Question:
What do you say to the kids?
I'm having Gastric Bypass on Thursday. I need to tell my kids ages 8 and 10 what's going on but I want to be careful-I don't want to needlessly worry them, but I also want them to understand my need for some additional help around the house etc... Any ideas? — imalmost40 (posted on August 11, 2009)
August 11, 2009
Hi Dana, I am raising 2 of my grandkids..so I set them down and as I did
the rest of my family and explainded why I was having the RNY and will need
there help to make it go well and that was that. It is like explaining
anything else to a kid..give them what they need only. You can give more as
you need...this is one of those times alittle info goes far. Will keep you
in my prayers and see you on "losers bench"
— tootsie52
August 11, 2009
Hi Dana, I had 3 of my 9 grandkids living with me at the time I had my
non-invasive proximal bypass in 2007, (250 to 196.5) YaHoo...I am also my
husbands caretaker,(even he managed to help a little) I just told them as
simply as possible, grandma is going for surgery, the doctors are making me
a new smaller tummy, so grandma will lose a lot of weight and be able to
play with you and do things with you more..they are now 2/7yr olds and 1/11
yr. old..they were more interested on rather they could come with me and
watch, and would I be skinnyer right away..LOL..
Then I asked them if they thought they could help grandma out a little
when I come home cause I would have to be very careful of my stitches and
couldn't do some things. they were great,and started talking what they were
each going to help me with..Children very seldom worry or are scared unless
they hear, see, or sense that an adult they love is having those
emotions...(my opinion)...
I did not go into any long explanation and only answered any questions
they had, and most of those questions were what would I look like
afterwards..
I don't think they were worried or scared because I wasn't worried, or
scared, I was happy, so they were fine with it...
does that make sense?...
anyway afterwards they were great, they would help me pick things up, or
set the table, cook, do dishes..and they would also help me with their
grandpa.
I have always believed in keeping it short and sweet with the young ones,
and only answering what they want to know...
Too much detail and it could make them afraid or worried..or make them
completely lost interest..
I never had any fears myself, but if I had I would have never let on around
them or within thier hearing...
Hugs and good luck, Gabby
— gaydria
August 11, 2009
I told my children simply that my weight was causing alot of health
problems and I wanted to watch them grow up, get married and have children
of their own.....I shared that the benefits outweighed the risks and I
hoped they would support me in my decision. Not only did they support me
but my local son brought me and retrieved me from the hospital and then
visited with me everyday. My other son (LA)wanted to fly home but after
talking to him knew I was going to be OK but called and emailed everyday.
My sister, son and even my father (I am his caregiver) helped me the first
few days and were there if I needed them. You will be shocked how well you
will do post op. Lifting will be your only problem. Just remember to walk
as soon as your feet hit the floor a few times a day outside; stay hydrated
and nap whenever possible.
Good luck and I will keep you in my prayers.
— karensaporito
August 11, 2009
This is an excellent opportunity to teach compassion, the importance of
health, and service. Start with the basic truths: your weight is
affecting not only your health, but your ability to be a good role model
and involved parent. You are doing this as much for your love of your
children as a desire to improve your own life. Tell them that you will be
hurting for awhile, and will need their help, but that you will gradually
improve and eventually, you will ALL have a much better quality of life.
Tell them your dreams. Set small goals and celebrate together when those
are reached. But mostly vow to not sabatoge your diet or your children's
life lessons by going back to old eating habits! Even if you say nothing
at all, they will be watching and learning, whether negative or positive
messages.
— jtoothman
August 12, 2009
I have three boys, ages 11, 8 and 6. I had my surgery in January of this
year. They knew all along (through my entire journey before my surgery)
what was going on. I was truthful with them the whole time. They even
went to my initial consult appointment with me. The kids were very
supportive and helpful when I came home. Of course they were worried when
I went in for my surgery, but they knew I came through three c-sections
perfectly fine..when I had them..and that this was a laparscopic procedure.
— Lyndsay30
August 12, 2009
i had it a lil easier b/c my girls are 14 and 16 but I was totally honest
with them even as to the risks just in case. but I reassured them that I
was not scared and that I knew I would be ok. I went out of the country for
mine b/c I was self pay so I needed to let them know everything I felt.
Good luck.. I agree with the need-to-know basis when smaller children are
involved.
— callen3640
August 12, 2009
Hi Dana,
My children are the same ages. I told them that mommy is having surgery. I
didnt tell them actually what kind of surgery. I just said that I'm getting
my health togerther and that I would need some help around the house. Well,
my daughter was wonderful she is the 8yr old she help me the most and was
very concerned that I didn't break my stitches as she said. Dont worry you
will be fine and guess what the ten yr old figured out what kind of surgery
I had. Good Luck I will keep you in my prayers.
— DonnaRo
August 12, 2009
I haven't had my surgery yet, but hoping to by the end of this year. My
kids are 12 and 16, and have been completely supportive of my decision.
Kids are a lot smarter and adaptable than we give them credit for...I've
had other surgeries and they were wonderful through those in the past
years. Everything will be ok :)
— eyeflirt4fun
August 12, 2009
My son was 10 last year when I had my surgery, I told him straight up what
the surgery was and why I was doing it. I even took he and my husband to
support group meetings and he was the video of the surgery. I explained how
unlikely it was that anything would go wrong and in the long run, I would
be a healthier person for it. We didn't have anyone to keep him so he had
to go to the hospital with mmy husband while I was in surgery and stay in
the hotel for the three days until I was released. He came in for all the
visits with his dad. After we attended one of the support groups where
vitamins were discussed he told me later that he learned about how
important vitamins were even if you didn't have GBS. My son is quite mature
for his age becasue he has always been included in any decisions. A lot of
times it was because his dad was usually deployed or elsewhere doing his
military service and he didn't have much choice but to be dragged along!!!.
— im3d2
August 12, 2009
Well it seems everyone handeled it differently but with my grandkids my
daughter told them I was having surgery but not what kind. They are with me
every weekend. I had a very fast recovery, I was only out of work 1 week.
Surgery mon, home wed back to work monday. They helped me as they usually
do such as cleaning up behind themselves, fixing small meals, etc (age 7
& 11). I have one (11) that my daughtr watches what she eats carefully
and she is very tall and not at all chubby since she is on the basketball
team, but she has a tendency to overeat if allowed. I did not want to tell
her because I didn't want her to think she could eat anything, not eat
healthy and then just have the surgery, like Nana. But now they see that I
eat very small portions and they think it is great the way I eat healthy
and watch what I eat.
— sallie H.
August 13, 2009
All your answers brought tears to my eyes. My surgery date is Sept. 14th.
I have a 3 year old and a 1 1/2 year old, and all I can think about is the
what ifs. I think they are way too young to even try and explain it to
them. My parents are coming to watch them while I am in the hospital. I
know the hardest part will be saying goodbye to them that day. I hope that
all goes well with you and you can get back to being mommy as soon as
possible.
— danyello
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