Question:
Am I alone in feeling this surgery was a mistake?
No - I have never had any physical problems (yet) but mentally I can't shake this regret and fear feeling I have, and I am 3 years and 2 months out! The famous quote that I read all the time "I would do this in a heartbeat" has never been in my thoughts. I did everything right - two years of research - followed all the rules before and after surgery. But why didn't I take control of myself and do it without taking such drastic measures of changing a normal healthy digestive system into one now that is so compromised that I have to worry about all the things that could possibly happen for the rest of my life. The realization of this extreme surgery has hit me too late in the game. This past week my friend had emergency surgery for adhesions that had given her an extremly painful life threatening obstruction. Reading this web-site I see that many have had this problem and it is only one of the many that we will always have to watch for. Yes, I no longer have high blood pressure, reflux, and feel better physically and of coarse look better but I still don't think this surgery was for me. I realize it is too late for regrets but if I could turn back time I sure would, I would grab control of my life instead of a surgeon who cut me open like a fish. The reason for my decision to post is I have to know is there anyone else out there that shares my concerns and regrets or am I riding solo on this. — denise53 (posted on January 16, 2007)
January 16, 2007
I can't say if I regret what I have had done because it is so new to me,
but I too have been so pissed off at myself because I couldn't lose weight
without such a drastic measure being taken. What I am reminded of, is the
100's of lbs that I have lost in the years and the 100's I have put back
on. Sure I could do this by myself, but there is no way I was ever able to
keep it off. So think to yourself that same thought, could you have kept
the weight off? I know that I am alot better off today. No matter what
happens to me in the future. I will be alive to see alot more of life than
I would have been had I NOT had this surgery.
— Diane C.
January 16, 2007
I am only 2 weeks post op, so it is a bit early to say much. Overall, I am
actually grateful for this option to achieve my goal of a healthy weight is
a way that is not emotionally torturous. (For me dieting became torture
and I was obsessed with food when I was trying to keep it off.)
However, I have at times (and to some extent still do) feel some shame
about "needing" this surgey to have a normal weight. And I am
very sad about the millions affected by the obesity epidemic that is make
us so sick. And sometimes I feel totally outraged and despairing about the
many societal forces (fast food, advertising, too much stress, lack of
community and family connectiong) that contribute to the epidemic.
I am glad to hear you speak up and I think it is important for your voice
to be heard even if you are "flying solo." I hope you will
continue to post.
— Jane C.
January 16, 2007
I'm 6 months post op, and have had thoughts of "What did I do to
myself?". I can't say I've had regrets, because I feel so much better
than I did and I've gained so much of my life back. I have a spark in me
now that had been extinguised by the weight for so many years. Most of my
negative thoughts were during the first month post op when I was having
issues with recovery.
I had a conversation with a friend last night about drastic weight loss and
weight gain. Part of the conversation was how it seems like when you have
over 50 lbs to lose that it just seems to not want to come off, and keeps
trying to come back. Sometimes we aren't able to grab that control that is
required to make the changes needed in our lives, or we have medical
problems that cause us to gain. That's where this surgery comes in. It is
just a tool to help us. Don't beat yourself up over this. Obviously, if you
would have been able to take the control of yourself that was needed then
you would have done it *without* having to have the surgery done. Look at
the positives that have happened because of it, not just better health
related ones. Are you able to do things now that you couldn't do before?
Are you able to run and play with your children? Shop without being
exhausted? Etc? It's not all about getting healthier physically and looking
better. It's also about changing the quality of your life.
I suggest that you contact a therapist and try to get some help to work
thorough this. Very often post-ops can become severely depressed after the
surgery. It hits at different stages for different people.
Also, we can't live our lives always worrying about the "What
if's". What if I had done this, or what if I had changed that. You
don't know if you would have been able to gain the control to become as
disciplined as needed to do this on your own. Life is too short to worry
about the "What if's and Why Didn't I's".
This surgery plays with our self-image. Both our body image, and our mental
image of ourselves. It plays on our emotions, and depression is common post
op. Please go talk to someone and work through it.
— oceanrayne
January 16, 2007
Hi Denise... I had my surgery almost 10 months ago and perhaps it is too
soon to say but I must share with you what I felt this past few days. I
had never been obesed until my forties and it was then that I lost total
control of my life. I became someone that I was not, trapped in a body
that was not me. Finally, this surgery became a reality and I felt like
God had given me another chance to be who I really was. I just had my 51st
birthday and have lost 98lbs. For my birthday, I went with my family to
Breckendridge Colorado for a skiing vacation. I took skiing classes and
went up to the 4th level. I skiid through those mountains like I never
dreamed I could. We just got back this morning and as I looked at the
pictures of what I had done, I just thanked God for giving me this
opportunity. 100lbs ago I would have never been able to do that. I even
went tubing in Vail. Doing this with my little granddaughter was just
amazing. I remember not too long ago being out of breath just tying my
sneakers. So, like you, I would have wanted to do it on my own....but for
10 years I tried and failed. However, if at one point of my journey, I
have the feelings you are having now, I'm going to look back at this past
weekend and remember what I accomplished. I did not only get my looks back
(which is not all that important) but my health. You see, I have also been
asthmatic all my life and the weight just made it worse. Yet, up in the
mountains, I was not out of breath at all. Thank you for sharing your
feelings because all of us might face thouse doubts at one point. We just
have to look back at they way our life was before and all we have
accomplished since WLS. My best wishes to you. Blessings, Martha
— mavila07
January 16, 2007
I'm of the odd opinion that this is a physical disease that I never
could've gotten under control by treating it as a mental disorder. The
proof I offer is that I'm 12 yrs post-op with the most radical of the RNY
surgeries and I am working to hold a good wt. If I was mentally ill, I
would've A) outeaten the surgery & returned to my former weight ... B)
kept on losing past my weight range ... and or C) allowed myself to become
malnourished while doing option A or B. I live with a small pouch and
DRASTICALLY rerouted plumbing; take a ton of supplements; get regular blood
draws and watch what I eat. BEFORE, I took no supplements, also got no
labs, had a pile of physical problems AND no matter what I ate or didn't, I
was gaining weight AND being hungry. I strongly recommend you get with
others who are way out from surgery and discuss your concerns with them.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG ... not saying you are not
entitled to feel as you do, but talk to others to see if they feel or felt
that way by 5 yrs out.
— vitalady
January 16, 2007
I also had wls 3 1/2 years ago and I sometimes have regrets...but REGRETS
serve no purpose now. I was never really an unhappy person before the
surgery but at 48 years old I had a heart attack and the primary cause was
the extra weight. I figured that I would never see my grandchildren, none
of whom were born yet. Today I have lost 135 lbs and that is about half of
me. I'm no happier in my life, just smaller and that will do. But the best
part of all..2 grandchildren and 2 more on the way so I guess still being
here with the family I love was worth it after all. Good luck honey. Go
outside and smell the air, let the sun shine on that beautiful face and
think of how good it is to be alive. GOD BLESS YOU!
— PATTYGIRL
January 16, 2007
I've had those moments were I'd like to kick myself in the butt for ever
letting myself get so heavy, especially when I look at all of the hanging
skin that I am left with now, but I have never regretted having my surgery.
I had an excellent surgeon, Dr. Samer Mattar, who I miss dearly, and I feel
so much better, and look so much better now that I would do it again in a
heartbeat to be able to get control of my life again. It was all worth it
to me. I had my surgery in May 2004 and have never actually had regrets
about it. I do miss chugging a glass of milk sometimes, since I'm having a
problem with lactose, but there are always tradeoffs for everything in
life, and for me this has been so worth it!
— djfoz
January 16, 2007
Denise, you are working yourself up to cause yourself physical damage,
girl, you need to breathe! I am almost 3 years out and I understand what
you say, but I think you are just putting yourself on a guilt trip for
success to some degree. I don't know how you make decisions, but I made
mine praying and seeking God's Word for my answers. I had His peace about
surgery, and even if I have complications later, or sooner, I had peace
that it was the right move for me. I trust Him, and will walk with Him no
matter if I have success or not. The Bible says no man lives or dies to
himself, and I believe that. I made a good choice for my health, but I
understand the importance of watching for signs of problems. I don't think
this surgery, in any fashion, extended my life one minute. That is in
God's hands, and he will take my life when He is ready, regardless of my
health. I wanted to serve Him and my family better with my weight loss,
and no matter how hard I tried, and I tried hard, I could not gain success
in weight loss. You have to get some peace about this, or you are going to
make yourself sick, and then blame the surgery. If you would like to talk
about The Lord or His plan for your life, feel free to email me, I will be
glad to talk about Christ with you. The decision is completely yours to
make, but I live in peace with the One whom I will answer to when this life
is over. There is no greater peace than that. Best to you Denise, please,
girl, breathe! Patricia P
— Patricia P
January 16, 2007
Did you know adhesions can come from ANY surgery in the belly? even getting
a appendix out? Beyond which you report you hgh blood pressure is gone. But
lets imagine you hadnt choosen WLS, today your BP could be worse:( the meds
might have given you other troubles, not to be gloom and doom but you may
have had a stroke, or became diabetic. Its altogether possibe WLS saved
your life and you dont even know it! At least with adhesions and they are
pretty rare happening to 1/2 of 1% or other real low number you know the
symptoms and what to do. Unexplained severe belly pain go to ER! MO is a
DISEASE! We opted for the best treatment available! Dont beat yourself up
over your pre op weight, it wasnt healthy, but so much is genetic. You cant
WISH yourself different hair color, the best you can do is dye it. WLS is
like dyeing hair. Now please TRY to relax a bit, your WAY safer as a post
op than as a MO person struggling to get by.
— bob-haller
January 16, 2007
HI DENISE, I WILL BE 5 YRS OUT OF MY OPEN RNY IN JULY.I TOO AM FEELING FEAR
OF WHAT WE HAVE TO EXPECT YRS DOWN THE ROAD.I DIDNT DO WELL AFTER SURGERY.
I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL FOR 6 DAYS INSTEAD OF THE NORMAL 3. I HAD
UNCONTROLLING PHLEM COMMING OUT OF ME.WELL SINCE THE SURGERY, I STILL TO
THIS DAY CAN NOT EAT WHITE CHICKEN MEAT.I HAVE A HARD TIME WITH PASTA AND
BREADS TOO.I JUST HAD SURGERY FOR ADHISSIONS BACK IN JULY 2006.REASON WAS I
WAS HAVING PAIN IN MY STOMACH BY MY BELLYBUTTON. IT WOULD COME AND GO AND
BURN.MAKING ME FEEL LIKE A VERY UNCOMFORTABLE PAIN. DR RAN TEST FOUND
NOTHING WRONG. SUGGESTED EXPLORITORY SURGERY. I AGREED BECAUSE I COULDNT
TAKE THE PAIN ANYMORE.HAD IT FOR 2 YRS ON AND OFF. TURNED OUT HE REMOVED
ALOT OF ADHISSIONS AND FOUND A HUGH CYST ON MY OVARY. WITH THAT,I HAD A
COMPLETE HYSTERECTOMY IN AUG.2006.TODAY I AM STILL GETTING PAINS IN MY
STOMACH AND IM SO ACHY ALL OVER MY BODY.I DO NOT DO GOOD WITH MY PROTEIN,
WATER.I DO EAT ALOT OF JUNK FOODS WITCH I KNOW IS WRONG, BUT I AM ADDICTED
TO CHOCOLATE. HAVE TO HAVE THAT DAILY.I TOO AM SCARED OF WHAT THE OUTCOME
IS.I HAVE READ ABOUT OBSTUCTIONS AND IM SCARED TO DEATH OF GETTING
THEM.SOMETIMES I WISH I COULD HAVE THIS REVERSED BUT STAY AT THE WEIGHT IM
AT NOW.WHEN I HAD THE SURGERY THE RNY, MY SISTER WAS DEAD SET AGAINST IT. 2
YRS LATER SHE HAD IT DONE. I TOLD HER THAT WERE ALL GOING TO DIE FROM
HAVING THIS SURGERY. IM NOT TRYING TO SCARE YOU, BUT THIS IS WHAT IM
FEELING.IT IS VERY SCARY.IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO CONTINUE TALKING TO ME, FELL
FREE TO E-MAIL ME AT [email protected] TAKE CARE.
— deb44m
January 16, 2007
I understand your feelings...I'm almost 3 years post-op, and I've got some
regrets that I'm dealing with as well. The thing I find most interesting
is the fact that I've been ill more times in the past two years than I can
remember being when I was over 300 pounds. I feel like I was more robust
and healthy when I was overweight. It's weird. I can't change the fact
that I had this surgery, and I can't honestly say that I would change that
fact if it were possible. I just wish I had understood just HOW life
changing this would be instead of mostly concentrating on the idea of
losing weight.
— lollie26
January 16, 2007
i cant speak from experience because i havent had surgery yet, but i do
know what you are feeling is real and it sounds like a therapist may be
able to help you with your fears and may be able to help you have a better
piece of mind with your surgery choice. i know multiple people that have
had gbs and one woman is feeling the same way you are. she is about 6mo out
and she says to me that she feels like she is starving herself to death.
depression is very common after wls and for everybody it comes in different
forms and at different times in their wls journey, but it needs to be dealt
with seriously, because like many other illnesses it can be life
theatrening. the things you speak of that you fear so much are possible,
but think of it this way, they can and are the disadvantages of any surgery
and obstructions happen to people that have never even had any type of
surgery in their lives! you researched for 2 years prior to your surgery,
therefore you must have known the possible complications and you made the
educated decision to have wls, therefore the condition you were in prior to
wls must have been worse than the possible complications. you are a much
healthier person now, but to a certain extent you are just fragile, you
know what to look for and you know when something isn't right with your
body,which makes finding the problem a lot easier for the doctors and
surgeons and fixing the problem before it causes severe damage is much
easier for them. you can not keep focusing on "what if's" because
it will drive you insane. just keep taking good care of yourself and IF
something comes along, deal with it then! worring about things that might
happen doesn't make it any easier to deal with if it does happen, it only
disrupts your good times you should be having now. live life to the fullest
and deal with problems as they arise! hope this helps holly
— RNlvnCARSON
January 17, 2007
I feel the exact same way, and I wish that there was a way to reverse the
surgery a few years down the road. There ought to be an option for that
after establishing that you are able to control yourself.
I wish also that I wouldn't have let a surgeon cut me open like a fish. I
hate that I let myself go through this. I should have tried harder.
— Cheriehott
January 17, 2007
Denise -- Bariatric surgery is something we have done to our pysical
bodies. It's consequences, however, are both physical and MENTAL. Hopefully
those consequences will be positive but in reality negative outcomes can,
and often are, produced as well -- both physically and mentally. ----- I
first investigated the possibility of bariatric surgery about five or six
years ago. I walked out of that seminar with a decision NOT to have the
surgery done. The reason was that I thought I could never adequately curb
my apetite and that I would ultimately fail at weight loss, even after
weight loss surgery (WLS). I also thought that I could redouble my efforts
to gain the self discipline needed to exercise, eat less, and LOSE WEIGHT!
Well, I did this successfully -- for about six months. Then my resolve for
self discipline slowly waned and the weight I had lost slowly began to
reappear. ----- About two years ago I started seeing a professional
dietitian to get the help I desparately needed. This was only marginally
successful and the dietitian suggested that I investigate having bariatric
surgery done. I did just that and went to another WLS seminar, this one
offered by the Veterans Administration. (The earlier seminar mentioned
above was presented by a private bariatric surgery group.) The information
dispensed at the VA seminar was radically different than the private
group's seminar and I decided that I wanted to pursue the idea further.
----- I immediately arranged for the required physical examinations, upper
GI, lower GI, heart testing, etc.. I also arranged for the VA's required
psychological examination to determine my MENTAL suitability for bariatric
surgery. Did I have what it would take AFTER the surgery to lose my extra
weight (about 110 - 120 lb) and KEEP IT OFF. After many sessions with a
psychologist (at the VA) over a period of about eight months, we BOTH were
satisfied that I was mentally prepared to be successful at weight loss
after WLS. ---- About six months have passed since my RNY procedure. I have
had some *serious* complications in that period including blood clot and a
VERY painful, life-threatening bowel adhesion. Having made it through those
setbacks okay, I still believe that I made the right decision to have RNY
done. My state of physical well being is, and will be, vastly enhanced due
my to not carrying all that extra avoirdupois around. ----- The only thing
that makes me regret having the surgery done and losing all that weight
(about 100 lb now -- still going down) so fast is that I am SHOCKED when I
look in the mirror. Friends have told me, and I agree, that I look ten
years OLDER now than before losing the 100 lb. That extra fat somehow added
a youthful appearance that I no longer have. But these are my close friends
telling me this and they truly don't care how old I look. (Alas, I DO --
but read on.) At the same time, I perceive a remarkable, positive
difference in the way I am treated by new acquaintances. Sad to say, there
exists discrimination in our society against fat people. New acquaintances,
store clerks, etc., now treat me better upon initial contact than was the
case prior to WLS. ---- One thing that has been of immense value to me
since WLS surgery last summer is that I have continued to have regular
visits with a mental health professional (different person than pre-WLS).
There may be a prohibitive cost factor in doing this for many people but
inexpensive or free support groups are also available that could be of
benefit. My advice to you today is to get professessional help, either
one-on-one or via a support group. (Personally, I have tried group therapy
in the past and do not do well in group settings where I have to pour my
heart out to complete strangers.) ----- It is the psychological/mental
evaluation angle that I feel is missing with most potential WLS candidates.
Sadly, many bariatric surgeons out there are all to willing to proceed with
the surgery (and collect their fees for doing so) without any true concern
for the long term psychological suitability of their patients to succeed
over the long haul. Can anything be done to change this, from a
'professional stands and practices' point-of-view? ---- Good luck Denise!!
— [Deactivated Member]
January 18, 2007
I could not lose weight no matter what I did and how much I exercised, so
the surgery was the only option for me. I would never have had it if I
could have lost on my own. I suggest you see a counselor to help you with
your depression, because that is what it is.
— Novashannon
January 18, 2007
No, not alone. I am also 3+ years out. I had a friend commit suicide last
year at the 3+ year mark. She had serious issues that arose after surgery.
For myself- I ate for comfort. Now I struggle to stay away from alcohol.
(I'm not drinking now but had a run of it around the 2 year mark) My
biggest post op issue is the end of my marriage. My husband wasn't the
nicest guy and was so insecure over my improved appearance that he became
abusive. I know I am better off without the husband or the weight but I
would have never imagined how radically my life would change when I signed
on for the surgery. I think that is the thing anyone investigating this
should really think about. The surgery changes more than your weight and
some of the changes may be negative.
— Edith W.
March 23, 2008
hello
i feel the same way you do right now i had my surgery on 3-11-08 righ now
i wish i could have it redone.i did it for my husband grandkids. just hang
in there. i shares your concerns.but i think we both will be ok.
kathy
— oldpepsilady
August 8, 2008
I see so much of myself in your question and in the other posts. I'm 5 1/2
years post-op. I had major complications after surgery. For awhile, my
diabetes, high blood pressure and high triglycerides were gone. At about 2
1/2 years out, they all came back. (I took/take all my supplements, have
regular bloodwork, drink my water, eat my protein.) Over the last 6
months, I regained 40 of the 130 lbs. I lost. I never drank alcholol prior
to surgery, now I battle not to drink. The depression of ill health and
feeling out of control is at a breaking point. I couldn't stop crying a
few days ago and my family took me to the hospital. Today, my husband is
going with me to a counsellor. This is a new one for me. I've always been
a strong person -- the one everyone comes to for help. When I asked for
help in return, my "friends" weren't there.
Bottem line for me, I do have regrets about this surgery. I did all the
right things prior to WLS and after, but I'm almost right back where I
started. This has happened to a couple of other people I know who had WLS.
This surgery is a gamble. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.
— feignaname
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