Question:
I just don't get this.....
If I were able to stay on a diet , I would never have gotten the surgery in the first place. But now since I had it done I'm supposed to be like "oh this is cool, I can do this!" But its not cool & I cant do this I want food junk food & I want it NOW! This just makes no sense anyone would loose weight if they ate what we ate! How & when does this 'miraculas surgery' kick in. I know many will say, "bad attitude" or "why would you go through this and eat that crap?" Cause I want that crap cause crap would taste really great right now!!! So many of you have such positive attitudes I don't know how you do it! I altered my body for Pete's sake and still want M&M's I'm sorry I just so damn frustrated right now I CAN"T TAKE IT! I'm sorry I don't mean to whine and complain I just thought this was going to be different, I thought... apparently I don't know what I was thinking! — Losing I. (posted on June 25, 2004)
June 25, 2004
I understand your frustration, but you're just a few weeks out. Everything
is hard now, and emotions tend to run thin. Take some deep breaths, put
one foot in front of the other, and manage it day by day. Really. It's
not so overwhelming. You will want to eat foods that you shouldn't. We
all do. At this early out, you're probably not eating much real food yet.
Once you learn what full fels like, and realize how little it takes to fill
you up, you'll start to understand how you can do this. Cravings for junk
foods do lessen the longer you stay away from them. So, if you follow the
rule of protein foods first, then veggies and fruit, you just won't have
room for the M&Ms, and within a few days, you'll stop thinking about
them. Not forever, of course, but it gets easier to handle. So, for now,
stick to eating protein, getting all your water in, and you won't have time
or room to thnk about junk food. Once you get over the initial cravings,
you'll learn how to control it better long term. Easy? No. Do-able? Yes.
Hang in there.
— Vespa R.
June 25, 2004
Hi. I know what you're feeling.. and it is especially hard to get into
that groove when you haven't started losing yet.. Try some baby steps and
just set a goal to make it one whole week without junk.. one whole week
only eating the recommended foods... then step on the scale and see if that
helps motivate you.
Now for my "mother voice." Before you had surgery, your doctor
and insurance should have required that you go through a psych evaluation.
This wasn't intended to just be red tape, what was supposed to happen, and
what often does not happen, is that you should have been asked to address
the issues that cause you to be overweight. You should have been told that
ongoing therapy is recommended. You should have been warned that your
"demons" are still there and will not be removed during surgery.
If our only issues were with the size of our stomachs, surgery would cure
that. There is no surgical cure (maybe a labotomy) for what is really
ailing us. What is really ailing us is our emotions, our brains. For
whatever reason, we have incredibly strong emotional ties to food. For
some it is sweets and some it is salts or crunchy or greasy or creamy...
pick your poison. Whatever it is, it isn't about the physical stomach.
Your doctor and your psych eval person should have addressed this with you
and made sure that you understood that this surgery is not a cure. It is
not going to do it for you. It is simply a tool to help you get a grip on
yourself. You are still going to have to work your butt off to lose. It
sucks. No it isn't fair. But it is reality and you will have to come to
grips with that and work it to your advantage.
It is absolutely normal to be angry about this. I am angry all the time
about this. I hit a two month plateau and I was just so pissed.... but I
finally took that anger energy and put it on my mountain bike and have lost
a pound a day for the last three weeks. I know it will plateau again, but
boy did that motivate me.
You were not overweight because you like food. You were not overweight
because you love M&Ms. You were overweight because something in your
psyche is off balance. Something is eating at your emotions and causing
you to reach for those foods and to crave them. THAT is something YOU have
to identify ALONG WITH putting this surgery, this TOOL in place.. ALONG
WITH exercise.
You are striving for a healthy body but your body CAN NOT be healthy
without a healthy mind. Chances are you cannot do that alone. Find what
works for you.. therapy, group discussions, email lists, this board... you
have to find out what your triggers are and address them.
So many people "out there" around us think that WLS is the easy
way out. That is SO wrong. So wrong. Yes, for some, the weight might fall
off.. maybe because of age or maybe because the act of the surgery snapped
their minds into the "right" thinking... but for 90% of us, we
still have to do the work that anyone else has to do. The surgery is just
a jab in the gut to remind us when we are going too far.
Bottom line. Your feelings are normal. You cannot do this alone. The
surgery is not a cure. You are going to have to work and work hard. The
original issue that caused you to be overweight is still there, it did not
go away with surgery.
Please email me if you want to chat more about this.. I am not an expert, I
am only relating what I have discovered about myself and from talking to
others in my boat. *hug* Just remember you aren't alone.
— Paula R.
June 25, 2004
I have to say I have been gently reminded how blessed I am to have this
surgery this was a stupid post but at the time I needed to vent I thank
those with there kind words of wisdom & for not bashing me as i
probably deserved Thanks Nikki
— Losing I.
June 25, 2004
Now that you have had the surgery, you need to help it along. If you
thought this surgery was a cure all, you did not do your research very
well. I don't mean that to sound cruel, so please do not think I am trying
to be mean. In reality, the surgery is only a tool to help you lose the
weight. A hammer doesn't hammer unless you pick it up and whack a nail
with it. This "tool" will not work without your help. This is
the time to take control of your weight someone has given you a very
powerful tool and you now need to learn how to utilize it properly. Don't
let your frustration overwhelm you, get out there and seek some
professional help as to what your eating triggers are. If you are waiting
around for them to just disappear, you will be very unhappy. Think of the
surgery as that "little someone" looking over your shoulder
letting you know privately that you have eaten enough. Let's face it, you
have to take on some of the responsibility of making the smart food
choices...you aren't going to lose weight eating M&M's everytim eyou
want them. Find a really good support group and goooo to the meetings.
Good Luck to you...don't lose hope!
Sherry S
— sac287
June 25, 2004
the hardest part about having this surgery isn't the healing, but the
mental view we have on food. having surgery doesn't change this at all.
some people never get a hold of their eating habits and alot of them regain
weight. writting this question was a great step in the right direction.
facing your problem is the best way to overcome it. alot of doctors that do
wls don't have after care counseling. i think that this is something we all
need to do before and after wls. it would be easy for someone to say
"hey, which do you want more? to be fat or some M&M's?" but
it just doesn't work that way. wls isn't magic and it doesn't change the
way we think about food. that is something that we must learn to overcome.
kind of like a alcoholic wanting a drink.... if you don't have a support
group you can go to or feel like you need more one on one support, you can
try and find a person in your area or online to "check-in" with
or talk to. just remember the first few months you will be mourning food.
i mourned food and it drove me nuts. after about 4 months out i was finally
able to look at the things i was gaining instead of losing. good luck to
you.
— franbvan
June 25, 2004
No bashing from me, I admire your strength and you are very truthful about
your feelings. I have gone through the same feelings and it comes back
from time to time. Your stomach was operated on not your head...Best
Wishes to you
— debmi
June 25, 2004
Hi I had to check your profile to see when you got the surgery. You got the
surgery exactly 1 month after I got mine. You are going thru the Carb
withdrawl phase. At least thats what I called mine when I got my sanity
back. It will pass and you will be able to look at chocolate and watch
people eat things and not want to kill them. During my carb withdrawl I
would cry during burger king commercials and my husband if he got fast food
or something I would like to eat would have to eat downstairs or outside in
the truck. Yesterday I was at work and they had a festival which of course
includes food. I went down with everyone else got a piece of chicken and
fresh blueberries and watched everyone pig out. I was ok with that. the
only thing I saw that I wanted that I resisted was pink lemonaide. I knew
it had to much sugar and I would dump and once you dump you don't want to
do that again. Hope all these answers and encouragement from members helps
you.
— Penney S.
June 26, 2004
I think you will get many replys - this is a subject that we can ALL relate
too - we just didn't put it into writing! HA! I had complications after
surgery - I could not physically eat or drink anything orally for over 3
months. )and when I say nothing, I mean, not even an ice chip!) You can
only imagine what fantasies and nightmares those damn food commercials and
smells of food would do to me. While it was so difficult in the beginning,
I also think that it helped me get 'over' my food cravings faster. I
remember almost being able to taste the Pizza Hut calzone commercial that
was airing NONSTOP during the summer of 2003. Believe, when I was in the
hospital or laid up at home, I developed a real hatred towards all of these
commercials. The fake smoke being blown over the food, trying to make it
look hot and tempting. YIKES!!! Once you see those commercials for what
they really are, their power diminishes! Smells of food sometimes made me
feel better, even when I felt very deprived. Sometimes I would ask someone
to nuke some bacon, just so that I could smell something delectable (and
no, over 13 months later, I still cannot eat bacon, but still enjoy the
smell). We have put ourselves in a very unique position, especially in this
land of plenty that we live in. I have to be super careful of what I eat -
not because of weight gain, but because of dumping symptoms. Those
get-togethers and reunions, which always have those tempting dishes, are
very boring for me (regarding food). I still eat exactly what I know that I
can eat - being miles from home is NOT when I want to be experimenting with
food. Anyway, I think it is normal to grieve for food and grieve for what
we had - an enormous capacity to eat a lot of food. What I do think is
worth keeping in mind is that all of this is not forever. I worried right
after surgery that I would not be able to eat a big salad again. I love
salad with lots of stuff on it. I can eat that now tho' - I remember how
glad I was that I could eat a small "normal" portion of salad w/
lots of veggies. I have had a french fry once - too greasy and didn't taste
good. I would love a hamburger, but too greasy at restaurants and fast food
joints. I can make them at home, lean beef, squished quite thin, on the
George Foreman, and can get away with one every once in while (no bun, not
enough room for that). I can't do icecream, too much sugar and fat, but, if
you whip up a bag of frozen fruit with 2 egg whites and a TINY amount of
sugar (put it in the stand mixer and let it go for 15 minutes) add some
whipped topping and vanilla and freeze. This is a treat my whole family
loves. Icecream? No, but still a wonderful treat. This is not the end,
remember. There will be many things that you can and will enjoy again.
Sometimes that may happen sooner than you are prepared for - some will tell
you to beware when the honeymoon period is over. I don't know, I am still
going forward at 13+ months. Be kind to yourself. This is your journey.
Jodie LAP RNY 05-02-03 336/166/??
— Jodie P.
June 26, 2004
I was told the surgery was not a solution, it is in fact, just a
"tool". Which is precisely how I use it. I will get a lot of
negative feedback from this post I am sure, here it goes anyway. I do not
eat regular ice cream, if I feel like ice cream I have Ben and Jerry's carb
carma or Blue bunny, these have a lot of fat in them so I only eat a couple
of small teaspoon fulls. I have a cookie once in a while, but the thing is
I do not over due these "luxuries". I have in my mind that if I
eat too much of something I may dump. I have not ever had a dumping
episode, and do not want to. I am almost a year out and have lost 260
pounds, so I think I have done pretty well for myself. I eat granola bars
too, instead of candy bars. I eat the bars that have only 10 grams of
sugar, around 110 calories, and 3.5 grams of fat. These are the most I will
eat, there are ones that have less. I do not know how far you are out from
surgery, but I did not eat "junk" fro about 7 months after my
surgery. I would not suggest you eat anything "junk" unless you
are at least 6 months out. Good luck, feel free to email me if you need to
talk to someone.
Holly H
— Holly H.
June 27, 2004
I understand exactly how you feel.I had surgery April 20th. After I came
home from the hospital, my family ate chicken from KFC.I thought I was
going to be sick just from the sight & smell.I thought how easy this
was going to be...I didn't even want to eat.The very next night my husband
cooked spaghetti & garlic bread.The smell almost drove me over the
edge.I wanted to eat so bad!It almost made me mad because they could
eat.They had pizza delivered from Pizza Hut one night.I wanted to eat so
bad that I had to leave the house.I went to the track and walked a mile and
then went to the grocery store.It is so tough sometimes!I was a big sweet
eater before surgery, but the sweets are not bothering me so bad right now
(I want a big, juicy hamburger instead).But when I cannot wear my clothes
because they are too big, it makes it all worth it.I'm having a hard time
eating some things right now, but I know it will get better!It will get
better for you too.Just hang in there!
— Robin D.
June 28, 2004
Hi,
I usually don't answer questions but this one grabbed me. I completely
understand how you're feeling. I feel this way too. I'm 18 months out and
I've lost 150 pounds but still, I feel this way. I dump really bad so I
can't eat that much sweets but some days would die to have M&M's. I
was at an office party and everyone was eating Chocolate Cake with ice
cream and I felt like crying. I had to get up and leave. It makes me feel
so angry. I WANTED some of that crappy food too! It hasn't gotten that
much better for me but some days it's worse than others. And you know
what? None of my office friends understand. They're like, well, just have
a little and it won't hurt you. I try not to let it bother me but I still
feel deprived a lot. I don't know the answer but just wanted you to know
you are not alone in this. :) KB
— Kathey B.
June 28, 2004
We all have food issues, sometimes more than other. But you know the
biggest incentive for me to stay true to my program? I'm 51 years old and
went to visit my family for the first time in 3 years. My 77 year old
mother is so ill she can't hardly do for herself--much of it weight
related. My 47 year old sister has struggled with weight issues for years
and has nearly wrecked her health. My 54 year old brother is recovering
from a major heart attack. I don't care if I never have an M&M, ice
cream or anything else I used to crave a lot. I don't want to age and be
sick or be a burden to someone else--and that's worth so much more to me
than the momentary pleasure an M&M will ever give me.
— Cathy S.
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