Question:
I've lost 207lbs and feel uglier than I ever have before in my life! Any suggestions?
— Natt (posted on April 11, 2010)
April 10, 2010
Sometimes we think weight loss will make our lives more wonderful and
perfect. We assign such importance to physical beauty that we forget to
look into our heart and mind and see who really lives their. Now I am sure
that you are not ugly. I know we can be hard on ourselves too, but my
advice is to get the focus off of you and on to others. What can I do to
help others to be of value to someone who needs me. Its all about inner
beauty, my friend. Learn to live with who you are. Wake up and say, I am
capable of love and giving love and recieving love and that makes me of
worth and value to Gods eyes as well as others. I am beautiful today. I
believe you are.....God Bless
Lisa
— beanieweenie
April 11, 2010
Wow!! What an accomplishment 207 lbs. You should be so proud of yourself.
Congrats! Did you lose to much wt.? Why do you feel this way. It is
definately a major adjustment. I have also had my ups and downs. I am only
3.5 wks post op but what a major adjustment. I would like to lose another
130 lbs to be satisfied. But I also know I should be thankful for any wt.
loss because I am better off for it. This can be a very difficult
transition. I do recommend talking to someone to help you get thru these
difficult feelings. I wish you all the best and Don't forget your amazing
accomplishment already. Take Care!
— karabwi
April 11, 2010
Hi Nat! I went to your home page and saw that you have some pictures
posted....are they of you? If so, you have come a LONG WAY, BABY... and
you're looking great! What makes you feel ugly? Are you having a hard
time dealing with the physical changes in your body? Or are you having a
hard time having people tell you how nice you look (is that an indication
that you didn't look nice before?). Or are you reacting to the release of
all the hormones that remain stored in our fat cells, and your emotions are
all over the place? Or, are the women you called your friends while you
were heavy backing away from you because you've changed so much and have
now become a threat to their own self-image? There are so many reasons why
you could be feeling the way you do right now. I know that several years
ago, I was going through some cyclic depression, and was in the pitts of
hell for quite a while. It got so serious that I found a psychiatrist who
got me on some medication for depression, and then later he decided that I
was bi-polar (type 2), so he put me on some different medications. Let me
tell you, that was a roller-coaster trip....he finally settled on Depakote
(but since surgery, I've had to take the liquid version, called Valproic
Acid) because the pills were like horse pills and they were also timed
release, which we RNYers can't do. Now, the thing is, I don't agree that
I'm bi-polar (type 2 or any other type) - I think I was just going through
what they called "reactional" depression - I had three
relationships break up in the space of three years, and that's enough to
send anyone over the edge. Anyway, I digress. I told my surgeon that I'd
like to wean off the drugs, and he told me "NO WAY!!! Not for at
least a year after surgery....because there can be some real emotional
reactions happening as your body changes, both physically and
chemically." So, I guess my question is... have you checked with your
surgeon to see if he or she recommends a good psychiatrist (someone who can
prescribe medication for your depression)? And then, you may want to see
if there are some post-op support groups you can attend, and if so - GO TO
THEM. If not, I strongly urge you to find a therapist to talk to. Nat,
you are definitely NOT ugly. And you weren't ugly before surgery, either.
Please feel free to email me if you like. We can talk more about this.
— Erica Alikchihoo
April 11, 2010
Well, this is so random you wrote this, I do not feel ugly but, when I look
at my legs and arms, there are a lot wrinkles on them, I hate it. Soooo, I
am in the process of calling a therapist. I am skinny, but my mind at times
still sees a fatty. Seek therapy, I do believe it does miracles.
BTW, you are a very attractive young gal!
We need to embrace ourselves and love ourselves unconditionally.
— FSUMom
April 11, 2010
I to went to your web page and you look great , did you participant in a
walk/ run this is awesome. I agree you need to alk to someone. I have
remained fat for so long using it as a personnel crutch and everytime I
lost weight I would go off diet etc, after much thought and talking to
someone I realized that I was/am somewhat scared to loss weight.
— Figler5
April 11, 2010
What an amazing accomplishment you have achieved!!! There are so many out
there who would give anything for your success. You have been given some
very good advice here, please take it to heart. The hormone thing is a big
factor and once we have been heavy, it is difficult to see ourselves as
anything else. You are a winner, darlin! You have saved your health and
your life! If loose skin is part of the problem, do consider some plastic
surgery. It can make a world of difference. You are an example for all of
us out here fighting our weight. If you did not also have inner beauty and
strength, you would never have been able to be so successful. Love
yourself first, and others always. God bless!
— Bonnie H.
April 11, 2010
Nat, girl! You are physically a beautiful young woman! I agree wtih the
last post...just heed the advice that has been given by many! Seek some
type of therapy to discuss these feelings; have your blood work checked for
any abnormalities (be sure they check your hormone levels, etc); each day
wake up and say "I'm worth all that I have gone through and am a
beautiful person" (sometimes this won't be easy but give it a try).
No matter how much we change the outer person, we often need to work on the
inner person as well! Good luck and God bless...remember He made you
beautiful...don't let the devil or others convince you otherwise!
— BrendaMS
April 11, 2010
Nat - You are a very beautiful young woman and you have come a long way. I
have also lost nearly 200 lbs, so I am wondering if you are referring to
all the lose skin. I am 55 years old, but it is very hard to look in the
mirror and see all that hanging skin if that is the problem. You are very
young, so with a lot of exercise (plus your youth!) some of it should be
alleviated - but usually the rest (with this much weight loss) can only be
removed with surgery - which is very expensive and a lot of insurances
won't cover. As you get older, the harder it is for that to happen, and I
have had to do a lot of praying and journaling to come to the realization
and understanding that I would rather be healthy and fit and able to live
life to the fullest (even with all the loose skin!) than to live with that
extra 200 lbs! It isn't easy! My son also lost a lot of weight (175 lbs)
and was fortunate enough to be able to have an abdominoplasty - that
helped, but he still has the loose skin on the legs and arms and chest.
But he is out there doing things he never would have been able to do before
and enjoying life. You look like you too are doing well. Seeing someone
for counseling who is trained in working with bariatric patients couldn't
hurt! Congratulations on a job well done. You are an amazing young woman!
— Wendy M.
April 12, 2010
Hi Nat my name is Tamara and I viewed your page you have no reason to think
that you are ugly because you look gorgeous and I mean goergeous just thank
GOD that you was able and forunate to be able to have your surgery and look
plus feel great.It take people that you do not know to let you know how
great you look because some people can know it and see and be afraid to
tell you because of their own selfishness.
— Tamc27
April 12, 2010
I agree with Brenda who also posted and wanted to append to what she said.
Take the saying she gave you "I'm worth all that I have gone through
and am a beautiful person" or one similar that you like and write it
on your bathroom mirror or whatever mirror you use to get ready for the
day. You can write with Expo Markers that are able to be wiped clean, or
use some bright lipstick and write it on there!! It will clean off with
Windex easily.
— Libby R.
April 12, 2010
Nat ... the body changes, and the heart remains the same. First of all,
congratulations on having the courage and the grit to take this step and
lose 207 pounds. You've lost the equivalent of my son -- my 6'5",
19-year-old, soccer-playing son. Hold onto that thought.
If you're like most of us here, whether we've having our surgery tomorrow,
had it yesterday, or had it ten years ago (like me), we've spent a great
deal of our lives up to that point hearing "fat" ...
"stupid" ... "ugly" ... "lazy" ... and an
equal amount of time internalizing those messages as truth. We learn to
see ourselves as useless, because every day we see and hear messages that
if you're not 17, white, 6 feet tall, blonde, blue-eyed, weigh 100 pounds
and wear a size 0, you are scarcely fit to live. So we go into this
surgery often thinking, "If I could just lose 100 (or 200, or 207)
pounds, my life would be perfect."
Well, guess what? Every problem we had fat we have thin, the only thing
that really changes is the packaging. Our lives are still our lives, with
all the good stuff and the dreck that was there pre-op -- and one of the
hardest jobs after surgery is working on having your mind and emotions
catch up with your body.
The only thing I can suggest is be patient, and know that what you're
feeling is completely normal. If you find yourself veering into thoughts
of self-harm or depression, please seek help -- there's absolutely,
positively, 100% no shame in that. I believe that all of us who have come
through this experience suffer to some degree from body dysmorphia -- an
inability to actually SEE what we REALLY look like. There are days I still
feel fat, and I know I'm not. I have enough lose skin to build a litter of
Shar-Peis from scratch, and still have enough left over for a jellyroll or
two.
Something I learned in Overeaters Anonymous has come in handy from time to
time when I start feeling down on myself -- "I am not what I could be,
I am not what I should be, and I am not what I would like to be -- but, by
the grace of God, I am not what I once was." Remember that you ARE
beautiful, and that this is a journey not only for your body but for your
entire self. Blessings,
— Cheryl Denomy
April 16, 2010
I guess we think once we lose the weight we will amazingly transform into
someone new but it takes time. there are alot of things that come with
weight loss like lots of hanging and sagging skin but that can all be fixed
as long as u don't lose sight of how wonderful an accomplishment you have
made. You are a true fighter and your self esteem should be at an all time
high because you are an amazing person. remember you have come so
far--constantly look at your FAT picture as I call it and see how far u
have come--be proud because not many could accomlish what you have----chin
up---
— kbruno
June 4, 2010
I just wanted to let you know, I just looked at your pics and sweetie, you
look great! It makes me hopeful! Wanted you to know, you are doing
wonderfully!!! Keep it up...:)
— thght77
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