Question:
I want and plan to have WLS but I am embarassed about being a failure.
Since I will be admitting my failure at all the normal ways of loosing weight. How do I explain this to my friends / family or do I keep this a secret? — [Anonymous] (posted on August 12, 2001)
August 12, 2001
I have done both, I originally had a VBG about 6 years ago. I didn't tell
my husbands side of the family for fear of riducule or to have to defend my
circumstance. This worked for me but was hard to hide the fact. I felt
safer emotionally doing it this way. I am now having a revision because I
have regained the weight. I will tell everyone this time around. I have
already told co-workers. I feel it is a positive step for me in my
emotional recovery from food addiction. For me all of this has nothing
really to do with food and everything to do with relationships and how I
deal with people and emotions.
— Amanda D.
August 12, 2001
More and more these days this surgery is becoming a
"conventional" weight loss treatment. As they are figuring out
that weight can be genetic and that Morbid Obesity is a disease this is
some people's only way out. Please don't view this surgery as a failure...
99 % of diets fail for 99% of people at the "morbidly obese"
point. You hear the exceptions, but that's not the rule. You will face
ridicule when you tell people. There's no real prepairing for it, but if
you have solidly made up your mind you must be prepaired to say
"Support me or stay away from me, this is the best thing for me"
Good bless you in your journey.
— Elizabeth D.
August 12, 2001
Only think possitive! This surgery will work it is almost fool proof. The
only way you can mess it up is to not follow the post surgery diet. Don't
drink soda with surgar if you are now stop now. If you eat more than you
should you will get so sick you won't want to feel that way again. Its
like touching fire untill you realize its going to hurt everytime.lol Good
luck.
— 2045
August 12, 2001
First of all, you are not a failure! You are a survivor for taking a stand
against a disease that you have. I have the same disease. Morbid Obesity.
I am post op and everyone knows what I did. I told everyone at my job,
all my family and friends and you know something? Because all of these
people love me and want to see me live, they supported me and understood my
decision. They didn't ridicule me for not having the "stamina"
to go through and succeed w/ a regular diet plan. Infact, most of them
told me how courageous they thought I was for taking the step to have the
surgery. Its not easy admitting you have a problem, whether it be food,
drugs, alcohol, etc. Most people don't understand that this thing called
morbid obesity is infact a disease, a disorder if you will, that needs
treatment like any other disease. I applaud you at making a decision that
will allow you to live your life to the fullest and let people see what a
wonderfully courageous person you are. Soon, you will be on the other side
like many of us who are happy that we took the step to have surgery. Its
natural to be afraid, but never NEVER feel like a failure. You my friend,
are a SURVIVOR! best wishes on your future....good luck.
— Karrie W.
August 12, 2001
I would like to draw the distinction between BEING A FAILURE and having
failed at something, especially dieting. DIETING DOESN'T WORK FOR LONG TERM
RESULTS. AMERICANS ARE DIETING THEMSELVES INTO MORBID OBESITY. It is insane
to keep doing the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome.
YOU have not failed, the prescribed treatment for obesity (dieting) has
failed you. However, most doctors cannot bear the thought that they might
be wrong about anything so, as is typical of this society, we blame the
victim. Personally, I am proud of my relentless persistence in finding the
thing (WLS) that finally has worked to alleviate the condition of morbid
obesity and given me the chance to live a fairly normal life. I shouted my
plan to have surgery from the rooftop in an attempt to educate any who
would listen, and give ongoing updates of the success of the surgery to my
enclave of supporters. I suggest you do the same. It feels GREAT! And
screw any feeling of shame that you have to seek this as a last resort.
Shame on the medical community for continuing to enforce treatment that
doesn't work and a society that has unrealistic expectations for our
bodies, given our gene pool, modern conveniences and the relentless
propaganda (read fast food ads, etc.) that encourages us to overeat. I say
Supersize THIS! Good Luck to you...
— merri B.
August 12, 2001
I am still pre-op but I wanted to put in my two cents on this question. I
too have felt like a failure in the past, trying every diet known to man
without any luck. I DO NOT consider this surgery as being a failure. This
surgery is a risky and it takes a strong person to make the decision to
have this surgery. At first I planned on keeping this surgery a secret but
then I began to think "why? I am not embarrassed to admit that I have
tried everything else, so why not admit this?" I have had a few
negative responses but those few people have never been in my shoes.
Anyway, in my opinion, be proud of yourself that you are making an attempt
to prolong and even save your life!
— Happy B.
August 12, 2001
What is "normal?" Normal for me is not what is normal for someone
else. I'm not a failure, I'm actually a star for having faced my demon and
found a strategy to beat it. Lots of others never get to deal with their
demons at all because they are in denial. If it's not the way someone else
may choose to deal with finding their path to health, so be it.
— [Anonymous]
August 12, 2001
Hi, Number one I would like to say, you are in no way a failure. If diets
actually worked, then why are so many people fat?? You didn't fail the
diets, the diets failed you. Your looking into surgery to prolong your
life, to make your self happier and healthier, and that's exactly what you
tell people that question why. Keeping this a secret is up to you, but
there is nothing wrong with having a procedure that is going to allow you
to win the battle of the bulge. Thousands of people have surgery everyday
to prolong their lives, heart bypasses, liver transplants, etc.. and they
are not questioned why. Being obese is just as bad or if not worse then
any disease that is surgically repaired or removed, it can kill you.
Stick to your convictions about surgery and you'll be fine.
— [Anonymous]
August 12, 2001
I would not consider this failure either. I have a very supportive family
because I have struggled quite awhile to with being overweight. My friends
were questionable at first but thier coming around. But here is the all
important thing to remember Are u a failure because you want to live
longer? No. This is a "Tool" you still have to work hard to get
where you want, your just getting a helping hand where its needed. good
luck and stay positive cause only you are gonna live in that body!
— kris71872
August 12, 2001
I felt like a failure BEFORE the surgery! I had failed
by being obese in the first place. I'd spent many years
failing at one weight-loss attempt after another!
Having the surgery was a POSITIVE move - NOT a sign of
failure....
I had my OpenVBG 9 weeks ago today and have lost 60 lbs.
THAT is NOT failure!!! I am a winner!!!
— Cathy J.
August 17, 2001
You are not a failure ! It takes guts to go on so many diets in our life
time !
I am 52 years old and was on diets of every kind since I was 9 years old !
I had an open RNY on April 6th , 2001. I have now lost 83 lbs !
Believe me , this surgery works !
I had the same worries before my surgery as you do.
I have very supportive family , friends and co workers !
Your TRUE friends will never make you feel like a failure !
They will stand beside you and HELP you in your difficult times !
Go for it girl !!!!! GOD BLESS YOU !!!!
— kountry
August 17, 2001
I know just how you feel. I am in the approval process now and am debating
reall hard on who to tell. I work with a lot of people and don't want them
to see me as a failure. My impression is that they'll say "Look at
her, she's so fat, only surgery could help her." I know that's crazy
sounding, but its how I feel. I figure eventually I'll have to tell when I
mysteriouly begin dropping weight. But I share your feelings. Good luck
to you!
— [Anonymous]
August 17, 2001
I had planned on not telling what kind of surgery I was having, but, my
boss became so distraught and thinking the worse, that I told her it was
WLS. She was surprisingly supportive. I told others at work and said it
was not up for discussion. I only speak to knowlegable people (like here
on AMOS). They can talk amongst themselves, I don't wish to hear it. Mean
spirited people will be mean spirited about anything and these folks are a
part of life. I do my best not to dwell on their thoughts on any subject.
Tune in positive friends and tune out the others.
— faybay
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