Question:
does everyone feel like a part of them dies
i had a friend do it in november and she says she feels like a friend and part of her has died. is it normal to feel that way. I want to do it so I can have a Normal life with my children. what advise would you give to someone that wants to but dont want to feel like this — momcon2 (posted on February 5, 2009)
February 5, 2009
I think your friend should talk to a professional. She should not feel
this way. AT ALL! This was the best thing in the world. Yes, there were
some times when it totally sucked but I would do it all again. I am 5 1/2
years post op.
— Carlyn M.
February 5, 2009
I am only 2 weeks post op. Yes, I also feel like a part of me has died.
The part that was dependent on food...the part that kept me from being
energetic with my 2 yr old grandbaby...the part of me who wanted to eat ALL
THE TIME....the part of me who wanted to hide from the world...the part of
me who allowed food to control me. Yes, I feel like I have lost a friend.a
friend who stabbed me in the back everytime I went into the kitchen or
drove anywhere and my 'friend' just kept telling mt to pull thru the drive
thru and hit the dollar menu! Good bye "friend"
— love2hateit
February 5, 2009
uh...no...no feelings of loss or feeling like anything died...your friend
needs to see a therapist
— Launa N.
February 5, 2009
I think it's normal to feel this way in the beginning. She probly misses
the comfort and emotional high she got from eating the way she did before
surgery. She should def talk to a therapist that specializes in weight loss
patients, and start going to a support group. The trick is to start
replacing eating with other activities you enjoy, so that those are the
things that start to define you. Good luck!
— slimcolagirl
February 5, 2009
Many people feel they no longer know themselves. Many activities they have
built their life around involve food and these are now no longer fun. It is
hard to adjust for many. Once you work out new ways of spending time with
people, it is easier.
She may need to find a professional to help her work through the greiving
process. You are giving up your dependence on food, but it will lead to
better things in the future. It is hard but well worth it.
— trible
February 5, 2009
you know what, the lady who posted the first response I think is wrong.
not everyone is going to have the same experience. I totally agree with
your friend. Yes, I am extremely happy with my surgery, and I would do it
all over again in a heart beat, I still greive food. I was depressed for a
little bit because I couldnt eat like I use to. The Key is finding
something to distract those thoughts. I do feel like a friend has died.
As a matter of fact, a lot of people I have talked to say they felt like
this at one point or the other in the beginning. But it does get better.
when you start to see your weight loss, you will forget about how much you
missed food.
— jackie L.
February 5, 2009
I have lost 110 POUNDS since I have had the VSG, and that is about as much
as my TEN YEAR OLD SON weighs. I feel like I have lost a KID, and I am
REJOICING for it! IT is like a WEIGHT has been lifted from me! I have
been carrying around this WHOLE OTHER PERSON or YEARS! Do I regret doing
this? NOT ON YOUR LIFE! Your friend sounds like she is suffering from
depression. She may have IDENTIFIED with being fat, I don't know. Some
people USE their fat as a SHIELD to hide themselves from the world, and she
may not feel COMFORTABLE with showing the world who she is. In ANY case,
she sounds like she needs some help. I do not say this to be MEAN, but to
point out that there are people out there that just are not comfortable
being NORMAL. Your friend sounds as if she may be suffering from
depression, and could SERIOUSLY use some help. Please do everything that
you can to try to get her to seek it, but remember that SHE is responsible
for HERSELF, and YOU cannot FORCE her to do anything against her will.
Please, also do NOT let her influence you against doing something that may
be the BEST thing possible for your health. If YOU think you may need
weight loss surgery, please do NOT hesitate to look at ALL of your options.
If you would like to know about the various weight loss options currently
available check out my profile page at:
http://www.obesityhelp.com/member/hubarlow/. Check out my post titled
"Surgical Comparisons" on the profile page. If you can't find it
on the main profile page, look for it in th March 2008 archives. I hope
this helps. Hugh
— hubarlow
February 5, 2009
When I was preparing for surgery, this issue was addressed. Starting a
journal was recommended because most of tend to use food as comfort. To
come to terms that this was not going to be an option. Many people wrote
letters saying goodbye to their former selves. So from my understanding
through this exercise, what your friend is feeling is normal. The part of
her that used food as comfort is gone. She needs to find other things to
give her comfort. It was also explained that to be careful if this is a
big issue that you do not turn from one addiction aka food to another type
of unhealthy addiction. This happens with other addictions as well such
ast when people stop drinking but pick up smoking. It's to satisfy a
craving or create a support. You may not have those feelings of a friend
dying. I didn't feel that way but then again I followed the exercise I
spoke about above. So maybe that helped me without me realizing it.
Everyone's experiences are different. But if your concerned try the
exercise to prepare yourself before surgery. Start to realize that this is
a life altering procedure which can benefit your health. Best Wishes.
Corina
— Corina C
February 5, 2009
I felt the exact same thing....I remember having a total break down just a
few days after being home from surgery and calling my Dr office because I
thought something was wrong with me...but think about...when you are morbid
obese...food is your best friend...you eat when you are happy you eat when
you are sad...literally every emotion you have you associate food with
it...we are conditioned in society to be like this....so I think that it is
a natural feeling to feel a loss...but put it in your head that it is a
good loss and replace it with a true supportive friend...that will not
cause you to fall back into the same dependency we all have had on food in
the past...Hope this helps.
— bridgetann1961
February 5, 2009
sounds like your friend is in mourning...and this is common. Tho it
shouldn't last that long. Everyone goes thru it to a certain extent. We all
miss the foods we used to eat. I personally did until day 11 post op and it
just hit me that I was going to be ok with not eating like I did before.
For the last 7 months I have changed my eating habits and my mind. How I
think about food and what food does for me. If she is still in
mourning...perhaps she should seek professional help. It shouls last no
longer than a few weeks..I would think. Good luck to you and her! Hugs,kim
— gpcmist
February 6, 2009
I finally feel like I'm living! I went through a brief mourning period and
have occasional "ooh-i-want-that-so-bad" food moments, but this
is the best thing I've ever done for myself. That's the key though, I did
it for myself. It's a very personal choice and not for everyone. All I can
say is research, research, research, talk to others, weigh out your
options-- health and normal activity vs maintaining the lifestyle. Don't
hurry or let anyone pressure you into doing or not doing it, and you'll
make the right decision.
— snickersblk
February 7, 2009
Absoluatey NOT, I feel like a part of me came alive as the weight came off.
Just feeling like I can do anything I want to do and not have to second
guess because of my weight is the best feeling. I am down 106lbs with my
anniversary date on March 3rd. I have 42lbs to go and I am living life to
the fullest and doing and going wherever I want when I want.
There was a time though that my fat thinking had not caught up with my
weight loss. So I was still feeling like I was a big ole blimp when I
really wasn't anymore. Other than that, this was the best thing that I
ever could have done for ME.
— redlilies
February 7, 2009
It is normal to mourn the loss of food as it has been your best friend for
so long. It's a huge adjustment. The surery is 10% of the process, the
mental part is 90%. A lot of people have depression for a time after WLS.
I would recommend "The Emotional First Aid Kit: A Practical Guide to
Life After WLS" by Cynthia Alexander. Really helped me a lot.
Dawn Vickers, RN, BLC, CLC
— DawnVic
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