Question:
Husband laughs at me when I explain about the battle of this WLS, not supportive!

HE THINKS MY WLS WAS 9MONTHS AGO IT IS ALL OVER AND JOKES AND SAIDS " OH YEAH LET ME GUESS YOU HAD MAJOR SURGERY"    — jminer410 (posted on April 25, 2010)

April 25, 2010
Its obvious your husband doesn't understand. And, like me, for example, I am a recovered alcoholic of 9yrs. People who are not alcoholics don't understand my drinking (past drinking). They don't have to. I need to understand it and take care of myself. So, I talk to people who are MY SUPPORT GROUP. Perhaps it will be best to just accept that he doesn't get it. I suggest you talk (get into a support group) and surround yourself with people who do understand. Good luck to you +hugs+
   — shinetohim7

April 25, 2010
Ditto the first poster - find a support group and join in. At home you should also tell him his comments hurt your feelings. If you don't share this he will continue making thoughtless jokes and further undermine your resolve to a healthier lifestyle. You need to gently remind him this was a lifetime, lifestyle choice. Perhaps there is something he doesn't find amusing that you can compare to. Something to the effect of: 'Honey, when you make jokes about my weight loss efforts it really hurts. This is no joke to me anymore than ..."x".... is to you." Everyone communicates differently. Maybe this isn't the way you would respond and something shorter would be more natural. If so you could say in your most sarcastic tone, "Wow, now THAT was helpful." Irregardless of how you put it, you do need to let him know how important his support is to you but at the same time you have to understand that it was YOUR choice and he doesn't have to eat like you, etc. No one can do this for us, only we can. It just makes it easier if our families are on board. If these suggestions don't work, consider seeking out counseling with a professional. I wish you all the best - HUGS
   — Arkin10

April 25, 2010
Many spouses fear being left after their partner looses weight. It is more common than you think, and a fear even my husband shared with me. My hubby is super supportive, but I was glad he could tell me that, and maybe the jokes are a way of masking his fears. Communication is key.
   — e56700

April 25, 2010
I agree with Ivette, but when he sees the weight loss and that you are serious about it, he will stop. You might have to tell him it bothers you right now so he needs to ease up. He could be a little in secure about it. Tell him to start eating healthier as well and you both will look good in the end. But if not, do your thing and show him how good you will look! He will jump on the band wagon eventually! Let him have his fun for NOW :-) It's a cover up. Oh and when people start complimenting you in front of him, OMG that will open his eyes! He will shutup then! :-)
   — Jrice423

April 26, 2010
I wonder if your husband might be willing to go to a support group meeting with you? Might help open his eyes to the ongoing attention the WLS commitment requires in our lives. We spent many years eating too much and it became a habit. It will take a long time to really train ourselves to eat in a healthy way for the rest of our lives. The surgery is a sort of a crutch for the behavior modification every patient must go through. It's really a lifetime commitment to a changed, healthier lifestyle. Perhaps your husband didn't get all that before, but it's important that you ask for his ongoing support if possible. And I'll echo what other posters have said... a big change in appearance can make a spouse nervous. I've had that conversation more than once with my wife since beginning this journey. Your husband may need reassurance that you're doing this for your health, not to go hunting for a new husband!
   — Greg K.

April 29, 2010
I suggest that you don't discuss ANY weight loss issues with him AT ALL. He will set off triggers for you to eat. If you can; talk to another family member regarding those, or better yet, come to this website. We will be supportive. Leave your husband out of the loop when it comes to this. Some are real supportive and some just think it is a joke. My husband wasn't real interested in me having the surgery until after it was over my doctor spoke to him and said "I really needed this, to make my health better and pretty much to save my life". Then.............he really understood how important it was for my health. It wasn't done just to be skinny and pretty, we want to live a lot longer and being heavy is just a shove in the grave. I hope this helps you feel better. Congrats on your surgery.
   — Kristy