Question:
college student needs help
I have been obese all of my life no matter how much I try. So now I am in college and I didnt know what to do about it because my weight is a constant struggle in my life. Now my problems are (1) if i made the decision to do this my mother is completely against it and just thinks its an easy way out (she is completely old fashioned....with everything) and (2) I am currently in college and was planning on getting this done over christmas break which is exactly 4 weeks. Now for my questions: what could I do to get my mom to understand that I am not trying to take the easy way out but rather I am just tired of the constant weight struggle with no improvements and that im just not happy with myself despite how happy-go-lucky I am on the regular and do you think I would be allowing myself enough time to do this in 4 weeks and then go back to school and do you think I could adjust to college life with soooo many food restrictions. I am so sorry this is so long but any advice would be greatly appreciated, especially if anyone could give me first handed expierence. — uNiQuE, iTs wHaT i Am! (posted on September 2, 2008)
September 2, 2008
This procedure is anything but "the easy way out". It makes me
mad when I hear someone saying that it is. Sure it is true, we have a
divice placed around our stomach to help us lose the weight but its not an
easy way. The first 2 weeks you have nothing but clear liquids, the 3rd
and 4th weeks you get to eat pureed foods only. We are kind of like babies
again. We have to learn to eat, how much to eat, and what to eat. No,
this is not the easy way out, it's just something to help us out. You
know, I have NEVER heard someone refering to taking diet pills as "the
easy way out". In a way, the lapband is just like a diet pill, a diet
pill curves our appietite(sorry spelled that wrong) just like the band
does.
— StacyD
September 2, 2008
Like you heard this is not the easy way out. It is very hard. I am almost
17 months out and lost 150 pounds. four weeks is a good amount of time.
however, if you do not have all the pre-op stuff done I doubt you will be
able to have it by december! Best of Luck.
— Alvernlaw
September 2, 2008
Have her watch the 60 minutes segment on Gastric Bypass surgery. Go to cbs,
go to 60 minutes and the video wil lbe there to watch. It sure changed my
mother's mind and she supported me all the way after she saw it. Lyn
— SkinnyLynni2B
September 2, 2008
do it for your self it is not by far an easy way out. Now for the 4 weeks
your body will tell you if you are over doing it or need more time. For
sure walk alot after the surgery. I was back to work a week and a half
after but with taking alot of breaks to walk get water. remember you will
need to move around for and least 10 min. for every hour you are
sitting.This will help with the gas and to make sure you do not get blood
clots. I'm only 7 weeks out tomorrow and I still find that there are days I
just need to lay down for a 30 min nap to get my second wind.
— anajera
September 2, 2008
You need to do this for yourself. If you are in college you are making
adult decisions, so tell mom you value her opinion but you are doing this
for your health, physically and mentally. Second I had all my pre-op and my
surgery done in 6 weeks, so depending on your insurance and your surgeon
its possible to be ready by Dec. I had RNY done on 6-18-08 I have 2 kids
that I had to take care of as soon as I got home from the hospital. My
husband wasnt allowed the time off work. I was up and about doing my daily
routines in about 2-3 days from being home. So I am sure 4 weeks is plenty
of time. About the food restrictions, you will be on a low carb High
protien diet. Its not very hard once you get used to it, The problem isnt
finding the food its learning what food is the right kind. Put it this way
I live in the middle of the desert, 40 miles from the closest store, If I
can find food anyone can! The only think you will have to cut out are the
Beer Bong parties and all night drink fests that come with college life :)
Trust me you will be happy with the surgery and the results, once you start
to lose the weight mom will see how much work it is and how its not the
easy way out, Everything will work out....Just stick to your guns :)
— Kimberlin Katayama
September 2, 2008
Hey Girl! Trust us all when we say this is not the "easy way
out"! The band is just a tool and you must still radically change your
way of life.
Okay, this is only the beginning of my second week post op. My surgery was
last tuesday and I can tell you its still not easy. As far as taking 3
weeks off of college, you will definetly be healed in that time. I am not
sure about any of the pre op testing because I was self pay and did not
require counseling and some of the other tests.
Listen, you have to follow your heart and listen to your body. You only
have one life to live and live it to its fullest! After the intial 2 weeks
after surgery you can start having some somewhat normal foods and after
the entire 6 weeks you are back to normal food. If your heart is really in
this and you are ready to change your life, of course you can get through
this anywhere, college included. Good luck in this new endeavor.
Maybe invite your mom to visit this forum and talk to some of the wonderful
ppl here herself and see what a remarkable change it has brought to so many
lives.
— trbccowan
September 2, 2008
Finda support groupnaryour monther ahd have her go or better still take
here during you next break. Yes, if you are tired offighting diets doitas
it is not the easy way out. You want a full life and fat is cheating youof
that life.
— William (Bill) wmil
September 2, 2008
I Know how you feel... I have felt the same way myself.. but i was the one
saying "why am I taking the easy way out...do a little more to drop
the weight" about a yr ago i was looking into getting the lap band
after i had made a new friend that had got it done a few months before I
met her and the I stoped looking because i thought I was taking the easy
way out.. I have always been between and 16 and 26 and the only time i was
a 16 I had worked my butt of at the gym... and had another friend to work
out with... yeah It didnt last... now i am again a 22/ 24 looking into the
RNY bypass... I am sick of being over weight and not being happy with
myself... always walking in pain... I also have my best friend in the world
who I told about looking into it and she dose not like the idea... and dose
not support me.... she thinks i need to put 5% or 10% more into it... but
she has always been 5' and about 110 and never had a weight prob... and she
dose not know what i have put myself through ahd how unhappy I have been
for years... as for you mom.. she may not want you to do it.. but she is
your mom and will and should love you no mater what... thats is something
that you are doing to better you!!!! not others...
— playgirl2077
September 2, 2008
You are doing this surgery for yourself, not for your mother. My mother
and both my sisters were so antiagainst me having this surgery, but I flat
told them it's my body and i'm doing it.......now they are seeing the
weight loss and saying that ok, maybe i did make the right
choice.............your parents will come around as well.........insofar as
going to school in 4 weeks........i went back to work in 6 weeks, but
however could of returned sooner, except the doctor wouldn't release me, i
felt fine...........good luck......Magdalena
— Magdalena52286
September 2, 2008
You are doing this surgery for yourself, not for your mother. My mother
and both my sisters were so antiagainst me having this surgery, but I flat
told them it's my body and i'm doing it.......now they are seeing the
weight loss and saying that ok, maybe i did make the right
choice.............your parents will come around as well.........insofar as
going to school in 4 weeks........i went back to work in 6 weeks, but
however could of returned sooner, except the doctor wouldn't release me, i
felt fine...........good luck......Magdalena
— Magdalena52286
September 2, 2008
Ditto on the "easy way out" I would try to get you Mom to do
some study on the procedure and educate her all you can. There is no quick
fix to having been obese. There are alot of other types of issues you will
have to deal with if you get this. Depending on how over weight you are
and how much you lose. Most lose about 40-60 % of there excess weight with
lap-band. But that is an average. Some lose more, some less. You will
have to learn to live a completely different way than you have up to now.
Yes, college life or any other kind of life with be radically different! I
would recommend the book, "Weight loss surgery for dummies"
also, there is an article on my profile page, that you might want to print
and read. It is kind of lengthy, but looks at WLS from all perspectives.
Good luck! Lesleigh in Ga.
— lesleigh07
September 2, 2008
Hi,
I think you should sit your mother down and tell her just what you said
in your question, but I have made a few modifications:
"Mom try to understand that I am not trying to take the "easy
way" out but rather I am just tired of the constant weight struggle
with no improvements and that I AM just Not happy with myself despite how
happy-go-lucky I am on the outside." I would also tell her, " I
need your support. I'm sure you want me to be happy, and having this
surgery will help me on that path.
I'm assuming you have already researched the procedure you want to have. I
would show your mom or bring her to a support meeting for pre-op patients.
If she chooses not to support you I would certainly tell her that you will
be disappointed, but in order for your health and wellbeing, and happiness
you are going ahead with your plans.
Following my surgery I went back to work after two weeks. I have an office
job. I should have taken three weeks. The amount of time you will need
off will depend on you and your doctor.
Do what they doctor says, walking is very very important. It will help
with recovery from surgery. So if you can't get your mind around exercise
for weight loss. Walk for a healthy surgery and recovery. Hope this helps
and good luck.
— yankeefan75
September 2, 2008
hi! I had rny on june 19th...it is anything but the easy way out! It is a
commitment to a lifestyle change. I think your mom is scared. Either she is
afraid of something happening to you during surgery or she's afraid that
you losing weight may take you from her. Talk is the only way thru it. I
was in the 'program" for 6 months before my surgery. I don't think 4
months is possible, and you say 4 weeks...(but Christmas break is in 4
months) Anyway...good luck to you and do research to make sure this is
indeed what you want. I was a member here...as you are... for many months
before I even contacted a doctor. You are in this for you!! If you think
you can go thru all this stuff and be happy...go for it! I am glad i did!!
Just reassure your mom...find out exactly why is oppsed and talk it out.
Hugs, and good luck! Kim
— gpcmist
September 3, 2008
Like everyone else, I'd tell you this surgery is for you & your mental
and physical health. I'd tell you if you're serious about wanting it,
getting it now, while you're young, before you develop a lot of the
co-morbidities many people here have - go for it. If you want to try to
help your mother understand why you want to have it, have her come to some
local support meetings with you, and maybe go to the dr with you so she can
ask any questions she wants. Have her look on this site (I believe there's
a forum for families of WLS patients...but if there is, I don't know how
active it is. She can ask all her questions, voice her fears, and talk to
real people who've 'been there did that.'
I also think four weeks would be enough time for you to have the surgery
and recover enough to go back to school.
The only concern I'd have is if you live at college, would you be able to
find appropriate choices of the liquid/soft foods you'll be on at that
time. I'd also recommend before having the surgery that you get some of
the sample packs of protein drinks (bariatriceating.com, vitalady.com,
unjury.com) and taste them so you know what you like and what you find
nasty...then have some on hand for immediately after surgery when you'll be
on a liquid diet. I'd also recommend making sure you have whatever
vitamins you will need and have them on hand and ready for after surgery.
Be prepared for as much as post-surgery things as possible, since I'm sure
once you're back in school, you're going to be busy w/school and trying to
get your food/drink in. You may even want to practice drinking 2 liters of
water a day so you get in the habit of drinking all day long.
As I've said in other posts, too...get the best vitamins for you that you
can afford. I know not everyone can afford some of the vitamins
specifically made for WLS...but if you can, please do. You are making a
life-changing decision, going through a tremendous amount to do it, so
please do it to the best of your ability. I know the web-sites I listed
above sell different types of bariatric vitamins, and some of the vitamins
you need can be bought OTC at a drug store (some people have mentioned b-12
sublingual that they get at Trader Joes for cheap...probably cheaper than I
pay for bariatric advantage...but I don't live in the U.S. to run down to
Trader Joes)...but for your main vitamins - multi and calcium especially,
I'd say get a bariatric vitamin.
Good luck and please feel free to pm me if you have any questions or think
I might be of assistance to your mom. I assume I'm in the ball park of her
age (I'm 40) so maybe talking to someone in her age range who's had the
surgery might help her be more accepting of you having it. It is your
decision, but if you're close to your family, it would be easier for you to
have their emotional support afterwards.
— Hollywog
September 3, 2008
If you're doing this for your mother, don't do the surgery. If you're
doing it for you, don't let anyone's opinion sway you.
I know it's hard to do the things that us moms get upset about. However,
how much would it upset her if you developed major health issues or die
because of being morbidly obese? I'm a banded mom. I had my surgery done
last December. I would LOVE my daughter to have the surgery too. I would
be uneasy with her getting the GB because it scares me so. However, I
would be happy because she is already having major health issues at 36 due
to obesity.
You don't even need to discuss this anymore with mom. I know, we're raised
that a good kid would. BUT...you're an adult now and need to make this
VERY adult decission on your own. (unless she's paying for it)
Good luck and think about your future. Think about how much you want to be
there to share it with her. She'll get over it. If you're having GB,
there's now way to hide it. If you're having the lap band, you can just
say you're eating less and exercising more which would not be a lie. :)
— VickiJ
September 3, 2008
I agree with the other posts in that this surgery is definately not an easy
way out! It is a blessing from God!!!!!!
I had my surgery 7 months ago during my Spring semester in college. Class
started in January and I had it in February. I was out for a week. Just let
your professors know what is going on and they will work with you. It was
much easier than I thought it was going to be during school. Since you will
have a 4 week break before going back you should be more than fine. As far
as what to eat, you may have to pack your own meals until you are able to
eat more solid food from the cafeterias. Even then you may still have to
pack. I lived off-campus so it was easier for me because I could eat when I
got home. However, my last semester (this summer semester) I took an apple
and a protein bar or a protein shake with me for lunch. Our campus has a
Wendy's in the Union so I would eat part of a small chili sometimes too.
It's easier than you think! Also I understand that what our parents say and
think makes a difference in our lives. However, we have to make decisions
for ourselves too, especially when they pertain to our health. I am 31
years old and haven't had to deal with that issue in particular, especially
since my mom had the surgery in 1996, but I do understand. Maybe your mom
is just scared and so that is her way of trying to talk you out of it. You
may want to ask her to go with you to a support meeting. That may help her
understand. She could even go with you to your doctor's appointments.
Good luck and God Bless!! I hope I have helped.
Angie Kimball (sillyguts)
— Sillyguts
September 3, 2008
I am 36 and I had surgery one year ago. I struggled the same as you most
of my younger years, but most of my weight was put on during and after
college. It was constant dieting exercising with little or no results to
frustration, giving up and then gaining more than I lost back. I had
developed several health issues that made it EASY to gain and HARRRD to
lose weight. I WISH I would have done this surgery WAYYY sooner. I had
roux n y one year ago August 20th and have lost about 106-108 lbs. I am a
solid size 10 now and even starting to fit size 8 dress sometimes. I
can't tell you enough good that came out of my surgery. My confidence, my
health, my strength the list goes on what I have gained through this past
year. My life has been transformed and I feel NORMAL finally. I can shop
in regular stores and no longer have to shop at the "big girl"
stores. EVERYTHING in my life has improved. 8 months post op I started
dating the most wonderful man in the world and at 10 months post op I was
married. My life is amazing now and I walk with my head high........I
don't waste time worrying about stupid stuff about my weight anymore, I
don't stress about what I'm eating etc.....I have this new found freedom
and that's where I say I finally feel normal. I live life and my weight
and everything emotional physical etc...related to weight is a NON-issue
for me. I wish I didn't wait so long to get this surgery. It's totally
worth it and as long as everything goes well you will be well prepared to
return to school in January. I returned to work after 3 weeks post op and
it worked out fine. I did the walking immediately and I started working
out at 6 weeks post op doing Tae Bo Amped.....I have amazing results in my
skin tone...it's not perfect but from what I have seen on tv I turned out
pretty awesome. Awesome enough to walk around in front of my husband
without shame.....like I did in my first marriage when I was bigger. Keep
a good exercise routine it will pay off in the long run. Good luck! You
will do great. Do this FOR YOU - don't let anyone sway your
choice......it's your life.... GO LIVE IT - It's awesome on the other side
of the weight loss. As for the easy way out....its NOT the easy way
out. You have to work, follow the rules especially the first twelve weeks.
I still haven't had a soda since one day before my surgery and that was my
addiction. I will not be drinking carbonation again...that's my sacrifice
for the new life I've been given. I also don't drink 30 mins before and
after eating......those are my two very permanent changes I have
implemented and kept. You have to want a total life change when entering
this and you will succeed. Again Best Wishes!
— u40lr39
September 3, 2008
I agree with everyone here this is Not the a cop out to doing it the old
way of Dieting. You need to look at it that this is for You, Yes you love
your family and respect them, but it really isn't about them. I let my mom
and dad talk me out of it many of times because I was afraid of what they
would think of me if I did it so I sat for 5yrs, in depression because of
my weight. Untill I made the decision that it has to be about me and what I
thought whether Right or Wrong! Well in my case it was the Best thing I
could have ever Done! I'm 4 and 1/2 yrs out and I have lost 292 pounds. I
know we love our family but this is all about you! And yes give your mom
the chance to go with you to find out as much as she would like to put her
mind at ease. Best of Luck, You'll be in my prayer's
— pam74
September 3, 2008
Yeah, I just don't get that..."the easy way out..." ...the only
people I have ever heard say that are people who also need it done and/or
are jealous! Also, if there is an "easy way out" of a bad
situation doesn't it seem rational to TAKE IT?? I just don't understand I
guess! I WISH I were you and had done it at a younger age instead of
waiting until I was 38! ;0D
— MAG
September 3, 2008
OH, my skin crawls and smoke starts coming out of my ears when I hear this
is the easy way out. When I hear that from someone, I ask a series of
questions as appropriate: when you were in labor, did you have pain
medicine or an epidural? If yes, why did you take the easy way out? When
going to the dentist or oral surgeon, do you have numbing medication? If
yes, why did you take the easy way out? You could have tolerated it and
"stuck it out", but you chose not to. I shouldn't have gotten
myself started. I'm a nurse and when a 95 pound co-worker heard I was
investigating WLS, she point blank asked me "why can't you just stop
shoving food in your mouth"? Oh, the thoughts that ran through my
mind. I was so angry, I turned and walked away. When I cooled off a long
time later that night, I walked up to her and politely told her that after
being obese my entire life, trust me, if I could have, I would have. I
also stressed to her that I have an addiction, no less serious than alcohol
or drugs... PERIOD!!!
That is the same approach I told anyone who didn't agree with my decision,
that I have an addiction, that if I didn't have the surgery I was going to
die and I was out of options. I needed it as a life saving surgery and it
wasn't optional. I asked that they understood and supported me, but if
they couldn't, it was on them. No non-sense.
I had LapBand 2 years ago @ 402# with a BMI of 71 with hypertension,
diabetes, obstructive sleep apnea and managed 2 minutes on a treadmill to
being my exercise regimen. I have lost a lot of weight, gained some back,
lost it again. I can tell you first hand that this is the hardest thing I
have ever done. It is a daily struggle to stay on track. To remain
committed to a healthy lifestyle and eat well and exercise as prescribed.
This is not the easy way out by no means.
You have youth on your side and I feel most likely you should be able to
have surgery and be back to school in 4 weeks. Especially with the help of
your family should they come around. Support is so important.
Start exercising, eating low carb, and deep breathing now to get yourself
in the best shape possible pre-operatively.
I wish you the best of luck,
Dawn Vickers, RN, BLC, CLC
— DawnVic
September 3, 2008
I had the same problem with my mom, only I have my own insurance. My mom
has never had a weight problem and she just doesn't understand why I can't
lose it on my own. I tried to explain to her that I've tried for the past
25 years and I always gain it back. To me food is a drug, but I have to
have it in order to live. With the band I wanted to get it to use it as a
tool so I could re-learn how to eat and be successful. Plus, I want to be
here for my kids when they are older and to be able to keep up with them. I
just had my surgery yesterday and I can only say, I wish I had done it
sooner! Just keep talking to her and keep those positive people behind you.
She'll come around as my mom did. She worries about you. Good luck!
— Teri K.
September 3, 2008
Hey I know your post is a little older but I wanted to answer because I
have intimate experience with one of your problems. I am currently a
Nursing student at my local college and I had Lap-Gastric bypass over my 5
week summer break. I actually had 3 weeks before I went back to school. The
only thing I am having to struggle with is the new diet restrictions but I
have tried to take my lunch on most days and if we do go out to eat I can
usually find something suitable on the menu. Just remember to always go for
protein and what I do is ask for a togo box as soon as I get my meal. Most
times I can turn a small restaurant meal into 4 or 5 meals so it is pretty
cheap.
If you have any other questions feel free to email me.
Good Luck, Jackie
— RN2B2009
September 5, 2008
Easy way out? Oh, please. I'm EIGHT YEARS PLUS out from a VBG (don't even
think they do that surgery any more -- now it's a sleeve, I think) and I
still have issues. I haven't eaten a sandwich since before George W. Bush
became President the first time, and some foods still make me sick. Bottom
line -- what your mother thinks or doesn't think about surgery has nothing
to do with your decision. I was lucky to have a supportive husband and
family, but I know that many of us on this site were not so fortunate. If
you want this for YOU and for the right reasons, then go ahead. As for
food restrictions, depending on the type of surgery you have and how your
individual system adapts to it post-op, you can go back to virtually
"normal" food within three or four months -- just not very much
at a time, and probably split up into four or five meals a day. If you're
having laproscopic surgery, four weeks should be more than enough -- I had
open surgery and was back at work within four weeks. Best of luck to you,
my dear.
— Cheryl Denomy
September 5, 2008
Hi Simone. My name is Karen, I'm 30 and have been struggling with my
weight since my early teens. I was banded on March 14/08 and I believe
that it was my second chance at life. When I decided to have this surgery
I had mixed responses. My parents, sister, grandparents, my bestfriend, my
husband's grandmother were all extremely supportive and proud of me. My
husband didn't believe it would work but said that we would get the loan
for it if I really wanted the surgery. My mother-in-law was extremely
against me having the surgery. My husband wasn't supportive at all but the
day after I had the surgery that changed, he works in another province and
loves hearing how I'm doing and he can't wait to see me when he comes home
for Christmas. My Mother-in-law hasn't really changed her mind, but from
talks with her and other people have said this as well, I don't think she
actually knew what kind of surgery I was having done. I've worried that
someone would think that it is the "easy way" too, but anyone
that has ever had this struggle would never think that way. To me,
overeating and being obese is the same as any other addition, worse even.
We just asked for help and are doing something about it. We're taking back
our lives. We still have to do all the work and watch what we eat. As to
you're other question, it will be harder to get the foods that you can eat
but it's not impossible. My suggestion is when you can't find something to
eat or you don't know what you can or can't keep down, go with soup. When
I go to restaurants that's pretty much what I always get. And don't let
people's comments about not getting enough to eat bother you because you
know your body and after this surgery you'll know that you really don't
need to eat a lot to feel full. I'm very proud of you and I don't even
know you. I wish you luck with whatever you decide. Make this decision
for you and no one else. Take care of yourself.
— khiggs
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