Question:
What to tell others when they ask questions after surgery
I am 2 1/2 weeks out from laproscopic RNY. I am feeling great and everything physically is great. I am struggling what to tell other people when they ask questions about why I was in the hospital and just admitting that I had gastric bypass to others. My weight has always been the one area in my life that I have always struggled with and feel like people are frequently judging me based on my size. Sooner or later people obviously are going to know, but I am just struggling with what to say. — Lucy99 (posted on December 12, 2009)
December 12, 2009
I am about 3-1/2 wks out and only my husband and a couple of other people
know -- not even family. I had to have my gallbladder removed when I had
RNY so I just tell people I had gallbladder surgery and some repair work in
the area of a hernia I had some yrs back. Those answers seem to satisfy
everyone, even when we've gone out to lunch or dinner and I've said I'm on
a restricted diet for a while due to my surgery. So what if some people
suspect later when you lose weight; people are not obligated to share
private business. Best success!
— Janell C.
December 12, 2009
I understand what you mean but the wieght will come off fast and it may be
hard to mislead people.as the other poster said it is not anyones
buisiness.I get uncomfortable when people say"girl, you look great
what are you doing to lose" i'm scared of what everyone
thinks..always been that way..but they seem to accept when i admit to
having the surgery and most of the time they tell me a story of a friend
that has had it done.We sometimes can't hide it because of how fast we
lose.I had to get past the uncomfortableness of telling people and hope you
can too.
— carolyn1970
December 12, 2009
Congratulations! It will definitely be noticeable - and I am all about
honesty - especially after this surgery! I am 6 months out - 90 lbs. lost.
I tell people, "I had gastric bypass surgery - and am no longer
diabetic. It was the best decision and I am so glad my dr. encouraged
it." I figure -if I give them the health reasoning they won't judge
me and think I was vain - because that is so far from me. I answer
questions and it has really been beneficial to several people - no
negatives at all! Honesty really works.
— ericahamel
December 12, 2009
I had open RNY in May 2009. Before my surgery I didn't tell a lot of people
that I was have surgery. This didn't work to well seeing that some of my
friends like to talk to much. LOL Now I am very open about the surgery. One
reason is if I can help someone else I am more then willing to talk to them
about the surgery. And at this point people don't know it is me when they
see me at first. I enjoy the look on their face. Although they have a hard
time looking you in the eye when they are talking to you becuase they are
to busy trying to look at the new you. I did this surgery for me. I did it
to safe my life. If they wish to judge me so be it. They were judging me
before I had the surgery. I have a I don't give a **it what they think
anymore. It's all about me. I feel great and look great if they don't like
it they don't have to talk or look at me. Be proud of what you have done.
Be proud of who you are. You just made a decission to change your life for
the better. something that some people don't have the courage to do. Good
luck.
— dsquire
December 12, 2009
I also am all about honesty. I was ashamed being fat and I'm not ashamed at
all not to say i had bariatric surgery. It will be very noticible and hard
to hid i think. I say just be honest. Plus you never know how many lives
you will touch by being honest. It allows others that may be curious to ask
ou questions and get some answers for themselves. And it could help them
decide to have surgery at some point. I am very honest about mine, however
sometimes I do feel like I end up talking about it ALOT lol. People are
very curious and want to ask lotsa questions. =)
— callen3640
December 12, 2009
To be honest with you I answer anyone with complete honesty. the way I
look at it, I would rather someone say, "WOW, you are looking good.
What did you do to lose all that weight?" than, 'You shoudl really do
something about your weight." or "How did you let yourself get so
big." I also prefer kids not saying, "Look how big that guy
is" or kids outright asking me why I am so big. But even then I
answer them honestly. Or I used to when I was so big, 570 lbs is BIG! lol
I used to tell kids I was so big because I ate kids and I had 4 in me right
now. But I stopped doing that when my nephew asked when he was 5 and it
worried him so much he came back 20-30 minutes later and asked me how many
were in there while touching my stomach with his hand. so now I tell them
that I didn't eat healthy food, I wasn't active and I didn't listen to my
parents when they told me not to eat so much candy.
I also say to each his own. If you are not comfortable telling people jsut
tell them you are watching what you eat. That will not be a lie.
— Jaime Breckenridge
December 12, 2009
I understand where you are coming from with not wanting others to know
because of the struggle you have always had with your weight. I was the
same way, but I decided early on that the decision to have surgery and lose
weight was one I should be proud of. I let people know and you know what?
I had tons of support, from family, people at work,etc. My surgery was a
year ago December 8 and I have lost 100 pounds. I am glad I let people
know. That way I didn't have to back pedal later on and try to explain why
I wasn't honest in the first place. This is a decision I am VERY proud I
made and since there is no shame in it, I let people know. I did have one
person who tried to tell me this was the easy way out, so to show her how
easy it was, I brought in a days worth of eating for her and told her to
eat this all day, because I went from eating normal to eating a small
amount in one time. It didn't mean sometimes I didn't want to eat more.
You wouldn't believe how fast she changed her story! As a matter of fact,
just the other day she told me she respected me for what I have done. That
made me feel really good. I say be honest, but that is something you need
to work out for yourself.
Good luck!
— Dawn A.
December 12, 2009
One thing I did forget to say - I work at a big company where there are
several people who are considering the surgery. The nurse uses me (after
asking me, of course) as a contact person/mentor for people considering the
surgery, which many times continues after they have had the surgery. It
has been a very positive experience because I am able to help others now
and that is a very healing feeling!
— Dawn A.
December 12, 2009
— kwatkins
December 13, 2009
I have been honest with everybody who asks. All I get is support and
normal curiousity. Maybe I run with a polite crowd. Maybe people are so
approving of weight loss that any way you do it short of cutting a leg off
is ok.
— lucyfur
December 13, 2009
Hi! And congrats on the surgery! Just tell them you had stomach surgery.
They don't have to know what kind. Just say you had issues and needed to
get them fixed. If they keep asking, tell them you prefer not to talk
about...life is good and why talk about the negative...best of luck to you!
hugs,kim
— gpcmist
December 13, 2009
My RNY was 11/6/09. A few people know that I had RNY but others just know
that I had surgery. If you don't feel comfortable discussing it in detail,
then don't. Some have poked further to ask what kind of surgery I had, and
I would just say on my stomach. I don't feel like I had anything to hide,
but at the same times, sometimes I just didn't feel like sharing. Don't
feel like you have to tell anyone anything, because you don't.
— DeShanna C.
December 13, 2009
I agree with being honest. It concerns me that people are ashamed to admit
they had WLS. There is nothing to be ashamed of - the surgery is a tool
just as exercise equipment is a tool. Being honest will take the stigma of
shame out of this process. You will find, as I did, that the majority of
people will be supportive.
— Muggs
December 13, 2009
I only tell a few people. If they ask I tell them I have working with my
doctor. i look and feel great but don't want people to judge me if I put
weight back on. I am 16months out and worry about it a lot. I have not put
on weight but I have not lost any more for six months.
I stuggle with a few bad habits I am working to stop. After the holidays I
expect to really get busy with lossing again. I have 20 lb to lose but when
I say that to "people" they think I am lossing too much. People
judge you no matter what so do what feels safe to you.
— trible
December 14, 2009
Well, I haven't had my surgery yet, but I fully plan to tell anyone that
doesn't know, and I'm not comfortable with sharing, that I'm on weight loss
pills. Phentermine to be exact, because I've known people that are on them,
and have lost a lot of weight. If they ask why I was in the hospital or out
on medical leave....gall badder surgery. That's what I've already told my
co-workers. When I start losing weight, after a bit I'll tell them I am on
a diet pill. Simple as that. Most of my close friends and family already
know that this is planned. If it someone just commenting on my weight, well
that will be my excuse. Its really none of their buisness! I'm losing
weight...be happy! lol
— honeybare
December 14, 2009
Just tell them the truth. The weight loss is going to be so rapid, that
the best way is to just say: I had gastric bypass to better my health. You
don't need to say more or less. If you want to; explain or not explain.
Depends on how well you know the person. If you feel like you need to
explain, then you can say your health was getting worse so your doctor
recommended you have this done, so you can get healthier. Best wishes to
you.
— Kristy
December 14, 2009
I am 15 months out and have lost 175 pounds and at my surgeon's goal. I
have been proud to tell people about my surgery since I had it. Before I
had the surgery, I told people that I knew would be supportive and
encouraging. After surgery, when people asked how I was loosing the
weight, I told them. I think if you fudge what you did and it comes out
later, people won't trust you and will be more judgemental than if you tell
them straight out. I have found this experience to be wonderful not only
for me, but for others who want to have the surgery but are nervous/scared
about it. It has been great to be a support to those that are considering
the surgery or are somewhere in the process.
— sandra17
December 14, 2009
I have always been a private person when it comes to telling people my
personal business unless there's an appropriate reason for them to know.
So many human beings lack tact and good sense, and I prefer not to leave
myself open to their openness. I want to be able to control when my RNY is
discussed, and not get opinions I haven't asked for. Some of the social
blunders I've seen with people who have had weight loss surgery are for
example: Someone at my office asked me in front of Joe Blow whether I knew
Joe had WLS some years ago. Joe seemed uncomfortable about the subject
being brought up in front of me who hardly knows him. In my way of
thinking, that was not for the other person to share with me; if Joe wanted
me to know he would have told me. Another example is a woman who went to
her high school reunion with a friend. When people would tell the woman
how good she looked, the "friend" would take it upon herself to
bring up that the woman had WLS. The woman would have preferred to be able
to accept the compliments without going into details about the challenges
she's been through. She earned those compliments, and it was not her
friends place to bring up the surgery.
— Janell C.
December 15, 2009
I may be odd. If people ask tell them. What they think or feel really does
not matter because remember you did thihs for you and your health. Your
answer was the right answer for you. The one thing that I have seen that I
didn't care for were those who had RNY and felt like they were better than
the ret of the world over time. Just tell what you feel comfortable with
and let everyone else figure it out for themselves.
— jvannatta
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