Question:
9 months post op, 15 lbs from normal BMI, why do I still feel fat?
I have had a very successful WLS journey so far. No complications, no more meds, lots of energy. I used to wear size 26/28, now I'm in 14/16 misses. Problem is, I still feel fat! Even when looking in a mirror I tend to see the same old big girl. Does anyone else struggle with this? What can I do to change my perception of myself? — Kristi K. (posted on September 24, 2009)
September 24, 2009
i know what you mean. i have lost 140 lbs down from size 24 to 6 and 8.
most days i can really see a difference. i even didn't recognize myself
once when i caught my reflection in the mirror. But then there are days
like today where i feel like a blimp. I am 1 year 5 mos po lap/rny.. I wish
I could help more but I would also like to know how to change this
perception.
— bikermama
September 24, 2009
Hi Kristi,
Iam 14 months out RNY..down 130lbs and still walk to 3X size first to look!
I know I am now a 12..but old habits are really hard to break. I see
people that dont have a clue who Iam until they hear me talk. My mind knows
I have lost the weight..but just forgets to see the smaller me when I look
in the mirror. I laugh at my self and just enjoy the new/healthier/smaller
me.
— tootsie52
September 24, 2009
Yeah, ummm... I have the opposite problem. I don't see myself as big, size
22/24. Don't het me wrong, I know I am big and I hate it. But, unless I
am looking into a mirror, I feel like I did when I was slender and shapely.
I am not sure which is better. What I do know is... Media has permeated
our brains and has offered us an unrealistic picture of beauty. You should
check out that Dove Soap commercial. It is eye opening! It sgoes to show,
not even models in real life, look like the airbrush, digitally touced up
magazine pictures. SO don't be too hard on yourself.
— elizalde
September 24, 2009
I am like Zoan. I am size 22/24 (no surgery yet) but I am a thin person
inside. I'm surprised when I look in the mirror and I've been at least 200
lbs. since 1985! Zoan mentioned that she used to be thin; so did I. I
didn't start gaining weight until I was 25 (now 56). I wonder if our
mindsets are related to our childhood weight...
— Gail T.
September 24, 2009
I to have the same problem or preception of being the same old person I was
before surgery. I have lost 267 pounds, gone from size 32/34 to a size
14/16 and I still see the same Morbidly obese person I was prior to my
LAP/RNY on Oct 2006. physc doctor at one of our support group meetins said
that it takes a while to see the new you if you have been Obese most of
your life. Well I fit the bill. I actually saw that got a glimpse of that
thin lady 1 time about a year ago but have not seen her since. Smile I was
born 12lb 15oz. I do look forward to seeing that thin person again one day
soon. Hang in there because one day you to will see that thin person in
the mirrow.
— sparkle8062
September 24, 2009
I am 56. I am 10 months post gastric RNY, have lost 160 lbs since 11/2008.
I use to be model-jogger-5 miles daily and stood 5'10" barefoot and
weighed 150 lbs at my highest weight when thin. I had accident-hurt back in
1987, had back surgery in 2000, gained over 250 lbs in 21+ years. 11/2008
BMI 57+, was 400+ lbs and gaining, 5'8"-wore sz 28/30. NOW: 5'8"
240 lbs, sz ??? - I think sz 16. I refuse to buy new clothes until I get to
goal of 170 lbs. Was 230 lbs to lose now about 70+ lbs to lose. I, like
you, still feel REAL FAT! Also, looking in mirror, I see BIG GIRL. Everyone
I know always tell me how wonderful I look and how thin I am getting. Hubby
met me when thin, so he has been thru whole journey with me and always
states he loves me for me, not what I look like, fat or thin he says he'll
always love me. OK, maybe I do see some weight loss but not like everyone
else. Maybe it takes time for self imagery to not see a distorted self,
maybe it will just take time for us to really see the metamorphic/change.
You never stated your actual weight. Can you post it or type it here as a
reply? Maybe if seeing it in blk/white on paper might help to project a
better self image of oneself. Wish you GREAT LUCK in reaching your goal.
YOU GO GIRL!!! KEEP UP GREAT WORK!!! FOR YOU, only 15 lbs more to go
YEAH!!!
— Tina B.
September 24, 2009
I felt the same way until I had my tummy tuck 4 1/2 weeks ago. I went from
a size 18 to a size 4 and even though I know I lost the weight and looked
different, I still felt fat. Once I had my tummy tuck and I honestly
looked in the mirror and for the first time in my life I said "I look
small."
I discovered that even though I lost the weight, as long as I had my big
belly and love handles I was not satisfied with my appearance. Maybe you
don't feel this way, but I did.
Sherline
— [Deactivated Member]
September 24, 2009
depending on how long you were over weight...I think our minds think and
feel we are still heavy. I know it took me a long time to think of myself
as thin and I still turn sideways when I don't hav eto...to fit thru a
tight area. I am a size 4 now from a 24 and I am 15 months out. I think our
minds need time to catch up. Everyone around you sees you getting thinner,
you know you are, but yet the minds eye doesn't see it quite the same. But
you will. Take pics and compare. See the difference with your real eyes!
Congrats!! Hugs,Kim
— gpcmist
September 25, 2009
Everybody is talking about image problems, but nobody is giving answers.
I'm 6 months out, 120 lbs down, and not having those problems, YET. I am
doing three things that I think help. 1) I installed a huge FULL
LENGTH/WIDTH mirror where I can't avoid walking by it many of times a day.
2) I keep my tape measure on my desk and use it. Keep records on "my
oh" above. 3) I get people to take my picture in normal situations,
full body, normal (properly fitting) clothes, not covered in blankets,
pets, books, whatever. Then I really look at them. We all got this big by
lying to ourselves; I think it's really important to try to correct that,
for both the good and the ugly. Also, Zoan is right about a false idea of
beauty. We need to compare ourselves only to our own "before"
selves...not ourselves 30 years ago (no fair!), but just before surgery.
See only enough flaws to keep you humble and motivated, but don't be
hyper-critical. Be KIND to yourself; that includes being truthful.
— jtoothman
September 25, 2009
I always say that Weight Loss Sugery is 405 surgery & 60%
opsychological - what we perceive in our mind is not what is seen by
others! Remember. we have had a long time to 'get used to' our pre-surgery
size 7 no matter how many times we hear how great we look or others comment
on our loss WE still see the same person we have always lived with. Afraid
I can't offer much advice on how to get around it but hopefully that
explains things a bit better!
— ditzyangeluk
September 25, 2009
I don't know that all of us can change our perception of how we see
ourselves...I am not a light weight, and I wear a ladies size 10 average at
165 lbs...12's are too big and I can squeeze nicely into an 8 if the legs
are cut full! But I still feel morbidly obese. I am 6 years po!!! I saw a
woman in the store the other day and I told my hubby that I wished my butt
was as nice as hers and he looked at me like I lost my damn mind...He said,
"Her butt is fat! Yours is much smaller and nicer than
hers!"...He snapped at me and asked if I do that to annoy him! LOL I
was so shocked! You'd think that after all this time I'd have an idea what
I look like and I just do not!
— .Anita R.
September 25, 2009
Kristi -- There's an actual name for this; it's called "body
dysmorphia", and just about everyone I've ever met who has struggled
with their weight has it to some degree. Let me tell you a little about me
-- I am 9-1/2 years post-op from a Vertical Banded Gastroplasty (more or
less analogous to a gastric sleeve) and have lost and maintained the loss
of well over 100 pounds since that time. My journey up till then, however,
was pretty much the handbook of body dysmorphia. I've always been larger
(as in taller) than most of my female peers, so I always had this vision of
myself in my head as this great hulking ox of a thing. I had trouble with
my weight, on and off, for about thirty years before my surgery. My
absolute bottom-out point was in 1980, when I went on some insane
"doctor-supervised" 500-calorie-a-day fiasco through a
"clinic" and ended up with anorexia (weighed at my lowest 126
pounds at 5'8" and large-boned, wearing a baggy size 9 and looking
like a concentration camp survivor, hair falling out in clumps, nerves
shot, yadda yadda) then proceeded to gain, and lose, the same 150 pounds
three or four times over the next 18 years. When I was anorexic, I thought
I was enormous -- and when I was almost 400 pounds, I thought I looked
"normal" -- until, that is, I came in contact with something like
a seat belt or an airline seat or a turnstile, and then I was more than a
little porky. After my surgery, particularly in the beginning when the
weight was literally dropping off me practically as I watched, I still saw
myself as huge -- and sometimes still do. I still marvel at being able to
shop in "regular" clothing stores. I put on a coat a couple of
months ago that I bet I hadn't had on for fifteen years and was surprised
that it was loose -- although I suppose I really shouldn't be, because I'm
smaller now than I was then. To answer your question about what you can do
to change your perception of yourself, my best answer is give it time --
I'm going on a decade out and I still wrestle with this from time to time
-- and reinforce your reality. Say the size on your clothing labels out
loud. Say the number on the scale out loud. And don't beat yourself up
too badly about any of it. On bad days I like to remember something I
learned during my tenure in Overeaters Anonymous -- "I am not what I
could be; I am not what I should be; I am not what I would like to be --
but, by the grace of God, I am not what I once was." Blessings,
— Cheryl Denomy
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