Question:
Trying to understand how BODY & SELF IMAGE changes pre/during/post WLS...
I know everyone is different in dealing with body-self image issues, so I know there isn't any one pat answer for this; but I very am interested to know the thoughts & experiences of people pre/during/post WLS - and how WLS has changed your body-self image for the better, or worse, after WLS. What things post-op about body-self image did you not expect to have to deal with, and how did you deal with them? For all those willing to share this most intimate part of your thoughts, I am most grateful!!! — victoriandove (posted on March 9, 2003)
March 9, 2003
Ok, here is my experience: Before I had my surgery, I didn't really feel
like I had any major self-image issues...I thought that I was doing the
best I could and felt pretty enough, even at 400 lbs. Since I have had my
surgery, however, it's somewhat different. I've lost maybe 60 pounds since
surgery, so I am no where near goal weight yet...yet, I feel a 1000 times
better about myself. I refuse to wear t-shirts to work anymore, as a
matter of fact, I have to look nice every day now! (Yes, I have spent too
much money on clothes!). When I look back on how I was before surgery, I
realize now that I was no where near the potential that I could be. I
didn't care much about how I looked, I felt so out of energy, never went
the extra mile at work, and god forbid any housework at home (ok, that part
hasn't changed yet, lol)..but in the 2 months that I have had surgery, my
work has seen enough of an improvement in me to give me a promotion (AND A
LOT OF EXTRA WORK).
SO...to make a very long story short..my self image is getting better and
better every day, and when people say I have changed "so much", I
remind them, that I am only just now acting like my true self, not
changing.
— thekatinthehat
March 9, 2003
My experiences are totally the opposite of the previous posters. I hated
myself when I was fat. I had the worst self-image and no self-esteem. I
refused social invitations, hid in the house, cringed if I had to go out in
public with body builder hubby, kept quiet in business meetings (who will
listen to the fat person?), thought everyone stared at me in the grocery
store or in a restaurant. It was awful-no life at all. Now, within 10
pounds of goal, I am a different person-happy, happy, happy, with a healthy
self-image and self-esteem. I didn't expect to have so much hanging skin,
though,as the skin had always bounced back in previous diets and in the
nude, well, lets just say, thats the only depressing part, but nothing that
a good plastic surgeon can't handle.
— Cindy R.
March 9, 2003
Well, I always had pretty good self-esteem. I never felt I had anything
really wrong with me. Yes, I did know that I was extremely
overweight...but, I never saw it for as bad as it was. Pre-op I got to
338. I think it was around the time when even old people would rather
stand than sit next to me on the bus or train that it finally sunk in, what
other people were seeing. Even then though, I just dealt with it, and
began my WLS quest. Now, I'm 6 months post-op and down 113 pounds and I'm
feeling fabulous as far as my health goes. But, I've got zero self-esteem.
As I walk around, I tend to keep my head down and I don't look at people
as I walk by. I'm not exactly sure why this is though. I hate the thought
of being naked and I even will not change clothes around my fiance. I'll
go to the bathroom first. Lights have to be out at all times now during
sex...it's very bizarre to me as I've never felt like this before. I look
in the mirrors and believe it or not, I see myself exactly the way I was
113 pounds ago...maybe even a little bit bigger. Personally, I'm wondering
if my mind isn't a little scared about actually becoming an
"accepted" memeber of society...then again...perhaps it's because
it doesn't want to become a member of a society that always looked to me as
lazy. I'm not 100% sure. Ok...getting off my tangent, My personal
body-image has changed for the worse at least as of right now. After
talking to so many people, I know it'll change...I'm just wondering on
when. And this might be silly, but the one thing I never expected was to
have such a jiggly body now! LOL. I expected hanging skin..but it never
dawned on me that in order for it to get to that point, it passes through
the jiggle stage. I can lay on my back and just poke my belly and it
ripples like a lake on a windy day! Perhaps that might be the root of my
self-esteem issues now? hmm...don't know! Take care!! HUGS!
— Christie N.
March 9, 2003
Hi ladies I was just browsing the site when I came across this question and
had to put my two cents in LOl. Well I like a lot of others that answered
this question didn't see myself as being as bad as it was ( my weight ) I
was aware that I had a weight problem and as silly as it sounds I didn't
see what everyone else saw. Even at 390 pounds I thought I had it going on.
I still got attention from men so I figured I still looked good.My health
began to worsten that is when I began to notice. My family would make
little comments to me but I suppose they just got tired of pestering me
about losing weight. My main comments to them were except me the way I am
or leave me the hell alone. In the months just before surgery when I began
looking into the surgery is when it really hit me. My self esteme was lower
than low. Once I began to read the posts and profiles on this site, others
life experiances I BEGAN TO THINK OMG people are looking at me the same way
thinking the same things. My kids were being teased in school about me and
they never told me didnt want to hurt mt feelings. I was so upset with
myself for allowing things to get that out of hand. Well now I am eight
months post op and down 200 pounds and loving life. One poster mentioned
that when she looks in the mirror she still looks big to her self well so
do I, its hard to see the weight loss. I do still look like 390 pounds to
myself. But, everyone complements me on how well I am doing on my journey,
my family is proud of me. and I am proud of me too. Now not only do I get
attention from men I even get asked out quite often among other things (
that I cant do because I am married LOL ) I hold my head high, dress up now
fix my face and hair I feel sexy and I want to be noticed now. Sure I look
like crap under my clothes but hell they dont know that. My husband knows
how my skin hangs and saggs all over and he loves me inspite of. He is now
more passionate than ever before maybe a little too much LOL but this whole
process has bought us closer. I plan on having plastic surgery but that is
only because I want to it makes him no differance, he is just happy that I
am healthy and we will be able to spend the rest of our lives together. For
me life is too short to agonize over those kinds of things, now I know to
some it matters but like I said before when I was so over weight love me
for me and whats inside not what you see on the outside. I have gone
through too much to be discouraged about my apperance. So for those who are
having some negitive problems with self image in time I am sure it will
pass. God has blessed you with a second chance at life dont blow it by
being so had on yourself. Live it to the fullest and enjoy all that it has
to offer.
— Subrina D.
March 9, 2003
This is probably one of the best questions I've seen posted on this site.
Being still pre-op myself, I would love to see more answers to this
question. I'm sure most people get so tied up in the physical aspect of
body image after surgery that they often forget there is a very real and
very serious psychological and emotional side as well.
— Denyse O.
March 9, 2003
It's funny how most people didn't think they were as heavy as they actually
were. I never realized this happened to everyone else as well. I knew I was
fat, but when I saw pictures of myself towards the very end (before my
"new" life) I couldn't believe that was me and that was how
people saw me. I always had a pretty bad self-esteem, even when I was think
in highschool, so i didn't know how losing weight could affect me. It has
changed me so much, and yet left me the same way I was, if you can
understand that. I mean, my self -esteem now is pretty normal, I can almost
admit that I look pretty good, although I still don't like saying it b/c it
sounds weird. I guess I am just happy with the way I look for the first
time in my life. And even when I was thin before, I don't think I
appreciated it, so now that I am again, and have been obese with problems,
I can truly appreciate it now. Yet, I am still the same open-minded person
I always was. I don't judge heavy people, b/c I have been there, and I
never will. I think I will always have a part of me that feels fat. Hell, I
still make fat jokes about myself, and it must look weird, b/c I have a
healthy BMI, so I'm not obese anymore, but I still have that mentality, if
you know what I mean. Just today, my friend had me try on a pair of jeans
that were a 5/6, and they fit! I stood there in the mirror for 5 minutes, I
just honestly could not believe this was me staring back! <p>
Attention from men is also something I'm not used to. I also used to have a
b/f and have broken up after my surgery, so I wasn't used to being single.
I get hit on atleast once, everytime I go out, and I can't believe they are
liking me. It's usually my friends. Alot of it is based on looks and how
society views people. and I guess unfortunately I fall into that. But I do
feel healthier, my knees and heals don't bother me as much, and I don't
have to stop every 5 minutes to catch a breath when I'm walking! Sorry I
went on and on- it was a great question! Goodluck to you! :-D
— Lezlie Y.
March 9, 2003
Hi,don't know if I have anything more interesting to add than the other
wonderful posts, but will tell you how it has affected me. I will be 62
this November, and have been overweight my whole life. My children who are
grown now never have seen me this small. At first I couldn't see the
smaller person in the mirror. PS helped greatly as it got rid of my huge
apron of fat, then I started picking my body apart wanting to change more
and more of my body. When you have never been a normal size you just want
everything to look better, well now after some lipo in Jan 03 I have
finally !!!! accepted this old body and I am so thankful for where I have
come from. My tummy looks like a road map (Ha) but it is flat, and my legs
look kind of saggy, but they have carried this body around a long time, but
seriously I had to face up to stop being so hard on myself and get on with
my life as a heathier happier person. It is a joy to get dressed in the
morning, to be able to walk and not get tired, and get down on the floor
with my newest grandson #11, and fit in a booth when we go out to eat, I
have to remind myself almost daily where I have come from and to be so
thankful for this wonderful opporunity that we have had. Of course there
have been some down times, the surgery isn't for everyone, and it was hard
at times, the ps isn't for everyone, but the results are so great if you
choose to have it. I just want everyone to know how blessed we are to have
this surgery and the life we have ahead of us as healthier happier people.
I love this site and appreciate every post on here. Everyone has a
different take on things but everyones post touches someone. God Bless all
of you wonderful people. Your fellow traveler Susie
— lostitall
March 10, 2003
Great question! Just this weekend, I bumped into a friend I haven't seen in
about 4 months. I had surgery almost 5 months ago and have lost about 85
pounds. This friend told me that if I hadn't been with my husband, he
wouldn't have recognized me since I look so different. I know I look
different, but I didn't realize that I look THAT different. I also ask my
kids and husband all the time how some piece of clothing fits, so I guess I
deal with this part by using an objective opinion. It's really weird how I
can't always tell if something is hanging on me to the point that it looks
bad. I still buy clothes that are about a size or two too big thinking the
item will be too small and therefore last me longer as I lose the weight.
I'm always wrong - the items are always too big or fit just right. I
discover 'new' bones. I can scratch my back - couldn't reach it before! I
just figure it will take time to catch my brain up to my body. I still have
another 100 or so to lose and I think there are still quite a few surprises
for me along the way, especially with body image. I think my thighs and
abdomen are gross, but my hubby reassures me that he thinks nothing about
my body is gross and is very supportive of my efforts. What I find very
hard to deal with is having come so far with the weight loss, but being
reminded by strangers through their stares about how overweight I still am.
That's hard! Good luck to you.
— Yolanda J.
March 10, 2003
this has been one of my biggest struggles lately. I am 4 1/2 months
post-op RNY and down about 70 lbs. i'm about halfway to goal. but i still
look in the mirror and see 325 lbs. i take my measurements every few
weeks, and i can see the numbers in black and white that i am getting
smaller, but i don't actually see it in the mirror. And i had heard about
people after WLS who still see themselves as fat, and i used to think
"well i'm not going to psych myself out like that, i'm just going to
see what's there." but it SO true, and SO weird. it's not an
illusion, it's really real! i am really and truly incapable of seeing
myself the size i am right now. it's so weird. for example, just this
weekend i went to my sister's house, finally wearing some of my old clothes
that i can fit into again (size 20 jeans! total shocker) and everybody went
on and on about how good i am looking. i think "they're just saying
that" or "they're crazy, i look exactly the same!" but i
stood in front of the mirror next to my sister who is about 5 inches
shorter than me and wearing a size 18 jeans, and i still saw myself as a
size 26 next to her. even in comparison. she kept saying, "look at
you, you are only one size bigger than me now," but i SERIOUSLY could
not see it! if i looked like size 20, then she looked like a size 5 to me.
since when is the difference between a size 18 butt in jeans and a size 20
butt in jeans SO vast??? i seriously can not see it. you'd think i'd be
able to, after 70 lbs gone and who knows how many inches i've shrunk down.
before my WLS my self-esteem was rock bottom. i didn't even feel human.
and my anti-depressants weren't working for me. it was so terrible. but i
do feel happier in general now, and less afraid to leave my house, and i'm
in less physical pain than before, so maybe eventually all this
"feeling better" will catch up with me and i will see a
difference. right now i don't, though.
— maurer_power
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