Question:
Does anyone else feel guilty about having this operation?
I've lost 123 pounds since last year and I'm almost 6 months out. I told only my closet family and closet friends about my surgery. No one at my job knows, only one person who is considering it. Now, I get so many complaints about my weight lost that it is sicking. And people are always asking me how I did it, and I tell them that I went on optifast and now I'm doing a high protein diet. Sometimes when I tell them that I feel guilty because though it isn't a whole lie, it is not the whole truth either. Now, I don't feel embarrassed about having the surgery, because I know my health was at stake....So please give me some of your thoughts on this issue. — Marian B. (posted on February 2, 2004)
February 2, 2004
if you had heart surgery would you feel guilty? your health was at risk and
you have done something to fix it. your surgery is your own personal
medical information. doctors can't even talk about your surgery to other
people. it is your RIGHT only to tell the people you choose to tell.
remember your not getting skinny....your getting healthy. you haven't lied
to anyone stop feeling guilty.
— franbvan
February 2, 2004
We are all different, as you well know. Some tell everyone, such the case
with me and some don't! I had a medical problem with my health and I was in
jeopardy of having a heart attack/stroke with my high blood pressure. Also,
had several other problems. I told everyone and still do! My friends/family
knew I needed this procedure. It wasn't something I felt the need to hide
because of guilt. Why should society make us feel like failures, because we
are/were obese? My being open has helped others like me. I also wanted to
share my experience with my family/friends. You do what you feel is right
for you. I know I would feel a bit guilty not be totally up front with
others as I lost my weight, but that is me. Good Luck!
— Hazel S.
February 2, 2004
This is the orginal poster...I meant to say that I get so many compliments.
— Marian B.
February 2, 2004
If you were telling the truth from the outset, then you would not be
feeling guilty about lying. You know what you are doing is wrong and
that's why you have the feelings of guilt...JR
— John Rushton
February 2, 2004
I have been open from the start. As a result I have 2 co-workers who have
had surgery and are now back in control of their lives. But I won't second
guess your decision. I will say, however, that if you are happy with your
success and the hard work that you've done, then don't beat yourself up
over what other people think. I can't encourage you to lie to people about
it - just tell them the truth - "I eat very little and what I do eat
is mostly protein." If you think that what we did was the "easy
way out" then you didn't have the same surgery that I did. I have
worked and suffered for my weight loss and I'm proud of every ounce of it!
You should be too!!
— Etta M.
February 2, 2004
I have always told anyone who asks that I had surgery. I am very happy
that this was available to me, as the weight problem had certainly gone
well beyond my control. I have had to "educate" a few who asked,
but most people have been very positive about it. I have no guilt feelings
- that is in my past. I used to feel guilty because I couldn't understand
why I was never able to gain control of my weight, and suffered
immeasurable guilt for many, many years. Now I have been freed from those
negative feelings, and I'm more than happy to share with others the miracle
of WLS!
— Carlita
February 2, 2004
I don't agree with some posters that what you are doing is wrong. It's not
wrong to not tell someone about a surgery you've had. That's your business
and ONLY your business. You have the right to tell or not tell the people
around you. I get so angry when others pass judgement on someone for
keeping their personal business to themselves. Don't feel bad for not
telling others, because you don't have to. Take care and don't worry about
what others think!
— Renee B.
February 2, 2004
I'm with JR. You know lying is wrong. It is YOUR right to tell them or not
to tell. If you don't want to say you had WLS, why not just tell them you
don't want to reveal how you are losing the weight? It's no ones business
but yours anyway. I'm very open and shout to the world about my wls.
However if I did'nt want anyone to know, I'd just say, "it's no one's
concern how I'm losing the weight but mine". Be polite and change the
subject. ;)
— Danmark
February 3, 2004
I think what's bothering you is the half-truths. Instead of saying you
went on opifast tell them what Etta said, "I eat very little and what
I do eat is mostly protein." Don't worry - in a year very few will
even remember that you were obese.
— squeejlueej
February 3, 2004
Guilty? Not me buddy! This is the greatest thing that has ever happened to
me! I would shout it from the mountaintop, if I could! And everyone wants
to know how I am doing it - boy, don't you know, I have been telling and
educating the "non-believers" as i go! Sorry to hear that you
are feeling guilty, I've done the guilt thing for being overweight...not
going to do it for losing it!! Good luck! Danette
— Danette C.
February 3, 2004
Your medical history is your business and no one elses. It is your choice
to tell what you want. We live in a Jerry Springer world where all is
supposed to be open and public. It amazes me that some think their whole
lives need to be an open book to be seen as honest. PULEEEEZE. I an't
beleive questions people feel free to ask me.... I have actually had people
ask me if my husband is all over me now that I have lost weight. How
embarrassing. And do they realize that they are suggesting my husband is
only interested in the outer shell of my body. That just MAYBE he likes
**ME**!!!
OK enuf venting..
— **willow**
February 3, 2004
Complaints? About what? That your losing too much? What is there to
complain about? I would think you would be getting compliments, not
complaints on how nice you are looking 123 pounds lighter. I agree with
the others that your medical history is personal and your decision whether
to share it with others. I did not share my history with anyone at work
and when asked I told the truth: I am eating small frequent, mostly
protein based meals, watching the sweets and snacks and have increased my
water intake and regular exercise. It is all the truth. No need to feel
guilty at all.
— Cindy R.
February 3, 2004
I am very upfront about my surgery. However while I was making my decision
I kept it to myself, husband, and mother. I choose to tell the truth
because I live in such a small area and I work with the public. I went
through so much trying to lose weight all my life --this surgery is
fantastic. Many may disagree with me but surgery, recovery, and my new
lifestyle are much easier... I still really feel sorry for the person who
is trying so hard to lose weight with diet and exercise --it was a
nightmare for me to lose and gain it back over and over. I dont have the
heart to tell an obese person I lost weight with some diet or pill etc.
The truth has worked very well for me!
— debmi
February 3, 2004
I have never felt guilty about having this surgery. Why feel guilty about
saving my life? The only thing I feel guilty about is treating my body
badly. Or lying.
— kultgirl
February 3, 2004
Hi Marian,
I know I struggled with whether or not I wanted everyone to know I had WLS,
it is difficult to gauge whether people will be supportive or not, and
difficult not to want that "Oh wow" reaction when you drop the
weight so quickly, but in the end I told everyone. I just consider it a
good deed because I didn't know of anyone who had had the surgery outside
of what I read here on Obesityhelp.com, and if I tell the truth and can
help one other person who struggles with a decision like this, I'm happy.
I don't want to live with a lie, but I understand those who do. Good luck,
and congratulations on your loss, no matter what you decide, you have done
an awesome thing!
— Jessica Wyatt Robinson
February 4, 2004
I haven't shared the fact that I have had surgery with many people, this
includes my mom, dad and sister. Some times I feel like I'm lying when
people ask how I'm losing but high protein and lots of exercise is no lie.
Part of me wants to tell the world because I'm proud of myself the other
have feels like noboby needs to know I resorted to this. Try not to feel
guilty this was you for not for everyone else. :)
— Laurie B.
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