Question:
Has anyone had post-op regret?

My wife came home from the Hospital today and is having serious doubts about her decision, I don't want her to feel that she made some kind of mistake, are there any words of encouragement that a caring husband cannot provide? — twinsplusone (posted on September 28, 2008)

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September 28, 2008
I think everyone feels that way for just before and for a few weeks after... have her look at all the before and after photos. In a quick 3 months she will be so pleased! Greg
— brokenelbow

September 28, 2008
"Buyers remorse" is a common feeling right after surgery. Patients often think "what have I done". Follow the protocol of the surgeon in guiding her what to eat. Urge her to go to local WLS support group meetings, they've helped me immensely. I did extremely well, losing 100 pounds from day of surgery in 7 months while attending meetings. I thought I was at goal wt, and stopped going to meetings. Two months later, I'd gained 20 pounds. That was Feb, 2007, and I've attended 2-3 meetings per month. She'll learn tips from other patients, can ask questions directly of other recent ops about their experiences, etc. Forums are nice, but if you have meetings available, I'd recommend she go to them. I'd also recommend you attend too, so you'll be fully informed as to the "process involved in RNY". You and your wife might find my story on my profile page of interest. DAVE
— Dave Chambers

September 28, 2008
Your wife is a lucky woman to have a husband like you who wants to support and comfort her in her shakey doubts. Just love her and tell her that a huge percentage of people who have WLS have those exact feelings. I never did but I am in the majority. In a few weeks when she feels stronger and the pain and gas pains disappear or begin to leave, she will feel better, the weight will have started to disappear and she will be a new girl. God luck and God Bless both of you. Lyn
— SkinnyLynni2B

September 28, 2008
I think everyone has that panicky moment of what the heck have I done to myself!! I know I did!! All I can say is hang tight and it will all make sense very soon. I thought my life was ruined for about a quick minute and then the journey just took off!! Now I wouldn't change a minute of it. I have regained my health , mobility and life in a short 10 months. Hubby, be supportive, be kind and encourage her. its a hard first month. Before you know it she'll be ok and you'll be her hero for being there to support her. I thank god mine supported me!! Best wishes to your lady on her journey. and good for you for being there for her. Sky
— skywriter35

September 28, 2008
I was in pain and did not feel good at all for the first few days, however I am five months out have lost over 80 lbs and my life is so much better. Please tell her to hang in there. Walk a little even if she dosnt feel like it, sip, sip, sip and things will turn around for her very soon. Y
— Y. Carroll

September 28, 2008
The first 2 weeks were the hardest for me. I kept thinking, what have I done. Just be there for her, encourage her and let her know her life is about to take an amazing turn for the better. Most of all let her know you love her no matter her size and that she can always count on you. I was a big baby after my surgery and my poor husband listened to me whine and cry and held my hand the whole way. I love that man!!!! God is good.
— PAWLLA L.

September 28, 2008
You have to know that she went through a lot to make this decision and inside you both know it was the right thing to do. Just remind her of that and be supportive. You are both in this for the long haul and I would not make it without my husband and his support even when I am crying and sure I did the wrong thing. Feel free to contact me if you want.
— vegastina

September 28, 2008
It is very, very common for her to feel like she does. But she will feel better, feel more normal and be immensely glad she took control of her life! Just let her know you are there for her and that you admire her courage. And have her read and post here. I think she will be encouraged! Oh, and you should take heart too! This surgery makes us hormonal! It is all so worth it!!!
— GlitterGal

September 28, 2008
I so understand! I felt the same way! Thank goodness I have a caring husband like you. Between him and my 3 kids I've gotten thru the past 5 months, have lost 80 lbs.,and feel so much better! Tell her the 1st 2 wks. are the worst...I counted off the days on a calendar and it focused me. Everyone kept saying you'll feel better after 2 wks, and they were right! Tell her to email me at [email protected] if she has specifics....I'd love to help her!
— MamaB422

September 28, 2008
I had many minor difficulties the first 3 months. While my hubby had no idea how to physically make me feel better, he was just so sweet and supportive. I will never forget how good he was to me during that time when I was so sick. Just be there with a hug and kiss when she needs it. ;-)
— Gena L.

September 28, 2008
She is very lucky to have you. I also went through an OMG what have I done moment that lasted about 2 weeks. 33 lbs smaller in less than a month and I don't care what happens to me as long as that keeps happening. I am starting to have more energy and I don't hurt all the time. She will feel better in a couple of days.
— phyllismmay

September 28, 2008
As others have stated, she is lucky to have you. I felt the same way, I was a self pay and kept saying, "I paid someone cash to make me feel this crappy". I wrote every day in a journal and for the first week or so, I was miserable. It got a little better every day. I think this is pretty much the norm. Just tell her what she is going through is pretty normal and each day will get a little better. She just survived major surgery, has had very few calories so she is weak and tired and is in pain. To wonder if you made the right decision sounds like a legitimate response to me. Keep her hydrated, out of pain as much as possible, walking as much as possible and doing her deep breathing exercises. Follow her dietary restrictions to the letter and both of you try to be positive and hang in there. Good luck, Dawn Vickers, RN, BLC, CLC
— DawnVic

September 29, 2008
Hi ! How wonderful you are ! Congrats! I had a moment of doubt also...took me 11 days to feel like I did the right thing. Boy I missed the "taste" of food. But after 11 days something clicked and now all is good! Prayer is always a form of relief! hugs, kim
— gpcmist

September 29, 2008
One of my first cognizant thoughts when I woke up in my hospital room was, "What the heck have I done?" I just had surgery on the 19th of September, so I can empathize with your wife. Tell her it definitely gets better, moments will be difficult, but to drink up and start moving. Life will only get sweeter!
— sandra17

September 29, 2008
Surgery is a very difficult decision, one that both husband and wife need to be on the same page. I don't know either of you, but I strongly suggest an open and honest conversation about surgery, changes in your life, daily support from both parties and possible consequences of the "risks" of surgery. For me, I prayed a lot, and my husbnad and I did a lot of research before we decided it was the right thing for us. I had a great success story, but it has taken a lot of work on my part and a lot of support on my husbands part as well. It is a team effort in the family. Just reminder that you are always on her team. Take care. Patricia P.
— Patricia P

September 29, 2008
Man, did I ever! Every day for about 2 weeks. with each day, though, it gets better and as long as you follow your doctor's orders to the T, it will be fine. She needs to report when she feels like there is something "wrong." She needs to pay close attention to her body right now and just try to relax and enjoy being on the loser's bench! I found that short walks that morphed into long walks sure did help the healing process. Good luck!
— Debbi S.

September 29, 2008
I don't know who will feel better now, you or her! You see, most of us feel this way right after surgery. It's so scary to know that you've actually gone thru with it and there's all this pain and you begin to wonder..."what if I'm different and don't lose any weight? or What if I do lose it and gain it all back as I always have?" It's a rought time in the beginning...but once she begins getting up and about and gets excited about losing weight, she'll slowly come out of it and with your loving support, she'll certainly be in good hands! In a year from now, she'll be looking back at her journey as a thinner healthier person who has more energy and mobility...And she'll be so glad she did it. I have ZERO regrets and if tomorrow my number is up...then it has been the best years of my adult life and my marriage of 23 years! I couldn't have had this quality of life without the surgery. I hope you both feel that way too! Good luck to you both
— .Anita R.

September 30, 2008
you know i came home and felt the same way. i even felt like my brain was going on over load. all the different things you have think you need to know. and are you doing the right thing was at the top of my brain. the biggest thing to help your wife, be there when she gets upset. help her to find info she needs. make sure to let her know you are with her and love her every step of the way!!!
— peggy R.

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