Question:
HELP! I am doing my liquid 2 week diet and today I cheated and had 2 manwich sandwic
I just need some supportive words my husband is not supporting me so i am turning to food please someone encourage me. thanks!!!My husband says Gastric Bypass and other surgeries are just for lazy people but I have a full time job and I am a full time mother so what gives? — ms.angie (posted on October 23, 2008)
October 23, 2008
These surgeries are NOT for the lazy. He has no idea what he's talking
about. I've run into alot of people who have that attitude, my family
doctor being one of them! Don't listen to him...... and when you think
about picking up the food, make it unavailable!! Do you have a close friend
to turn to?? My suggestion would be to pick up that phone and call a friend
any time you feel like you're going to stray from your eating plan. I
attend OA and that's what we do any time we feel like eating from an
emotional need.
I hope your husband will eventually understand and become supportive!!!
Steph
— Stephanie L.
October 23, 2008
Quite frankly, I couldn't imagine that there was another of my X husband in
the world but you just verified that. Thankfully, we were not married when
I had my surgery. Block out what he says and keep telling yourself how
very intelligent you are. You are doing this for you. Tell him to get a
life. Then go out and show him what you can do with this surgery. Bless
you, Lyn
— SkinnyLynni2B
October 23, 2008
WOW
sorry to hear that your husband isn't being very supportive for you. I
suppose he is thin? LOL. Getting ready for this procedure is hard dieting
and trying to loose weight if it was easy we wouldn't need to have this
surgery we would just go out and do it. I had RYN July 16th I have lost a
total of 83 pounds 25 prior to surgey 58 since. I have worked the hardest
in my life since this surgery trying to get myself in better health with a
tool I was given in this surgery. I go to the gym 5 days a week and am
able to do things I was not able to do prior. You are on a liquid diet so
you can loose some weight around your liver so when you have the surgery it
will be safer for you. You messed up and fell now pick your self up and
start again.
Your husband has no idea what you are going through do not beat your self
up cause you ate, Love your self and remember this is for a new life and
you are going to live healthier then ever before. I will keep you in my
prayers Tammi
— Tammi Sandoval
October 23, 2008
I want to say this!!! I have an ex who is out there and has been awful he
has a myspace page and says anybody who has there stomach ripped opened is
just fat and lazy and doesn't want to get off there a## to do anything..
and other horrible stuff I was married to him for 11 years and divorced I
had never been so miserable in my life. alot of praying had to be done.. so
with that being said. I swore I would never do gastric bypass i would do
the lapband but not gastric well when i went to see dr rossi he explained
everything on both sides of the fence with lapband and gastric he told me
gastric would benefit me more. so i took a day and decided gastric would be
my way. I am not lazy I worked alot outside taking kids here and there but
I choose the wrong foods and eventiually ballooned to 335 lbs i had surgery
on oct 1 this year i weigh 302 and i am struggling with protein intake but
with God i can kick this thing... I did this for me and my kids I wanted a
new life and to be healthy so now
This has to be your choice and never mind the man behind you. Just look in
front of you.. and always keep in mind of the prize and healthier you... do
you have kids? it's tuff but the best stuff but it can be done
The question if how bad do you want it????
— cindy2u2
October 23, 2008
I too am sorry that your husband has that attitude. I surely hope that you
are involved with a support group, or are seeing a therapist as you enter
into all of this. You'll need that ongoing support especially if your
husband isn't giving you what you need. Don't be afraid to ask him for
what you need either. I think for some it's threatening. If your marriage
is strong, then you'll need to educate him, or have him attend therapy or
counseling with you to get educated, otherwise I see trouble for you in the
long run. Food is not going to be your friend or comfort any
longer....therefore you'll start feeling the need to replace it.....or
you'll end up going back to it....making this surgery unsuccessful. Please
seek out what you need....you're the driving force in your life.....if you
want to be a success, you will need to become your own best friend and
advocate. You've already taken one step in the right direction by asking
for support here on OH. I'm thinking about you....and wishing you many
blessings and well wishes for a great outcome. Create your happiness. No
one else can make you happy but you! Hugs...Cheryl
— Cheryl K.
October 23, 2008
I won't even bother to comment on your husband, others have taken care of
that for me! Now, about your cheating... okay, so you are human. Forgive
yourself and start again. You have to decide if you really want the
surgery badly enough to stay on the liquid diet. When you feel like
cheating go on line and look at before and after pictures... I find them so
inspiring! Think about the future and not about wanting to eat right this
minute. Hang in there and best of luck.
Dawna in Sacramento
— ptdawn
October 23, 2008
forget the sloppy joes. Just start over in the am. Its better you cheted
with a protein instead of cookies and ice cream.
I sure hope your not making him dinner.
I hope he comes around. Surround yourself with suppotive people
Take care
— urbrat2
October 23, 2008
It sounds like he is afraid and insecure. He's afraid of what is going to
happen to your relationship once you lose the weight. How much are you
going to change. Maybe couples counseling is in order to assist you two
through this process. The spouses develop fears of their own. He's
probably afraid because he doesn't want anything to happen to you. I'd say
couples counseling to get his fears and feelings out and you can express
yourself as well. The surgeons office doesn't deal with everything.
Don't be hard on yourself for eating the manwich; many have fallen down on
the 2 week diet.
— the7thdean
October 23, 2008
Okay hon, you heard what everyone else had to say and I agree with them
all. Next times you get kicked like that turn to our board before you eat
the "manwich sandwiches" and we can all help you get through the
temptation to turn to food when you are feeling badly. Hang in there
because you can do it!
— katiecakes
October 23, 2008
THANK YOU ALL
THIS IS WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT
WE SUPPORT EACH OTHER
GOD BLESS YOU ALL
— Tammi Sandoval
October 23, 2008
Wow your husband has no idea what work and sacrifice wls is. Please believe
in yourself and we will believe in you too. You can do it. No one is
perfect. We all slip up. Your human therefore you get to make mistakes.
Just get back on that horse ride it through. You can do it. I believe in
you!!
— hannahsmom1014
October 23, 2008
I had a husband like yours in my past.... He doesn't want you to have the
surgery because he doesn't want you to look and feel attractive and have
self-confidence. He wants you to have low self-esteem and look unattractive
so that you won't be courageous enough to leave him. it has nothing to do
with love; he just wants a warm body around to cook and clean for him. Do
not do this surgery for him, do it for you. Also do it for your kids. You
will be so much healthier and feel so much better once your 6 months post
surgery and down 75 or 80 pounds, and even better than that in a year or
so..... You have this surgery, no matter what he says. You are gonna be so
glad you did! Then, after your looking good and feeling good, you can
decide whether or not this man who is so unsupportive, is the person you
want to spend the rest of your life with..... It was scarey and difficult
to get away from my ex-husband, but looking back on it - it was the BEST
decision I ever made in my entire life.... I found there was a whole other
world out there, and found a new husband who is loving and supportive. As
for your 2 manwiches - you fell off the horse - get up, dust yourself off,
and climb back on! Just keep trying - and it will get easier in the future,
don't give up, jut climb back on that horse! I was such a sugar addict
before surgery, and now I do not eat/drink sugar at all after surgery. Yes,
I went through a "mourning" period over the loss of sugary foods,
and over not being able to snarf on whatever I wanted, but to my extreme
amazement - I eventually got past that, and got over it! I can now walk in
to Dunkin Donuts and order a Hot Latte Coffee with skim milk, Splenda for
sweetener, and not even glance a the damn donuts - I am soooo over that!
Before I would have had to have ordered 3 donuts or something. Now, I feel
proud that I just ignore them, and I just love and enjoy my delicious
sugar-free Latte! You just keep on going' girl, and do not let anyone stop
you from your mission!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
— Gina S.
October 23, 2008
Sorry your husband is insensitive and unsupportive. Have you tried talking
to him about important this surgery is to you to get healthy....and how
much his support and understanding would help to make you successful? If
you are unable to get him to support this change in your life....find a
friend to "vent" to during those times of "doubt" and
"weakness". You really need support during this time...someone
to give you encouragement and keep you focused. Support groups are also
helpful. Just remember....you are doing this for you and you only. This
decision was made to make you a healthier person......only the very strong
can be successful......and this is certainly NOT a cop out for a lazy
person. I have to share this....just so you know....your spouse isn't the
only one out there w/ that attitude. My mom is overweight......my dad told
her.....in a loud condescending voice....."If you just touch your toes
100 times a day....you will lose wt!" He was dead serious! So
according to my dad.....just touch your toes 100 times per day....and
WOW...thinness. Men....so out of touch w/ reality. They have NO clue what
estrogen does! Hope this cheers you up! Stay focused and hang in there.
Every day is a challenge...and if you cheat....just re focus and get back
on track. We all have had an Opps! Good luck!
— jamiedaugherty
October 23, 2008
Hey, just ignore your husband and pick yourself up. Today is a new day for
you to get it together. Just remember that protein is key and you want to
have a successful surgery. Good luck to you.
— slfleming
October 23, 2008
First of all, tell your husband to quit being such an unsupportive,
ungreatful, selfish ass, and start being more kind to you or he can find
someone else to be a butt to!! Second, the RNY is NOT for lazy people, it
is for people who have tried and tried and tried other ways to lose the
weight, to no avail!!!
This is from a website all about obesity, which you can tell your husband
about so maybe he will understand a little!!
Obesity is a serious, chronic disease affecting more than 34 percent of
American adults and 17 percent of American children (an increase of 75
percent throughout the last 20 years). Every day hundreds of people in the
United States will die from obesity and its related health conditions.
Obesity is a complex, multi-faceted disease that has been misunderstood by
medical professionals, governmental agencies and the general public.
Obesity is a disease, much like alcoholism, and just as deadly, if not
more!!!
You are working 2 full time jobs, so tell your jerk of a husband to stuff
it where the sun don't shine, grow a pair, and learn how to give support to
someone other than his egotistical self!!!
(Sorry if this sounds mean and horrible, but I recently went through the
same problem with my fiance, whom I have been with since i was 15, and I
found out that it wasn't that he was being unsupportive, it was that he was
scared that something bad was going to happen to me. He is in a totally
different frame of mind now that I have explained to him about obesity
being a disease that an overweight person can not hide from!!)
Good luck with everything, and please, do not turn to food to soothe your
emotional needs, as food is what got you into this problem in the first
place! Do what my mom used to do (heck, she still does), and that is, when
my dad and now my step dad, got her mad, she would take an entire paycheck
and go spend it!!! She has usually always spent the money on my sister and
I, but it made her feel better spending their money!!
— mommydragon2
October 23, 2008
I am so sorry for you! I could not imagine this, my husband is sooo
supportive and if he EVER had any doubts, he sure doesn't now. He has seen
first hand all the work that has went into the preperation, recovery and
maintenance of WLS. He also had to have a Fundoplication on his stomach
because of a hernia and GERD and it's effects are much like WLS as far as
eating and dumping. Hopefully your husbands mind will be changed and he
will see that this is not the "easy way out". That is what I will
certainly be praying to happen for you. As far as the
cheating.....hey.....just brush off and keep going. We all learn from our
mistakes. I once heard a wise man say...."Giants may fall but GOOD men
get back up!" You can do this!
— VICKIE H.
October 23, 2008
To me, your husband sounds like he needs to educate himself about morbid
obesity and get out of the cave and into the 21st century!
— ticklezngigglez786
October 23, 2008
Ok, you are eating because of the emotions you are feeling.
CAn I say that as another "lazy person" I tried every diet, and
walked and cycled tons. It never let me loose the weight. This GBP allowed
my to have a tool to start eating smaller and eating right. I've lost 115
lbs, and am so glad that the RNY has kept me from yo-yo dieting, and eating
for fuel, not just carbs - which either make me dump, or feel really gross
and lethargic. Perhaps, inside, he's fearful of change? He may not even
realize it. Don't sabotage your new tool, even when he gets you down. You
need to prove that it works because he's watching to see if you suceed. If
you don't, then he's going to know he was right. I'm so happy that I am a
"Lazy person", and you will be too, when the new more confident,
happy, person surfaces. PLEASE don't get sabotaged again! -Darlene
— dadebrito
October 24, 2008
I too have a unsupporting husband but he is coming around. Your are doing
the right thing for you. Keep you head up and no that there are wonderful
people on here to help. Best of luck!
— 3timesacharm
October 24, 2008
It's obvious that your husband is either consciously or unconsciously
realizing that you are changing your life. That means his life will change
as well. He could be afraid that you may not love him when you are thin.
Losing weight can be very hard on relationships if you don't address the
problem. Don't ignore it because it won't go away.
WE will support you! When you feel the urge to numb your feelings with a
food you should not, get online and find one of us to help hold you up
during the rough spots. We all will have rough spots and that is the
reason for this website. We band together for the good of all.
Good luck!
— [Deactivated Member]
October 24, 2008
Your husband is just scared that you will be a hot chick and dump his butt.
You can do this!!!! You will be so glad you did! Just consider it a bad
day and move on. Best wishes.
— Carlyn M.
October 24, 2008
1) May you find that God will help you through this rough time in your
life.
2) If your husband thinks this is the "lazy" way out, then
challenge him to go on a 2 week liquid diet of only clear liquids. I will
bet that he could not last more the 2 days, if even one day. Then tell him
that he is just "lazy."
3) Remember, you have US!!! We are all here for you and will help you any
way that we can. Most of us on the website have already had our surgery
and on the road to a new, healthier life.
4) If you want, send me a message and I will give you my phone number so
we can talk in person.
— Teresa J.
October 24, 2008
I am quite sure you are NOT lazy but you may need a new husband. I have
seen so many women go through this with husbands that just don't get it. A
woman's body is much different from men's so ignore him. You have to KNOW
that you have made the right decision for you and your children. Look into
their faces and KNOW this is the right thing and what a better mom you will
be in the furture!!
— vegastina
October 24, 2008
I'm so sorry to hear about how your husband is acting. You are not lazy.
We don't even need to know you to say that. Anyone that makes the effort
and commitment to preparing for and having this surgery is not lazy. As I
say, it is not an easy way out, it's a different way out. Plus, frankly,
if you need to lose the weight, there comes a point where the way you lose
it is not as important as just losing it somehow and for us, this is the
way. Try not to judge yourself even though others like your husband will
judge you. (I definitely like the idea of having him try the liquid diet
for a while and seeing how he does! But maybe he'll do it just to try and
prove a (false) point. Anyway, as far as your manwhich sandwich - I made a
big mistake only a few weeks after my surgery. I ate the wrong thing due
to my eating issues, lack of planning, and lack of knowledge. I got sick.
I don't think it was dumping because it was even worse than what I hear
about dumping. It was 24 hours of such incredible pain. After talking to
others and my doctor, I think it was food that was stuck. In any case, I
beat myself up over that for a few weeks. Please don't do that to
yourself, just start a new day and move on. Learn from it though. In a
way, my mistake was a blessing because I learned so many valuable lessons
like I realized how unprepared I was with meals, that I needed to gain more
knowledge about what I could eat, that carbs are not okay at all for now,
and that I needed to try new foods in extremely small amounts, like a bit
or two. Lastly, I encourage you to seek professional help re: eating
issues (and how to handle your husband's issues) as well as turning to
others for support. Best of luck to you. Hold your head up high!
— Andrea F.
October 24, 2008
First off, no offense to you but your husband is full of #*$%!! I second
all the responses you have already received. Okay, you cheated and had 2
manwich sandwiches, but it does no good to beat yourself up about it.
Forget it & get back on your liquid diet...and this is a great place to
come for support and encouragement. Hubby might change his opinion once he
sees your determination and sees the pounds coming off. Let's hope he
does. Hang in there, girlfriend, and wish you the best!
— sem51
October 24, 2008
I am on my 2 week liquid diet, and it has been hard. I have been lucky
though, I told my boys no food I can eat in the house for these 2 weeks.
Am sorry to hear that your husband is down rite rude and childish. More
than likely he is scared that if you do lose the weight he may lose you as
well. Have him go with you to the doctor and have the doctor explain it to
him or just conviently leave the information laying around so he might pick
it up to read.
But I do feel for you, this 2 wk diet is hard.. My mom has even thrown a
fit at me about what I eat.. the 1st day of my diet I had an appointment
with the dietation and also to preregister for surgery. It was a 2 hour
ride, one there, one back.. so we stopped and I picked up a can up the Veg
medley soup that all you do is heat and eat... well mom took one look at it
and said you can't eat that, it is not broth it is smushed vegetables and
you are not suppose to have tha... of course I had not had anything except
SF Koolaid in the past 5 hours and I was hungery... Needless to say I
dumped it out because she was getting frantic.
I do hope that your husband will come around and be more supportive about
this. I will keep ya'll in my prayers.
— kj_bluejaye
October 24, 2008
I was seriously so aggravated by the comment you made about your husband's
feelings toward WLS, that I had to take some time before I posted a
response.
This is your husband saying these things to you right? To his wife, his
life partner and soul mate? To the mother of his children? And you're
still married to the man? Alright, I've said what I had to about that. I
do know one thing for sure, WLS either makes a good marriage better or a
struggling marriage worse. It may sound harsh, but it's true.
Remember, you have an addiction, a medical disease which is treatable. If
you had heart disease or a lung problem, you'd have treatment for that
right? This is what I tell people when they tell me I took the easy way
out or when I heard "well, if you'd just stop putting food into your
mouth you'd be able to lose the weight." Lovely people aren't they?
We have always turned to food to medicate everything... in times of stress,
anger, boredom, loneliness, and even to celebrate the good times. Food,
always food. It didn't help, it made things worse. So, if we keep doing
what we have always done, we will keep on getting what we have always
gotten... a few more pounds on the hips and thighs and a little more
stressed out.
Cut yourself some slack for the slip up, identify what happened, why it
happened, forgive yourself and move forward. Get over it and move forward.
You are so blessed to have been scheduled for WLS and your amazing tool is
so close... be grateful and realize that your new life is just around the
corner. How exciting is that? We are all excited for you and can't wait
to welcome you to the loser's bench.
You will need to learn and to put into practice the most important fact
with successfull weight loss- you will have to put yourself first- always.
It is hard to do when you are a wife, a mother, an employee just to name a
few titles. It is so true. Please, put yourself first... it is not
selfish, it is selfless to give yourself and your children the best you for
the longest time possible.
Be number one,
Dawn Vickers, RN, BLC, CLC
— DawnVic
October 24, 2008
Pardon my french but your husband has no clue. This is not the lazy way
out, it is a tool that requires a lot of discipline and a complete
lifestyle adjustment.
Be careful with what you eat, it can cause you a lot of discomfort. I have
the LapBand myself but I understand that the discomfort with the Gastric
Bypass can excrutiating, particularly dumping syndrome.
If you haven't already done so, you need to find yourself a good support
group. I myself have joined two different support groups and it helps A
LOT.
— [Deactivated Member]
October 24, 2008
He's afraid. Afraid for you and afraid for himself. He is pushing your
buttons trying to make you stay the same because if you continue to pursue
this action, you will change and he knows this means he has to change too.
You turn to food to comfort yourself. You will have to change that
behavior to something more constructive. Let what he says roll over your
back like a duck in water. Recognize that it is fear that is talking, not
him. Hope this helps you.
— cydthekid50
October 25, 2008
Angela,
I had similar problems with co-workers and clients. They told me that
I cheated and took the easy way out. One clerk kept reminding me about
when she "lost weight the hard way" etc. You just have to ignore
the negative things others say because it will only sabatoge you. I am
sure it was a difficult decision even to have WLS like it has been for the
rest of us. I am in the healthcare field and it took me at least 3 years
of research and talking to others before I made the decision. NOTHING about
this process before or after is easy but the outcome is definitely worth
the work. This surgery is about YOU and NO ONE ELSE. I finally told
myself that it was the most responsible thing I could have done for myself
and my loved ones. I agree with NaDine that your husband must be insecure
and must feel threatened by you losing weight no matter the reason.
It sounds like you are an emotional eater like I am. Unfortunately
these types of things don't go away even after any type of WLS. I am
almost 8 months post RNY, have been successful a 171lb wt loss but still
have emotional eating issues which can get the best of me at times. This
site is great for support but as others have suggested that you may look
into local support and individual and or couples counseling to sort things
out.
Wishing you only the best....go forward and don't look back!
— AuntPamcakes4six
October 29, 2008
hey, I was on the 2 week pre op diet last week, before my surgery. just
start over,and do the best you can before your surgery- the main reason
they have you doing it is to shrink your liver to make it easier to do the
surgery laproscopically.
about your husband- dont listen to him! instead if he wants to try and call
people who get wls lazy, then use that as a thing to drive you to your
goal- show him. use it as a motivation, trust me it will help. if someone
called me lazy, i would prove them wrong. you arent lazy you just need
extra help, you have alot of other stuff going on,and handling a diet by
yourself without the help of the surgery just doesnt help. the surgery
doesnt solve everything or make you lose by itself, you are the one doing
the work, the gastric just helps by making your stomach smaller.
i agree with the others who posted saying to call a friend. if youre upset
call someone, or if you dont have anyone you can talk to, im on recovery
and im always home- feel free to email me or talk to me online, i'll gladly
talk to ya. my screenname/email is [email protected]. no one should have
to go through wls alone- trust me i know how it feels my fiance didnt agree
with it at first, and it hurt so bad feeling like i had no support.
Laura
— LauraVaughn
October 30, 2008
OK......First you need not turn to food, now that you are intelligent
enough to have found THIS website. :> We are all here to support!
Second, your husband is an ASS. Sorry, but I am blunt and to the point,
this weight loss is your decision and no one elses. Don't "cheat"
anymore, this is your choice and ONLY yours. It's over the non- commitment
and it's time to get clean. Understand? Otherwise, just quit. We are hoping
you chose the win.... :> Email anytime.... I am there for you.
— Supermom2008
Click Here to Return