Question:
do you think my friend had surgery
Last year My friend lost 110 pound in 6 mos, and she is still losing but she won't tell me how much anymore but I would quess about another 100 pound she said that she did it on the WieghtWatchers Program, but since learning about this surgery and the side effects(she had hair lost) I don't believe her now. She can eat anything she wants and still losing wieght. I'm not jealous, just can't understand why she would lie since she know that I have been fighting this battle all my life just like her and I always told her about every diet program that could help both of us. What do you all think? Anyone ever lost 100 pound in 6 mos on WW? and why would she lie? Thanks God bless you all — blank first name B. (posted on June 12, 2001)
June 12, 2001
Personally, I have a very hard time admitting to people that I am even
thinking about having the surgery. If your friend had this surgery,
perhaps she feels the same way. It's difficult to face people who have
opinions about WLS that place the person in a failure position or as one
who is taking "the easy way out". I'm not saying that you fit
that category, but I choose not to have to explain to anyone, yet, about
the reason this is my choice. But, more important, what is really
bothering you about this if she has kept this surgery to herself? You are
assuming she has lied to you. She may very well have lost the weight with
the support of a diet program. She may be bulemic, for all you know. If
you are her good friend, support her loss with joy and support, and find
"your own way" to make your dream of weight loss happen. Does it
really matter HOW she did it? With compassion and empathy in the knowledge
of what she has gone through just being overweight, you can put aside your
feelings of betrayal and work towards a better communication. Express your
true intrests in the surgery if it is your intention to follow through with
it. If she has had it, and realizes you need support, she may open up to
you. If she did indeed lose it with WW, she may be able to offer you some
tips on the types of foods that have helped her in her struggle. Stop
worrying so much about her, and take time to focus on what is going to make
you happy. Hope that helps.
— El B.
June 12, 2001
I think it is possible for someone to lose a lot of weight on the weight
watchers program, I have done it myself. Losing 100lbs in 6 months would
be a great success. If she did have WLS and chose not to tell you, it is a
very personal decision, one I would not take personally. I say cheer her
on and instead of wondering how she lost it congratulate her on the fact
that she has lost it.
— [Anonymous]
June 12, 2001
Hi - I think some people feel that itis very private and in some cases feel
like they would be condemned. My best friend...lost 100+ pounds prior to
our friendship....I was soo impressed, I asked her how...she sort of hymmed
and hawed around it. New Years Eve....We went to their house...and I told
her I had two questions for you....1. I am thinking about WLS & what is
your opinion (she is a nurse)....and 2. You had this procedure at one time.
She responded that 1. She is a strong proponent to WLS and would support
me 100% and 2. yes, 17 years ago. Until I asked her point blank...she was
NOT giving up any info. As I said...for some this is a VERY personal
adventure...Don't be too hard on your friend,,,,Luv Ya, Karan
— chance2lv
June 12, 2001
Yep, I too am a deceiver. I have chosen to keep my surgery a secret. No one
has questioned me about surgery. I am frequently asked How I am losing this
weight. I do not disclose this. In my part of the country, it really isn't
popular or that well-known. So, it is pretty easy to hide it. (I know, some
people want to shout it from the rooftops, just not me!) I have enjoyed
feeling normal. I was the only obese person I knew, so I don't feel that I
am keeping anything from someone who "needs" to know. Everyone
else is just nosey, and it is none of their business. I am not saying this
pertains to your particular situation. My very best friend has been
supportive of my weight loss and my biggest cheerleader. She has been
great. BTW I lost 100 lbs on the optifast program. It took me exactly 6
months. I also lost hair. If your friend is eating food, then this is
probably not her "program". I just wanted you to know that there
are other ways besides WLS to lose that much. I say be her biggest fan and
supporter. She may just want to keep this to herself. I know with me, the
reason I don't tell even my closest friends is that I figure the more
people that know, the greater the risk that others will find out that I
don't want to. 3 people know (including myself). They are not talking. They
want to keep this a secret as well. They helped me when I was in the
hospital and have been great ever since. Please don't be hurt. I can see
her side and I am sure it is nothing personal against you.
— [Anonymous]
June 12, 2001
I am in the beginning stages of this journey and I have only told my grown
daughter, one friend, and one sister. At this point, I am not sharing this
because I not at all sure that I will be approved to have the surgery. My
surgeon was encouraging, but my comorbidities, are few and not life
threatening. eg lower back problems, swelling and pain in my feet and
ankles to the extend that it is difficult for me to walk, incontinence,
occasional high blood pressure that is barely in the high range. If I am
approved, however, I think I will still have a hard time telling people,
sharing this. My sister is not at all supportive of me having this done and
has been very outspoken. I am actually sorry I told her. She works for a
prominent internist and sees a lot of the complications people can go
through as a result of the surgery. My sis also gave me a lecture about how
she thiks this surgery is a way for people like me, meaning fat people, to
get a "quick fix", rather than "just" sticking to a
diet and exercise program like she and other thin people do. She obviously
does not have a clue what is involved, what I have been through, and
frankly I am not going to waste my time and energy trying to educate her.
My friend reacted in a less "mean" way, but also had many
negative comments. As you can see, I have already gotten a lot of criticism
so I think I am going to be very hesitant to tell others even after I
hopefully have the surgery. Many people just do not understand. They force
some of us to be dishonest or to lie by omission. No matter how your friend
has lost weight, just be happy for her, praise her often, and let her know
that you are there for her if she ever needs to talk to you about anything.
All of this and more is why this site is so important to so many people.
No matter how many other things in our lives make us different, we share
this common bond. Read through some of the comments on the message board
and you will see how much love and support this site provides, which is
something not all of us can get from our family members, friends, and
coworkers.
— [Anonymous]
June 12, 2001
I only told those I felt ABSOLUTELY needed to know. My husband, mother, and
2 friends. My entire family and church don't know. This was my decision.
One of my friends I told, told me I was selfish and a hypocrite for not
telling other people that care about me. But if I'm selfish that is ok. I
need to be. It's all about me now. I made the decision that was right for
me, and even though others around me are overweight, I chose not to tell
them cause they wouldn't understand. If Your friend had WLS surgery it is
hard enough without her having to justify her weight lose. All I can say is
I understand her need to be private. Just be a friend and support her.
Don't antagonize her. What ever answer she gives you be happy with that.
— Takenya I.
June 12, 2001
I'm not telling many people--my adult children,husband and one friend know.
I am embarrassed at how many times I have lost 100 pounds and then gained
it all back plus some. I think I will just have surgery and smile sweetly.
I don't need anyone else's approval,judgement, or opinions. I doubt most of
my acquaintances will mention it either--they have watched me dance up and
down the scale. They will probably think I bought another rollercoaster
ticket. Be kind to your friend. And let her share when and if she wants to.
— [Anonymous]
June 14, 2001
I really liked this question because it addresses something that I don't
completely understand. I don't know why people hide their surgery from
people who are close to them or even just aquaintances. I know there are
critical people and it is about privacy and everything, but I feel it
perpetuates the myth that obesity is an issue of willpower and not a
disease that requires surgical treatment. We have been forced into the
closet for too long and I intend to shout it from the rooftops when I have
surgery. But I do respect other peoples decision to keep it private. I
say ask your friend flat out if she had surgery. Why not, your friends
right? Friends should communicate and if you have questions its best to
ask before the resentment begins. That's my theory for what its worth:-)
Good luck with everything.
— Sara A
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