Question:
Should I stop seeing my therapist?

I am thinking about the therapist I have been seeing (for various reasons)every other week for the last 5 years . I am seriously considering ending our relationship. She does not agree with my decision to have surgery yet she says she will be supportive of said decision(doesn't really make sense, does it?)and she is very good at reminding me that the surgery is not a panacea, doesn't work for everyone and that some people regain the weight. That said, I must giver her credit for really helping me when I was down in the dumps and feeling hopeless and depressed. My life is better for having been her client and I really like who I am now. However, knowing that she does not approve of the surgery makes me not want to talk with her anymore. When I suggested that we only meet every 3 weeks, she said she didn't think it would be beneficial for me and recommended that we stay with every 2 weeks. So I said OK. Then yesterday I called her to reschedule my appointment from this week to the second week of December (just too busy at work!!) She said that she wished I wouldn't schedule my appointments so far apart because when the next appt finally arrives, I won't want to go. Does this make sense to anyone?    — lizinPA (posted on November 26, 2002)

November 26, 2002
From what you are saying, I'd start looking for a new therapist that is supportive of your decision to have WLS...JR
   — John Rushton

November 26, 2002
Beth, did she say why she dosn't support your decision? Maybe you could use this as an opportunity to get used to either explaining your decision to people who don't understand or learning to live with people who disagree with the idea, but are still willing to support you. I think that really is possible. For example, a friend may mary a man that you don't like and you may disagree with her decision to mary him, but it dosn't mean that you won't support her and continue to be a good friend. I'm not suggesting that you need to keep seeing her forever if this makes you unconforatable, but you may want to practice with it in this save environment because it is likely to come up in the "real" world as well. My therapist has also said that scheduling appointments more than two weeks apart sort of depletes the effectiveness of therapy. I think that yours has a point that if the appointments are very far apart, it gets harder to go. I'm not trying to come down on her side, but I think it may be a good idea to continue therapy during what is sure to be a very volital and interesting few months of your life. She's helped you before and knows you, so maybe she can help you through this as well. If she's not the right one, please consider someone else.
   — Amber L.

November 26, 2002
Move on to another - and consider you may be on your way to not needing a therapist. I finally decided no more - But you don't need one for sure that is discouraging you - unless you have deep issues that require "medical" assistance - and if that is so - the therapist should have probably referred you to a more helpful person. (Unless the therapist has a tendency to hang on to clients)
   — charlene M.

November 26, 2002
Makes me wonder if your therapist would try to manipulate other medical decisions you may have to make. To hysterctomy or not, to tubal or not, to remove cancer by which method..? This is MEDICAL, not mental. If it was a mental disorder, NONE of us could be successful. None. We'd either outeat the surgery OR die from malnutrition. It's not a magic pill for mental disorders, it is a medical treatment for a fatal disease. To treat it any other way is to invite failure. NOW, you may have eating disorders IN ADDITION to a physical disease. I tend to think they are the RESULT of our condition, not the other way around. What other disease is expected to be cured by treatments have never, ever worked, yet are the "accepted norm", which in turns makes repeated failure the "accepted norm"??????? I agree with the others. Some therapists graduate from being helpful to being manipulative.
   — vitalady

November 26, 2002
I agree with the others. It is time to find someone else, for "awhile anyway". I had the same problem as I needed someone to approve me for gender reasignment. I needed to find someone with experience and I had someone who was really hostile! Perhaps you can get a new therapist UNTIL around 6 months after WLS. Once you've lost alot of weight (say at six months post op), then make another appointment with her. Try her again for a couple months. My guess is once you've had WLS, and show her that it is successful and that you are happy with it, she may come around. If you really like her, don't give up totally. But I think you would be wise to find someone new, UNTIL you have WLS and have lost a fair amount of weight. Then go back to her. Good luck!
   — Danmark

December 1, 2002
I'm the original poster and I just wanted to thank everyone for their replies. I should also clarify: I think my therapist is skeptical of this surgery because it does not address the psychological and emotional dealings with why we are obese in the first place (but, hey, people who have severe emotional and psychological problems should not have this surgery until those problems are addressed IMO). I have tried to explain to her time and again that this is NOT a magic pill but I don't think she gets it. I should also say that my therapist lost over 100lbs by diet and exercise changes alone, and she's kept it off. So, maybe she thinks WLS is a cop-out. I have been thinking that for the last few months that I may not need a therapist anymore, or at least a break from seeing one. Thanks again.
   — lizinPA