Question:
Did anyones marriage fail after WLS?

   — mischief85 (posted on February 8, 2003)

February 8, 2003
I can speak for myself as I am a preop, but I do know around 50% of marriages fail in the general population, regardless of surgery. IMO, if you have a strong marriage to start with, you *should* be fine, although noone can predict the future. I have only bee married 3 years, and I am getting help from my therapist to deal with any problems I think I might have...a pre-emptive strike if you will. Good Luck
   — Princess D.

February 8, 2003
I THOUGHT ABOUT THAT ALSO, BUT MY MARRIAGE HAS BECOME STRONGER I THINK BECAUSE I'M MORE SELF CONFIDENT AND MY HUSBAND JUST CAN'T SEEM TO KEEP HIS HANDS OFF OF ME, WELL NOT THAT HE EVER COULD,HE LOVED ME AND I LOVED HIM WHEN I WAS 80+ LBS HEAVIER AND NOW THAT I'M LEARNING TO LOVE MYSELF MORE I THINK IT HAS CREATED A POSITIVE VIBE. THERE ARE PLENTY OF REASONS WHY MARRIAGES FAIL AND I'M SURE THIS SURGERY IS NO DOUBT SOME PEOPLE REASONS, BUT IS IT REALLY THE SURGERY OR SOMETHING THAT WAS LACKING ALL ALONG OR IS LACKING SINCE SURGERY? THIS IS IN NO WAY TO PASS JUDGEMENT MERELY TO INVOKE THOUGHT.
   — Janice C.

February 8, 2003
since you are asking this question, it is my guess your marriage is already at risk. so my advice is to get some support now. if your spouse is not willing then go on your own!!! you will need the emotional support. my own marriage is not a bad one but it is difficult at times. i had concerns too but my spouse has been very supportive during the past 6 weeks. (my surgery was 12/18/02) the surgeon that i used has a pre op support group and i believe that was a huge help to both of us. (he attended a meeting with me pre op) at this point i am down 44 lbs and feel so much better about myself and i think that makes for a better marriage because i am feeling better about me! good luck to you.
   — nan K.

February 8, 2003
May I suggest the Library for even more answers and questions from more members. I understand the divorse rate is high for WLS. Do this surgery for yourself - but include your love ones before and after your surgery. Best of Luck.
   — Sally P.

February 9, 2003
This is definately something to think about. My husband was very supportive with my decision for this surgery. He did have his concerns and one of which was will I leave him when I am thin. If your marriage is strong and secure from the start, then I believe it will last through all the upcoming changes you will experience. I have lost 100lbs and my surgery was on 09/30/02. I think he likes the new me, but surely loved me as the big me too. Good luck!
   — EMN

February 10, 2003
When a person has been heavy their whole lives, they learn that food, and the people in their lives, fill certain roles. When that person loses the weight, the food no longer fills the same need, and therefore the people in that person's life do not play the same roles either; the dynamics of the whole family change when something like the role of food changes. Having gastric by-pass is similar to an alcoholic going through treatment. The alcohol, which once played a certain role for everyone in the family, is no longer there, so everyone's role changes. People who have gastric by-pass should definately expect that things, dynamics, are going to change in the relationship with a spouse, as well as the other close member's of the family. If a couple does not anticipate the changes, if they do not talk about the changes, or recognize that changes are going to occur, then there may be some issues within the relationship that will need some work. This does not mean that the couple will divorce, but it does mean that there may be some issues needing to be looked at. If your relationship is strong, and you have open communication with one another, you should be fine. If not, then you should be geared for some additional work within your relationship. Approximately 55% or more of relationships, after having had this surgery, will end in some type of break-up, and there are many many reasons for this.
   — twenc