Question:
Did anyone ask? Did you tell?
Did you tell people you had WLS? I feel like it's personal .I have lived my life hearing people say "you are fat, but what a pretty face!".I always amazed me that folk thought I did NOT know I was obese! But now that I plan to have Open RNY( revision of LAP band) let them figure it out! Let me know how you dealt with this issue ,please. — Lori M. (posted on December 23, 2008)
December 23, 2008
Well, I think people do not tell anyone because they do not want the added
pressure from these people who will keep asking them, "how much have
you lost"? The general public unless you've got the time to educate
them, think all WLS is the same and expect you to turn into a stick
overnight.
When you don't they think something must have gone wrong with your
surgery....so I think if you want to deal with people outside your family
just waiting to see the amazing shrinking they are expecting, go for
it...personally, I think outside your immediate family who I think need to
know, it's none of their business! I'm not about to ask any one I work
with how their weight loss is coming along....I made the mistake of telling
people I worked with and every day I came in they all looked me over in a
very uncomfortable way. Oh sure, I got lot's of compliments, but the
looking me over (and I mean from the girls) got to be really strange. I
was kind of glad we moved and I left that company. I've told no one I work
with since. It's much better this way. I'm sure they wonder when we go
out to lunch how come I never eat much....but I'd rather them wonder that,I
can always say I'm just not very hungry. This is so much better.
Carole M
— carolem
December 23, 2008
Actually I agree a lot with Carole. I told people because I was just so
excited, and I wish I hadn't either. People place these expectaions on you
and keep asking how much I lost. I have one friend who saw pictures of me
when I was thin before and she keeps saying "well just don't get like
you were then because that was too thin" this just grinds me. So you
might want to keep it to yourself and maybe let some friends in on it later
on. Good luck and God bless you and keep you!
— katiecakes
December 23, 2008
I too, have always been told what a pretty face you have but no mention
about anything else. I know I am obese but have not been all my life. When
I was younger, I was a model in Atlanta, GA and if I must say so, I was
beautiful and I married my husband when I was thin at 150, 5'11". My
highest weight was last year at 396 lbs. After Gastric bypass 11-15-08, I
am now down to 327 w/167 to go. He is still by my side hugging/kissing and
telling me he loves me everyday. I don't mind telling people I had WLS
because I am proud of myself at any weight size and it saved my life. I had
the courage and perseverance to sustain and go through WLS and alot of
people do not. Be proud of who you are at any size. Maybe by letting even
one person know what you are doing (WLS) might give them the encouragement
to do it also. I talk about it all the time to anyone who wants to know
anything about it. I think its great to be able to tell people what I have
been through and what I am going to go through. Hold your head up high and
if asked tell people yes I had WLS and ask if they want to know anything
about it you would love to tell them everything you know. 150 or 396 I am
still the same person and if it means having WLS to get where "I"
want to be then I don't mind answering questions or telling people what
they want to know. People are ignorant when it comes to medical procedures,
so tell them, be the informer. Best Wishes and be Outspoken.
— Tina B.
December 23, 2008
It has been 4 weeks since my surgery and I have lost 18.5 pounds. I told
the people I work with and SOME of them are acting like I am copping
out....taking the easy way out...of losing weight...like I am cheating or
something. One c0-worker even criticized me saying "you just need to
eat a little less" well....duh!!!! Like I did't see myself or that I
didn't struggle with run away hunger issues. So telling
people....sometimes I sure wish I hadn't.
— jeanne_wise
December 23, 2008
It has been 4 weeks since my surgery and I have lost 18.5 pounds. I told
the people I work with and SOME of them are acting like I am copping
out....taking the easy way out...of losing weight...like I am cheating or
something. One c0-worker even criticized me saying "you just need to
eat a little less" well....duh!!!! Like I did't see myself or that I
didn't struggle with run away hunger issues. So telling
people....sometimes I sure wish I hadn't.
— jeanne_wise
December 23, 2008
I personally have more trouble lying to people. If they just ask a simple
question about cutting back on food, etc., I keep it to myself and talk
about cutting out carbs, portion control, etc. But if they keep pushing for
details, I'll tell them the truth. Ultimately I think you can't be ashamed
of making a decision for WLS. Feeling ashamed about seeking help just feeds
into that whole dysfunctional weight issue. Just my two cents.
— suezahn4me
December 23, 2008
I told my family and closest friends, I didn't tell anyone at work. I just
couldn't risk the chance of failing in front of everyone yet again. Once I
had lost 100#, I told everyone. It is a very personal decision and I
completely respect either way of thinking.
Best of luck,
Dawn Vickers, RN, BLC, CLC
— DawnVic
December 23, 2008
Hi Lori... My family knows that I am planning this surgery, and they are
very supportive. However, I won't be telling anyone at work, because I
strongly feel that they would NOT be supportive. And it's not any of their
business anyways. Let them wonder when the weight starts to fall off.
— Erica Alikchihoo
December 23, 2008
ok, so please pardon my medical sense of humor, but standing on the other
side of a scalpel for 40 years, some things are just funny. Now whether to
tell or not. Well, if you were going in for elective surgery for say, a
vagina tightening, how many would you tell, or explain things to? one,
two, your entire working staff? Or just those on a need to know basis??
Let me tell you a crazy story. I told mom, my sig other and best friend
who is also obese. I told no one else. Picture me going to my PCP after i
had lost 230 lbs ( these are the doctors and staff from a ginormous
hospital etc I had worked for, for nearly 10 years, but retired due to
severe injuries) By the time i left the office, amongst oohhs and awws,
and got home, these same medical people who are sworn to keep their mouths
shut, never giving any medical info to anyone without my say-so, these ppl
had started emailing me, wanting to see pics etc. I turned the room blue
cussing, i was so upset. how much did u weigh, what do u weigh now, on and
on the questions went. I called admin and complained. Would have sued
every one of them too, for someones loose lips-turns out was my own doctor,
dad-blame her anyway. Even if you start out telling no one, or a few,
there is always someone who had foot in mouth disease. Just tell ppl you
are eating no white and exercising. If that isnt good enuff for them, then
they dont deserve your time. Just play it close to your vest and dont let
anyone pressure you, you will lose at your own speed, and not on the
on-lookers speed. good luck and god speed. Merry x-mas Cindi M.D.
3.24.04 -230# and maintaining total loss
— DollyDoodles
December 23, 2008
The only people that know I lost weight due to WLS are my family, everyone
else just thinks I lost weight. How'd I do it, I changed my eating habits.
That is personal info, that I don't go around broadcasting due to the
ignorance and misinformation that alot of people have. I did tell a
medical assistant I had WLS, and she said I don't look like I could have
been almost 250 lbs ever! So, it is on an individual case by case basis
weather I share the secret. Good luck! And congrats on your loss!!!
— lesleigh07
December 23, 2008
Hi Lori...WLS is a "choice" that YOU made for yourself. And yes,
it is a "personal" decision...and YOU decide who you want to
share it with. I told only the people that I felt "needed" to
know...that's the good thing about this (lol) Good Luck to you !!
— debz_58
December 23, 2008
As it was said before it was YOUR personal decision. I am three weeks out
and as anyone knows that has had WLS it is not a procedure that just
happens after one or two appointments. My co-workers noticed I was out of
the office for appointments, and noticed my liquid diet two weeks pre-op
but no one asked and I didn't offer. My closest family members and friends
(my personally selected support group) are the people I shared this info
with. I believe that there is a certain amount of "stigma" that
goes along with WLS and folks do the "once over" or ask the
"how much" questions because they are curious and sometimes
judgemental. I have been judged by my appearance for most of my adult
life, I just chose not to give any additional reasons for folks to do that.
It's YOUR personal battle....take only those that can offer you TRUE
support!
— Lorri01
December 23, 2008
I shouted it to the roof tops. I was so proud of myself for taking a step
that may help save my life. Yes, I get questions and I get all kinds of
responses but I steeled myself for those before I decided to tell. I knew
I was going to have to tell the girls I had lunch with because of the way I
was changing my eating habits. There is still so little I can eat that it
would have been very hard to explain otherwise. Plus I work in a prison
and custody staff needed to know incase something went down inside the
walls because I need food on a regular basis or I get sick(not hungry).
— tonitoot
December 23, 2008
I chose to be open about what I was having done. I had worked for 5 years
to get it approved and paid for (finally did!), and knew it wasn't going to
be the easy road - but the necessary one if I wanted to regain my health
and be able to continue working. I wanted the support of everyone, and I
have gotten in. There have been a few people that were very worried about
me, and called a few times afterwards to check on me, but I didn't
experience much negativity. Sure, there are those that think it is taking
the easy way out, and I know some have people in their lives that are
totally against it, but I have been blessed with very supportive people
around me. I also was interviewed by one of the local news stations, and
when they approached me about it was hesitant at first. But I felt if I
was able to reach out to anyone who was considering the surgery, to give
them a little encouragement - well, I was happy to do that. I have never
been sorry I shared my story. But it is an individual choice - and being
open about it is just not for everyone. Do what you feel is right for you!
And best of luck. Wendy
— Wendy M.
December 23, 2008
I agree with Tina, ALL the way! Tell people, shout it from mountain tops
if you'd like, but remember this is for YOU and your health. Be proud
knowing that you made and continue to make changes that are improving your
life! I've told everybody from my best friends to my hairdresser......and,
it's amazing how many have come forward and offered help and support. So
far I have had no negative experiences, but I am sure they will come, but I
am ready for them becasue this was MY choice and I am loving it!
Good luck to you and Happy Holidays!
LisaRae
— Fircrkr64
December 23, 2008
I am fairly open about having my rny as it has been a life changing event
for me- for the 1st time in 7yrs, my wish to lose 50lbs this year, may
actaully happen as I am only ounces away!! I have been finding that ppl
who haven;t seen me in a while- talk about my haircut? Are you seriously
not seeing the 49 1/2 lbs that I have lost since 10/1? So those are the
ones that I just say thank you and keep going. Otherwise I share with
whomever will listen. It does get old hearing on a daily basis- so what
are you down to now? It reminds me of being pregnant while working at a
state mental hospital and having at least 50 patients a day ask me how far
along I was- made for a very long pregnancy!! Take care and do what you
feel is right
— millamename
December 23, 2008
Hey Lori! I can understand your dilemma. In the beginning, I shouted it
from the rooftops. Now, I am more discerning. When people ask why I lost so
much weight, I tell them "blood, sweat and tears". It's true,
after all. How much more I tell depends on my relationship with that
person. If there is no emotional investment or they have been rude, I keep
it simple. I am always polite. If I have a vested interest in them and they
in me, I may explain further. You know, as you lose this weight, you will
care less and less about what people think. I know, because i had been a
people-pleaser all my life. I say, do what feels right at that moment, and
be true to yourself. Here's wishing you all the very best, whatever path
you choose! Fondly, Pam
— pjwilsen
December 23, 2008
I tell people. I thought at first I would be embarrassed or I didn't want
to deal with "why didn't you just eat better". But I have worked
hard and I am proud of what I have done, so I don't care what people think.
I have yet to have someone be negative about my success. But that
said...make the best decision for you. Good luck!
— shackett0426
December 23, 2008
I live in a VERY small town and everyone knows what everyone else is doing.
So I have not had to tell very many people. I had surgery in 07/08, about
three hours from home. Had dinner at the local restarunt w/ family the
night before surgery, all liquid of course and then we left to make the
treck in a rain storm. Everyone wished me luck and was very supportive.
After words I laid low until September and then was back in the restaurant
and was down several clothing sizes. I am a very open person, (in the
respect if you ask me I will tell you). So when people started asking I
started talking and several have thanked me for the info. and others have
said that they wanted to know but did not want to be the one to ask. I
guess I figure that because I am not ashamed of the fact that I am human
and have an addiction that I may be able to help someone else by sharing my
story. By the way small town does have some advantages...I walk in and they
pour my pitcher of water, (we are usually there several hours at a time)
and when I order they know what I can not have and also automatically weigh
my food out. So all in all, I would say that it is a personal choice..but
for me small town helped me with mine. Good luck and enjoy the ride, I
personally think it is amazing!
— *****GIGS *******
December 23, 2008
Hi! I didn't tell many before the surgery, just close family and friends,
but since , I tell everyone. I am proud of myself for my achievements. It
hasn't been easy, but i am not ashamed of my decision either. I was unhappy
and unhealthy at my highest weight and needed help. No one should condemn
you for needing help. Everyone needs it in some area of their lives, even
if they don't tell you...so tell who are comfortable telling and have a
Merry Christmas! Hugs, Kim
— gpcmist
December 23, 2008
Openness is all about what you feel and when you feel it. I don't think
theres a right answer. There is a price to openness, you can really get
tired of the questions but then I don't fight a rumor mill. I'm in full
control of the answers out there who has them and how detailed they are.
I work in sales and in front of customers 4 out of 5 days. I knew before I
started that there would be people watching me through out the process and
my changes would be very public. Still I was reluctant to come out to
everyone from the start so I told people as I felt the need to share. I
told my closet friends and coworkers in the weeks leading up to my surgery.
People I didn't work with normally didn't know I was even considering it
until a well meaning friend sent the 'she's out of surgery and doing fine'
email. LOL I was so glad I wasn't here for it, that the poor girl got
grilled. I came back to work but there were issues so the office survived
my complications with me. They are a generally supportive group but yes
the curious questions and stairs do get to you.
When I started to travel again I had new sales men to deal with so I told
them. I knew I would need their help in managing the food schedules while
we traveled together. And dinners with client can be awkward when they
order the 20 oz porterhouse and two drinks to start and you get a shrimp
cocktail. Again the guys are supportive, and creative you should hear the
stories they spin to customers about why I can't eat...I don't generally
feel the need to share details with my new customers at all
Still, if your' gonna be open, you need to get good at giving non-answers
when you want to. With the 'how much have you lost' question I like to
give percentages not pounds. It satisfies the asker's need for details and
provides some privacy for me. No one has ever followed up with '80% of
what?' Same thing with 'how much more' question. And with the 'how small
will you be', I picked a size (8-10) and just say I should end up around
there. Unless you work in clothing or are an 8 -10 no one knows what a 8
-10 looks like. 'Can you eat normal' gets a yes but a child's portion of
normal. 'Can you eat anything' no but no one can eat everything all
tummies complain sometime... you get the idea.
— mbrendel
December 24, 2008
I personally was so excited to have RNY...I never had doubt that it
wouldn't work or that it or I would fail. I don't think that way. So
telling people was exciting. Even when I saw doubt on their face, it just
didn't intimidate me at all. I'm a big time rebel anyway...I am not a
follower at all, and I just don't let people influence me into doing
something because it's cool or stylish. "The easy way out" is so
uncool these days" So they say...but it's the hypocrates that take
every easy way and short cut they can that are saying those words to people
like us! Ridiculous! Like you, I was told I would be so much prettier if I
lost weight...Well guess what? They only say that until there is a chance
you MIGHT actually lose weight and be a threat! Women who will tell you
it's the easy way out just KNOW their husbands are going to want to look
because their hubby was the one that had the nerve to tell you how great
you'd look if you just lost that fat arse! I dunno why but that kinda stuff
just empowers me...It's fuel for my passion to succeed! Then when they say
"wow you really look great"....I think to myself, Yeah, well
you're still an arse that judged me on my weight and I didn't like you when
I was fat and I don't like you now that I am thin! Toxic people stay toxic
because it makes them feel better about themselves to be rude to people
they can pick on or belittle. I didn't mind telling people at first...At 5
years I rarely talk about my surgery to anyone except you all. I had the
surgery to aid in weight loss to and to become healthy and out of pain and
off meds...I wanted to live a better quality of life. I can do anything,
but I sucked at keeping weight off...I could not do alone. I can admit
that! I am flawed! So what?!!! Now that I've lost the weight, "I"
have kept it off with diet and exercise for 5 years and that is the truth.
That's what I tell people now."Diet and exercise". I needed that
"easy way out" of dying a slow painful death...And if I am
supposed to feel guilty about it...I just don't. And Mr. "You would
be MY type if you were thinner"...You never were my type now that you
gawk and your wife stopped talking to me! LOL (I don't miss toxic
people...I got rid of them all! Except toxic family...can't get rid of
family...LOL) SO....You do what you feel comfortable with...Tell them if
you want to or don't...It's as personal or open as you want it to
be...Don't let people intimidate you for the choices you make...I don't
have a hard time telling toxic people how I feel because I don't have
anything to be ashamed of; I did what they suggested, "I did something
about my weight"...Sorry it was not as exciting as starving myself
(killing my metabolism for future use) and working out in a gym 8 hours a
day for 6 months straight as an obsessed little iron pumping gym bunny who
has nothing better to do but sit on the couch eating bon bons as an
alternative(As if I didn't have a life because I was MO)...I don't feel
sorry or bad about saving my life with surgery...I refuse.
— .Anita R.
December 25, 2008
I am only 2 months out (RNY 10/22/08) but when I was trying to get approved
for my surgery I told only a handful of people. My Mom, best friend, sister
who'd had it and my boyfriend. I figured that was all that needed to know
really. I didn't want to hear anyone else's opinion. Good or bad. After I
had my surgery and returned to work after 6 weeks people were asking where
I'd been. I decided to just tell them. They could see the weight loss
anyway and would continue to see it. Everyone was very supportive. I get
compliments often and MOST people don't ask how much I've lost. Only a
couple of coworkers I'm closer to. I don't mind sharing my story I am proud
of myself and have actually had a couple of people admit they had an
interest in WLS for themselves. I agree it is very personal though and you
shouldn't share more than you're comfortable with people knowing. Good
Luck!!
— a_voluptuous_one
December 26, 2008
I didn't tell because I felt I didn't need the negative remarks from people
that don't realize this is a disease!
I also hadn't realized I had a weight problem because I have always been
sure of my self and I dont have a low self esteam so that helped me alot I
go about my buisness and don't really care what people think or say about
me and my weight loss, I am almost 2 months out (Laprascopic by pass) and I
now feel as great as I have allways looked!! And when I am asked how did
you loose so much weight I simply reply with alot of work,change and
sacrifise...am I lieing?
— elizabethgc
December 26, 2008
I told only my close family, my boss and a couple of friends at my work, I
felt it was no one else's business. I feel that if I want them to know
then I will tell them otherwise it's my business, not theirs...
— Nicole Wilson
December 26, 2008
Lori- I told people that I knew would be supportive. At work, just about
everyone knew because I work with great people who have seen others go
through the RNY. My immediate family was told with the warning to not tell
anyone because it was my business to tell if I wanted anyone to know. Now
that I am 3 months post surgery (and down 75 pounds), I have no problem
telling people who respond positively to my weight loss that I had gastric
bypass. It is neat to be able to educate people and help them understand
that it isn't "the easy way out" and takes a lot of time, energy,
and emotional stability to be successful.
— sandra17
Click Here to Return