Question:
Need Help! Husband is being a butt wipe.
In a few months hubbie is going to be receiving money(a great deal) from a case settlement and he was supposed to give me the 25,000 for my surgery, but now he says he doesn't have to give me anything plus I don't have it in writing so I can't get anything from him. I am too close for him to be a asshole, I need help on this one guys--any suggestions would be greatly appreciated — mischief85 (posted on April 27, 2003)
April 27, 2003
why doesntn your hubby want to pay for the surgery? Perhaops you could get
a job at home depot or something to pay for surgery. What about disability
paying for surgery?
— bob-haller
April 27, 2003
I am assuming you and your husband live in the same house? It sounds as if
he's suddenly become greedy, and feels that it's his money and no one
elses. That may be true but if you are husband and wife I don't understand
his lack of support for you. Doesn't sound as if he's very supportive of
you at all. I don't know what to tell you, but I'll pray he has a change
of heart. God bless you!
— Happy I.
April 27, 2003
Hi.. I was saddened to read your post.Shouldn't this be what marriage is
about..love, sharing and friendship? Does your husband feel intimidated by
the fact that you want to change your life? Live a longer and healthier
life to boot? Is he frightened that you are going to leave him after the
fact? Sit down with him and find out the reasons why he won't come through
on his promise. If he doesn't budge, then try seeing if your insurance will
cover it or ask your doctor if he/she will offer you a payment plan. Most
of all good luck and don't let this pebble in the road stop you from a life
you didn't even know existed.
Maxine--post op as of 2/19/03 -50lbs
— MaxineB
April 27, 2003
Hi~ Have you ever considered looking around for a lower price? $25,000.00
is alot to spend on this surgery. I went to Ensenada,Mexico and used
Dr.Aguirre and could not have gotten a better surgery or surgeon if I would
have spent $100,000.00. Dr.Aguirre charges $6,900.00 TOTAL that includes
EVERYTHING except travel. Seems like your husband would give you that when
he was expecting to give you $25,000.00, he would save $18,100.00 just
think what yall would be able to do with that. I'am in no way defending
your husband but look at the price difference. Seems like it would be
easier to get with or without him. Good Luck and I wish you the best!
— latrishanickle
April 27, 2003
He's throwing a lack of contract in your face? I don't know what the
specifics are to the money he is receiving and this isn't legal advice, but
Texas is a community property state and you may be entitled to half anyway
(you'd have to check with an attorney on how the community property laws
pertain to your particular situation if you want to take it that far.) It
seems to me that if you guys are bantering with legalese, something is
wrong...you might want to find out why he is suddenly being like this...and
why he is coldly raising contractual issues to you, his wife and partner in
life? What is that all about? I've noticed that WLS sometimes magnifies
issues in relationships and sometimes the person getting surgery has to
deal with all of the issues around surgery AND the newly emerging issues in
their relationship. That's so sad. I'm so sorry this is happening to you.
— susanje
April 27, 2003
Here are some answers to some of the post. I'm really to heavy and have
too many health and physical problems to get a job which is why I have
applied to get disability, disability has not kicked in yet and 9 out of 10
he will receive his settlement before I get disability--if I get the
disability, thanks ms. nickle, but I really didn't want to travel all the
way to Mexico to have this surgery when their are so many competent dr's
already here and anyway it shouldn't matter how much this surgery cost if
it was his ass on the line I wouldn't think twice about paying for it if I
had the cash no matter what the cost, the contract came into play after his
lawyer informed him that although texas is a community state when it comes
to a settlement that has to do with his pain and suffering I am not
entitled to anything, although I am responsible for all the doctor bills he
has since this accident. I feel stuck!! I'm damned if I do, I'm damned if I
don't and this is really getting to be frustrating to me.--HELP
— mischief85
April 27, 2003
I know in Illinois if a spouse is getting a settlement for something that
occurred during the marriage, the other spouse is entitled to 1/2 in a
divorce settlement. I speak from experience, as I had to include in the
divorce settlement with my ex-husband that I would turn over 1/2 of my work
comp settlement to him. But it was kind of a wash since I got 1/2 of his
401k. Tell your husband to quit being a selfish control freak or you and
your lawyer, as well as his divorce lawyer, may end up with even more than
1/2 of his windfall! Grrrr! Why can't people just do the right thing? Why
do the lawyers have to make all the money by making people do the right
thing?! Good Luck to you, dear - Anna LAP RNY 7/3/02 -123lbs.
— Anna L.
April 27, 2003
HIS lawyer? And asking about your rights to part of the settlement? Does
that mean you have a lawyer too or that there is an impending divorce? If
so, I can bet that settlement is to help pay for medical expenses incurred
because of the situation and only a portion of it is for pain and
suffering. If you do have an attorney I'd be for contacting them ASAP.
Sounds like you need to make sure that money goes on those medical bills he
incurred FIRST. And I'm pretty certain a lawyer could help you see that,
that was done, even if it has to written into the courts divorce papers.
Some days I'm glad to be single, sorry you have to put up with such an
obnoxious idiot!! (Oh, and on the issue of disability, don't give up. My
father had to get an attorney and fought for his for over 2 years for the
simple reason of his age alone even though he was very much disabled. Just
hang in there.)
— Shelly S.
April 27, 2003
Move to WI and 1/2 is automatically yours. The IRS also looks at it as
joint money. Go borrow the money and use the windfall as collaterol on the
loan. Maybe that will get the message across to him. You need to find out
the underlying reason for this and I'm sure it has to do with you leaving
him eventually etc. Tell him if he doesn't realize marriage is a sharing
committment then he will realize it in divorce. He probably just needs to
do some thinking and talking to tell you what the real issue is.
— zoedogcbr
April 27, 2003
Relationship? This doesn't sound like a relationship I'd want to be
involved in. Are you hanging around in hopes he'll change his mind and pay?
Work toward getting the disability and seeing if you can get it paid for
through that.
I see soooo many people involved with others who really aren't good to
them. Regardless of what size we are, isn't life more meaningful if we're
around people who want the best for us instead of those always wanting to
bring/keep us down?
MONEY does NOT guarantee happiness.
— Diane S.
April 28, 2003
I assume by your post that you have medicaid...You can get a letter of
medical necessity from our pcp and your ob/gyn, an a counselor. Then write
a letter to medicaid requesting the wls. You need to treat them just like
we treat our regular ins companies. There has to be an appeal process as
well. Just because they are gov/t funded doesnt mean they are God. Keep
fighting. As far as your hubby goes, I read your profile and you stated
last year that you were going to divorce him so he probably feels just from
that standpoint that he doesnt owe you the money. If you were sticking
with a man you WANTED to divorce just for money or ins for wls, I am sure
he could sense that. He may feel that you have been trying to use him for
what you could get out of him...(the money or ins for wls). If he feels
that way, he will never be supportive of you.(if you found out he was just
using you, how would you feel) Look at it from his point of view and find
out how he feels. Also I think that in the long run if you REALLY want wls,
you should consider ALL the options. Going to mexico and paying less than
1/2 price is a wonderful idea and you are in Texas...not very far away at
all. Im not trying to be a jerk, just thought that if you could be a little
more flexable and look at things differently more options would open up to
you.
— cherokey55
April 28, 2003
Thanks for all the responses.
— mischief85
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