Question:
Has anyone NOT told their family? I only want supportive, positve people around me,
and I know my mother is not one of those. Has anyone else dealt with this? Thanks in advance. — [Anonymous] (posted on April 9, 2001)
April 9, 2001
I haven't told my husband yet (my surgery date is 4-17-01) because I know
he will not be supportive. I did tell him that I was having my gall
bladder removed and he is okay with that. I told my best friend and my
sister-in-law but as far as anyone else...they don't need to know. Like
you I only wanted to tell people who would support me. Hang in there and
find a friend on this site. There are a ton of wonderful people here. I
have made some great freindships. Thanks and good luck.
— Debra T.
April 9, 2001
I knew that my mother in law would not be supportive. So I didnt tell her
at first. About two weeks or so before my surgery, when my insurance
approval was in and my final decision was made, we went out to dinner. (We
are pretty close though I knew she wouldnt handle the surgery well).
Anyway, I said, "Mother in law I need to tell you something. No I am
not pregnant (LOL her wishful thinking). I have decided to have WLS. I
know that I wont live to see grandchildren if I dont. Ive done so much
research, I know what Im doing. Though there are risks, the risks of being
morbidly obese outweigh the risks of surgery. My decision is made. I am
having surgery on August 21st, opps your birthday. I need your
support." Needless to say she thought I was nuts and not that fat. I
think I made the right decision in being honest and straight forward. I
also think I was smart not to tell anyone but my husband until I was sure
that I made my decision without any coercion (SP). She loves me so she was
supportive, even if she thought I was making the biggest mistake of my
life.
— Jeannet
April 9, 2001
I didn't want to share my wls with everyone. I chose a few close friends at
work, and told them I didn't want to share with the whole office. They
understood and supported me. I held off telling my mother because I new
what her reaction would be. (not good) I told my youngest brother, whom I
am very close to. I couldn't believe his response. I was nuts and didn't
know what I was getting into etc... needless to say I had tears that night.
When surgery was set, I finally told my mother. When I told her she had no
reaction. She has been non-supportive through out. Even through it all I am
still glad I told her. My Dad is more supportive than she is. This is a
big decision and a very personal one. Good luck with your decision. My
thoughts are with you. Denise
— [Anonymous]
April 9, 2001
I havae the opposite problem, so far my Mother has been the only supportive
one. Unfortunately she lives in Texas, I'm in NY. When I first told my
friends that I was looking into WLS their reactions weren't positive so I
stopped telling people.
— Elizabeth A.
April 9, 2001
I know what you mean. I am picking a choosing who I tell. I bring up the
conversation as "I've been offered the opportunity to have the surgery
Carnie Wilson had". That way I can get all the opinions and from there
I can tell who I will then go back and tell them I am having the surgery. I
only what to have positive people around me. This is a big change in our
lives. So far this method is working. I finally told a friend that I was
worried about. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I think it is
important to tell everyone that you are living with though. They to will be
affected by your decision. Good luck I hope this helps.
— Vanessa H.
April 11, 2001
I have not told my husband. I also have to have my gallbladder out and
that is all he knows. I don't think I will tell him at all.
— Shawnee R.
April 11, 2001
I have always told people. I'm probably driving everyone crazy wanting to
talk about it! (my surgery is set for April 18th) In the beginning so many
people had negative things to say about the surgery, My younger brother
actually told me I was taking the "easy" way out!! For me this is
my last chance and the most difficult decision I've ever made in my life,
so I was upset about this... My family was wary at first, so I printed out
anything I could possibly get my hands on so they would understand a little
bit better. Knowledge is a wonderful thing to have. I had a friend going
through this in 1999 and I thought she was crazy! Then I started research
and found my new chance at life. Of course this is a very personal
decision. I hope everything goes well for you. Good Luck.
— Kim B.
April 11, 2001
I'm appalled that you can't tell you husband. Mine's been with me every
step of the way from the initial seminar to the pre-admission testing. I
don't want to be unsupportive, but if you can't share such a life changing
event with your husband, I'm worried there is a bigger problem than your
weight. I've told everyone ... family, coworkers, friends, etc. As a result
I've received so much support and I must be on dozens of prayer lists. I
hope you have some supportive people around you if you can't tell your
husband. I wish you the best of luck and I'll say a prayer for you.
— [Anonymous]
April 12, 2001
I can understand wanting to keep the surgery private, but EEK! Not tell
your husband...?
Obviously, I don't know enough about anything in your life to make any
judgements,
but this to me does speak of larger problems than the matter of weight loss
at hand.
While I can certainly clearly understand keeping this from relatives, in
laws, and
everything else, keeping it from my life partner who lives with me and
shares in
my every emotion is simply not imagible. Counselling, I hope you'll
consider that
because if you're not close enough to your husband for the surgery, maybe
that's
a sign in itself. Good luck!
— Alisa M.
April 12, 2001
I have told my husband, my parents and my best friend. I am only telling
my co-workers that I am having abdominal surgery. I just do not want
people to know what kind of surgery I am having until I know it is
successful. Maybe it is because I have tried so many different diets that
I told my coworkers about and failed. I think who you tell should be your
own personal decision, who you feel comfortable with.
— Sandy S.
April 13, 2001
I told my husband.At first he was not okay with it. He was afraid
something would happen to me, but I gave hime lots of research and told him
how much it meant to me.He is really still not too pleased, but he
understands and is being supportive.He will be going with me to my first
Dr.'s appt. I haven't told any friends or family members because two years
ago I was going to have the surgery and no one was supportive and everyone
told me I wasn't "that" fat or I didn't need it, or they liked me
the way I am. I told everyone that I was going out of town on vacation and
on business, so they won't see me for a while. Co-workers only know because
of another person at work telling others.
— dee L.
April 13, 2001
I too have hesitated telling my friends and family. I have a supportive
husband who of course is worried but knows just how much I want this change
in my life. I have told only him and my mother. I feel that since I am
doing this for me only those I chose to tell need know. I have had a
struggle in making this decision but I feel its best for me. I will tell
friends and family as I see fit and think you should do the same. This is
a life altering event that concerns "you", tell those around you
as you feel the need to.
— Janet R.
June 19, 2001
I didn't tell my family. My husband, our favorite aunt and uncle and 3
other very close friends. I wasn't sure how my family would react plus, my
mother had just lost her sister and I knew she would want to come. Five
days after, I called and told them I had my gallbladder removed. About 3
weeks ago I told my parents and they were both supportive, didn't like that
I felt I couldn't tell them, but my father keeps telling me how proud he is
of me.
This is a very personal decision and should you or anyone that has made
this decision not feel comfortable about telling the world, immediate
family etc, then that's your choice. It's also a decision that is not come
too lightly, I thought long and hard about this and weighed the pros and
cons of it.
— Heather D.
October 3, 2003
I, too, decided to let only a few supportive people know about the surgery.
I decided to tell only those who might be affected by my surgery
(AKA...those who could help take care of my son) I did this b/c I mentally
did not want to deal with everyone's opinions. Especially my in-laws.
They had always envisioned my hubby to marry a cute perky little
cheerleader and *SURPRISE* they got me! *snicker*
So this "fat-a$$'d Bit@h" (as they call me) will love seeing how
much their attitudes change as I shrink before their eyes *smile* Too bad
any goodness they may bestow upon me once I get little will not alter the
fact that I have seen their true colors.
As for the rest of my circle of friends and family. I just feel that I
don't need the pressure of their questions (if I would have told them) I
do not want the pressure of "How much have you lost?" "Are
you supposed to eat that?" "Shouldn't you eat more?"
...etc...
As for my in-laws...I told them about a month pre-op, that I was thinking
of going on a diet. That way I wouldn't have to explain anything sudden.
They just think I eat (which is true) and that I began exercising (which is
true)
It may be a little sneaky....but my success is what I need to focus
on...not anyone's attention to the process of that success.
— Kristen S.
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