Question:
SEXUAL INTERCOURSE?
Ladies, have any of you experienced any problems with sexual intercourse after losing a substantial amount of weight??? I am a year and a half post op and my husband can not succeed, shall we say, at even partial intercourse. This was not a problem before surgery....nor was it a problem after surgery until I hit the 80 pound loss mark...and weknow dryness is not the issue. Please share!!!! Will I never have intercourse again? — SaGa (posted on February 25, 2007)
February 25, 2007
Wow, I am not clearly understanding what you are saying about your husband
not being able to succeed. Do you mean he loses an erection or is not
interested any more. Or are you saying your are having the issues?
— Sherrie S.
February 25, 2007
I had problems with intercourse from the time I hit post op. My first
hangup was the long scale from breasts to belly. As I lost 200 lbs I felt
like he was hurting me when we would have it and I would not want to have
it. Now I also have the dryness thing going on too....Sex is like a past
time in our home these days. I really believe it has something to do with
the mix of the hormones after we lose the fat. I think it just takes time
to get you back to where you were before surgery. How much time.....dunno.
I am going on three years out and still don't have the same drive as I did
preop.
— dcox94
February 25, 2007
I am only 12 weeks out and also experiencing "discomfort" during
sex. Not sure exactly what the problem is, but I will check back to see
who else answers this. I am going to check with my obgyn. It is just
uncofortable.... which is no fun! My hubby is trying to be
understanding... it feels normal to him, just not to me.
— robinmarra
February 25, 2007
Hi Samantha. You are brave to tackle a subject like this on line. Obesity
is a real head issue isn't it? It sounds like you are desiring sexual
contact with your husband, but he is having the problems? I don't know how
long you have been married, but it sounds like an honest talk is in order.
When I think my husband and I need time together I would plan a nice dinner
and make the house right, and set the tone for conversation and a meal. It
sounds like he needs to be assured of your love and affection for him.
Maybe he is seeing some struggles you are having, and maybe he has some
"head" issues himself that he didn't expect. My husband loves me
fat or thin, saggy or not (I call my theighs my charpea puppies, mut and
jeff). I would wish that for every woman. We expect that we will be the
only ones that struggle with our weight loss and head issues, but sometimes
a spouse really struggles when their loved ones become attractive in a new
way (you were always beautiful, it just shows in new ways now!). The
confidence we gain can be a threat to them, and maybe they feel left out.
If you are not used to discussing tender matters like these it can become a
hidden issue in your marriage. I encourage you to do a heart to heart in a
beautiful setting that is private (without a plan of a sexual ending. If
it happens great, but don't plan for it, it may disappoint you in the end).
If this doesn't improve then check into a good marriage counselor. Just
be careful that you find a good one. In our city, we have an annual
marriage conference put on by Family Life. Their website is
www.familylife.com and then click on the "weekend to remember" in
the upper right corner. See if there is a conference in your city. It is
money well spent I assure you. We have been to this conference and even
though I have a great marriage and always have, it made it even better.
You don't have to be in a troubled marriage to make improvements. You
might way in your mind "he won't go". Just buy the tickets, take
a chance that he will change is mind. Take a chance on him, and ask him to
take a chance on you. One of the biggest side affects in wls surgery is
divorce, not complications, but marriage issues and divorce. Don't go
there, please don't go there. Your marriage is worth fighting for and
working on. I wish you well, Patricia P.
— Patricia P
February 25, 2007
I think what you are saying is your husband is not making you happy or
satisfied during intercourse. I had this problem before surgery. I seems
like every since I gain my weight I had a problem not having cycles, not
interested in sex, very dry and not being satisfied during intercourse. I
didnt have this problem before I gain weight. Its been a month and 1/2
since my surgery but I can tell a big different in my sexual desire. Far
as me being satisfied during intercourse, we have found a device that he
can wear that helps me. You can find it at a novlty store. I belive its
called a love ring. I know this is very embarssing to talk about, but its
important to you and your marriage. Until we found this device to help
achieve my happiness, we were hardly ever having sex. Thats not healthy.
If you do experience dryness try KY. I hope this helps. Contact me if you
need to talk.
— barfiep01
February 26, 2007
HI IT'S ME AGAIN....
It seems everyone s confused as to what exactly the problem is. So please
let me explain further...
The reason we are having problems with intercourse is not because of my
husband or any emotional/mental adjustments to the weight loss. It is that
when he attempts to "enter" it feels as if it gets
"stuck" and will not go in....THIS IS WHAT I MEAN....does ANYONE
else have thatproblem now? It's not dryness-related- we tried KY and such,
we tried foreplay. ANY HELP APPRECIATED!!
— SaGa
February 26, 2007
Are you saying you are having a problem with vaginal lubrication, or your
husband cannot sustain an erection? If you have dryness, there are lots of
lubricants available that you can buy at drug stores, or even grocery
stores. If the latter, then find out why the change. Maybe he is afraid
of hurting you, silly as that sounds.
— Novashannon
February 26, 2007
I'm thinking maybe after losing so much weight, your insides are shifting
around a bit, less tissue holding things in place. Have you tried different
positions?
And you said you tried foreplay? I say try lots and lots of foreplay.
Actually, "try" isn't the right word. "Do" would be
more accurate. (Blush)
And if you are still having trouble, see your ob/gyn.
— LisaHillsinger
February 26, 2007
I know you are probably thinking this is your problem but maybe your
husband needs to consult a urologist. Many times men have problems and
these drs can probably help him. the prostate can cause problems and other
things down there can mess up stuff. They can prescribe any of the sexual
dysfunction drugs. Of course, his pcp can also.
— geneswife
February 26, 2007
Vaginismus: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginismus
If you are unable to have intercouse but were previously able, you may have
secondary vaginismus.
I don't know you enough to actually say you have it, but that's what your
question made me think of.
If I were in your shoes, I would probably also use a mirror to conduct and
examiniation to see if there were any physical obstructions and to see if
penetration was possible on my own.
— mrsidknee
February 26, 2007
Hey there...I knew what you were talking about without you having to
explain...LOL...unfortunately I've not had my surgery yet, so I can't give
you any information, but I do wish you luck!
— crystalsno
February 26, 2007
Are you having problems with excess skin in that area? Pulling or trouble
with penatration? I don't know if these are the issues, but I can forsee
these types of troubles for my love life in the future. Find a really good
lube and use lots.
— dre_1974
February 27, 2007
I havent had my surgery yet, but i have lost only 20 and my husband is
already having a problem like that to, im sorry you are going through this
to, i have asked my husband some heart to heart questions like, don't you
find me attractive anymore? and his answer is i find you more attractive,
so theres the question from me.. then why haven't we been intimate together
in a while and he doesn't have an answer know he is faithful to me i trust
him completely, how i know for sure its a head thing is because he has even
suggested going to his psychiatrist and ask him about getting some Viagra .
as he was growing up though his mom really drilled it into their heads that
they can never have a fat person as a spouce so when we married his mom
didnt even come infact after more than 7 years of being together this year
will be the first year that i will get to meat my MIL.. but i think he was
so turned against "skinny" people becasue of his mom that its now
affecting us. not that he doesnt find smaller people attractive but i was
the oposite of what his mom wanted for him that if i become like what his
mom says a person should be then all the times he knew she was wrong kind
of makes a full circle and slaps him in the face and i do not like or
aprove of the way his mom raised him like that but after all he has a great
big heart to love this disease ridden person for so long there may be some
"what do i do now" going on in his head..
I also want to say that the marriage seminar would be a great thing for you
guys.. we went to one a couple of years ago and wow did we love it, we
didnt get to stay for the whole thing but wow what a difference it made in
our lives and how treasured i felt that weekend because of my husband.
if you would like to write me you can at [email protected]
God bless you
Paula
— japaad
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