Question:
How do you deal with people who make comments about eating?
On seveal occasions I have had friends make comments about eating such as "Are you going to eat or just watch me?" "Ok eat like a little birdie now." These comments hurt. I am just like they are, but they make me feel like I am an alien or something. I don't even want to go out to eat with them. How do you deal with it or am I being overly sensitive? — nurseb1too (posted on August 3, 2009)
August 3, 2009
I don't think you are being overly sensitive I think they are being rude
and exhibiting jealousy. I haven't had too much of that to deal with. I've
had people at work offer me food that they know I have trouble with to see
my reaction which I just blow off with a polite 'no thank you' It doesn't
take to long for them to give up when they don't get a rise out of you.
You're not an alien, out culture is toxic and you have taken a major step
to remove yourself from that toxicity. American servings are too large, and
our total caloric intake exceeds anything reasonable. Since this is the
"norm" it makes people uncomfortable to see us eat small
servings. I'd much rather them be uncomfortable than return to the 354
pounds that I had reached. Hang in there and keep eating your healthy
portions with our without these friends. Kevin
— hapkidodoc
August 3, 2009
I'm in total agreement with Kevin.
— gay_
August 3, 2009
I agree as well. I really think it is jealousy that we took the initiative
to take care of ourselves. I have removed myself from going out to eat
which has changed a lot of my social existence. Before surgery - every
time I went out it always involved going out to eat. I had to remove
myself from this because I am/was? a food addict. SO just stand tall and
people will come around to accept that you are doing what is healthy for
all.
— gthompkins
August 3, 2009
Hi Bonnie,
First I agree with all the above people. I am sooo glad NO one I know has
had any negitive words for me. I have had some ask if I am ok with them
eating in front of me..and I am ok with it. I had/have the weight issues
NOT them. I am 1yr out and doing well. I have had more than my fair share
of not being able to eat since surg. But I take a protein powder and add to
coffee or order something small and take home what I do not eat. Do not let
anyone push you into eating what THEY want you to. Do for YOU! You will do
fine..we have the surg and others have to adjust to us..not us to thier way
of life. Best of luck with your tool!
— tootsie52
August 3, 2009
When on many diets and people would say something like that to me. I would
just smile and say something to the fact of "We all have different
dietary needs. This is what works for me right now." and leave it at
that. That way you aren't being negative about what they are eating or
'judgmental'.
I compare it to someone that is told by their doctor that they are diabetic
and cannot have sugar any longer. Would someone keep putting pies, cakes,
etc in front of them?
— Libby R.
August 3, 2009
Remember, there is a large part of each of them that is proud of you BUT
there is also a small part that is jealous because they wish they had the
courage to do what you did. When I am out with friends......rather than not
eat I order a small cup of soup or chili and slowly eat with
them.......this had really curbed the comments.......good luck
— karensaporito
August 3, 2009
They're just jealous cuz you have control now, just say you ate a late
breakfast or whatever. Don't sweat the small stuff. This is how is will be
from here on out. Good Luck.
— lesleigh07
August 3, 2009
Hi! I agree, too, with the other posters. I have not had many people be
rude to me, and when they have, I made a polite but biting comment back to
them. They don't usually come back for more. When I go out to eat, I
usually order a soup broth. I just ask the waitress if the soup is
something they ladel out, if it is I ask that they try to get me broth
only. This way, I feel as tho I am eating but its a liquid. If its a time
when I know we will be at a restaurant long..I order my soup and tell the
waitress to wait 20 mins and bring me out some kind of food, like grilled
shrimp, or chicken wings, something I can eat..But I usually just do the
soup broth. I eat when I get home. best of luck to you! hugs,Kim
— gpcmist
August 3, 2009
I just had my one year anniversary from my wls. I remember all too well
people, including family that would make those comments. Just remember in
your mind, you are eating healthy for you. You don't push your new eating
habits off on them or shame them for how much they eat and you deserve the
same respect. The truth is that most Americans "live to eat"
rather than "eat to live" which is what we are doing now. When
I go to smorgasboard restaurants with my family members now it sickens me
to see how high they all pile their plates with food and then go back for
more plus 2 or 3 desserts. And most everytime, I sit and watch while they
eat after I have eaten my small portions and I am full. I don't degrade
them for it. I just tell them, I am full and content. If I eat any more,
I will be ill. So, you just go ahead. Don't let it offend you. Just know
in your heart and mind you are doing what is best for you. You made a life
changing decision to have wls and be the healthiest you can be for the rest
of your life. So, just take care of you. They can eat what they want.
Come up with something clever to say in return. Usually as soon as I tell
my family members I am full and if I eat anymore, I will be ill. They go
on about stuffing their faces and leave me alone. I sip my drink, content
until they all finish! A few times I have said, I'm not gonna make myself
sick just so I can continue eating with everyone. They normally don't say
another word. Good luck and you just focus on you!!!!! In time it won't
even bother you when others make comments about how you are eating. And
inside you will be thinking to yourself, oh my god, they eat like pigs!!!
— Jodi L.
August 3, 2009
Bonnie, I'm sure most of your friends mean well. I had an aunt who felt
guilty eating so much in front of me. I assured her it was OK - that if I
ate a lot I'd just get sick. This reassured her. The only bad comment I had
was before surgery when an acquaintence asked me "why do you want to
mutilate your body like that?" WOW! That did shut me up after awhile -
didn't need to hear comments like that before surgery. After surgery
everything went smoothly and I've lost 136 pounds and keeping it off 2
years out! Good for me! Just do what you need to do and blow off any
comments. People usually mean well.
— Muggs
August 4, 2009
Tell them how you feel, that it's not funny or cute. Sometimes people think
they're being amusing and have no real clue. I've been lucky in that my
co-workers were all concerned about my choice and ongoing health. Even so,
I still field occasional comments when we go out, like "you're done
now, right?" after I have two or three bites. If it's in fun I react
accordingly. For the person or two that don't mean it kindly I just look at
them, no need for words. Either way, it will get better with time. The
further out I get, the more normal-seeming my eating is and the less others
take notice. That, and it always helps to talk a lot. ;) Good luck!
— snickersblk
August 4, 2009
personally i have had comments about the amounts or what to eat but i
really dont pay much attention cause i know i am healthier than i ever have
been and am very proud of whom i become so tip tour hats and enjoy what
gift we recieved and i am proud of the extra skin in my body cause i know
it was the way to remind us all we can do it love you all dorothy
— meme1955
August 4, 2009
Many people are uncomfortable with how much you eat now. So just eat slow
and try to laugh it off. I feel really strange the first time I eat with
someone. My sister thought I did not like the food and was very worried. If
they are friends they will get over it and accept it. Otherwise just try to
ignore the comments or say something like I am just full.
I have even started thinking of it as a compliment, that they see how thin
I am getting and are jealous. It is hard mentally to adjust to being so
different, but if you are to succeed you must change your mind.
— trible
August 4, 2009
Bonnie, I am sorry that you are experiencing that. Work has been great
about my surgery. Those I didn't inform directly seem to make the
comments. But this isn't about them. It's about me getting healthy, no leg
problems, no out of breath issues, noraml BP, normal sugar, crossing my
legs again and normal cholestoral. When I came back to work, someone asked
me, "why are you eating baby food"?. Very nicely, I said,
"because I can". Nothing more was said.
I am 75 lbs lighter and recieve compliments from so many people on how I
look. I think when we make dietary changes, people don't know how to
respond. Especially if they aren't doing it too. When the weight falls
off, be proud of your accomplishment and thankful that you are you.
You can eat slower and make conversation. Sounds like a nice lunch to me.
Keep up the good work! IT'S ALL WORTH IT!
— gagini
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