Question:
Every time I eat in front of my husband he asks me if I really need it why ?

I am 11 months out 96 lbs down and have 30 more to go. My husband never said a word about my weight before. He is driving me crazy. He know this bothers me and says he dosent want me to fail any ideas?    — sarahthedoula (posted on December 30, 2010)

December 30, 2010
It could be that he sees your intake slipping upwards or your eating habits going back to what they were. This is a process our spouses go through with us. Speaking for myself, my husband is very concerned with everything I eat - not because he had a problem with my weight but because he knows what we have both been through and he would be as devastated as I would be if I were to give up all I have done for an extra bite here, an extra snack there, or a morning off at the gym. I count on him for that support. I would certainly tell your husband that it bothers you BUT I would first find out WHY he is doing it - what is going through his mind. Maybe that is his version of being supportive and he needs to hear what support you feel you need. That brings me to my final point... When you start this conversation, know what it is that you DO want. Do you want him to say it differently, say nothing about food, support you in some other way? I would bet that he is trying to be helpful, not hurtful - so help him help you and you can turn this into meaningful communication.
   — Jeanette Hagar

December 30, 2010
OMG I went thru that... I referred to my husband as the "food police" and had to explain to him that this was my journey and it was up to me what I ate or did not eat. A lot of others in my support group went thru this. It is a normal process for people living with GBS patients. But I was taught threw all my support groups that you need to nip that issue immediately to avoid resentment. I had surgery 12/09 and have maintained my goal weight since 7/09 with a weight loss of 84 lbs. Good Luck! Debbie
   — fortywhat2

December 30, 2010
I had the problem with my mother doing that, not my husband. Luckily, she lives 2 1/2 hours away and I don't have to deal with it day and day out. Good luck.
   — Kathleen W.

December 30, 2010
I agree with the first answer. I am 2.5 years out and my husband does that. He does it in a very loving way. For example, last week during the holiday I admit I ate very poorly 2 days in a row. On the second day he said to me "I know it is the holidays but your dr warned you last year that this is the time of year that things start to go bad. I don't want you to eat yourself sick or start a bad habit that will ruin all of your hard work." He was actually not in favor of me loosing alot of weight in the begining because he likes "plumpers" but he knows that it is important to me so he tries to be supportive. Maybe you should ask him to remind you of all your hard work instead of sounding like a prison guard. Maybe he has just seen how hard you have been trying so far and doesn't want you to fail. TALK TO HIM
   — phyllismmay

December 30, 2010
I am 3 1/2 years post op from my lagband. My husband was the Food Natzi prior to surgery. He no longer holds that position. I don't know exactly what we did to change that, but we talked a lot and we also discussed it a lot during support group. He attends almost every session with me. He has become an encourager and walks 6-8 miles with me 5-6 days a week. I use to hide food so I didn't have to listen to him. Our therapist tells us that we don't want to give food any power. So, I shared with my husband how I used food as punishment to him. When he made me unhappy, I would eat. Yes, it's crazy and I was the main person to suffer, but we both now know that none of the control did anything to help either of us. I do eat things that aren't on the plan. I eat it in front of him. So far, I am doing well. I exercise, I occasionally weigh, and most of the time I do what I'm supposed to do. We both realize that my lapband didn't cure my obsession with food, but it certainly helps and going from a size 26 to an 8 or 10 has been motivating. I wish you great success. I highly recommend going to a support group.
   — gouldsfiya

December 30, 2010
I am 16 months out and was 123 pounds down, i am struggling with emotionaly eating and the holidays haven't helped.... my mother is driving me crazy... everytime i take a bite of something "are you supposed to have that"...the fact is we can have a bite of anything within reason... balancing the amount and how often is ours to deal with. i hate it! i totally feel your pain, but its up to me and you how we react to it. i know she is concerned about me, but in my current frame of mind, i tend to rebel....lolol geez just like one of my kids... good luck and have a blessed new years.
   — MarthaJ0110

January 10, 2011
We should be so lucky, my husband doesn't eat enough so the entire family is after him constantly. Each person looses at their own pace but when you loose to much because you don't eat enough then you are in trouble.
   — [Deactivated Member]