have at 329 pds. My best friend had her surgery on Aug 28 and she has been in a coma since Labor day. She is improving they put in a trach yesterday and they expect her to come out of this. When she does she will wonder why she risked her life for this surgery but I really feel once she is back on her feet and losing weight she will be thankful she made it and has a life again. She weighed close to 450 so she was high risk to begin with she had high blood pressure and diabetes. I pray for her everyday but it is out of our hands. Don't let this change your mind I really feel if this had happened to me she would have continued on with her surgery. Just try to prepare yourself for surgery. God Bless You.....
   — susan V.

September 15, 2001
My condolences for the loss of your friend. I truly believe you need to weigh the differences between you and your friend. Your weights, your health issues, etc. Sometimes those play a role unbeknownst to anyone. There are far more of us out there that survive and live than those that don't. Seek God for the peace you need in your answer. Go with what gives you peace, you will know that is what is from God.
   — Maureen P.

September 15, 2001
Jeanie, I am so sorry for your loss, just so you know, I have heard from many people in the Medical field that Revisions are much more risky than an initial Open RNY. I also think that you should consider her medical problems as apposed to yours. What would your friend want you to do? She would probably want you to go for it! It's a chance for a healthier happier life which she deserved as well as you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. God bless you and he will be with you on your day, I just know it!!
   — Marie H.