Question:
problems at work.
I am in the process of getting my paperwork ready to get my surgery. I have told my friends at work and most of them are happy for me. But my boss is giving me a guilt trip, telling me that im just being lazy and not tring hard enough. Im 5'5" and 270. i need to go to 150. how do they expect me to do it with just dieting. Has anyone else had to deal with this kind of reaction, if so what did you do? — marygriego (posted on May 21, 2007)
May 21, 2007
I'm dealing with the same thing and I have only told a handful of people
that I'm going to be having the Lap Band done this year and they are
family. Don't even give your boss a second thought. Who cares what he or
she thinks! You have to do what is best for you. No one can live your life,
only you can. If you feel that you need to have a WLS go for it!!! Its
gonna save YOUR life not your boss. People that are not over weight or
haven't been over weight are the 1st people to say your being lazy or your
taking the way easy way out. That just gets me too cause nothing about
being over weight or lossing weight is easy. No WLS is not the easy way
out its all a tool and a life style change and you still have to exercise.
Its just giving you that extra push. People are always gonna have their own
opinion no matter what you do or how you lose the weight. If they keep
talking about it then let them know that this is your personal life and you
would like to keep it that way. When I told my family "she" just
gave me a look like yeah ok whatever you shouldnt have let your self get
this way in the 1st place. I told her that its my life and I would like her
to be there to support me in making my life a lot better and healthy but
that I didn't need her blessing cause its my choice. I told her if she
didn't wanna support me then that is fine to that I respect that too but I
did not want to hear any more negative comments and If I did I just
wouldn't want to be around her until she has something nice to say. I told
her I needed to save my life and that I didn't get this large over night
and if I didnt take these steps I might not live long enough to try any
other way. Everyone here supports you! If you ever need an ear or shoulder
or just talk you will always have some friends here. I wish you the best of
luck and don't let other people bring you down.
— TattooGirl1982
May 21, 2007
Maryla... you are going to come into contact with all sorts of reactions
from anger, disappointment, joy, jealousy, indifference, etc... the whole
range. One consider the source... do you really care what your boss
thinks. It is just one person's opinion... And opinions are like
buttholes.. everyone has one. some are just more willing to share theirs
with others... wow did that not come out right... LOL.. but you get my
point... LOL... Don't look to others for validation for what you are doing.
If you are going to do that, then you are the one who will be sorely
disappointed. I imagine you are doing this for YOU and no one else and to
become healthy. Trust me, you will find out who your true friends are. I
remember who loved me when I was big and in the ugly duckling stage of my
life. They are the ones where my size didn't matter, it was my personality
that they liked. There will be ones that change towards you, either more
friendly or more aloof. You will hear snide remarks, but you just have to
remember where it is coming from... just trust that woman in the mirror who
wanted this surgery to live longer, healthier and able to do more
physically... Good luck to you... Don't take the comments personally..
— Kari_K
May 21, 2007
I think your boss is insensitive, uniformed and way out of line. If it
was me , I would adv him that he is making you uncomfortable in the
workplace, that should cool him down...Brian
— johndough
May 21, 2007
Simple -- you ignore them. They are the ones that think this surgery is
the shortcut and easy-out to loosing weight. Their ignorance is showing.
Ignore them -- they aren't paying any of your bills, buying none of your
clothes, or doing anything else that will help you reach your goal weight.
— the7thdean
May 21, 2007
My sister says the same thing! She even admited that she would be upset if
I was smaller than she is. Oh well, that is not going to stop me! As far
as your boss- He is crossing lines! That is YOUR PERSONAL decision , m aybe
you should remind him of that!
Dolly
— DollyA
May 21, 2007
Take a trip to human resources and inform them that your boss is giving you
a guilt trip about your PERSONAL life and he will get a warning and have to
be quiet about it from that point on. You could even try the ol "Why
don't you and I take a trip to human resources and discuss this?" I
agree with the other posters, his ignorance is showing through as unless
you have been obese/morbidly obese like we have all our lives, no one can
possibly know what we are going through. Good luck!
— crystalsno
May 21, 2007
Get prepared. You will encounter a lot of negativity from people. Also, be
prepared, because when you lose your weight, and you will, people who have
known you forever will not want to relate to you as before, because you are
not the same person. A lot of it is jealousy and a lot of it is they are
too lazy and judgmental to adapt to the new you. Do not let these people
bring you down. You have to be selfish and think of yourself for once
because I am betting you haven't done that in a very long time. Good luck.
Please post as you make your progress.
— blm4602
May 21, 2007
My family doctor told me it would take 3-4 years to lose the same amount of
weight and because of health issues it could pose, that it was not in my
best interest to lose through dieting but to get a surgical procedure that
would help in losing the weight within 18mo. I would tell my boss nothing
else about the wls, this is a personal decision, your life not his.
Rebecca Biles
— R. biles
May 21, 2007
Hi Marla. You face a similar thing that many many people do. Everyone has
an opinion, and in our society, they don't mind sharing it. Your boss has
an opinion. And perhaps, even though painful, he may or may not have a
point. You have to separate painful truth from rude error in your own
heart. Take the painful truth and deal with it in your own life, and take
the rude error and dismiss it for what it is rude error. Our oldest son
said to me mor than once that "people" would say ugly and rude
things to him (he was easily picked on as a young person:(). I told him
one time, that if his Dad and I agreed that these things were true (that he
was a jerk, an idiot, ugly, you fill in what they say). If we agree these
things are true, then he has some concern. We are family, we love him, and
if we see bad things, then he needs to be concerned. People who don't know
you very well personally, who don't spend time with you, who essentially
care about themselves more than trying to teach you anything by any comment
they make, these people have not EARNED the right to criticize you. They
may have an opinion, but it is based on selfishness and jealousy or some
other selfish factor. I can't figure everyone else out for them, but I CAN
choose to not let what others say that are in this category affect me. The
power is yours, you just don't know it. You cannot stop your boss from
being selfish that you will be gone. You can't help that others will have
to fill in where you would work. It is a business, and they have to deal
with that. You can say something to your boss, or just choose not to. He
(or she) can choose to think you are lazy, but if your work habits show
that you are not lazy, then what proof does she/he have? Take the truth
for what it is, and use it to better yourself, everything else is a lie,
and should be thrown out like any other trash. I FULLY understand that the
emotional part of us wants to straighten out all those bad speeches, but it
is not our place to fix everyone else. I think I have a big enough job to
work on myself. If someone else has issues, and is not looking to me for
guidance, it is their issues. I have enough of their own. I believe in
compassion and being careful even when others have overstepped their
bounds, but in my heart I decifer the truth, and if it doesn't apply, it
gets thrown out. You might say that you wish you could do that, but can't.
You are wrong. It is a choice, not character. Obese people take a
beating all the time. I just had dinner with our youngest sons girlfriend
and her family, as they are moving soon. I really like the family, and
enjoy their company. They have become friends. As we sat at dinner, I ate
my salad and a half slice of bread, and about 3 bites of my spag. before I
could eat no more. I know they were watching me, but they said nothing.
In my mind I wondered how I could eat a little more to convince them that I
eat normal things, just not tons of normal things. I just couldn't, so I
didn't. Then I wondered, as we were sitting talking, I wonder how they
would see me right now if I ate everything, at 242 pounds, if they would be
treating me differently? If they would be embarassed to be seen with me?
If my son would not want us to be sitting together? I don't think I can
escape being watched, no matter what I weigh. I will either eat too little
or be a fat lazy woman who overeats. Either way, truthfully, it is none of
their business how much I eat or my size. My husband and I prayed and
sought out my health at God's Throne. That is enough for me. We are
satisfied with my health, and that is enough. Although they said nothing,
people watch your full plate when theirs is empty, they watch your empty
plate when theirs is full. People watch, they have opinions, and that is
ok. As adults, we teach kids that there is a time to speak and a time to
be quiet. But as adults, we don't practice it. It doesn't matter that you
are 5'5" or what you weigh. Your boss is out of line belittling you.
This is a personal decision that you made. You have to give them space to
disagree, especially if you choose to let your decisions be known to many
people. The more we talk about what we decide to do, the more we open the
door for others to comment. That is normal. You choose who and what you
say, and then allow their comment. For support, keep your circle of
support close and tight, those who have decided to walk with you, those who
have had surgery and support you, your medical staff members, family. Your
Boss? Not in your circle, to take his/her comments with a grain of salt,
and let your body show as it decreases in size that their words were wrong.
We don't have to blow up about it, just be faithful, consistent and active
in your work, your family and your weight loss. Let this experience cause
you to be determined to do even better than you thought. I am not talking
about more pounds lost, but more water, no pop, exercise right away (within
a few weeks). Fight for your health, and let them all be put to shame for
what they said. I am 3 years out, and still hold my 120 pounds gone, and
people are still waiting for me to fail. Let them wait. I have a Great
God that is able to give me peace about the decision for surgery and
sustain me every day! He is able, and my trust is in Him. Don't put your
trust in rude comment or rude people. Treat them kind, it is right, but
keep your sharing to a minimum with them, they only twist what you say to
hurt you. Sorry for the book. I wish you well. Patricia P.
— Patricia P
May 22, 2007
When I inform my boss that I might be interested in wls, he said maybe you
ought to try working out harder. He just hated to see me go through such
surgery. But like I told him and others, I went to the gym three to four
times a week. I tried every diet there is to try. I did this for 5 years
and no sucess. My doctor even put me on diet pills and I only lost 10lbs
in six months. You have to do what is right for you. As long you know you
have tried, thats all that matters.
— barfiep01
May 22, 2007
Carla,
Kudos for you being open and honest with those around you. Unfortunately,
you will always run into people who think that this is cheating or the easy
way out. Let me tell you, it's the hardest thing I've ever done. Nothing
easy about it. So, if your boss guilt trips you - my reply would be... I
appreciate your concern but this is a very personal decision. If you can't
be positive and enthusiastic about my wanting to become healthier and doing
it in the best way possible for me then maybe you should just mind your own
business on this issue and let me handle it personally. Thanks for your
concern. Then walk away and avoid the topic with her from that point
forward. You are always going to have these kind of people around you and
you have to develop a bit of a thick skin about it. Part of it is drawing a
line on what you will tollerate from others about it. Draw the line with
your boss... gl!
— oceanrayne
May 22, 2007
Dearest Maryla! I encountered much of the same experiences when preparing
for surgery. Many people tried to talk me out of it. Someone left an
article of weight loss fatalities on my desk. One co-worker called me the
night before surgery to dissuade me!!! I simply told people that I had
researched this completely, and was very firm in my resolve. I thanked them
for caring, but said it was me who ultimately had to live in my body. I
believe the key is to stop living for the approval of others. So many of us
with food issues share this problem. The journey was not always easy, and
people have been further thrown by my 245 pound weight loss, but my life
has taken a wonderful turn that I could simply not have accomplished
without the aid of surgery. Surgery is not for everyone, but it was for ME.
Perhaps it is for YOU too! If you ever need a pep talk, please write. I am
rooting for you 100 percent. Warm smiles, Pam
— pjwilsen
May 23, 2007
Honestly, your health is not your boss's business. Tell him that he's not
trying hard enough to fix his f*cked up face and it's just lazy and
inconsiderate of him.
— Lauren003
May 24, 2007
Hello, I actually feared the same thing and therefore I feared telling
everyone. I am 2 months post op and let me tell you that this is harder
than any diet that anyone has ever been on. I commend you for going
through with it and wish you the best. It will all be worth it.
— saveliephsol
May 29, 2007
you know how I feel about this....well no I guess not...LOL the deal for me
is this....this is YOUR life and that is your job. Jobs come and go and so
do the people in them. I know they feel all significant and stuff cuz you
see these people all the time but believe me it is probably temporary and
even if you are there the rest of your natural born life chances are the
people you work with won't be. Get your dang surgery and strut your new
stuff and enjoy!!!!!
— peggster
Click Here to Return