Question:
Unhappy with my appearance

March 15th will be 8 years since I had WLS and I have become quite dissatisfied with the way that I look. Although I feel quite comfortable with my clothes on, undressed or with less clothing is purely UGLY and a sore site. The loose skin and the dimples beneath the skin is simply unbearable. I am recently separated from my soon to be ex husband and whenever we would argue he would reinforce that no one would want me with all of that saggy loose skin and that they may like me with my clothes on, however, that I a total mess with my sagging boobs, flapping arms and dimpled skin on my thighs. I can't afford plastic surgery and as bad as I feel, I would be willing to be taken on as a "PRO BONO" test case and possibly risk my life just so that I could enjoy the skin that I am in. I find myself wearing long sleeves in during the summer and keeping my arms close to my sides because of my "wings". I am often told how "pretty" I am but how can feel pretty when I am living in fear of anyone seeing me without clothes or even with short sleeves on? Does anyone have any suggestions. I am really depressed and bothered by this. I would love to get a body lift, however, as a single mom that is impossible unless I win the lottery. Thanks Signed, Not Loving the Extra Skin I am In    — Mae P. (posted on March 14, 2010)

March 14, 2010
I don't have an answer for you, I'm only 3 months out. But it broke my heart because my x husband used to tell me I was too fat to find anyone (proved him wrong) But I have thought about these things with the skin and dimples myself because I am seeing some of that now. It bothers me to think I will never look good naked or in a bathing suit until I have plastic surgery. Till then I have to love myself and pat myself on the back for making the choice to have surgery for a healthier me. Look at it this way... you probably didn't look that great naked before AND on top of that being heavy you probably didn't look really great with clothes on. NOW you are lookin smokin hot with your clothes on!!! There are a lot of plastic surgeons that extend credit, I have a friend that lost a bunch of weight and financed the whole thing. Friend me I have almost no friends!
   — Fogg1958

March 14, 2010
I am so sorry that you're feeling so bad about yourself. I don't know how old you are, but I'm 56 and feeling (most days) as if I am 30. I've been morbidly obese since I was about 23 years old, and in September of 2008 I finally decided to do something about it. I don't know what my TOP weight was, because I quit getting on the scale when it hit 312. When I went in for my first consultation with Dr. Snyder, his PA weighed and measured me, and I was in for a shock. As far as I knew, I was 5'9", but she pegged me at 5'7 1/2". I'm thinking that's because I have severe lumbar spinal stenosis, which causes me to lean sharply to the right (in an attempt to avoid the pain that straightening up causes). At any rate, I have two grown daughters, both of whom were very large babies, and back when I had them, no one told me about vitamin E oil or lanolin to help prevent stretch marks, so my stomach looks like a washboard. And after I had my last baby, even though I only weighed something like 180 right after her birth, I still had what the trainer in the gym called a "fat apron". I guess now it's called a pannis. Anyway, my husband was obese, too, and so he really couldn't say anything about MY weight. And gaining all that weight had some real psychological reasons behind it. One of them was that I didn't WANT to be attractive to my husband. I didn't love him and the last thing I wanted was to be intimate with him. There were other huge reasons, too... but here's the deal: once I left my husband and finally (after several years) found a therapist who got me to face and deal with the other reasons, it was only a short while until I was able to "love" myself again. And then, I was able to begin trying to lose the weight. Unfortunately, I would lose 50 or 60 pounds, keep it off for a few months, then gain it all back again due to the bad habits I'd developed in 30-some years of being fat. BUT, during one of those "not-so-fat" periods, I found a lover who told me that regardless of what I looked like nude, it was my spirit and my soul that mattered. So WHAT if I had loose skin on my arms?? So WHAT if I had a saggy belly?? So WHAT if I had dimpled thighs?? None of that mattered, especially in the bedroom, which was usually dark. What mattered was my laughter, my joy, the sparkle in my eyes, my compassion, my intelligence, and best of all, my new-found confidence in my sexuality - which had been severely inhibited by my early religious upbringing and then worsened by crude comments about my size (from my own family, no less). That relationship ended, but that person had given me back myself. Since then, even prior to WLS, I've had 3 other relationships, and NONE of them were about how I LOOKED, either dressed or undressed. And since I made the decision to get the surgery, I've been taking photos of myself in my underwear at regular intervals. And you know what? I don't look HALF BAD!! I thought I'd have a HUGE pannis, but after a loss of 140 pounds, it's a LOT smaller than I thought. Yes, I have the infamous "batwings"...but what bugs me worse is the little pad of extra skin just below my armpit that WILL NOT be stuffed into my bra. There is no way I can afford plastic surgery, but I've found that getting a professionally fitted bra had made a HUGE amount of difference. And I've also found these panties called "Flexees" at Costco - they come in a package of 3 for $12.99...and they're the best thing since sliced bread. They're like panty girdles, and they hold my saggy belly quite tightly - so it doesn't jiggle or hang down, even a little bit. You should be so PROUD of yourself! You've added years to your life and set a wonderful example for your children. You are like a Goddess to them... they don't see your batwings, or your saggy skin... they only see the Mom they cherish and love. And when you find a new partner, that person will love you just the way you are, or they aren't worth a second look. Your skin - saggy though it might be - is your badge of courage and proof that you have what it takes to do the most difficult things in life, like having children, raising them as a single parent, and going through WLS to become healthy so you'll be around for them when they get older and make you a grandmother. I honor you, and I hope that you will take a look in the mirror and see the beautiful person looking back at you, loose skin and all. As a matter of fact, learning how to do a self-blessing might really help you to accept and make a bridge between how you look and who you are. If you're interested in learning... you can email me privately, and I'll tell you how. Blessings to you,
   — Erica Alikchihoo

March 14, 2010
Hello My Name is KAren I have not had the surgery yet but hoping to have the gastric sleeve done in the future. I am so sorry for how you feel about your situation I know you feel even I feel this way even before the surgery & I probably will feel this way afterwards. Maybe here is some options for you that you can reearch online and talk to your family Physician for further medical advice. I did here ther is Optional ways payments plans to get the skin removal done at the hospitals where they perform the gastric Procedures Care Credit card is accepted by some Hospitals & you can make low monthly payments till the bill is paid off. I also years ago was watching Tv about a woman who had the same circunstances as you the loose skin after surgery. On the show I am not which one but it was telling patients to get with their Physicians to help them to Look into this But There are Hospitals through out the Country that will do Skin removal for patients who have had the bypass surgery The hospitals that will do it is Usually Skin Removal For harvesting for Burn Victims the Burn Victims gets to use your skin to HEal and repair thei bodies while freeing yourself from the excess skin that has oppressed you. Some doctors have not heard of this so you have to do research and get others to help find the hospitals that have Professional Credientals of Plastic Surgeons who do Skin Harvesting from Patients with loose skin for Burn Victims & I heard that the Hospital pays for the Procedures. It has been several years since i had this show but I hope *& cannot see why this need would not still be available for you and the burn victims. I hope this information has been helpful. Please do not giveup hope & please do not sacrifice your body to be Happy Prayerfully things will work out for you. Sincerely Karen McCollam
   — kdlady38

March 15, 2010
Hi Mae. I am 32 and had the RNY on 7/22/09. I started at 364 and now I am 239 as of this morning. So you can amagine how much extra skin I have. But in my clothes you would never know it cause my body has taken a whole different shape. Everyone says I have a coke bottle shape.And I do in clothes. But beneath the 7seven Jeans and the long sleeve fitted top. I am a HOT MESS! I look so good with clothes on that I feel like I am lying about who I am .Because I have been open with people about having the surgery,I let everyone know that under the clothes I look bad. But I have a husband that doesnt care about it. He will take the extra skin over the girl I used to be. I have always been pretty,but at almost 400lbs I didnt do alot. There were so many things that I worried about. Like could I fit in a seat when we went out,or am I gonna break the lawn chair when we went to someones BBQ.I even bought my own $70 chair to take with me cause it had a weight limit of 400lbs and I took it with me everywhere I went.My arms were so big that Icould never sow them ,but it was hard to hide them cause they couldnt fit in many sleeves.And only being able to shop at old lady fat shops.And I took along time getting dressed and putting on make-up,cause I had to look as good as I could to make up for the fact that I was huge! Now I can live a regular life without being worried about being the biggest person everywhere I go that the skin doesnt really bother me. I do plan to get my arms ,boobs, and tummy tuck. But I am so excited about my new life that I cant worry about that now. You will find a man that will not care about the sagging skin. Cause he will understand that it is a part of the package. But you need to know that how you see yourself is the way that you perject yourself to others. Dont let your ex take the joy of ovrecomeing obesity from you. Thank God for the gift of good health and enjoy this part of your life.And he will bless you with the tools to fix the rest.But if this is really bothering you. I would call up T.V shows and tell them your story. Like "The Doctors", Dr.Oz,or the surgical make over shows. I hope this hels some. TIA
   — tiawillb

March 15, 2010
Mae....I just did a search on "Live-Donor skin donations" as a possible answer to your wish to have cost-free excess skin removal. Unfortunately, it looks like although this IS done, the patient is either asked or volunteers to DONATE the skin, and it doesn't look as though this has any effect on the cost of the surgery. In other words, it looks as though you still pay what you would normally pay to have a thigh or arm lift, or tummy tuck, you just allow the skin to be used for donor grafting instead of having them dispose of it. I hadn't even THOUGHT about the possibility, and it sounded really good to me... but there's the info I was able to come up with. Sorry (for all of us who want the surgeries and can't afford it)!
   — Erica Alikchihoo

March 17, 2010
Mae, Your husband has done a real number on you. He is trying to make you feel bad. So, before you go running off to get skin removed, you need to go see a pyscholist (sp) to discuss this first. Fix what is broken in your heart, then your body. I feel real bad for you. My husband said that once to me during an argument. It is hurtful, but it can be fixed. Your surgeon can also deem it medically necessary to have the extra skin removed, as it too, is a health risk. You can have infections under the flaps of skin, back problems, etc. Go see a PhD first, then go speak to your surgeon, not your primary, but the person who performed your wls. They seem to have more influence over the insurance companies when it comes to "body lifts". Hope you find this helpful. Best wishes. Don't let your husband step on your self esteem any longer. Don't give up, keep fighting to get this done.
   — Kristy