Question:
Should I have surgery when my dad is very ill
My dad has liver failure. The docotors told me a while back that he could live 6 months to 1 year. Ive already been approve by my insurance co to have surgery. We are just waiting to schdule surgery b/c I want to wait the first of the year. This might be my dads last Thanksgiving and Christmas. I want to spend it with my dad being happy. I dont want to put any additional stress on him. I take care all of his business and I do shopping for him. When I have surgery I might not be able to visit with him for two weeks. My sister will be there, but I just feel selfish of having this surgery. What if something happens to him and I'm in the hospital. Or what if my surgery doesnt go well and it might be longer than 2 weeks before I can be in the picture again. Please someone give me some advice. My family tells me to go ahead and not to worry about it. But what are they going to say. No, dont have surgery. Help! — barfiep01 (posted on October 31, 2006)
October 31, 2006
I am sorry to hear about your dad. However you can't play the what if game.
My mother inlaw had canser. We where told she had less then 6 months to
live. She lived over a year. The only people who can say when your dad will
pass is God. What IF your insurance changes after the first of the year?
and they no longer cover the surgery? I had a lap rny 10/25/05 just over a
year ago and I was back to work in 7 days. and I had a very Thanksgiving
and Christmas. When I saw my family I was just over 30lbs smaller. You
will have to ask yourself " is your dad going to be stronger now or
after the first of the year?" When all is said and done you are the
one who has to choose. I wish you the best and I will pray for you and
your dad.
— bntfive
October 31, 2006
Wow! This is a tuffy!!! I understand the position you are in because my
situation was very similar. I gave your question some thought before
pulling out this keyboard. I agree with the first letter writer. GOD is the
only one who is in control of your fate and your passing the test of your
faith. You must have a clear conscious. I am sure your father would not
want you to put off this very special occasion of life changes for you. You
are struggling between two loves.... the love for your father and the love
of changes to be placed before you during and after your WLS. You probably
have many comorbities that warranted your approval to have this surgery in
the first place so you are already putting yourself in harms way placing
this added stress to your already stress out life. Read chapter 71 of
PSALMES and understand its message. Place this situation in GODS hand and
have the faith. I know how incredible it is of this timing that is
presented to you. I am sure your family will pick up the slack during your
recuperation period. My father's doctors gave him FIVE MONTHS TO LIVE.....
that was FOUR YEARS ago. You have already proven your love for your dad,
your unselfish act to put off something that is very important towards your
future and I am sure your dad would be upset if he were to know you were
contemplating against something that will enhance
your life, your future. Pray about this. Ask GOD to give you insight on
your peril... let HIM know about your confusion. If it is in GOD'S will for
you to have this surgery you will have this surgery and you will become
healthier and better able to take care of those who cant take care of
themselves. The time is now. Sincerely, Benita j Lewis, OH
— NEETAJEAN
October 31, 2006
I am so sorry to hear about yr dad. I, too, agree that you should have the
surgery now, don't wait till after the first of the year. A lot of
insurances are changing and most insurances won't be covering this surgery
anymore. This is a life saving surgery that can make YOU live longer. I'm
sure the rest of the family doesn't want to lose u along with your father.
If you have an excellent surgeon, you shouldn't have any complications
unless YOU don't follow instructions after. My surgeon, has a LESS than 1
% death rate, and that is from the patients not following the guidelines
etc after surgery. Have the surgery, your dad would be upset I'm sure if
he found out you were postponing because of him.
— crystalsno
October 31, 2006
I would also say that you should go ahead with your surgery & let your
higher power be with you & your dad on both your journeys. I had my
surgery on 9/30/06 & I had absolutely no problems at all after it. You
will probably be able to still be there with your Dad afterwards & like
the other person said if you wait till the 1st of the year your insurance
may not cover the surgery & then what will you do? I will say a prayer
that all goes well for you. Stay confident. Phyllis S.
— silentwriter1949
October 31, 2006
Patricia,
My husband also was given the same diagnosis and 3 years later he was
still here and received a transplant, doctors can not predict the future,
they are not god, and i also believe with the incentive you have you will
be back up and running within a week, my sister was from the bypass and I
was from the lapband. I will pray for your dad and wish you all the best.
Diane P.
— noboat4u
October 31, 2006
What would your dad want? You see my father has been very ill for years, he
has Type II Diabetes, Heart Disease, and a ton of other ailments. 2 Years
ago he too was told he maybe had 6 months to a year to live. I too
questioned whether or not I should put my surgery off in case something
should happened. My dad and I always had a close relationship, so I
addressed my concerns with my father, and he told me he wanted me to go
through with it, and didn't want me risking my health or missing out on
such a wonderful opportunity. I suspect that if you asked your father what
he would want, he would probably tell you the same thing. Wouldn't you
rather make a decision like this knowing you have is blessing as well. If
nothing else, peace of mind. Good luck!
— [Deactivated Member]
October 31, 2006
I am sorry to hear about your dad. I am not going to encourage or
discourage you either way, I am only going to tell you about my experience.
I was approved by my insurance company in December, 2005. I had family
issues, nothing even remotely like yours, just some things that I needed to
wait out before I (and if I could underline I, I would!) felt ready to go
through the surgery. You have to be settled in your mind that the timing
is right for you(underline the you). I had my surgery in May, 2006. When
my insurance company sent me the approval letter, it said that the approval
was good for one year. I don't know if your insurance stated the same
thing, but I just wanted to share my perspective with you. Take care, and
I hope for the best for you and your family.
Julie
— juliej311
October 31, 2006
Hi,
My heart is with you. I had my surgery on July 25th 2006. I was scheduled
for all my pre op testing on the morning of July 13th. Instead I was at
the hospital with my dad who had passed away early in the morning. My
situation is a little different because my surgery was after he passed, but
my only regret was that he was not able to see the change in my body or
myself. I know what you are feeling I too had toyed with the idea of
cancelling my surgery because my dad was sick. God, in his mighty wisdom
sees to every detail. His timing is perfect so you just pray and trust in
what he tells you. I would go for the surgery because like everyone has
told you ins. companies are changing constantly. Spend as much time as
possible with your dad before the surgery but don't put your dream on hold.
Your dad will be very proud of you. Please let us know what you decide.
God be with you.
— camille1956
October 31, 2006
I would like to say warm wishes to your father. I say go for it. I had my
surgery on a Monday morning and I was out of the hospital Wednesday
morning. I laproscopic RNY. My husband also had the same procedure the
same day and he was in the Hospital a week because of complications due to
his health. It really just depends on the person. If your doctor feels
comfortabel about it I would go with it. Many wishes and prayers for your
family. Good Luck!!!!!!!!!
— red_neck_girl561
October 31, 2006
First of all, many family members (as posts on these boards reveal) do
discourage family members from having bariatric surgery. Secondly, if your
family members have a plan to back you up while you are recovering, it
would appear that you have great support, which will assist you
tremendously as you work through your emotional issues with post-operative
life.
Third, why couldn't you have a happy holiday if you can't eat a lot of
turkey, and can't eat Christmas cookies?
Fourth, have you considered talking to a counsellor-- my experience has
been that many times (not always, and certainly not necessarily in your
case) when people say that they want to avoid much-needed bariatric surgery
because they don't want to be "selfish", their are other issues
motivating their decision-- for some of us, because so much of our identity
is wrapped up in our being caregivers, we don't want to forego those
efforts while we recover. For others, having these surgeries presents lots
of conflicts, which carry with them many self-doubts and fears-- and
sometimes, when we are presented with those conflicts, we all tend to want
to find an easy expanation for the actions that those fears motivate.
Like you, I have a parent with a very short lifespan of unknown duration
(maybe 4 months, maybe 10 months). But, what she has told me is that she
expects that my life, and our family's life will continue through her
illness and beyond her passing. She insists that the greatest tribute to
her, and the things that give her the greatest comfort, is knowing that
those she loves continue to embrace life. It seems as if your family has a
similar desire for you.
— SteveColarossi
November 2, 2006
My heart goes out to you. My father fought cancer for 16 years and lost
the battle, actaully stomach cancer took him, last week. The point of my
post is that I have been morbidly obese for years and my health has
suffered. My father was so worried about my health that i feel that
weighed on his heart and soul. I delayed it due to his health until
finally i could not delay anymore and once it was done and i was on the way
to recovery, he was finally at peace and was able to let go. Do what is
best for you and your health/future. That is the best thing you can do for
your father now.
God Bless.-Bob
— NeoLobo
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