Question:
My DH refuses to help himself
Hi everyone- My DH had been acting irritable and, well frankly irrational, for several weeks. He went to his PCP for a script refill. While at the PCP, my husband had his blood sugar tested and it was over 500! That explained the irritability and irrational behavior, as this happened about 5 years ago and my DH was hospitalized then to stabilize his blood sugar. The PCP started DH on glucophage (sp?) this morning and by evening, DH was a whole new person, blood sugar down to 198. The problem is, my DH refuses to do anything to help himself. He is counting on the glucophage alone to control the blood sugar, and tonight ate 2 canollis that someone at work had given him. He is obese also, and not interested in WLS. He is very supportive of my upcoming WLS, but only because he loves me and wants to help me. I have tried talking till I'm blue in the face, because we have an 11 year old son who might not see his father reach 50 (DH is 39). My usual advice to people in situations like this is "you can't change others, you can only change yourself", but I'm having a hard time taking that advice. Anyone else in this type of situation? Thanks, Mea :o) — Mea A. (posted on October 21, 2003)
October 21, 2003
I am a type 2 diabetic and have a 17 year old son who is an insulin
dependent diabetic, and I can tell you , blood sugar hi's and lo's are a
nightmare to deal with. No matter what we try to tell our son, he hates his
disease, and is sure that there is a cure, and he sometimes just goes
overboard on his eating, and not taking his insulin, then there are the
days that he is lucid, and 'normal' and looks back and cannot understand
why he acted the way he did, it is a viscious cycle. His pcp needs to set
up an appointment to see a psychotherapist, and get some counseling for
himself, something he may not like, but that is what we had to do with our
son. Some days he is just out of it, others, he is stable and so helpful,
and the mind just does not see things clearly when the sugar levals are
spiking and sinking. Perhaps he just dosen't want to hear from you that
there is help out there, he may need a gentle push by a health
professional. Our son is now on mild anti-depressants and that has
stabilized his attitude, and he takes his insulin and watches his intake,
but it was rocky for a while. Maybe there is a diabetics support group
nearby, check with the doc. This is why I am having wls (Nov. 10th), I'm 52
and want to see my grandkids, and there is a good chance that if I don't
take care of this now, I may not see 55. There are a lot of things that a
small chemical imbalance can do that affect us for the rest of our lives,
and just a little bit of talking and some medication, and life can be
normal. Talk to your physician and see what he can do. Good luck!
— track
October 21, 2003
I'm not sure it'll help but you can get examples of people with horrible
troubles and show them to your hubby. I knew **some** people ended up with
kidney trouble, blind, with amputations but had only seen it in the
elderly, people who had been diabetic for years and years and years. Had I
truly realized that those horrible things DO happen to regular people, and
not necessarily those who were long term diabetics my path early in my
diagnosis would have been different. Although I watched sugar intake and
tried to maintain "control" (for me that was a fasting in the low
200s or upper 100s for that one time a day) I never was as aggressive as I
should have been. For me I had seen my dad be a diabetic who was
"controlled" while drinking a case a pepsi a week and eating
anything he wanted so figured I was doing awesome. WRONG! At 3 years
after my diagnosis they found I had kidney damage. At this point of about
3 1/2 years I not only have diabetic kidney disease and leak a ton of
protein in my urine, but I had my second eye bleed in August. And BTW, I'm
just 31 and have a 10 year old so I'm at a similiar point as your husband
in my life. Nothing is more scarey than to watch yourself fall apart and
realize there is nothing you can do to truly undo the damage. Maybe if you
could round up more stories like mine to where he can see what seriously
can happen without good control he'll understand what he is actually facing
and that NOW is the time to take control. I wish you and your hubby the
best.
— Shelly S.
October 21, 2003
You can love him, you can remind him you don't want to lose him, you can
cook in such a way he doesn't have temptations, but the bottom line is the
only person in your household that you can change is YOU. Until your
husband wants to change it isn't going to happen and you're only going to
stress the whole household trying to change him. Just love him, because
you're not going to change him.
— Cathy S.
October 22, 2003
I know the perfect way to get DH to do what he's supposed to. Explain to
him that high blood sugars can cause IMPOTENCE!!
— Karen M.
October 22, 2003
Ooops!! hit the post your answer button by accident. All the
endocrinologist's I know really stress this fact to men - uncontrolled
blood sugars cause damage to the blood vessels in the body. And the place
where this can really come home to roost is the penis. Many, many men lose
their ability to have an erection or any type of sexual satisfaction due to
uncontrolled diabetes. And it doesn't take more than a couple of years of
this to see the damage start to be a problem. And no amount of viagra will
help this at all!! It is really sad. They really regret their
mismanagement of their diabetes when this occurs and the damage is done and
can't be changed!! Maybe he'll listen to that?? Good Luck, men are so
stubborn!! karen
— Karen M.
October 24, 2003
3 words for DH..... IMPOTENCE, BLINDNESS AND AMPUTATION (possible).
— Keri P.
October 25, 2003
To add to Keri: add kidney failure and dialysis, maybe a transplant (if
he's lucky).
— koogy
October 27, 2003
Hi everyone- Original poster. Thanks for all your suggestions. Hubby is
as stubborn as a mule and refuses to change. But thanks anyways, your
support has been very helpful :o) Mea
— Mea A.
October 27, 2003
Mea--I know exactly how you feel. My husband and I are 55, but I have seen
him go from a man who loves to travel, go out, help around the house. to a
man who has to use 2 canes to get around. He needs both knees replaced but
is too afraid of losing a leg due to diabetes that he won't even consider
the knee surgery. He has totally supported me before and since my surgery.
I finally made him go to a dr today. His idea of dieting is to starve
himself, which we all know doesn't work. He says he will try this time,
but it will be up to him. He's afraid of losing me after I lose all my
weight; I'm afraid of losing him permanently, when I bury him before he's
60. All I can do is pray and encourage him. But it is so hard not to nag!!
— lharbison
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