Question:
I want to die
I'm a failure!!! can't stop eating and am sure I've stretched the pouch, no supprot groups around, I've done counselling with no help,reached out to church,drs.and anyone who'll listen. Can't get an appt. with my doc and nut. not that they are much help anyway. I CAN NOT go back to my old weight but I CAN NOT stop eating EVERYTHING in sight. I'm 16 months out and am so upset in being a failure I want to die. HELP — heavenlyhash (posted on September 6, 2010)
September 6, 2010
You don't want to die. You have realized that you are having an issue, so
now let's look at it! You need to take out everything that is a temptation
and remember that each day IS a new day! You can do this!!!!
— omommy
September 6, 2010
Even though I haven't been operated but
like you I love food. I just have learned to make "better"
options, so that I can prepare myself for what is to come. Try to
substitute EVERYTHING in your household that can be a threat to gaining
weight back and replace with more nutritional food. BELIEVE me when I say
that I L-O-V-E food. If you have been through all this and had a slip up
here and there it is not means to call yourself a failure or something as
severe as you want to die. Remember that we all have something that made us
"thick" people. I feel that if you become more positive and
substitute your foods you will place yourself back on track. But if you
continue to feel so negative it will lead to over eating as you are doing
now. I wish you all the best and don't give up what you have accomplished
this far!!!!!! This website is great for support.
— mperez77
September 6, 2010
Please don't I need to know who you are.
— B_igbodybenz100
September 6, 2010
You need to see a professional if you are really suicidal. If you are
using hyperbole in order to make your point in how depressed you are, a
professional is still a very good idea. Even if counseling, support groups
or a nutritionist have not helped in the past, when you meet the right one
it can help a lot. You should make an appointment with all of them as soon
as possible)and find new ones if the old ones were not good). Good luck
and make sure to get on a board here so someone can help make sure you're
okay!
— anonymouslyobese
September 6, 2010
Hey your not the first or only one to feel that way. I received an RNY in
May'06 and lost, then regained thus added a band too, in April'10. And lost
again but again gained because I even though I'm eating correctly I'm still
eating too much. If there is no support group near you maybe you should
start your own with the free training though obesity help. Don't give up,
Michael
— Michael Eak
September 6, 2010
First step to recovery is admitting and your admitting you cant stop eating
so that is a plus. We are all here to help support you in this problem. I
know its hard not to eat. I have an old picture of me out by the fridge and
I look at it every time i want something to eat. It helps me change my
mind. And when i want food i go out for a walk or do something so i dont
eat that food. You can do it. You already took the first step by admitting
you had a problem. if you need to talk I am here for you.
— angelintheair04
September 6, 2010
You are NOT a failure! You CAN get control over this! You lost the weight,
so you must of learned what you need to do. NOW to just get back on track
again! If you are eating junk and to much, try the 5 day pouch test to get
all the junk out of your system and jump start eating right again. It
really does work! I have done it a couple times and actually thinking of
doing it again. We are here for you! Don't give up, as long as you have
breath, you can fight!!!!
— Kim M.
September 6, 2010
I have been feeling the same way for months now. I know I'm a failure
because I just haven't been able to muster up the will power to stay on
track. I'm going to start the 5 day pouch test. I'm trying so hard to not
give up and hope you can try too. People like us sabotage ourselves for no
real reason. You and I both just need to get a grip on the situation.
Feeling this way is hell on our self esteem. But let's try to get back on
track. We can do this!!! Please pick yourself up and dust your butt off.
Today is a brand new day filled with brand new choices. Let's make the
right ones today!
— Kathy B.
September 6, 2010
I am so sorry about how you're feeling. I'm three years post-op and I know
it gets tougher. What surgery have you had? Have you considered starting
your own support group? You're trying OH and that's wonderful. Don't give
up. I don't know about you, but I remember the days of eating everything
in sight. First of all, get everything you shouldn't be eating "out
of your sight". That may mean a new plan for home, work, and the
commute to work. Your actions must match your desires. Remember the rules
you lived by those first months. Joural every bite, exercise no matter
what, drink your water, protein, protein, protein. Start a book of pre-op
and post-op. Look at lots of pictures of yourself NOW, not the old you. I
have a ribbon the length of my 68 inches lost. I write things that
encourage me...-riding on the go carts, crossing my legs, fitting in the
airplane seat, etc. DON'T GIVE UP! You are worth this. This can be just
another bump in your journey and you can learn from it.
— gouldsfiya
September 6, 2010
What you wrote is scary for me, I think we are all in the same boat of not
wanting to go back to our previous lives. You may want to keep searching
for a better counselor, I found a terrific one, plus I go to support groups
too through the Cleveland Clinic where I had my surgery. I feel for you
kiddo, I really do. What about Overeaters Anonymous?
Good luck!
— FSUMom
September 6, 2010
Hi! Congrsts on having the surgery and coming htis far. You are not alone
in the struggle to eat or want to eat any and everything. Just sit back and
take in what you have accomplished. You have done well so far. Be proud of
that. Look at old pics of yourself and decide to take control again. I find
prayer to be of great comfort. I also have strayed and found it easier to
gain control than it was before surgery. Think for a minute about your food
choices and why you are eating what you are. Are you stressing? I find I
eat wrong and alot if I am stressing. but if I have a few days of bad
eating, I decide to take control for a few. I will eat only protein bars or
keep count of my calorie intake. Do you journal? start if not. SEE what
you are eating. It really helps me. I am 2 yrs 3 mos out of surgery. Met
goal at 10 months and haave been maintaining since. I fluctuate between 110
and 120. i don't always make good choices and i feel guilty when i do not
make a good choice, but i recognise it and try to get back on track
immediately,. No one is perfect and to say so is being unrealistic. Don't
do anything foolish. I am sure you have people...family/friends who count
on you and doing something foolish because you gained a few pounds is not
constructive. Get the bad foods out of the house, try to keep carbs to a
minimum. don't weigh yourself but only once a week and start walking or
something to get yourself away from food and you can take the time to
think..its what i do lol 5-12 miles a day. make sure you are drinking
enough and that will fill you too... best of luck to you! Keep us
informed...email if you want...and pray!!! It really does help!! hugs n
God Bless, Kim
— gpcmist
September 6, 2010
To Anitha and Kathy B. below, Neither of you are failures unless you just
give up. I know its tough. I've been there myself and am currently digging
my way out. I'm 5 years out and regained 50lbs. because I got complacent.
The weight came off easy, but now its real work just like it was before.
You say you're sure you've stretched your pouch. The thing is you don't
really know that and you may be making matters worse in your head than they
really are. You ticked off a laundry list of groups who you say haven't
helped you. Is that true or are they not telling you what you want to
hear? I'm not one to sugar coat things so I'm going to tell you up front.
The ONLY ONE who can make a difference in your life is you. You say you
can't stop eating. My guess is, you choose not to. It sounds to me like
the food is more important to you than your weight loss. Check your
priorities. I was 48 when I realized I need to change my life. I wasn't
sure I was going to see 50. I'm 5'10" and weighed 323lbs. 52 inch
waist. Hypertensive, TypeII diabetes, and hurt everywhere most of the
time. Drank like a fiend. I have two daughters I want to walk down the
aisle some day and that's when I knew I had to live my life differently.
So what are your priorities friend? You need to think about that very
seriously. If you're not happy where your at YOU need to do something
about it. There is no magic elixer. The bypass made it easier but the work
is still on us to complete. When I chose to quit drinking I prayed for
strength. When I was afraid of the surgery, I prayed for strength. I
regained 50lbs and am now working on getting things back in order again. To
date I have lost 15 of those 50 and I WILL succeed. I liked where I ended
up a whole lot better. What do you want friend? What are your priorities?
You need to have a good and HONEST sit down with yourself and maybe ask
God to come along if that fits with your belief system. If you want to
communicate further, my email address is [email protected]. You're not a
failure unless you give up, and it doesn't sound to me like you're there
yet. Just by virtue of the fact you sent out this Q & A means you're
still fighting. Good on you !! Let's sort it out and find a solution.
Best to you. R.
— Arl3rd
September 6, 2010
DON'T GIVE UP YOU'VE COME TOO FAR . TRY AND GO BACK TO YOUR EARLY DAYS OF
SURGERY AND THE STRICT DIET YOU WERE ON . THIS WON'T BE FUN BUT IT WILL
HELP YOU GET FOCUSED . TRY AND DRINK WATER WHEN YOUR HUNGRY SOMETIMES IT
WILL GET YOU OVER THAT EDGE . JUST TRY AND BE POSITIVE AND STAY FOCUSED .
IF YOU FALL OFF DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP YOUR NOT THE FIRST PERSON THIS HAS
HAPPENED TO . REMEMBER THIS IS A LIFE LONG COMMITMENT AND THER WILL BE MANY
PEAKS AND VALLEYS AS WE GO ALONG . YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE FRIENDS ON THIS
WEBSITE SO DON'T STOP ASKING FOR HELP AND DON'T STOP SASKING QUESTIONS WE
CAN GET THROUGH THIS . GOOD LUCK AND KEEP IN TOUCH BECAUSE I KNOW WE CAN DO
THIS ......ROGER
— ROGER COTE
September 6, 2010
Anita, you don't really want to die!!! If you did you wouldn't be crying
out for help. You already know you have a problem with controlling your
food issues....but there is always something that drives us to eat. It's
never JUST the food. Look at what changes there may have been in your life
lately. EVERYTHING in our lives is about choices!!!
You CHOSE to have the surgery in the first place because you CHOSE to take
control over your health and your weight! The way you FEEL now also
requires you to make a CHOICE!!!! YOU CAN CONTROL THIS!!!! Because only
YOU can control YOUR CHOICES!!!! Food has no power over you!!!! And what
we tell ourselves in our mind....(that is our battle ground) that is what
we will act on in our daily lives!!! If you keep telling yourself that you
CAN'T stop eating...then so be it! That's what's gonna happen day in and
day out because that's what you believe and you keep reinforcing it to
yourself! Make some choices Anita...choose to THINK differently. If you
wake up feeling powerless, put some positive reinforcement statements on
your bathroom mirror and on your fridge.
Refuse to allow yourself to think negatively. Empower yourself to make good
choices today with the way you think and believe about yourself. YOU CAN
DO THIS!!!
Counselors and doctors only help IF you act on what they teach you and
NOTHING will help if you don't change what you believe about yourself in
your MIND!!!
Anita, please take charge of your life! You have the strength to do this
inside yourself! And if you need the help of others or professionals go for
that help! The only power that anything has over us is the power that we
give up to those things! Turn things around today. I believe in you
Anita!!! BELIEVE in YOURSELF!!!
— Jodi L.
September 7, 2010
There are support grps out there. Where do you live?
— Karen D.
September 7, 2010
YOU are a FAILURE only if you allow yourself to be! It is within your
CONTROL!!!
— happypeach
September 7, 2010
The only person here that can make a change is YOU! no one else. Stop
eating everything in sight, put yourself on a meal plan, their are options.
You're negative talk will continue to get you no where! STOP!
— [Deactivated Member]
September 7, 2010
You are not a failure! Have you tried to do the 5 day pouch test? I'm 19
months out. I started feeling the same way. I did the pouch test and it
helped. I also made sure I had protein drinks handy. Try them all before
you say I can't do it. And drink sip sip sip even if you want to gulp. I
wrote the words SIP SIP SIP on my hands. I know writing on hands isn't
suppose to be good for us but I did it so when my hands went to my face. I
saw it. Hang in there. You have support here.
— Corina C
September 7, 2010
happy peach, I don't know if your approach is "tough love" or
just your new "attitude" now that you have lost weight and look
"down" on people that are over weight as YOU once were. I do not
feel there is need to be so heartless and inconsiderate of someone who is
expressing themselves to everyone here and looking for support and
guidance. I agree that everyone can control their destiny up to a certain
degree, but I also feel that when you slip or lose grip of what is
beneficial for you and "right" you should be able to have SOMEONE
to talk to and guide you when that guidance is needed. I thank all of you
that have posted positive advice and have not continued to
"upset" someone who obviously needs all the help they can get.
— mperez77
September 7, 2010
I have always been a self sabtoger and this time has been different only in
that I am unable to eat to much or bad stuff without throwing it back up,(
but this is not good either). I have no local support group but have found
using the forums very helpful when I am feeling down or at my end. What
type of procedure did you have? I was told it would take alot to stretch
the pouch so stop worrying about that but begin today as a new day. I find
jouranalling what I eat very helpful if I do not write down what I eat and
what I excercise I am more likely to gain weight. Do not buy the bad foods,
trick your self by buying reduced calorie sweets, 100 cal packs and if you
do eat something you think you should not still write it down and why you
ate it--- feeling blue-- just wanted it etc and if you really wanted it
just subtract the calories from your allowment for the day .I think you
will find out how much you are eating and why it would be helpful. Having
a weight loss procedure changes us but we still have those other issues
that we have to take control of because no matter what we will not be bale
to succeed if WE DO NOT LET OURSELVES SUCCEED.
please send me a message online and we can chat more.
— Figler5
September 8, 2010
Hi.... please don't do something to hurt yourself. I totally understand
what you are feeling, I had lost 123 pounds and in the last month have been
so stressed that i am eating more....not necessarily bad stuff but more
than i should. i have gained 5 pounds.
stress is brutal. I pray alot and read the bible.... but the biggest thing
here is excercise.... its a vicious cycle.
get depressed and dont want to do anything , dont do anything and gain
weight and eat more and then get more depressed. you can talk to me anytime
— MarthaJ0110
September 11, 2010
Please take this in the spirit in which it is offered. you sound like you
have a food addiction. Like sex, alcohol, gambling, shopping, etc.
treatment requires heavy duty counseling, and even group therapy. Have you
tried Over Eaters Anonymous? I heard that they use a 12 step program
similar to AA.It doesn't work for everyone of course. You say you tried
counseling...did you stick with it? Food addiction is a lifelong battle and
the surgery only alters your anatomy, the rest is up to your mind, which
needs to alter also. Good luck,I hear your pain. Please don't hurt
yourself, call 911 if you need to . Please get help now.
— [Deactivated Member]
September 12, 2010
I know exactly how you feel. i can and do eat everything in sight, i have
no control over it. i am ashamed and i know everyone at work watchs what i
eat and talks about me. it is so hard, if i could have controled my eating
i wouldnt have had to have this surgery in the first place. i have no one
to turn to here. we have no support group here at all and no nut in my
provencie who has experince with gastric by pass. i stuggle every day with
this. it is on my mind all day every day. it is so depressing and over
wellming. i dont know what to de either. if you figure it out please email
me and if i figure it out i will email you. good luck in this struggle. i
hope you succecced.
— pinky_711
September 20, 2010
I understand how you are feeling. I had the same problem. In April I went
to a nutritionist who took me off diet pop, preservatives, sugar
substitutes etc. and put me on a 6 meal a day plan focusing on good fat and
protein. I also started probiotics and L-glutamine 3 times a day. Since
then I have lost 48# and have absolutely no cravings. Its like a miracle. I
hope you have this available where you live.
— BarbaraLL
Click Here to Return