Question:
Marry him sooner or later?
I am engaged to be married on 7-7-07. My surgery is planned for early April. We have been together for many years and I have little doubt that the surgery will change my relationship. Am I kidding myself? How did WLS change your relationship? Should I postpone or just go for it? If I do it, I will be walking down the isle as an over-weight person, but it will be on the special date I picked out while winning big at the casino two years ago. If I wait, I can get into that dress I want and actually look good in it. I could always get married on 8-8-08, hehehe. — frothiebarwench (posted on February 11, 2007)
February 11, 2007
I was married 35 years ago, FAT...dont' regret one minute of it, and my WLS
is not affecting my marriage. Why?? Because he loves me for me, I didn't
change the outside cover did!
Good luck, Diane
— Diane C.
February 11, 2007
Beth,
I, too am engaged to be married. My honey and I wanted to get married last
November, but postponed the wedding until this November '07. We haven't set
the date yet, we are going to wait until a month or two after surgery
(scheduled for next Thursday 2/15/07) and then set the date or postpone
until '08. We've been together almost 5 years....we live together and are
committed to spending our lives together. I already have a dress (it's
hanging at my best friend's house) and have seen a seamstress to see if it
can be taken in....it's my dream dress and I bought it big enough to fit my
260lb. body. Anyhow....I would suggest going through with surgery and
postpone the wedding until '08. This way you are healthy, happy and walking
down the aisle as the new you! Plus, this way you can enjoy your wedding,
the food and your honeymoon. I want to be 100% recovered and ready to take
on everything a new marriage brings to the table. Good luck. :)
— jammerz
February 11, 2007
Beth, The only reason I would postpone the wedding is if I was unsure of
the relationship. That doesn't seem to be your problem, so go for it. I
was 260 lbs when we married and went to 330 before I had surgery, and I am
now close to my goal and our relationship is stronger than ever. The
wedding dress can be your dream dress either way. Olso, your health is the
most important thing...without that, you have nothing. The sooner you
start down the path to a health life the better. Good luck, my dear.
— cmancl
February 11, 2007
Try not to be so worried. WLS does not cause you to change your weight
overnight. Consider this a new beginning. You and your engaged can start
down this new path together. Will the whole thing have an effect on your
relationship? Probably. But I have found that the effect has all been
positive, in that I have found more confidence in everything I do.
Good luck, and congratulations.
Chris
— CChappell
February 11, 2007
Beth,
I married on August 15, 1981 and had RNY on October 21, 1981. 5 years
and several break-ups later I ended up divorced. If you truly love each
other it shouldn't matter. True love waits...it is your decision...pray
about it and follow the Lord's answer...God bless you,Beth
— Jean Hitchcock
February 11, 2007
Hi Beth..I totally understand your question-I too walked down the isle as a
fat chick, in a dress that wasnt my first choice-but I walked straight in
the arms of my prince charming. That was 9 years ago in March. Now that I
have had my WLS (in Nov 06) I will wait until next yr and renew our vows.
The WLS has changed our relationship-it made an already good marriage even
better-and gave me self esteem and I feel better-he hasnt changed towards
me-he loves me no matter what-so if your guy loves you the way you are, in
the end-its not gonna matter what the label on your dress says, its going
to be how you feel that day and who you are marrying! Good luck to you. Jan
— want2luv2bme
February 11, 2007
This would be my advice. It is a key phrse my mom has always told me...
"Dont put off til tomorrow what you can do today." Just think
about how nice it will be when you can compare old wedding pics with the
ones you would have when you two plan to RENEW your vows. This is what I
plan to do next year when my hubby and I will celebrate our FIFTH wedding
anniversary. We are more in love than ever! I was a hefty 360lbs the day we
married!
— NEETAJEAN
February 11, 2007
Provided you know in your heart you arent settling for what was available,
as some MOs do, and you TRULY love him, and him you, either time should be
fine. A word of warning if your both MO, is he willing to get WLS too? My
surgeon says couples inevitably split when only one of a MO couple gets
WLS:(
— bob-haller
February 11, 2007
The relationship will not change that much, if you really love each other
already. You will have more energy and be able to do more things.
— Novashannon
February 11, 2007
I just had lap band surgery on 1/31/07. I am getting married 4/21/07. My
fiance loves and accepts me just the way I am. Granted, I would prefer to
look slimmer in my wedding pictures but marrying the man of my dreams is
more important. I would go for it.
— Catherine-Mo
February 12, 2007
When making your decision, consider one other thing...the pictures. I'm
not having WLS until this July and wasn't considering it when I was married
5 years ago. But I look at the pictures and don't enjoy seeing myself so
large (I was my heaviest at my wedding). One of my rewards for reaching
goal will be to have new wedding pictures taken. It may sound silly, but
it's what I want. So just consider the possibility that if you postpone
it, your pictures may reflect more of how you want to remember your big
day. Congratulations on your engagement and good luck with whichever road
you choose!
— PurplePixie
February 12, 2007
i started planning on wls in aug 06 and got married in oct 06. we planned
our date at the beginning of the year and i wasn't about to put it off d/t
my plans for wls. yes, you may be bigger in the pictures, but it will be
the best day of your life reguardless of your size. don't put it off,
because that is the special day you picked and that is what you should do.
love is more important than your weight. i am still working on the
insurance approval, thanks to my stupid primary care physician and hope to
have the surgery within the next 6 mo. my husband and i have been together
almost 8 years and married since october and are doing great. he is
awesome! hope this helps , holly
— RNlvnCARSON
February 12, 2007
Honestly, I believe you should wait. Yes, things do change after surgery.
Well actually not after surgery... after the weight loss is notacible. It
is a fact... some people's relationships change for the better and some go
in the opposite direction. I believe you should wait because you never can
tell which way this HUGE change will affect your relationship, but more
importantly this is your big day and if you want to wear your dream dress,
then you wait and you get your dream day! Either way, I wish you a
lifetime of happiness! If he loves you now, he will understand that you
want your wedding photos to reflect the you that you imagined you would or
could be on that day.
Good luck!
Amber
— septembergirl73
April 14, 2007
I got married 8 or 9 weeks after surgery... the only regret I had was that
I spent a fortune on dress alterations... has my relationship changed, I
know I like to be social more now then I used to, getting out there and
dancing, and playing is a whole lot more fun when you arent the biggest
person in the room... my husband thinks I am making up for lost time in my
youth and lets me go out with my girlfriends when ever I feel like cutting
loose... The relationship it self is still solid, its the things I like to
do that have changed, and he like to have me go with him on hiking and
biking trips I never would have thought possible before weight loss, before
surgery... Good luck on your marriage... cause the reality is the wedding,
thats just a day!
— colette73
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