Question:
I am suddenly petrified of bad things happening! HELP!

I am having my surgery (open RNY) in 8 days. I am excited and SCARED. I am so afraid that I will be one of the few/rare cases that have negative outcomes. I realize that I am risking my life for this, but I don't think that it is worth dying over. I have two sons that I live for and I know that our lives will be so much better if this surgery is successful but if it isn't, their lives will be destroyed. Most of the people around me are quite scared for me...is that a bad omen? I don't want to die, I don't want my children to lose their mother. I know that this is normal, can anyone offer advise on how to get thru the negative thoughts? Also, does anyone know of any books or resources that offer relaxation and/or meditation hints for patients? Thank you!!!    — Pati M. (posted on May 22, 2001)

May 22, 2001
Pati, I definitely don't have all the answers but I did want to offer you some encouraging words, if I can. I will be having my surgery (open rny) shortly also. I've decided that yes, I am definitely afraid; however, I am more afraid to remain the way I am. I don't have a life really - at least not one that I can enjoy myself. I have a 13 year old son that I love more than life itself and I don't want to leave him either but he does deserve to have a mother that can do things with him - enjoy life with him, etc...My chances are better of having that with surgery than without. I've put my faith in God and I know that whatever His will is for me will be. Pray and trust in Him and your own instinct. The power of prayer is miraculous!!! Good luck to you and I hope you develop that peace before your surgery. God Bless!
   — Sharon R.

May 22, 2001
Hi, I read your posting and really identified with it. I am having lap RNY in 31/2 weeks, and have been terrified on and off. But with some sould searching, I have decided it is mainly because my self esteem is so low, that underneath it all I feel I don't deserve to be thin and healthy. Nothing I have ever done for my weight has worked, so why should this? I have also felt like, things just don't work out for me, if they did, I wouldn't be in this position. After realizing these thoughts were at the root of my fears, I just started telling myself that I do deserve to be thin, I am good person, and things will work out for me. I AM DUE. When that stinkin thinkin comes in, just remind yourself that you deserve to be healthy, your children deserve a healthy mother and that you are doing the bravest most empowering thing you could possibly do for you and your family. God has not brought you this far to let you down now. Keep the good thoughts, you are in my prayers. Janet
   — Janet W.

May 22, 2001
Try to stay focused on the things that you will need to do in order to be a success. I am 10 weeks post op. I know how you feel. I was scared/excited until the day before surgery. I thought I would have trouble sleeping the night before surgery but to my surprise, I felt a complete peace. I guess I was partially afraid that something would happen to keep this last chance away from me. You will be just fine. My thoughts and prayers will be with you.
   — [Anonymous]

May 22, 2001
Pati, I can totally relate to how you are feeling. I am 4 weeks post op, and I was really terrified of having surgery. I had a date in summer of '99 and chickened out because my daughter asked me if I would die during surgery. In the next 1 1/2 years I kept packing on the pounds, and it got to a point where I was physically inactive, and I knew if I continued at this pace I would die without a chance. I really did a lot of soul searching, and TONS of research before I decided to go ahead with the surgery. What you are feeling is totally normal. Just remember that ANY surgery has risks. If this is really what you want GO FOR IT! If you have doubts, you can always reconsider. Don't feel pressured into it. What you are feeling is totally normal, and most of us have gone through the same feelings. I even chickened out once! Hang in there and pray, pray, pray. I will keep you in my prayers, and Good Luck!
   — Kim B.

May 22, 2001
Hi Pati, my surgery is scheduled for next Tuesday, the 29th...I am just a little nervous and understand. Here is how I look at this whole thing.....1. 3 years ago, I had a near fatal auto accident....I say near fatal, because the emt and cop on scene said I should have never walked away...which I did with minimal injury....this past saturday, I was in route to a location...I detoured by 5 minutes (for a burgerking soda)..I just missed being there by during an armed robbery....I believe when it's my time, then it is my time...I can not believe God would spare me this Saturday...only to have problems during surgery....2. If you are rushed to the hospital for an emergency surgery to have your appendix removed, you would not think twice about it....the difference here is the morbid obesity is doing it's damage slower...but I firmly believe that by having this surgery I am extended my life!! No one can make this decision for you....research, research and put you trust into your surgeon, your support system, and what ever Higher Power you believe in!! Good Luck, God Bless and see you on the Loser side next week!! Love Ya, Karan
   — chance2lv

May 28, 2001
I think all of us were terrified. That's normal and good as well. If someone is'nt scared something is wrong with them. When I was being preped for surgery I would have loved to walk away! But I told myself, "Dan, you know nothing else has worked. There are no other options for you! If you walk away now, I know you... you will be back as you know there are no other options. So do what you have to do." It's ok to be scared, just don't let it paralise you. Chances are good that all will go well. Good luck.
   — Danmark