Question:
My grandfather died today my surgery is 2 weeks away. What shall i do????
Would i be selfish for having the surgery and not grieving or should i postpone it??? — LUKESHA C. (posted on February 16, 2003)
February 16, 2003
My Mother died jan 1st .. she wanted more than anything to see me
have this surgery .. she even told me before she died to please not to let
her death keep me from my surgery .. I having mine .. and Im doing it for
HER too .. I feel sure your grandfather would want you to help yourself ..
In some ways I will always grieve the loss of my mom ...she was my best
friend .. but life goes on .. choose your health .. unless you feel you
cant mentally handle the grief and the surgery at the same time .. I guess
what Im trying to say is .. Dont postpone your surgery out of guilt .
— ruthie
February 16, 2003
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. For what it's worth, my opinion is, if
you feel you can handle the surgery, go for it. I don't really see it as a
"selfish" issue at all. Grieving and surgery aren't mutually
exclusive -- when you lose somebody close to you, it takes a long time to
get over the "fresh pain" (and forever and a day to ever get over
it). But we go on, even with many other obligations and duties and events
in our lives. I would imagine your grandfather would want you to live a
healthy, happy life, and not put your dreams on hold because he's gone.
He'll always be with you, no matter what you decide. :)
— Suzy C.
February 16, 2003
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfather. I think that if you are able
to, you should go ahead with your surgery. I'm sure that your grandfather
would have wanted you to be happy and healthy. God bless you and take
care!
— Kris T.
February 16, 2003
I am so very sorry to hear about your loss. I don't think anyone, unless
they have stood in your shoes can tell you what you should or shouldn't do.
When I say this, I am referring to myself, but the only thing I can say is
"What do you feel your grandfather would want for you?" You are
the only one who knows this and I know that if you think about it and pray
you will find the answer you are looking for. I will say a prayer for you
too.
— Regina S.
February 16, 2003
As another poster said, the surgery and grieving are not mutually
exclusive. Both are a process and you might have post-surgery blues where
you feel very sensitive. You might be more in touch with your grief.
However, it is a personal decision and you must weigh how strong you feel
to go through both at the same time. I don't think selfishness has
anything to do with it. I think it has to do with feeling under the
weather physically and emotionally at the same time and how prepared you
are to do that. Take care of yourself.
— susanje
February 16, 2003
I am sorry for your loss. I do not know for sure, but I bet your
grandfather would want you to go ahead and improve your life, and that is
what this surgery is all about. Just to let you know, I am sending alittle
extra prayer your way to help you get through this tuff time. Hope you can
feel it. God Bless
— cindy
February 16, 2003
I am very sorry to hear about your Grandfather. My grandfather died almost
2 yrs ago. We were very close. Grief is a long process. There is not a day
that goes by that I do not think about my Grandfather. As for surgery; I'm
sure that your grandfather would want you to be healthy and happy and not
stop living because he is gone. Better yet, you know that he will be there
looking over you. You truely have an angel by your side. Even though our
loved ones leave this earth, the love remains and will stay with you
forever. Good luck with your surgery and making this difficult choice. I
wish you the best! Take care and know that my prayers are with you.
— Nickie C.
February 16, 2003
Lukesha, you know what I don't know what your going through, but, I will
relay something that happened to me. This surgery is somthing HUGE in your
life. And so was my wedding Nov of 2003, my grandfather and my step father
died 2 wks and 10days before my wedding respectively...I didn't know what
to do. However, my pop-pop was old and ill and my step-dad had cancer for
16yrs, my gut told me I had to go through with it for both myself, my
family and for them. TYour grandad will be up there looking over you when
your on that table. He would want you to do this for yourself. This will
also force you to think about what your going through and take your mind
off your grieve. Good Luck to you. Heather (Open RNY 8/15 - 305/210/150)
— heathercross
February 17, 2003
hi - as the others have said - you have to do this for yourself . your
grandfather will be there with you , would he want to hold you back from
doing something good for yourself ? probably not . my mother passed away
from complications to remove cancer one month before my sisters wedding ,
and i told her and my brother in law , right there standing beside my
mothers body , that they were not canceling their wedding , who knows ,
maybe my mom was speaking through me . on top of that my sister became pg
on her honeymoon with a little girl ( 9 months old ) , so please , i bet
your grandfather would only want you to continue on , because there will be
so many good things to happen to you after your surgery . god bless and i
am so very sorry to hear your bad news ............
— patti G.
February 17, 2003
THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO GAVE ME ENCOURAGEMENT IT REALLY HELPED AND I TOLD MY
MOM THAT I KNOW GRANDDA WOULD HAVE WANTED ME TO CONTINUE WITH THE WLS. SHE
TOLD ME TO GO FOR IT HE IS GONE NOW. THANKS FOR ALL THE PRAYERS.
— LUKESHA C.
February 17, 2003
Hi,
I am so sorry about your loss. I lost my father 4 months ago and my
grandmother 1 1/2 months ago. I had a lap band 15 months ago and my father
was so proud of me and my weight loss. You know he would want for you to
be healthy and see you grand children. He will be your angel and will be
watching out for you. God bless you and I hope thinghs will go well. Go
have it.
— Stephanie D.
February 17, 2003
Hello and God Bless You in this awful time. I can totally relate to what
you are going thru. My mom (who was pretty much my world) died about one
month to the day after my WLS last April. It took me a while to get on
track with my eating, water, vites, etc. but I eventually did, without any
adverse effects. I have to say that, in a wierd way, the timing was
"good" for my WLS, because had I not had it, in my grief I have
no doubt that I would be well over 300lbs. by now...I was on that track
anyway. So the year 2002 was overall pretty crappy, but the WLS was a
blessing...I no longer suffer from the day to day depression that being MO
was bringing me. My advice, you might try to postpone your surgery a bit
(a month or so to get over the initial grieving hump) but don't postpone it
indefinitely...your dad will be guiding and cheering you on in spirit, just
as my mom is for me. Take care and let us know how you're doing...
— rebeccamayhew
February 22, 2003
The exact same thing happened to me. My grandfather passed away about 4
weeks before my surgery. The funeral was a couple days after he died. I
chose to still have surgery, I figured he would have wanted me to. It is
hard to lose a loved one but life also goes on I have learned.
— lmonroeny
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