Question:
Observations
Last week I was vacationing in Walt Disney World and my wife and I (who both had wls) were people watching, and we were amazed by the number of people who would be classified as obese or morbidly obese, we wanted to talk to them out of concern but we did not know how to approach them, we know how life changing this was for us, so if we could talk to them about the positives and help them change their health issues, it would be a great thing but we did not know 1)how to approach them and 2) how would we react if they felt that we would be in invading their business, any suggestions? — Robert-P (posted on August 17, 2007)
August 17, 2007
Although it is tough to resist the urge to share your success with others,
I think it would be rude to do so unless the person brings up...I find
myself feeling sorry for overweight people and want to give them a card or
info on wls! Making the decision for wls is a very personal one and we can
be ambassadors but shouldn't get directly involved unless the timing is
right to do so. Good luck with your successes!
— Sheri A.
August 17, 2007
Personally, if it were I being aproached by someone in that way, I would be
offended. Think back to when you were obese. You knew it, didn't you?
And, sonmeone else pointing it out to you would not have ben appreciated by
you or your wife. Someone, especially a stranger, aproaching you and
putting your weight "in your face" so to speak could lead to
heated confrontations and nowadays, people can get pretty violen at the
slightest provocation.
I think your heart is in the right place but aI think, like the other
poster said, this is a personal decision and is one a person has to come to
on their own. Good luck and God bless,
Lynn
— Lynn W.
August 17, 2007
Your on the right path. perhaps a simple conversation starter such as nice
day, or a genuine compliment to start a conversation. let the spirit guide
you and your oppurtunities to share will come naturally. People are people
and some are just waiting for oppurtunities to change their live, you may
very well be someone's angel in disquise. Being very loving and caring
will serve you just fine, patience is the order of the day. God bless
you. Brian
— johndough
August 17, 2007
I agree with you in that I would LOVE to tell people about the life
changing effects of surgery, on the other hand, I think it would NOT be
well received. What I find myself doing is saying a short prayer for
people and then if the opportunity arises and I have the chance to share my
experience with others, then I do. Bu I ONLY share my own experience and
never get "preachy" toward them. Believe me, EVEYONE out there
knows that WLS is an option, but many people just aren't ready for it yet.
If they are interested, they can and will get help when they are ready. I
also wish I could convince a few of my friends, but all I can do is set an
example. If I keep my weight off and continue to look and feel great,
maybe they will eventually get the idea to have the surgery themselves.
And never underestimate the power of prayer. My sister is now going to
have lapband done after seeing how well it's worked for me! And I have
prayed for her to get help.
— Debra R.
August 17, 2007
If anyone came up to me and said, "boy you sure are a candidate for
wls!" I would absolutely tell them to "F" off and beat
another 50lbs off your arse! How rude! They know they are obese, and who
doesn't know about wls these days? PLEASE, it's as bad as someone who just
quit smoking! MYOB
— LouAB
August 18, 2007
I also know how you feel, and although your heart is in the right place, I
think it would be a very bad idea to approach strangers and start
conversing about their weight. WLS is such a personal decision, and trying
to "educate" people you don't even know.. well... I just think
that's a very bad idea, and would only end up causing a lot of bad
feelings. If you wore a t-shirt with before/after pics (or something like
that) and people stopped and ASKED you how you managed such a
transformation, THEN you would be free to talk about it, but that's the
only type of scenario I could see where it would not be rude and/or
offensive. Best of luck!
Marilyn
— [Deactivated Member]
August 18, 2007
Just say "No!" to yourself and let them enjoy themselves at
WDWorld (or wherever) while you enjoy your time. Hopefully nobody will
approach you in an unsolicited manner while you are out and start in on you
about something you'd rather not discuss with strangers (e.g., YOUR
politics, religion, physical appearance, or personal habits like smoking --
or EATING). Anyone who is concerned about their obesity has many resourses
(like OH) to draw upon. If they are not concerned, they probably don't want
to be preached to by the likes of the rest of us. Live and let live.
— [Deactivated Member]
August 18, 2007
MYOB! People change and have the operation when they want to and not
before. WLS is very mainstream now, and surely they are aware of it
already. You know that when you are fat, you know you are fat and don't
need anyone else to tell you. Do you think therre is really a good way to
say, "By the way, I notice you are fat?"
— Novashannon
August 18, 2007
I don't know about everyone else, but 350lbs I knew I was fat. That was 2
yrs ago as WLS started to get popular. Today you can find it on TV pretty
much everyday. Large people know they are large and they know the options
out there. I would be approachable not the one who seeks people out to
enlighten them. Before WLS I would have been very angry if a perfect
stranger approached me about WLS.
— tazthewiz23
August 18, 2007
After 13 yrs, we are still frustrated like you. If they happen to sit near
us, we might say something like, "Do you realize that we wouldn't have
fit into these seats at 300# (or before WLS)?" and discuss it JUST
loudly enough to be heard, but not intrusively. That has worked a number
of times, and we've referred to our docs many, many ppl that way. We also
have license plates that invite ppl to ask us questions in parking lots, so
we can usually get the topic discussed without it sounding like a pointing
finger. My license reads vitaldy, his reads vitaguy, so ppl ask what that
means, and we explain that we work with WLS people and in fact, we/I have
had it, too. Where I used to carry a booklet, I leave that at home now and
just carry the one pic that says it all. Just one "before" and
they are spilling over with questions. We still act as if they are asking
for a "friend", however. Slowly, gently, let the info infiltrate
previously closed thinking.
— vitalady
August 18, 2007
I agree that WLS is very personal. I've known about it for years and just
got banded 8/15/07. I'll still be "'obese" for several months as
I lose...I would be hurt if someone approached me.
— djoiner31
August 18, 2007
Wouldnt' most of us? However, we must remember we were there and think
about how we would have felt if someone had come up to us out of the blue
and start talking to you regarding WLS.
Maybe they've thought about it and looked into it and their insurance
company doesn't cover it.
I'd have to agree with other posters -- wait for the right time. Maybe
partner with an organization to which you belong and hold a meeting
entitled Weight Loss Surgery -- Everything you needed to know and was
afraid to ask -- Questions answered by Real People, Sharing Real
Experiences.
— the7thdean
August 19, 2007
From experience in doing this, I was sitting in the drs office and this
woman started taling about how she dredded seeing the dr and he saying how
she needed to lose weight everytime. The lady sitting next to me said she
wanted to have weightloss surgery. She said she weighed 288 lbs. I casually
said that I had had wls and the other woman had this loo on her face and
said "so you too the easy way". I told her no that if others new
about the surgery and new what they could about it and did research the
myths and falisies would stop some. She said she would not go that way and
that she could lose weight if she wanted to, but she did not cause she was
fine the way she was. This other woman said fols need to stop trying to
sell it to other fols cause they had wls does not mean they want to go
through all the hassell and pain and you loo bad after losing the weight. I
showed them my before and after pics and the one that did the taling about
she could lose weight if she wanted to said I looed better fat. I shut up
and then they called my name to go to the nurses station to see my dr. I
would never approach others about again unless someone was inquring about
it and ased me if they new I had had it done. I feel some people have an
ugly way of telling you where you can get off when you mention it to them
and they are obese or morbid obese. Do if you want, but responses from some
can be ugly at times.
— mspisces
August 19, 2007
Of course, this is all up to you and your wife to follow through, BUT....
as a large woman I would of been OFFENDED to the core if someone came up to
me as a perfect stranger suggesting that I could benefit from WLS. Of
course, living in my body I would know that....and for someone to tell me,
I would be mortified. Being on the other side of the fence, the grass is
certainly greenier and I shout it from the roof tops every chance I get -
BUT it's to people who ask, who know me or ask to share. I do not force nor
enforce my new happiness and want to help on anyone w/o them asking for me
help. I support many people both WLS and non-WLS. I work in advertising and
deal with MANY vendors, clients, etc. and having had WLS I have inspired
many non-WLS people to lose weight. It's amazing and such a GREAT feeling
and I would LOVE to do more to spread the joy, but....again, I would never
address someone out of the blue. Having said that; these days I see large
women at work and I find myself giving them compliments, "great
top", "where did you buy those shoes", "WOW, you look
great today" "That's a great color on you" and things like
that. I see people giving me looks and since I've lost weight and I beat
them to the punch. Maybe, if you decide to move forward, start the
conversation with a compliment - that's a remarkable outfit...you've got
such great style....I was larger at one time, too and could never find such
stylish clothes. You look awesome. Then, if they ask how you lost the
weight, there's your in. Enjoy your vacation. My husband and I people watch
a lot too, but we ENJOY me being more energtic and wanting to do more. Take
advantage of your new bodies and have fun and focus on you!
— jammerz
August 19, 2007
You could always have a t-shirt made with large before and afters of
yourself and some type of slogan indicating you're willingness to share:
WLS - ask me about it! Then people can approach you is they want to!
— jen41766
August 20, 2007
I pretented to talk to someone about my WLS on a cell phone within earshot
of someone I wanted to help once, they then asked me about it. Had they
then not said anything to me I would not have say anything.
— DonnaB.
August 28, 2007
I weigh over 500 pounds and am fully aware that I'm fat and a candidate for
wls. I'm also fully aware of wls and am capable of finding information on
it, if I were interested. Before you lost weight, did you enjoy people
commenting on your food choices and suggesting that you joing Weight
Watchers? It's intrusive and offensive. Fat people are never allowed to
forget that they're fat. Having a former fat person preach the virtues of
weight loss isn't something any of us need.
— dorkyfatgrrrl
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