Question:
How do 'lightweights' handle these comments?
I just returned from my pre-op and anesthesiology appt. and the anesthesiologist said that I don't look heavy enough to have the surgery. He then proceeded to ask me why I was doing it and how did I qualify when everyone else is much larger than I. I am sick of these comments. Either they are trying to be nice, or just putting their nose where it doesn't belong. I shouldn't feel like I have to justify my getting the surgery to anyone besides my surgeon. Any others getting the same rude comments? How do you handle it? I would like a short come-back so they would drop the whole discussion. I am having surgery friday and expect to hear the comment again. I want to arm myself with the right thing to say. Thanks. — Cheri M. (posted on November 6, 2001)
November 6, 2001
I too, get these same comments. I am 4'11' and weigh 235. Fortunately, I
hide a lot of it well. I just smile at them and say, "I weigh a lot
more than you think I do." I also have asthma and arthritis, so this
surgery will greatly improve my health. I have found that when people make
hurtful comments, it's usually because they themselves are the unhappy
ones. Just smile like you have the biggest secret in the world!
— Wendy H.
November 6, 2001
Hi there..I am a "lightweight" also.My BMI is just under 40.
I also get comments from people asking me why in the world I am having this
surgery especially from patients who are post op. I just say well I am 5'3
and weigh 220, thats just too much for me to carry around on my small
frame.I also say what do you want me to do, wait till I have another 100lbs
on me and become more of a surgical risk? This is a last ditch effort for
me, and probably is for you also.Don't let the comments bother you. It does
not even bother me anymore.I weigh more than some football players for
heavens sake!!!! Good luck with your surgery and recovery.Best wishes
— garyzgurl
November 6, 2001
Hi. I wasn't a lightweight at the time of my surgery...but I had a
Resident try to talk me out of having a c-section with my last baby. It
wasn't her place at all and I wish I would have had a comeback to her. A
quick but polite comeback that you can use...and I wish I would have used
it with this doctor is "This is the decision that was made between my
surgeon and I." You don't have to say anything more. If you say it in
the right tone...he might get the hint to get back in "his
place". It's none of his business. He's supposed to be your
anesthesiologist. If he wants to be a Weightloss surgeon...he should
contemplate a profession change. Good Luck Hon..and you don't have to
explain your decision to anyone ;) You're going to do GREAT:)
— Nicole P.
November 6, 2001
I know exactly what you mean! While hooking eletrodes up to my body, I had
a sleep study technician tell me "That's rediculous. If you work
hard, you can lose 100 lbs. It's not right for you to have this
surgery." I was a captive audience, and I was so angry. I told him
exactly what another poster said "it's between me and my surgeon and
my insurance company. We all see the necessity, and that's all that
matters." Anyway, there's a small but vocal group of us who face
these and other issues being "lightweights." Please, come join
us.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/OSSG_4_LIGHTWEIGHTS
— Felissa L.
November 6, 2001
now that I am older, I don't feel the need to answer questions. I know my
reasons, it is not important for me to justify them to others. I let
everyone in my office know about my surgery and I also let them know I do
not welcome negative imput. So they discussed it amongst themselves and
left me out of their opinions. And they do have a right to their opinions.
— faybay
November 6, 2001
I was also told by other pre and post op people that I was so
"tiny" to have surgery. I wish I would have had a comeback then
because I was very overweight and very sick. But if it were me now, with
my hindsight, I would come back with..."Well, I am <b>morbidly
obese</b>, I qualify for surgery <b>now</b>, I'm sick
<b>now</b>, how much more would <b>you</b> want me
to weigh and how much sicker do I need to become before you feel I should
have surgery?" Nuff said. Good for you for doing it NOW before you
have more to lose. You stand more of a chance of losing 100% of your
excess with less loose skin so GO for IT! HUGS
— Jo (Part 2) C.
November 6, 2001
I am not sure what you guys call a light-weight but I am 5'5" and 249
lbs. I feel like I don't fit anywhere because I've gotten absolutely no
help in the NORMAL morbid obesity support groups; so I have only recently
turned to the LIGHT-WEIGHTS! So far so good. I too have gotten a horrible
response to the surgery. I have been denied 4X. I have also had to endure
crude comments from the larger group of people who think that I've already
had the surgery and am on my way down. They have actually asked me why I
am having the surgery. It seems that I can't please the big or little
people! I have learned for my own good of the fight not to ask them for
help because they really don't care; once they've had their surgery their
in their own little world and life if wonderful. There are the
distinguishable group who like to help others out but the group I belong to
doesn't have those wonderful people in it unfortunately! It's sad to have
to say that. I have even emailed to the support person seperately,
privately and told her what was going on. She forwarded it to the people
she thought might be able to support and help from their facility and it's
been almost three weeks and still nothing. Anyways, I don't think that we
need to dignify their rudeness with an answer. We take this surgery as
seriously as others and we probably educate ourselves further on it than
others because of the controversy that we face by asking to do this. Our
health is important and unless we use preventative measures we'll end up
getting larger and larger. Why should we not have equal opportunity?
Sorry that I've gotten carried away here. I've been caught up in the fight
to get my insurance to cover this so sometimes I get a little frustrated.
I hope that you get no further rude comments. I am sure that if they were
facing the same situation they would feel differently than they act right
now! Bless them anyways, we don't need their antagonistic attitudes! Good
luck with your surgery coming up!
— Tammi V.
November 6, 2001
Hello (((Sweetie))),
Same thing happened to me and I was 52 BMI...I had 1 in the prep room make
a nasty comment and say "You sure you want to do this?"...she was
glaring at me so ugly and here I was fixin to go under the knife.....Then
when I got out of ICU into my room I had a couple nasty nurses saying
things about it and saying....Why did you have this surgery?..Everyonelse
is always so much larger.....I didn't have a come back then because I was
on morphine.....These people don't know our health issues, they don't have
a clue of what we have to go through everyday just to walk around......I
weighed 280 the day of my surgery and I was only 5' tall (which since
losing to 210 I have gained an inch in my height..I am 5'1"
now...YIIIPPEEE).....I know people that weigh in the upper 300's and 400's
that didn't have the health issues I did and can get around like they
weighed 150 pounds....(My brother is one of them..He can work circles
around me).....I think some people are just going to be nosy and rude no
matter what......Best of luck to you on your surgery!!!!! ((((HUGS))) and
God Bless!!!!
— Cindi V.
November 6, 2001
It may have something to do with the fact that there seem to be a lot of
women who choose to have this surgery after they pop out a few kids and
can't get back to their before pregnancy weight. For people who have
actually struggled with being overweight their entire lives, not just a few
years, it may seem that these "lightweights" are just taking up
room that people in more dire situations need. Sorry if that seems a bit
harsh, but that's just my opinion.
— Heather M.
November 6, 2001
Hi. I can relate. I was exactly 100 pounds overweight on the day of my
surgery and I got lots of comments from lots of folks, even fellow
sufferers who had or are considering surgery! I just remind them that I
was still morbidly obese and suffering physically and emotionally and need
this surgery. Most importantly, I tried not to get defensive since I knew
I needed to do this for me.
— Jaykay B.
November 6, 2001
I can relate. My pre op BMI was only 35. I am 5'7" and weighed 228
going into surgery. I heard this from many people. I didnt get angry,
almost took it as a compliment. Then I just told them.."I was just
doing it for myslef." I also told them there were underlying health
issues that the surgery would eliminate. Good Luck
— skymaxjr
November 6, 2001
Heather - I would be considered a lightweight, I've had no children and
have been overweight since the age of 9. You never know the whole
situation. I think overweight people put up with enough BS without turning
on each other.
And Cindi - I can't believe someone else got comments in the hospital. The
nurse in recovering told me I wasn't as big as most of the patients and I
didn't look like I needed it - funny at 120lbs overweight I sure felt like
I needed it. She said this after I had finally woken up after they sedated
me as I was so nauceous and actually vomitted from the anesthetic. All I
could think was 'leave me alone'
— Elizabeth A.
November 6, 2001
I think the best answer is silence.
— Peggy E.
November 6, 2001
Hello to all! I was concidered a light-weight as well... I guess one good
way to put it to some.. is like my mother did to me once I started to lose
my weight.. (Have you ever seen those 40lb bags of salt for a water
softner?) Once I started to lose my mother brought me a bag of salt and
said "Here carry this around and it will remind you of the
accomplichments you have already made".. months later she gave me 2
bags.. I could barely carry them.. not becasue my muscles were weak.. just
the fact that my body was no longer used to that type of weight.. You may
want to tell somone the next time they say something to you about being a
"lightweight" tell them to go get there own bag of salt and carry
it around for ahwile :) Then see there reaction!
— Nicole A.
November 6, 2001
I am considered one of the lightweights at 5 ft 6 and a 1/2 300 lbs. In
the email group I am in, the heavier ladies are the ones that make the
nasty remarks about how they wished they weighed as much as me, etc....
They ask, how can you possible do this at such a low weight. I finally
started answering "not to offend, but I don't WANT to weigh as much as
you do...EVER! And that's where I will be if I don't do this." Shuts
them up real quick.
— Brenda S.
November 6, 2001
I'm with Fay. I'm too old to explain myself to everyone who has the
audacity to ask.
— Kimberly L.
November 6, 2001
Ask them to give you a piggy-back ride and see if they change their tune.
— Goldilauxx B.
November 6, 2001
I have also been told that I'm not big enough to have this surgery, but I
am big enough to be considered morbidly obese. I am big enough for my kids
to be teased at school because their mom is so fat. My BMI is 45 because
I am only 5' and weigh 235lbs. therefore I decide that I am definetely big
enough to have this surgery and old enough to know the difference. I am
still pre-op but I will not let anyone sway my decision to have this
surgery. Good luck with your surgery and don't let them get to ya!!
Vicki
— vmize
November 6, 2001
I just shrugged off people's comments and said that my surgeon and I felt
that it was an appropriate course of action with my medical history. I
wonder if the reason people are saying this is 1) they feel like it's a
"drastic" move (I heard that a lot), and 2) medical professionals
are used to seeing only extremely obese people having this surgery. I
think that the more well publicized this surgery becomes, the safer it
gets, and the more people who are out there talking about how great their
results are, the more "lightweights" there will be. When people
told me I was not big enough, I just thought, "Should I wait another
ten years for the arthritis, heart disease, diabetes, sleep apnea, etc., to
set in or view this as a preventative measure?" It is one of the best
things I have ever done and I look forward to a long, healthy life.
— PT LawMom
November 6, 2001
LOL Oh, Cyndie, the piggy back ride is great. ;)
In pre op, the day of my surgery, I had two RN's try and talk me out of
having WLS....I was so irritated, but I told them I met my insurance
guidelines, and that I was doing this before I became "as big "
as the other patients. I am about 5'3'', and weighed 247, so to me I was
as big!! MO is MO, and 247 is not light in way , shape or form , unles you
hapen to be 6 foot something, and probably male!!!!!!!
Love, Donna in AL Hang in there, everyone of you. This site is a
godsend to me, as are all of YOU!!!! ;' )
— Donna S. C.
November 6, 2001
I get that from people ALL the time "you don't look big enough to need
surgery". Hello? 5'2 and 267 lbs is not big enough?? I don't think so.
I think people get it into their heads that anyone needing this will weigh
500 or 600 lbs. I think the majority of us are quite a bit below that and
doing what we need to do to see that we never get to that point. We are
saving our lives here and making them immeasurably more livable at that.
This is something only we can decide we want for ourselves. The comments
are meant as compliments on some level I suppose but they really are
inconsequential in the scheme of things. You know what you can or can't
live with, weight wise...follow your heart, good luck.
— Donna L.
November 6, 2001
As a fellow "lightweight", I can definitely relate to what you
are saying. I have had an on-going fight with one of my co-workers,
because she did not think I was "obese", never mind
"morbidly obese". Hold the phone, the heck with what the doctors
say...my co-worker didn't feel I was MO. The problem is everyone thinks
that in order to be considered "MO", you have to weigh 500 lbs.
Even as a "lightweight", 5'2" and 220, with a bmi of 40/41,
I have health issues...and I don't mean to offend anyone who is not a
lightweight, I don't want to end up there. I am doing something NOW,
before I end up that 500 lb MO person, who has too many health issues to
even be considered for surgery. My answer to those persons who start in on
my about being a "lightweight"...look, I am what I am and I don't
want to be this way and I don't want to wait until I am too large to do
anything about it. Quite frankly, these persons who make
"comments" don't know diddly about what you are feeling and what
you are going through...Good Luck to you. And I hope your surgery is a
success.
Love--Christine Elkins
— Mustang
November 6, 2001
I am a "lightweight" as well. 5'4" and 238. I bet if some of
the "heavyweights" had a chance to go back and do it all over
again, they may have chosen to have surgery at a lesser weight. I bet it
would have saved them from diabetes, sleep apnea, shortness of breath,
joint pain, heart problems and the list goes on and on. The way I see it,
this surgery is something like preventative medicine. If given the chance,
I am sure many of them would do the same.
— Tara J.
November 6, 2001
HI I agree with Lucyann--I am her same size---everyone is wanting to know
WHY????? you are not "that big", "that fat" or
"that overweight"--seems people become a little
"nicer" as we get older--I think I would rather hear the
"fatty fatty two by four" that I heard all thru grade
school--ignorance is bliss --- I just tell people I am taking that
second chance at having a good life and living healthy ---as it is--my
comorbitities are outweighing my BMI---and frankly its no ones business
what I do
— Linda L.
November 6, 2001
11/07/2001
Hi Cheri,I am a heavyweight and it is unbelievable how insensitive some
people can be! Obesity is obesity no matter what your BMI is and believe
you me I wish I had explored this option a long time ago,but like others I
heard so much misinformation and horror stories (not to mention PCP's who
told me I just needed to push away from the table)I was afraid and didn't
pursue it any further.With a BMI of 64 and thank God NO MAJOR
co-morbidities right now I AM SCARED NOT TO have surgery.Besides,how do
they know how many other options you've tried and if they are trying to be
nice to you there are other ways to compliment you such as " Since you
have a lower BMI perhaps you will reach your goal and be healthier in a
shorter period of time." My reply to insensitive cretins would go like
this "According to my doctors and lab work,I have one foot on a banana
peel and the other in a hole filled with serious complications since you
probably have most of them already I'm sure you understand my position in
tackling my obesity head on NOW!" And while he or she is picking their
face and/or jaw up off the floor you can smile inwardly as you walk,not
limp,away. :)God Bless you Cheri and keep your head up as you meet your
next challenge. Also, sometimes just a simple blank look does more to shut
a moron up! And remember :Do what's right FOR YOU!Only you and your dr.
know what that is.Julie
— Julie S.
November 6, 2001
Everyone. Cyndie Reynalds answer should be bronzed. If you must reply,
this is a great one.
— faybay
November 6, 2001
Morbid obesity is morbid obesity.....I had two pre op nurses tell me I was
too little, and that they knew someone who knew someone(etc, etc) who said
that the WLS ruined their life. Before the drugs hit, I told them that my
surgeon, my insurance and_ I _ agreed that I was obese at 5'3'' and 247
pounds.
It doesn't matter what degree of MO you are, and I think it's ridiculous to
say to one of us lightweights that we are too small. You're MO , however
you managed to get there, whether it's "popping out a few kids"
or whatever. We all have similar problems, and this is not an EASY
solution. Anyone who says so is obviously pre op and will have a wake up
call post op. Sorry, but this one makes me sort of angry....Donna in AL
— Donna S. C.
November 6, 2001
Cheri, one quick answer is "Thank you for caring enough to share that
with me." When I say that with a neutral tone of voice, people
usually get the idea, namely, that whatever they were commenting on, it was
none of their business to begin with. Keep your chin up!
— Marjorie B.
November 6, 2001
I had all the same comments from the anestiologist to the nurses who were
taking care of me after surgery. Guess what? All but the anestiologist were
my size or bigger! They couldn't understand why I wanted to do this. I just
realized that they were in the same mindset I had been for so many years,
which is denial. I started at 5'5" 267, I am now at 160 and feel
wonderful. I don't even feel like I ever had surgery. I eat like normal
thin people eat. How truly amazing. Just go about your own business,
realize that the 3-400+ people really and truly would like to be your
weight and would be happy - that's understandable. Just like there are
friends of mine who are 130 and think that 160 is huge - it's your own
perspective. Be happy!
— patsy B.
November 6, 2001
Cheri - I can't now relate to being a "lightweight". I am
5'5" and weigh 360 lbs. I have been MO since I was a teenager.I did
not know about WLS until very recently. I wish to God that I had known
about it 20 years ago, when i could have been described as a light weight.
I would have jumped at the chance for WLS then. It makes me sick to think
about the opportunities I have wasted for myself and my family over the
years by being MO. I have had to seek therapy to help me put aside the
regrets that come with hindsight. You should tell people to mind their own
business and do whatever it takes to make you feel happy about yourself and
your opportunities.
— 123456
November 6, 2001
I had a missinformed pulmonary doctor I needed sleep study approval from
try to save me from having surgery. His horror stories, you might loose
some but gain it all back in a year, didnt stop me, thank god. I told him
he was missinformed and a danger to his patients. Suggested he get info
from my surgeons office. Needless to say he never called for the
paperwork:( I have plans for him!!!!!!! For the benefit of others I am
going to pay out of pocket and see him again. Taking a pre op picture and
my surgeons documnentation of the benefits of surgery.Once a year I will
visit him, so he can see how well I have done. Hopefully he will get the
message and stop discouraging other patients. My profile talks of this BAD
day.... Down 89 pounds its about time for my visit....
— bob-haller
November 6, 2001
Thank you, Thank you, for all of the wonderful responses. You guys are so
very encouraging. I know I am doing the right thing for me. Even though I
didn't ask, I received 'advice' from a heavyweight via personal email that
I should really consider the negative side affects, that we should be
extremely overweight. Helloo??? I AM MO!! I guess there is always a
negative one in the bunch. Thanks again for the encouragement. I can't
wait to get my piggy-back ride:-) God bless each and every one of you.
— Cheri M.
November 7, 2001
This is such a great question and it has been plaguing me too. I am 103 lbs
overweight and people keeps telling me I'm "not fat enough." Even
my close friends have said this to me. It makes me want to scream. I
usually say, "Well, the insurance company thinks I'm fat enough."
Or sometimes, if I am in a feisty mood, I say, "Ya know, you're
probably right. I think I will just wait until I gain 50 more pounds and
then get the surgery." They usually shut up after that comment. If any
health care professionals say anything to me in the hospital I will
definitely have harsh words for them. That is no place or time to voice
their ill-informed opinions.
— Kirstin99
November 7, 2001
I just had to put my 2 cents worth in on this question! I was a
"lightweight" also. I had my surgery at 220 lbs, 5'3. I barely
qualified for the surgery from a medical standpoint. I actually loved it
when people said I wasn't big enough for the surgery. I laughed every time
I heard it because for the first time in my life people were calling me
small. I looked at being called "small" as something I was going
to love getting used to. Good Luck!!!
— Elizabeth C.
November 7, 2001
I am 200# and 4'11" I too, get those " oh that's too drastic for
you, your not THAT big." Ha .... That extra 90#
I'm carrying around ain't easy on our small bones, especially feet and
knees. And to the poster who said the
surgery should be saved for those who really need it..
Excuse me!! I've struggled w/ my weight my ENTIRE 40 years!!
— [Anonymous]
January 10, 2003
I just wanted to say to all of you that I am so grateful to hear from you.
I'm so nervous because I am borderline BMI 39/40. I've been thinking about
this for a long time and just recently found out that there is a chance I
could qualify. But I'm doing it alone. I have my husband and another
friend who is going through the same "LIGHTWEIGHT" issues in
another state. I don't plan on telling anyone, even my mom. I don't want
to hear the ridicule. When I mentioned my friend having done my mom's
boyfriend starting going on about how if people would just change their
life and eat right and excersise it would work. Well I've been trying to
change my eating habits. I eat a heck of a lot better than anyone else
around me and it's never changed a thing. I still just keep putting on
weight. Now I've gotten to the point where excersise is a painful process.
It's hard for me just to finish my yoga class. Every week I ask myself
why I bother. Anyway, didn't mean to ramble but I just wanted to say that
you are all very strong and wonderful women and thanks you!
Heather
— Heather F.
Click Here to Return