Question:
How do people feel about NOT telling significant others about WLS??

I'm just renewing my relationship with the love of my life. Things are going well. He has noticed that I've gained 40 pounds since I saw him last (18 months ago) and asked me about that. He's always been very supportive of my weight loss but I think I'm embarrassed to tell him about WLS.    — mommalove (posted on March 27, 2001)

March 26, 2001
Hi Catherine, it is wonderful to have someone supportive in our lives. If you are redeveloping this relationship and you plan to have surgery, he is going to know or find out about your surgery. Or at least question you about your hospitilization. Don't lie or deceive him. You are going to need all of the support you can get during this time. It is one thing not to tell a third cousin or co worker, but a parent, spouse,sig other or children is different. Also if he was supportive in your other weight loss efforts, I'm sure he will support you in this event.
   — Jan M.

March 26, 2001
Don't be embarrassed! If he is your true significant other then he will be very supportive of your decision. My husband and soul mate has been my rock of gibraltar! Believe me........you will need some great support after this surgery! Be honest with him and let him in on all aspects and if he has supported you in the past you probably have nothing to worry about. Good Luck!
   — Donna H.

March 27, 2001
How do YOU feel about telling him? I suspect if you didn't feel a bit uncomfortable, then you wouldn't have asked for opinions. If you do feel uncomfortable, do you know why? Are you afraid you might "fail" (I hate that word!) sometime after having the surgery? I know some people believe in being utterly truthful, and some feel that they deserve a little personal privacy. I'm in the latter group. I would tell my S/O that I would be having abdominal surgery. That's it. Reassure him that it not the Big C, but rebuff any efforts on his part to pry. Do what's best for you; that will make YOU most comfortable. It's good to be just a little tiny bit selfish. Take care.
   — Lynn E.

March 27, 2001
I have walked in your shoes! When I decided the WLS was for me I told my significant other that I was going to see a surgeon about my hurnia because I was embarrassed and I thought he wouldn't understand.... but then I realized that I have to be honest with him if I expect him to be honest with me. Soooo I told him. At first he didn't understand.. but when he found out how important WLS is to me he backed me up 100%! Now that I am 6 weeks post-op he is "the enforcer" haha he makes sure I have had all my protien, taken my vitamins and encourages me to walk every day. I am not sure what I would have done without him. So if this man is the love of your life give him a chance... I bet you will be just as lucky as I am.
   — audra H.

March 27, 2001
I am currently exploring surgery..have my first surgeon visit in October 2001. I'm at the stage right now that my husband, grandmother, mother, father and 1 aunt know of my decision to have this surgery. I started out not wanting to tell anyone but my husband! I think as time goes on and I discover more about this surgery and the people who are having it I realize that this IS FOR MY HEALTH...not some whim I've decided to try. I think most of us have ''tried'' so many other avenues we are afraid of failure once again and thus don't want to advertise this ''drastic'' method. I still don't want to tell my work...and hope I don't have to. I am also sure after surgery and a weight loss that my feelings will change and more people will know. This is definately a personal decision for each of us. Follow your heart!
   — Sue N.

March 27, 2001
I first told my best friend, then I told my husband-but not until I had all the facts to back me up. He was surprised but listened, expressed his fears, asked questions, and then began supporting me. We kept it this way until I had applied for and was accepted for surgery. Then, we told my mom. She lives with us and will be here during all the preop tests, etc, and there is no way to keep this from her. She freaked out at first, but when I explained it all to her, and reassured her that thousands of these surgeries have been done successfully, she finally is on my side. She is still a bit skeptical, but supports me. I am not telling my (grown) children until they see me several months after the surgery when they visit for the holidays. It will be so much fun to see the surprise in their eyes! I have been overweight since they were very small. This is one of the motivations I have--to show them who their mom is underneath all this padding..........:) Good luck to you!
   — [Anonymous]

March 30, 2001
Catherine, I never even talked with the doctor until I had my husbands support. I researched it so I could answer any questions he had. he was all for it if my PCP ok'd it. He wants me around for a while, and loosing the weight will help in that. I would not want to go through this without him. If I cant tell the one I love, who can I tell? I hope all goes well for you.
   — Kris V.