Question:
How do you deal with the

I have many emotions about the surgery. Some of my friends are trying to "talk me out of it". I know this is the right thing to do. I'm doing this for myself. But I find myself being excited one day and another day I find myself scared to death that I will die from the surgery. How do you deal with waiting to hear if your approved? Thanks!!!!!    — [Anonymous] (posted on April 1, 2000)

April 1, 2000
Hello, I am waiting also & I no exactly how you feel ,because I am the same way. Each day I feel like & I am glad the time is getting nearer but in the same minute I am really scared .We just have to put our trust in god & go on ,remember he know's best.....Sandra Adkins
   — Sandra A.

April 2, 2000
Your friends sound really ill-informed about this whole thing. If they are friends they would do better to read all the information about this and stand behind you on your decision. There is as with any major surgery, risks that all of us have to face, including death. I hope your friends start supporting your decision. Know that you have a large number of friends here at WLS. Good luck!
   — char T.

April 2, 2000
I too struggled with this at first. I finally put things into perspective by just planting my feet firmly and steeling my resolve. I told my parents, and I told my friends. I even told my ex-husband. I decided I would look them right in the eye, tell them what I'd decided (past tense being the operative phrase here), and just ask for their support. I knew my Dad would not be for it, but he very much respected my approach. I explained the entire procedure, then told them "I've made this decision, it will stick, and I'm asking for your support. I am not asking for your permission or agreement, but I love you and really need your support". I took the same approach with my close friends. I was surprised by the response. It was overwhelminly supportive. Not everyone agreed with me, my father in particular. He told me he disagreed with what I was doing, and was not happy about it, but would support me no matter what. Not all my friends agreed either, but if your friends truly care about you, they will support you. Agreement and support are two seperate issues. I think you need to make the decision, then be very direct with those whom you will share the information with. They need to know right off that you are not asking for permission or approval - just support. If they refuse, then you need to do what's right for you, what you can live with, and hope that they will come around. By the way, I'm almost 8 weeks out, and am down 38 pounds. My father passed away on Thursday, and I felt at peace that I'd decided to share something so important with him. If I had not been so direct with him, I'm not sure we'd have enjoyed such peace about my weight battle toward the end of his life. He was constantly worried about my weight, and he got to see the beginning of what I know will be a successful journey. If your friends truly care, they will support you, even if they disagree with your approach. If they refuse to support you, you don't necessarily have to sever the friendship, but I would suggest putting some distance between you and them while you are going through this. Support is very important. Best to you.
   — Linda K.

April 2, 2000
When I first announced that I was seriously considering WLS, my friends were pretty supportive, but my family was somewhat sceptical. I dealt with them by laying out my reasoning. I went over the many failed attempts at other methods of weight loss and control - attempts that they knew about and failures that they saw me suffer. I discussed with them the statistics on weight loss for morbidly obese people, and how weight loss surgery is the only truly effective method. I also discussed with them the difference between taking a surgical risk in a controlled, planned environment and the risks that are associated with a surgical emergencies for me as a morbidly obese person. I also addressed the health risks that I will face as I get older and, of course, the emotional pain that I live with every day as a larger person. I think that once my family understood that I was processing this rationally and honestly, they trusted my decision and that helped them to put their own fears aside. And, of course, in the end, your friends and family have to accept that it is your decision and they don't have to like it, but they do have to support and love you!
   — Kathleen B.

April 3, 2000
The easiest way to deal with the waiting is find anything you can to distract yourself. Start now on the stuff you want to do before surgery (any major cleaning, repairs, etc). You'll be happy you got it out of the way and it's probably things you need to do anyway even if you weren't having surgery. I'm in countdown phase now and I keep thinking of one more thing I have to do and wish I'd started planning sooner. As for dealing with the family and friends, you can make it easier with how you bring the subject up. Instead of making a big deal about it, approach it more like an after thought - Did I tell you about the surgery I'm going in for? Make it very clear that you are doing this and not asking for approval or permission. You know all the questions they'll ask, so have your answers ready. The few people that balked at first when I brought it up calmed down a lot as soon as they realized I knew more about the surgery than they did about most medical procedures they've had.
   — Kasey K.

April 3, 2000
I found right before my surgery I had all the normal scared thoughts. It is certainly normal but you should ask your surgeon what the mortality rate is. I asked mine with my husband in the room, because my husband was as worried as I was. Dr Barzune said quite matter of factly less than 1%. It is normal to have these feelings and no one thing can help you through it. Just be sure in you heart this is right for you and proceed as if it is going to happen. Know that you have hundreds of prayer heading you way and they will continue until you land safely on the other side. Then there will be lots of support. My family did not want me to have this surgery, so, everytime they said something I would just say Okay and then go and do what I thought was best for ME and MY family. I did it for me. I did not want to be going toward old age and have all the problem obesity brings with it. I want to be able to enjoy my life and my family for the next 20-30 years without knees and feet that give out on me. Just make sure you are doing this for the right reasons. FOR YOU and remember we are here.
   — Jen L.