Question:
How do you respond to someone who asks hw many lbs you have lost?
My boss and some coworkers have started to notice my loss. They do not know that I had WLS. They tellme, "oh you look great, how much have you lost?" Now it is nice to be flattered but I know that if I told them that I have lost 102, they would think , wow and she is still fat. I need to loose more than most of them way. Is it just that thin people do not think how embarassing this may be? I am not ashamed of how much I have lost, and I am proud of the way that I look, but I think that asking how much have you lost is equivalent to asking how much do you weigh. I have been telling them that my DR told me not to weigh but to measure, this is true but I weigh also. Is there a better way? — Sue B. (posted on June 29, 2001)
June 29, 2001
I too hate that question for the same reason. I am only 5 weeks post op
and have lost 35lbs with is enough for people to begin to notice. My
answer had been, "Not as much as I intend to loose" and I then
try to stir the conversation to how much better I am feeling. I think most
people will accept that answer and not dig.
— Margaret B.
June 29, 2001
just tell them "to be honnest i dont have a scale... my doctor weights
me every couples of month but i cant remember but i am very please with my
new attitude towards food and with my new way of life bla bla bla..."
concentrate them on the big benefit you get from loosing weight. how much
is not of their buisness you now. if you want to keed it quiet its up to
you :)
— carou1313
June 29, 2001
I would tell them frankly a lot and it's just not a number your comfortable
discussing but how much you appreciate the fact that they notice.
— Dawn R.
June 29, 2001
I think Margaret's answer is very tactful. I love the line from Spin City
- "The last time I checked the guest list for those minding my
business, your name wasn't on it!" LOL!
— [Deactivated Member]
June 29, 2001
If I'd lost over 100 pounds, I'd be SCREAMING it from every rooftop in the
world!
— Julie D.
June 29, 2001
Hello Sue... I just tell 'em that I don't weigh (which is the truth) but I
have lost 10 sizes... ps.. Congrats on your accomplishments... Jo Ann
— blank first name B.
June 29, 2001
I had a similar situation come up a couple of weeks ago, although it was an
in-law family event. My sister-in-law's niece asked me how much I lost and
I told her and everyone listening that I'd lost 103 lbs. Then she asked
how much I weighed. And I told them! I've known these people all my life
and I'm very happy to tell the world I weigh 174 lbs. What I found more
difficult to respond to was this 23-year old, formerly thin girl saying
sadly, "You weigh less than me". I didn't say anything to that,
as I've always thought it was worse for people who'd actually been thin to
become morbidly obese as adults. I just felt so bad for her, it kinda
deflated my moment of pride.
— Allie B.
June 29, 2001
It depends on who is asking the question but I really have a few standard
answers. One is "Oh, I've lost a few pounds.." or "Do you
really think so?" or "Gee., I thought I had gained weight!"
or "Obviously enough that you noticed.." or try "Do you
think I need to loose weight???!!!??" How about "At least 500
pounds, how about you? How much have you gained?" or "How can
you tell in this big old dress?" I guess my point is that there are
lots of ways to approach this rude questioning and my experience is that
people aren't really interested in your happiness, they are just nosey and
want the quick fix. I also tell them that I found the magic pill or potion
and it's a secret....I am almost 18 months post op and it is to the point
now that most people who haven't seen me since the operation do not
recognize me at all and I have to tell them who I am. Now if someone asks
me and I know they are truly sincere and happy and someone I want to talk
to I tell them how much weight I have lost-most don't believe it. Sometimes
I say the numbers for the shock value.... but I still have yet to tell
anyone right out that I had surgery. That's another issue altogether.
Suffice it to say that I have lost at last 205 pounds in 17 months and am a
new person and I want to get rid of the old and move on with my life. My
weight always defined who I was and I also use that as an answer, too.
"I am more than my weight and would like to be treated with respect
for the whole me!! *smile*" I did have to practice saying these things
in front of a mirror, now they are second nature..I also have to tell you
that I usually am quite adept at immediately steering the converstion away
from the subject of my weight. Good luck to you
— Fran B.
June 29, 2001
if that question was asked of me i would respond...# of pounds but im not
finished yet!!! i intend to lose alot more in the future.
be proud of what u have accomplished. it wasnt easy & u deserve the
pats on the back even tho they may come in the form of 'left handed
compliments'.
— sheryl titone
June 29, 2001
I hate to admit this but I have caught myself "stretching" the
truth a little bit! I have been at a plateau for a while so when people
ask I remember that I had lost X amt last time they asked and I am still at
X amt so I have added 5 lbs! I hate myself for doing this but more
importantly I hate them for putting me in the spotlight like that. Has
anyone else lied? From now on I am going to use some of these great
responses! It is nobody's business how much the gravitional pull is on
your body! lol
Anyhow, even if I hadn't been plateauing I think it is rude to discuss a
person's body unless you have been asked to. This really is a sore spot
with me....6 mos postop. Also I am feeling defensive about it and that is
why I am posting anonymously. I have defended the space I occupied here
on this planet long enough....to heck with anybody who asks this personal
question. Sometimes you can just see the jealousy in their eyes and
sometimes your best friends are the worse ones. If you can't say good
things about your neighbor, don't say nothing at all! lol
— [Anonymous]
June 29, 2001
Just simply smile and say "a lot and I'm feeling so much better
now" I'm am still pre -op but that's what I intend to say to anyone I
don't really want to discuss it with.
— Cathy D.
June 29, 2001
Just sat quite a bit why do you ask? That usually sends them stammering
— Robin C.
June 29, 2001
I would respond by either saying 1)A lot thanks for noticing! I'm feeling
pretty good. (they'll get the hint after a while)....or 2) I have chosen a
healthier lifestyle and part of that was throwing my scale away so I don't
know how many pounds, but I'm feeling pretty good, thanks. We can answer
those questions in such a way that people will realize that we don't want
to answer those questions at all.
— [Deactivated Member]
June 30, 2001
I think it is SOOOOOOO rude for people to ask how much have you lost ....
there is absolutely no justification for that question. Think about it ...
why on earth do they need to know a number? Answer .... they don't ....
just nosey .... want something to gossip about. "Hey did you hear
about *your name here* ... she has lost XXX pounds! Can you believe
it?". Fortunately, most people just say something nice ... like you
have really done well, I have noticed that you have lost a lot of weight,
you look great ... etc. I don't find these comments offensive in the
least. In these cases, I usually say thank you for noticing and mention
that I am really feeling wonderful. When tactless and ill-mannered people
insist on asking the "how much question" ... I respond vaguely
.... usually I say something like "quite a bit" or
"alot" and leave it at that. If they press for a number, I just
say (as politely as I can) ... "I prefer not to answer that question
.... it makes me very uncomfortable." I have never had anyone press
beyond that, but if they did, I would say "I think your question is
incredibly personal, extremely insensitive and very rude and I have NO
intention of answering it". If that didn't shut them up, I would just
walk away. In my (not so humble) opinion, my weight loss in no way excuses
rudeness and insensitivity on the part of others! Hope this helps. By the
way .... congrats on your super weight loss .... I bet you are looking and
feeling wonderful! (((((((Big Hugs)))))))))))
— Lynn T.
July 1, 2001
My answer usually depends on who I'm talking to. Most people know that
I've lost weight because my doctor's found a medical problem and fixed it.
I now am able to exercise, eat less and feel full. My metabolism is more
normal and I've lost a bunch a wieght. I only go into the specifics with
close friends or overwieght friends who might be interested in doing it.
I've lost 85 lbs since 10/00 and am 7 lbs from goal. I under exagerate the
weight loss when talking to others and say I've lost 45 lbs. Not many
people can really remember what you weighed and 85 lbs in 7 months sounds
odd, like you're doing something unhealty. This seems to satisfy
everything - I don't seem standoffish (these are friend after all), they
have an answer that just lets them feel good for me. Hope this input helps
- there are so many ways that people go with this. (It also helps me
because I really don't want to announce how much I use to weigh to people.)
— Marilyn M.
July 2, 2001
Most people are asking out of kindness - for those who are are just rude
and nosey - there is also no excuse for responding to rudeness with
rudeness.
My standard for everyone - a pleasant "Enough that I feel much better!
Thank you for noticing!"
— Cathy J.
August 8, 2001
I work on a busy unit in a local hospital. I haven't had the surgery
yet...I am still awaiting insurance approval. I had thought about slinking
away...you know..having the surgery and returning to work. I also
anticipated questions from my co-workers in regards to the possible rapid
wieght loss. They have been a part of my life for over four years..and
have seen me struggle with my wieght. I am giving them the benefit of the
doubt..and told them of my intentions to have the open RNY done. I also
invited them to check out the websites and to ask any questions they might
have. I am not ashamed of my decision..and embrace the help/support they
have to offer. I am glad to have such friends/co-workers.
— [Anonymous]
August 8, 2001
This is related I think. My boyfriend made a huge deal about how many
pounds I'd lost at first, he even exagerated it and was telling people I
don't even know about it. I have said from the beginning that I'm not
focused on the number of pounds, it's if I'm healthier and doing healthy
things for myself. I will tell some people a number but it's always a
range and I explain that it depends on the scale, time of day, etc. And I
always make sure to tell them that it has been a lot of work and struggle
on my part. I guess I don't think people should just look at the pounds
lost. It's an entire process and the pounds are only one small part of it.
I feel better when people ask me how I'm feeling. That's more important
to me than the pounds anyway. Just had to chime in. :)
— kcanges
August 8, 2001
I have a plan for people who ask if I am losing weight. I think I'll say,
"I don't know. Do you think so?" and if anyone is so bold as to
ask how much (outside of a few people who are welcome to even ask me for a
copy of my last paycheck, I think I will say, "a pound here or there I
think." I am so glad that my surgery is being kept pretty private.
— [Anonymous]
Click Here to Return