Question:
Body image issues and how did you deal????
I am planning on having the surgery in the next 1-2 months but my concern is after some of the weight has come off I will go into a fit of depression because not recognizing myself after being heavy for the last 12 years. Have any of you had this issue and how did you deal with it? — bridgadean (posted on June 18, 2008)
June 18, 2008
I am seeing a counselor right now. It is hard to overcome all the
emotional differences that you will go through. There are mornings when I
am getting ready for work that I try on three of rouf outfits to find one
that fits. I go into a store and have a wide variety of clothing to chose
from now. It can all become very overwhelming. My therapist has been a
tremendous help with all the lifestyle changes that I have to overcome. I
had my surgery 10/17/07 and I have lost 102 lbs so far with another 50 or
60 lbs to go yet.
People look at your differently when you are slimmer and that has been
adjustment for me. Some of my heavy friends got very jealous of my
progress and are no longer friends. One of my friends accussed me of
making a pass at her husband when all I did was talk to him for a few
minutes. So there are changes in social situations that you will need to
overcome. And they will happen. I have talked to others in my support
group and they are experienceing the same problems in social gatherings.
On top of all of that there are the eating changes and getting used to
looking at a saucer for a plate instead of a dinner plate. There is eating
with a baby spoon so I don't eat to much to fast. There is the change in
the food I am eating. No more sweets, They make me sick. Learning to eat
things that don't make you sick and experiementing with new things to see
if you can tolerate them.
So, yes, there are a lot of changes that you go through and I have
struggled with depression at times. But please know that I would go
through all this again in a second. I am so pleased with the end result
and am looking forward to a life that is long and happy. And not all my
experiences have been depressing ones.
I am no longer on any heart medication. My blood pressure meds I am being
weaned off of and should be done with them this month. I have tons of
energy that I never had before. I love my new "look" and am able
to wear more trendy clothes now and look nice in them!!! The benefits far
outweigh the negative experiences.
Good luck in your surgery and congratulations on making such a change in
your life. I know you will be surprised at the changes you will overcome.
— sunsetyellow
June 18, 2008
you will start to see/notice little things like a. being in a restaurant or
a classroom, or somewhere where there are a lot of people sitting and you
have to get out - normally you would look for the widest exit path - you
still will and then you will try to "squeeze your way through"
and realize you don't have to squeeze because you are not as big as you
were. b. go to hug someone and realize that they can put their arms all the
way around you and you can hug them more because you don't have as much
between you as you once did. c. you will pass by a window, walking on the
street, the mall, etc. and catch a glimpse of yourself and be like,
"who the hell is that person?" and then realize it is you. d. be
at a store looking for a special outfit for a special outting and since
nothing fits you - you have to go shopping (oh darn) and you still start
with the "fat lady section" - reach for a larger size, try it on
and it's sooooo big and you stand in the fitting room laughing and crying.
It's emotional - both good and bad. the simple answer is - in time...your
mind will catch up to your body. I am 1 year, 4 months out 138lbs gone
forever, in a size 4/6 and couldn't be happier. It's just been in the past
3-4 months that I don't grab a size 10 in the stores. I now start with a 6
and take the 4 in...depending on the cut....I am a 6 or 4 - still amazing
to say that. I don't not recoginize myself in the mirror anymore - now...I
embrace my new body and congratulate myself and tell myself how pretty I
look today or my husband, pretty much tells me every morning - honey - you
look beautiful today or he will say - you are so pretty today or he will
say - those (pants/that top/those whatever) looks so nice - having clothes
that fit and that you want to wear make a huge difference. The long answer
could be that you need to see someone, a therapist, etc. It just depends on
how you handle things. Just try to keep positive and upbeat and take on
little challenges head on from the beginning and you should be fine. If
not, there is no shame in asking for help! Good luck!
— jammerz
June 18, 2008
I agree with the other lady..It was quite an adjustment.I got alot of
attention, negative and positive but going to a therapist helped as well as
feeling good within yourself. Am an outgoing personality anyway so I dealt
with it from a very fun perspective.I enjoyed every minute of attention
especially when ppl would do a double take and say they didnt recognize me
or ask if I was a twin...I really had more fun than anything else.PPL that
were jealous I tried to reassure them especially if they were close
friends.I enjoyed going into stores and shopping to my hearts content.What
happened with me though is that I lost my marriage of 16years.It was
building before I had the surgery and lost weight and losing weight just
gave me the umph I needed to branch out on my own and live my life for me
for once..My advice to you is to take it one day at a time.Dont take
yourself too seriously all the time and enjoy the changes as much as you
possibly can.
— caymanbabe
June 18, 2008
Bridgette -- I think we've ALL had this issue. I'm eight-plus years out
from a VBG and I STILL have problems now and then with actually being able
to see the real size of myself. When I think about it, when I was 350
pounds and the size of a house I didn't think I was all that big, even
though I couldn't fit in most chairs or go through turnstiles or do much
more than tie my shoes without needing a nap. There's a term for this
affliction -- body dysmorphia -- and I think many of those who have spent
time being morbidly obese have it to some degree. It took me a long time
to see what I really look like, and it's not half bad for an old bag, if I
do say so myself. I look better with clothes on than clothes off, but give
me somebody over the age of sixteen who doesn't. A complicating factor for
those of us who have surgery is that your head sometimes doesn't keep up
with the speed of your amazing shrinking body -- I remember the first time
I put on one of my skirts to go back to work after my surgery, pulled it
up, and it promptly fell off. To myself, I looked exactly the same as I
did before, but I was like 50 pounds smaller. If you are prone to
depression anyway (and I have such tendencies), you might want to consider
counselling with someone who has experience with body dysmorphia who can
guide you through the process. But have no fear -- it will, and does,
pass. Best of luck,
— Cheryl Denomy
June 18, 2008
You are still young and had babies recently...so your skin should firm
fairly well...You have a good figure even for the size you are and an
adorable face. I think your body image will surpass what you thought you'd
ever look like! I honestly think you are going to be one happy young mama!
You are going to be so busy chasing babies that you'll be whipped into
shape in no time after surgery...Your hip and knee problems will probably
improve greatly as will your energy...You won't have to worry about
diabetes. Eating healthier and taking vits and supps will also keep you
feeling and healing well. Your family will also benefit from a healthier
menu. Loose skin I think is the biggest body image issue. Some of us have
dumb luck and snap into place and some of us just don't. It's a gamble
what your skin will do...Some of it is improved with vits and protein and
water and muscle toning exercise and moisturizer. Some people have to have
plastics to deal with the skin issue...But ultimately...whatever happens to
your skin and body is the trade off for being healthy and more energetic
and given a second chance. It was a no brainer for me. I decided that if I
could just walk again and breathe again with no pain that would be
enough...If I could just be healthy again...I didn't care if I was a size 2
with two times the extra skin or 200lbs and still chubby... So for
me...dealing with what I may look like after surgery was something I
searched my soul for before surgery and wowza was I pleasantly
surprized...What dumb luck I had! I feel and look so much better than I
ever imagined I could again in my 40's. 4.5 years later and 150lbs lighter
from 315lbs...I wear tank tops and if someone doesn't like it...."Kiss
my bat wings"...LOL Attitude is how you deal with it. Love
life...It's your second chance...That doesn't happen often...appreciate it.
That's my only advice. Hope it helps.
— .Anita R.
June 18, 2008
Hi, Bridgette. What Cheryl said was put so well, I have nothing to add
other than "ditto!"
— jujuprof
June 18, 2008
Honestly, I'm GLAD I'm not looking like I did for the past 12 years! I WANT
to look like I did when I was 100 lbs lighter. Every pound off is an
improvement, IMO. I was depressed before but I get more excited now as I
see a real change. I've lost nearly 60 lbs since my surgery on March 4th
and I've got another 60 to go. Yes, I've got some excess skin right now and
I'm a little worried about that, but I'd still rather have that than be fat
anymore.
— suezahn4me
June 18, 2008
— H.A.L.A B.
June 18, 2008
These things are all part of the journey. Changes during and after the
surgery should be considered part of the journey. This is a true concern
and I am not sure that there are any ways to deal with this until you
actually reach that point in your journey. As long as you are true to
yourself and honest with every step, you will be able to not only deal with
the issues but also overcome them. Best of luck to you!!
— bariatricdivalatina
June 18, 2008
You will always recognize you, its the other people that wont recognze you.
I have dealt with it marvelosuly It is a
— Joanc
June 18, 2008
your still and always will be the person on the inside mabey just mabey
you need to get to know her and youll recognize your best friend anywhere
weight loss is great counceling should be your number1 priority I made it
mine good luck and god b3e with you Pam
— gagesmom
June 18, 2008
Hello special lady.....YES....you will ungo a huge journey...there's no
denying that....but If you follow all the instructions to the
letter....especially for the exercising end of it...you will do just
fine...exercising helps the "feel good" endorphins come
out....over coming depression....it has helped me through it....*smilling
at ya* I started walking right after surgery....slow at first...but keep
adding to it everyday....its SO good for you!!! Don't say you will do
it...DO IT!!! I'll be praying for you at your surgery date....you'll do
just fine....your friend...Linda
— LindaA
June 20, 2008
I did have some problems with post op depression and with the help of a
psychiatrist and some talk therapy, I am pleased to say I am much better.
As far as the emotional issues go, I just finished reading a fantastic book
that I would recommend to anyone.... "The Emotional First + Aid
Toolkit"- A Practical Guide to Life After Bariatric Surgery... by
Cynthia L. Alexander, PsyD. Very, very helpful. I keep going back to
chapters that are particularly helpful to me on Self Talk, Behavior
Modification, Depression. Love this book.
Dawn Vickers, RN, BLC, CLC
— DawnVic
July 15, 2008
There is not one personn who has had annytype of weight loss suurgery who
can say they DID not have body image issues......its a COMPLETE change of
life...but the best advice i can give being 4 yrs post op now is at the end
of htis tunnel you will sttart to realize that if you agree with the way
people see you now you will realize just how beautiful/handsome you really
are...before ppl stared at me because i was huge..and unhappy....now they
stare at me and i realize that tey are looking because im HOT now =)
— princesss3802
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