Question:
Has anyone secretly wished that their other half would leave after WLS?

   — mischief85 (posted on November 15, 2002)

November 14, 2002
I can't say I've wanted him to leave....Grow up maybe! He's a whole lot more jealous and tends to have a fit if another guy says I look good. All of this baby stuff even though he doesn't compliment me. I have noticed since my surgery he eats more then I think I've ever seen him eat. I don't know if he's just trying to compinsate or what the deal is.
   — Rachel W.

November 14, 2002
I didn't think that I wanted him to leave, until he was actually gone!! hehe. I was 6 weeks post op when my BF of 4 years (whom I lived with) left me for his overweight Xwife. It was very difficult for me as I had to continue living with him for 4 months until I found an apartment. I thought that I loved him, but when I look back on it now, I realize that I just depended on him and financially I was petrified of being alone. I cheated on him many times throughout our entire relationship so I know now that I didn't love him (believe me, I am not proud of that fact), but he really didn't pay much attention to me, and I was always the last priority. The first were his kids (which is expected) and then the Xwife (when she called he would jump), his job, the apartment, and then me. Now I am 2 years post op and in a pasionate and loving relationship. We've been together for 1 1/2 years and I wouldn't imagine cheating on him (so I know I must truly love him). Totally by coincedence, my current BF and my X work together, so I see him all the time. When I look at him now, I wonder why I was ever with him in the first place. He has gone downhill (he didn't stay with the X for very long). He has gained at least 50 pounds (he wasn't small to begin with), and has let himself go physically. he looks like a SCRUB!! Like he never showers or something. I think it is depression, but that isn't my problem to deal with. My current BF and I are extremely happy and I hope to marry him someday (we don't even live together now, so I know I am not financially dependent on him). I don't know if this was helpful or not, but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. If you are having these feelings, maybe you should consider leaving. Look at the other factors in your relationship, and you may find that you are feeling this way because he just doesn't treat you good under the surface. Mental abuse (him ignoring you, lack of affection, depriving you of intimacy, etc) can often times leave bigger scars than than physical abuse. Email me if you wish to chat. Good luck.
   — enjo4

November 15, 2002
It is entirely normal to have/want changes in interpersonal relationships, especially where spouses or significant other's are concerned. Why? the dynamics of the relationship change. It is like the alcoholic who goes through treatment, and then ends up divorcing. It is because that "thing" that kept them together is no longer there, and the two people do not meet each other's needs any longer. Don't beat yourself up over this, it is totally normal. I bet that if more surgeons warned their patients this would not even be a question(surgeons know that this occurs in more thatn 50% or more of the patient's who go through gastic bypass....Remember that you only live once, and it should be happy, and should be fulfilling for you as a person.
   — twenc

November 15, 2002
No, actually I didn't. However- I did expirience some wierdness (hormonal? emotional?)during the loss of weight-eventually that all faded. I would not suggest you do anything (divorce or whatever) until you have got about 1 year out..........
   — Karen R.

November 15, 2002
hi there. i know im probably going to sound absolutely weird to some but here goes. i read alot of books on near death expereriences and how they affect people and interestingly how alot of marriages for the nders fail due to how much it has changed the person who had the nde. their energy levels are through the roof, they have a new zest for life, want to do or try things theyve missed out on before. well i now compare wls to an nde. its a life altering thing. and so so many changes. i cant say i want him to leave but it has been rocky at times and then good at times too. i think the thing im noticing more and more is how different we are becoming. i now have so much energy and want to do so many things and we are not on the same page. he cant keep up. i get really bummed out and feel like gosh what a drag.hes a big guy and works hard so is tired alot. which i can understand. i have to take a step back and remind me that i had wls not him and need to remember what its like to be tired alot. i love him and hope things will work out. hes a good guy.
   — carrie M.

November 15, 2002
I've heard that losing weight will make a strong marriage/relationship stronger, but will make a weak marriage/relationship weaker.
   — Lynette B.

November 15, 2002
Lynette is correct. And there is also a higher divorce rate among WLS post-ops than the general population.
   — Cheri M.