Question:
will we always see ourselves as
I am 6 months out and all is well, but I still think I'm big I'm 5'7" 180 and I'm in size 14-16 and some 12 so this is the smallest I have ever been at this height, but when people are making over me and my weight loss I don't believe them even though I know it's true. I will pick out something to try on or wear and I'll put it back because I think "a big girl can't get by with that short skirt or skimpy top." do these feeling of our "old" self ever go away, or will I deal with this forever? (down 87 pounds!) — SHILOH S. (posted on August 31, 2003)
August 30, 2003
Takes about 2 years for our mind to catch up to our bodies - so I've read
in another postings here.
<p> Take Care, Be Well, Be Happy!
— John T.
August 30, 2003
Maybe in time, but with some counseling now it may happen sooner than
later. It is still a self-esteem issue. I lost 200 lbs in 94/95 and
before that I would never wear shorts or tight things etc. However, as my
body went down in size I became comfortable with wearing things like that.
As I regained the weight (severe depression) I did not give the shorts or
sleeveless tops up. I wore them to work all the way up to 442 lbs. Losing
the weight had allowed me to come to terms with my body. Even as I grew
larger again I was at peace with my body and I truly did not give a rip
what anyone thought. I would dress respectfully but I wore what I was
comfortable in, which are things that many others my size would not be
caught dead in. The same thing happens at support group now, I wear shorts
and tighter fitting and sleeveless tops all the time as I am comfortable
with my body and like how I look in the appropriately sized clothes.
Others won;t wear appropriately sized clothes and show any skin so they do
not see the weight they are losing as they bury themselves in the same big
clothes. My problem is I actually see myself smaller than I truly am.
Only a picture shows me my real size, but even then I am okay with the
image, but it is bigger than I normally see. I do not wear things that are
showing every bulge or have fat draping over or out, but they are somewhat
more form fitting things. One of the main reasons I buy stuff that way is
so I can wear it longer. I've gone from a 36W and 4X-6X to a 20-22-24
pants and 1X shirts in less than 7 months, so I need to try and stretch the
wearing time as far as possible. It's a wonderful thing but an expensive
thing. Counseling will help you to work through these body issues and get
you comfortable with your new healthy self.
— zoedogcbr
August 31, 2003
I WAS JUST TELLING A FRIEND THAT IT SEEMS FOR THOSE WHO HAVENT BEEN BIG
ALL THEIR LIFE THEY DONT HAVE AS MUCH TROUBLE SEEING THEMSELVES SLIM DOWN;
BUT FOR THOSE OF US WHO HAVE SPENT OUR ENTIRE LIFE AS OBESE IT SEEMS OUR
EYES DONT STOP SEEING THAT IMAGE IN THE MIRROR.
— loisph
August 31, 2003
Amen Sister! I am very discouraged with myself because here I sit in an
official size 8 (which was my main goal) and I see nothing but lumps and
bumps and flabby arms - even with clothes on!...and I remember feeling
great about myself when I was an 8 in college...God, I hope my years of MO
- hood haven't warped my body image forever....
— rebeccamayhew
August 31, 2003
Lois, interesting theory but I guess I did not read that book. I weighed
197 lbs at 11 yrs old and 238 at 15, so I have been large and grew to huge
for about 25-30 years with the exception of losing the weight in 94/95. I
still contend it comes down to self-esteem and learning to love your body,
no matter what it looks like. Therapy does do a lot to help with this.
— zoedogcbr
August 31, 2003
Shiloh, I LOVE your name! How pretty...I have to say that i agree with
Lois that those who have spent their entire lives overweight are having a
harder time with their new bodies than those of us who were not overweight
our entire lives. And the longer term post-ops say it does take a few
years for the brain/mind to catch up with the body. Here is something I
found very helpful to help the brain play "catch up". take a
very close and HONEST friend with you to the mall and sit down to people
watch. Ask your friend to point out someone who is about your current
size. It can be surprising..."no, I don't look THAT good!".
Then trust what they tell you...keep in mind that you are only 6 mo post
and will change rapidly over the next 6 mo so you may want to want until
you are at least a year postop before trying this.
— Cindy R.
August 31, 2003
Cindy, great idea on the mall watching!! Of course for me since my brain
works the opposite I might not like what someone would point out to me. LOL
I'll remember that one for support group because others talk about this
same issue.
— zoedogcbr
August 31, 2003
I respectfully disagree that it's a self-esteem issue, at least for some of
us. I have been big my whole life, but have never had any self-esteem
problems. I've always known that I could do or be anything I wanted, and
I've led a pretty successful life by most people's standards (Master's
degree, professional certification, VP title, I run two departments, teach
college courses in my spare time, have plenty of good friends, a long-term
romantic relationship, my own house, etc.). However, I have a hard time
seeing my actual size. I never saw myself as big as I was 80+ pounds ago,
and now I don't see my actual size, which is nearing normal. I went
clothes shopping with my sister and one of her friends today. I always
thought that if I could get to the friend's size, I could be reasonably
happy (even though I want to be smaller, I would have considered her size a
success). Well, today I was trying on and buying clothes in smaller sizes
than the friend, and I still feel quite big. I know I still do not have a
reasonable assessment of my own size (I used to have too small an idea, now
I have too big an idea). For me, it's not a self-essteem issue. I think
it is much more likely what an earlier poster suggested: I have never
weighed less than 196 pounds as an adult (and even then, it was probably
for less than six months), and I just don't know what I'm supposed to look
like as a "normal" person. One of my friends suggested that I
don't see a difference because I see myself every day, and I can't possibly
notice the incremental changes; essentially that I'm continually adjusting
to my new size, and therefore don't see any difference. Perhaps she's
right.
— Vespa R.
August 31, 2003
I can totally relate to what you are saying!! Today I went shopping for
the first time in a very long while. I have lost about 70 Lbs and have
gone through the clothes I had stored in my closet. I picked several items
of clothing off the rack to try on ....nothing fit! Everything I brought
into the dressing room was size 18 or 16W.....I'm smaller than that now and
can't believe it! Size 14 fit me! I picked up a sweater...size
XL...wayyy tooo big. Size L was still big, but I couldn't bring myself
to try a size M. So, my point is... sometimes our head and our own self
image has to catch up. It will. Your "old self image" will
soon change to reflect the "new you!" In the meantime, have fun
trying on the skimpy and sexier clothes you deserve and will look great
in!! Enjoy and be healthy!!
— teresa M.
August 31, 2003
thanks for all of the great posts! I do not have a self esteem issue, never
had I always had boyfriends, I was track captain, color guard captain,
cheered up until high school , took dance lessons, (still do) I played all
kinds of sports, I'm healthy, active, Successful, and happy! I own my own
home and two cars, I'm a licensed cosmetologist, I have a wonderful husband
and two beautiful little girls!!! everything I've ever achieved was as a
fat person, it never really bothered me, that's just who I was and I always
made sure I was the best at everything I did, but now the person that I was
is not the person that I am and that's really bizarre, I am now smaller
than a lot of the people that I went to school with, work with etc. but I
guess it's just hard to believe, even when I look in the mirror it just
doesn't seem like me looking back!
— SHILOH S.
September 5, 2003
It takes a LONG time to start seeing yourself as ours see you. It still
catches me offguard even after almost 2 years. I was walking by a window
and was looking down and I noticed a person in the window and thought how
thin her legs, hips, butt and upper body looked. Then I saw the face of
the person and realized it was me!!
— Patty H.
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