Question:
I really don't think I'm the ONLY one who feels this way.....

Hi everyone.....a little over 9 months ago I underwent WLS. I was 270 lbs and very uncomfortable physically and mentally. Pre-op I can remember thinking, "If I can only lose 100 lbs, get into a size 14, have more energy and better health, I'll be happy" Well.....I lost the 100 lbs...still felt way too fat...got into the size 14, wasn't good enough.....have more energy and the health..that's great. <p> BUT.....I KNOW that I can't be the only one here with serious body image problems STILL! I have good days where I see the new Jo....then I have days where the person in the mirror is not that great...the fat and skin still hanging in places I don't like. <p> For the first time I can finally understand the "skinny minnies" who moan and complain about that extra 10 or less pounds they want to lose and how they "feel so fat and ugly". I used to roll my eyes secretly and want to wring their skinny, shallow necks....but guess what....I know what they feel like. I guess I just wanted to let the pre-op's know that being on this end of the <i>normal</i> weight still has it's ups and downs and even small people can feel bad about their image.....With all the Fat Bashing that goes on I know that as a person who lived their whole adolescent and adult life MO I did my fair share of Skinny Bashing. Either one is wrong.    — Jo C. (posted on August 27, 2001)

August 27, 2001
I think is where a comparison of pictures and clothes might come in handy. I'm preop and keeping a journal, taking pics, etc... I've had the totally screwed up self image. I've weighed 150 and felt that I weighed 300. I've weighed under 200 many times always pushing harder and harder for that (what I thought) was my perfect weight. I now weigh almost 300 and feel every drop of it. I WILL NOT make the same mistake again if it takes every ounce of power in my body. I will not be mentally screwed up about my weight. I am almost 40 and am not going to look like Pamela Lee. I'm probably always going to shop in a plus size store. I don't care anymore. I just know that being a size 13/14 or even a 16/18 is a hell of alot better than being a 28.
   — Brenda S.

August 27, 2001
You are not alone. I used to think a freind of mine was nuts. She was about 5'9", 110#. Slender & willowy (& young). I'd have KILLED to be my 5'1" and weigh 125 then. Now I am hanging at 108 recently. I still can't see what I look like. I don't see me at 262 any more, but I just can't see me where I am. What REALLY scares me is that I've now been under 115 longer than I was over 200#! But my brain is stuck at about 150#. That's about where I spent most of my life. I think one of the problems (& I do NOT know this field at all!) is that for me, I kept changing sizes. 135 to 185 for years, the UP, UP, UP, no ending the UP, then plunge down & park. Who IS that woman in the mirror? And when I point out a cute figure, my dh says I have to gain to reach it? I am soooooooooooo confused. And I'm not sure that ever really changes completely. I am better at estimating clothing and seating sizes, but I still don't think I have an accurate view of what I look like.
   — vitalady

August 27, 2001
No you're not the only one. I started at 350 pounds and said if I could only lose 100 pounds I would be happy. Well I am at 185 right now and doing everything in my power to go lower as quickly as possible. I have 5 out of 7 days I feel fat still. What helped me is I have a new friend at work and I brought some pictures of myself in from the last 10 years and as I was showing them , I really looked and realized how far I had come. People said they can't beleive it was me, I had no features , they were swallowed up with the fat in my face. You're right about skinny bashing too. A bad body image isn't easy at either end of the scale. The one thing I am grateful to my obesity for is that after living with ridicule and being judged on my looks, I am so much more accepting of people on their actions and heart , not looks. It gives you a whole new perspective if you put yourself into another persons shoes, thin fat , old young, rich poor, we are all deserving of everything life has to offer.
   — Heather T.

August 27, 2001
Dear Jo, I too have this problem even after losing 120#. I am wearing sz.14's and 16's on a large 5'6" frame, and still feel very fat most days. I think that a realistic body image may never be in my future due to a 45+ year history of being on diets, having a 'Twiggy' mentality of what other people think is a good figure, my mom's expectations etc. Thankfully I have a boyfriend who thinks I look great, who finds Gweneth Paltrow SKINNY and unappealing, but still, I too wish for a truly accurate picture of myself in the mirror. Good luck to us all. Jill
   — Jill C.

August 27, 2001
Jo ... been there, done that, own the t-shirt concession! I think that a majority of us post-ops feel "cheated", if that's the word, in that losing all the weight didn't somehow magically solve all our problems, that we suddenly don't see ourselves as thin and fabulous, and that, some days (or weeks or months) life as a post-op is HARD, because you don't have the layer of fat to hide UNDER or the fridge to hide IN. What we do get -- which is a blessing beyond measure -- is an increased ability to cope with what life throws at us, because we're no longer focused like a laser beam on where we're gonna forage the next bag of Oreos from. So the skin on the back of my arms sag -- at least now they're not the size of an average person's thigh. I AM vain enough to have my abdominal apron removed, because you could hide a small country under there, but I can live with the poochie arms and the crepey thighs. No, I didn't lose weight and turn into Cindy Crawford -- I lost weight and turned into ME -- somebody I'd lost track of for years. Courage, my dear! Love,
   — Cheryl Denomy

August 28, 2001
Hi Jo: My surgeon told me I'd be facing issues I never imagined. I guess obsessing over 10 pounds is in my future. All I can say is I just looked at your pictures and you look so good. Posing in a bathing suit, wow! I'm only 10 weeks out and I love looking at my pictures. However, I still see how far I have to go. This surgery was obviously a physical success for you. Maybe it's not your body that's holding you back any more. Maybe it's time to focus on other things. We're so used to being our bodies that we forget there's more to life. My best suggestions are a good hobby that doesn't center around your body and a good therapist. I think you look great.
   — kcanges

August 28, 2001
Hi Jo. Yes, I agree, your pictures are adorable! However, I completely understand how you feel! You are a perfectionist and you have been working on this weight issue your entire life. Me too. This has been my lifes work, and I can't just leave it unfinished...not when I have come this far and I'm so close! The last ten pounds have become a real challenge. I find I can't tell friends or family about my struggle with the last few pounds anymore...they don't understand. They dismiss it with a "you look great. Be happy." And I am happy. I'm just not FINISHED with my project quite yet. Does this make any sense? I'm a professional designer, and perhaps that has something to do with it. I'm very visual and love anything to do with color, texture, form and line. Interior design, landscape design, clothing, hair, cosmetics. I know that many think these pursuits are shallow and self indulgent. Perhaps they are, I don't know. Perhaps these people are just not visual people and they don't experience the pleasure I do when things look just right...all I know is that for me, design, whether it is in my living room or on my body, is fun. and challenging. I am one of my most interesting design projects. When my hair, make-up and clothes look fabulous, I feel fabulous. It just occurred to me that the "last ten pounds" thing probably has something to do with all the dreaming I did while dieting. We would hold in our minds the image of what we wanted to look like. As a teenager I had a vision of myself in a tiny bikini riding a surf board. Silly, I know. But that image is strong and I have carried it around with me for many years. I never visualized myself as a slighly chubby middle aged women sitting on the beach in a one piece suit with a skirt. Perhaps if I had, I wouldn't fret about the last ten pounds. Oh dear. Therapy just might be warrented here.
   — Anne G.

August 28, 2001
I completely understand where you are coming from. I just posted a question similar to yours on Monday. I weighted 251 pre-op and I've lost 46lbs. I can see that my clothes are too big now but when I look in the mirror I still see myself as fat as ever! I don't know what to do to change this image of myself but it is really helpful to know that I am not alone.
   — L M.