Question:
Divorce
I have heard that the divorce rate is high in people who have had wls. Is this true? — pugsley101 (posted on June 18, 2008)
June 18, 2008
If someone has a bad marriage before surgery, this might give them the
confidence to get out. A lot of times someone who is obese will put up with
crap because their self esteem is so low, but when they start feeling
better about themselves, they wont put up with it anymore. If you have a
good marriage, you should be able to do great.
— Teresa V.
June 18, 2008
There is no " general rule" that WLS surgeries cause divorce. In
some instances the huband may become jealous of hi wife with her new looks,
or visa versa. The new weight loss may give the a patient a new feel of
euphoria for a while too, and the spouse may reach those feelings. But as
long as the marriage was steady to begin with, the WLS should not make the
marriagn dissolve. Some WLS patients have an addictive behavior towards
food. When this problme is resolve with surgery, these addidctions may be
turned towards other addictive behavior such as gambling, excessive
shopping, alcoholism, drug addiction, etc. So surgery may cause some
beahovior changes, but not divorce. It should make you marriage even
better--making you more attractive to your spouse. DAVE
— Dave Chambers
June 18, 2008
Oh Dear....I can't believe you asked that question? If you asked that
question....you might be alittle insecure about your relationship now??? If
you have a solid foundation....that question is easy to answer....right?
But regardless as to what the concern....it's YOU that has to make the
decision to go forth with the wls....I wish you all the luck and support
that one can offer.....I know I made the decision....and I'm so much more
healthier for it....I'll pray for you hon....Linda
— LindaA
June 18, 2008
I don't think you are silly for asking this question. I've had friends
whose relationships were very solid and after the surgery, things came up
that never before mattered and the spouse couldn't deal with the weightloss
and eventually left. As for me, my husband never had any insecurities
where I was concerned and now, I'm only 7 months out and he is always
thinking that I'm going to leave him or other men are looking at me more
now and he's finding it hard to deal with. He's become jealous and no
matter how much I reassure him that we are ok, just because I'm losing
weight doesn't mean I'm looking for someone else. Actually, after going
through so much with him, I wouldn't want anyone else, smile. So from my
experience, issues do creep up sometimes after wls. I don't believe the
surgery causes these problems but insecurities in people after. Hope this
helps.
— PAWLLA L.
June 18, 2008
There actually have been studies done on folks who have lost significant
amounts of weight - I read one shortly before my DS surgery in 2002 - and
it wasn't just WLS - it was all sorts of methods of losing weight... It
quoted something in the neighborhood of a 70% higher chance of a
relationship hitting severely rocky ground as a result of the changes that
come about in relationships as people go through this profound change.
It's true that if you go through a big change in your marriage - whether
it's the death of a child or close friend or family member, working through
infidelity, addictions, etc. - a strong marriage will more likely to become
stronger, a marriage that didn't have a sure footing may not make it.
I think it's really wise to go into it knowing that no good marriage just
"happens" - it takes commitment and a lot of hard work.
Blessings,
dina
— Dina McBride
June 18, 2008
I have to say I can see the logic and agree with all answers posted so
far.... there are different scenerios - different reasons behind why
someone might get divorced after WLS. But I most agree with the first
response posted - I feel that if someone ends up getting divorced after
WLS, the marriage obviously had issues before WLS and after the person
loses weight and finds self esteem, they realize they don't have to stay in
the marriage, that there is a whole other world out there, and that they
have options...... I myself went through that after my first WLS in 1995. I
was in a bad marriage, and after I lost weight, had the confidence and self
esteem to GET OUT of it, thank God.
— Gina S.
June 18, 2008
I have heard numerous stories of people discovering a beauty that they did
not know they had and yes their relationships have ended in marriage. I
have just celebrated 15 yrs of marriage. My wedding dress was a size 26.
I am happier now than I have ever been and would not chose to share this
time with anyone else. Through my self discovery, I have also discovered
that I am blessed with an awesome family and wouldn't trade it for the
world. Where your heart is, that is where you'll store your treasures.
Best of Luck.
— bariatricdivalatina
June 18, 2008
i dont think so...
— Kimberly F.
June 18, 2008
I pretty much agee with what everyone on her has said. If the marriage was
in trouble before surgery, chances are with the additional changes that
both of you will have to undergo, that it won't last once you have had the
surgery. My husband and I have been married for 33 years and he is the
most supportive guy I could ever find. Yes, we have some issues with the
weightloss but we are able to work thruogh them. The saving grace for us
is that we both attend a support group, he for spouses of weight loss
patients and me for weightloss from surgery. We both get to see that we
are not alone in our struggles and what we are experiencing is what every
other couple facing this are going through.
There will be issues but how the two of you face them will determine how
your marriage will end up.
— sunsetyellow
June 18, 2008
Wow good question!! Not too sure about this but I will tell you I hvae some
friends who are quite thin and had only 20-30 pounds to lose and once they
did they threw their husbands out too. Sweetie if your not happy now in
your marriage, then it will give you the courage to get out and make a
better life for yourself. MY story is on my blog and I am divorced finally
but if I was still 300 pounds I would still be divorced. and I beleive that
I would rather be alone and be happy than to be with someone and be
miserable!! Good luck
Elisa
— Elisa S.
June 18, 2008
it all depends on who you ask --most people who get divorced after WLS
probably already had issues in their marriages -- and then there are some
people whe have better marriages
— RCassety
June 18, 2008
Part of my pre-op testing was to go through psychological testing. During
my meeting with the Psychologist she did indeed state that divorce rate is
higher for people who have had wls. The reasons she stated were because
many times the other person prefers the overweight person to stay that
way.....it keeps them insecure in many ways. She also stated that some
people gain confidence and dont put up with bad treatmant anymore.....and
she also stated some people after surgery tend to get more attention from
the opposite sex and drift from their partner. I can tell you that I was
not married but was in a 6 year relationship that was all ready a little
rocky.....when I lost weight (I had surgery in September 2007).....he
became very jealous and verbally abusive......just another way to try to
keep me insecure. I recently ended that relationship but what I realize now
is that is was never healthy to begin with. If you have a strong and
healthy relationship you and your partner should be fine.
— elenaw
June 18, 2008
Additional comment: as I said previously, I found the courage after WLS in
1995 to get out of a very bad marriage. However, my second marriage and my
second WLS are the opposite story, so both are good examples. With my
second marriage, I was 270 lbs. when we met and went up as high as 312
after marriage. This marriage, thankfully, is happy and stable, and he
loves me fat or thin, he just loves ME. Now that I have had my 2nd WLS and
have lost (so far) 63 lbs. it has changed nothing about how I feel about my
marriage, or how he feels. I do not want or need to get out of this
marriage. We are happy and he is thrilled for me to see my BP and blood
sugar normal. Again, this just reinforces the opinion that if people get
divorced after WLS, obviously there were serious issues and problems in the
marriage before the WLS. I am so thankful that for the cases where women
are being abused, they find the strength and self-esteem to get away from
that abusive man after their WLS. God bless them..
— Gina S.
June 18, 2008
If anything I'd say my marriage is better after WLS. My husband was happy
to see the life come back to me. We were pretty shaky before surgery, but
i've learnt that was mostly my fault. I projected my negative self images
on our relationship. Now i'm looing forward to not killing him LOL
Linda
— Navada L.
June 19, 2008
Good answers to your question. I agree with all the answers posted. I
have been married for 20 years, and I don't think I could find a beeter
person for me. During the last five years of our marriage, I gained about
100 pounds and my husband has been very supportive of me. I'm the one who
stop doing out and do thing together. I just didn't feel pretty any more
and he would always try to get me out of the house. I stop cooking,
cleaning the house and so many things that I use do know went way. We use
to share the house duties, now he does all of it, and keep my clothes
clean. I started taking depression medication. My husband found this
website for me hoping that I'll find people that understand what is
happening to me. He has been with me no matter what. I know this wls will
help my marriage, that I'll come out of my shell and join the rest of the
worldl. Enjoy things we use to do together. Great topic.
— Toby2
June 19, 2008
It wasn't true for me. Been married to the same man for 23 years this
month! It's been rocky at times...We've been through sickeness and health
and a buncha other stuff too! But I have to say that things have never
ever been so wonderful as they are since I had WLS. We have bonded...We
embarrass and shock our adult kids with our wooing and cooing at each
other! hahaha My kids say that even our fights are "cute"...WLS
definiely improved my love life in every way! ;)
— .Anita R.
June 19, 2008
In my case, I think it has made my marrage all the stronger. But, I know
of guys that like their wife overweight, and not attractive to others.
Some are disapointed they lost a drinking buddy, but there is another issue
that is factual, and htat is people that have one additioction, if it be
food or drink or smokes, or what ever trade it often for another. I find
that I have some new habits, that our odd to even me, but my wife loves me
for how I am and not how big or small I was or will be, but it helps not to
take up more than 50% of the bed!
Bill
— William (Bill) wmil
June 20, 2008
After our surgery my surgeion said divorce rate is like 90+ % if a MO is
married o a MO and only one has surgery. I believe that. DO WHATS BEST FOR
YOU if the weight is effecting your health....
— bob-haller
June 20, 2008
I would like to comment; someone here replied to the question posted here,
"Oh Dear....I can't believe you asked this question?" And said
something about that person must be insecure in their relationship, etc...
Well, I "can't believe" that person said that to the person
asking the question. We are trying to help each other here, in the spirit
of kindness and kinship, not spread fodder and shame and make a person feel
ashamed or embarrassed for asking a perfectly reasonable and legitimate
question. Shame on that person for being so judgemental...
— Gina S.
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