Question:
Hating Support Groups

Well, I went to my first support group last night and I hated it. I do not want to be stuck in that room with all those strangers talking about how society sees us as fat even after we have lost 100 pounds. And when asked about being hungry earlier after surger, a person told someone else to try and fill her emptiness with something other than food, I found myslef physically rolling my eyes. I wanted to scream and tell her to stop judging everyone. But of course, there I sat, silently judging them all myself. Did anyone else have a problem going to support groups? My doctor (PCM) frowns on support and research on the internet, but it is really the only way I feel comfortable doing this. Is it the kind of thing that will change after I have surgery?    — Jenn K (posted on January 18, 2006)

January 18, 2006
HI, Sorry to hear you didnt like your support group experience, I am about 10 weeks post-op and felt the support group was an excellent source of info from not only the person directing the meeting but even more so, the people that attended. I have made several friends from just attending three meetings so far.. Maybe it was just a bad night at the group, or maybe pick another support group, definitely give it another try.. the more information you can get.. the better.. Bets wishes, April
   — April

January 18, 2006
I had to go to group meetings before the surgery and wasn't happy there. I have yet to go to the support group meetings. I don't want to and unless I get into trouble I don't think I will.
   — pettykash

January 18, 2006
Hi Jennifer, I also am sorry that you didn't like the support group. I didn't like mine either immediately post op, but I did notice myself gravitating towards them around 3-6 months, they were helpful, but I still get the majority of support from Obesity Help and all of the different forums. Especially my very close knit May 05 board. To answer your question, yes it is possible that it may change after surgery, and I hope that it does, my best advice is to do whatever works for you. Best wishes Aliya
   — njcocoa

January 18, 2006
Hey Jen- I have to say, If in my group everyone was gripeing and being "a purest" I would go bats... You got a group on a bad night...but think of it like a test drive on a car..If you don't like one...there are plenty others that you can drive... My group laughs a lot...when we talk about our eating... and we nod a lot...when people say something we experienced before.... We have a good time...but if you're not having a good time...there is no reason to go... You are a strong woman...explore your options.... Find a friend to go with....you will be amazed how you can make friends in the doctors waiting room...and ask their advice on where to find a good group.... but to answer the question from last night....about hunger...everyone is different...I did not want to eat for the 1st month....about week 3...i was tired of liquids...and I wanted texture.... Hope this helps...Keep in touch Russ
   — [Deactivated Member]

January 18, 2006
I have gotten all my support before and after surgery from this website. I met with a number of my online friends at a picnic we arranged last Summer/Fall. That is a good way to meet people with whom you feel compatible, and who share and reflect your concerns. There is no magic in support beyond finding people with whom you can feel a comfortable connection. If you don't feel warmth and support, it ain't there. You must offer warmth and considerationin order to receive it.
   — mrwmd

January 18, 2006
Jennifer, I am 4+ years post op and have been to ONE support group meeting. I attended this meeting at about 2 years post op and the majority of the people were over a year out. I was disgusted at these peoples behavior and never went back. For the entire 1.5 hours all they discussed was how hot they were now, how much PS they were having/had, and how everyone on the street wanted them now but they were too good for them. I was floored. Anyhow, I just wanted to let you know that you aren't the only one that didn't enjoy a support group.
   — RebeccaP

January 18, 2006
I'm really sorry you had a bad experience. At first I did not want to go to the support group but it is required for one year as part of my insurance. Now I am very happy that I do go because it is very reassuring to hear from others that I am not alone in what I am experiencing. At first I thought it was like AA for the obese and recovering but I have enjoyed and appreciated the good advice & help that I have received; that I wouldn't trade it for anything.
   — KenyaE

January 19, 2006
Hi Jennifer, I think that once you have surgery you may understand some of the feelings that were projected in the meeting you attended. I'm not saying that anybody is right or wrong but I always try to tell others that my intestines were bypassed not my brain so I have to learn new ways to deal with stressors or other complications in life that I once dealt with by eating. I believe that although we go to support meetings to discuss the emotional and physical changes and how to cope with them after surgery those facilatating should have topics to help us such as exercise, maintenance and dealing with our emotions after surgery. The meetings are designed to help us not as a free for all to vent about all of our problems. I can tell you that in the beginning when I attended one of my first meetings I heard similar comments from people about others perceptions of them being fat. Although I still have not reached goal but have lost over 137 pounds I still feel that I am fat when others tell me that I look good. I believe that our minds sometimes get stuck on who we were and we have to readjust our thinking as we lose weight. I looked in the mirror one day (this is almost 1 year post op mind you) and I realized how much I have really changed for the first time. Try to meet and talk to people who seem to be upbeat and are not whining all the time and this will help you. Also try to show some understanding because many of us have been beat up by ourselves and others and these wounds take time to heal. I would continue my research and meetings because these things will help you because your doctor can only relate and fully understand it if he/she has had the surgery. Take care and I wish you much success! Prycey Lady RNY 2/2/05 373/236/??
   — one twenty five sixty to go

January 20, 2006
I have attended a support group for 15 years post op. I needed support and after trying my best to be warming and friendly, found my self overwhelmed with help and assistance. I have only missed 3 times, twice because of illness and was in hospital ( I recieved flowers and visitors from my support group) and once while I was away at an OH conference. I can say that I don't look for much support and help now as I look to give it, for now I have come to realize this is a 2 way street. If you only go to see what you can get, then you will loose out on the pleasure that can be derived from "giving" to others the support they are looking for. I will say this though, there are many personalities that attend, some you will (if given the chance) come to enjoy and others you will wish you had never met. Don't be persuaded for any reason not to attend, as the long term studies on those who do not attend support are not particularly favorable. The best results seem to be with the patients who comply by attending follow-up with their Doctor and attendance at support group. I have seen this scenario replicated many times in the last 15 years. I live in Australia, may 2006 be a great year for support groups and for you too Jen.
   — Lise K.

Click Here to Return