Question:
Jealous of others having WLS?
Hi everyone- A person I know who doesn't seem very nice is having WLS. This person has displayed rudeness and prejudice toward others on several occasions. (I am being very vague on the details because I'm so appalled by my own feelings.) When I found out this rude person is scheduled for WLS before I am, I had to get up from the room to go cry privately, as I have been waiting a long time. I am feeling very ashamed for all the obvious reasons: the rude person waited a long time too, I am no more deserving than anyone else of this gift, I'm far from perfect, my feelings seem immature and downright mean, etc etc etc. With the help of prayer and family/friend support, I have been working thru these feelings, but I was wondering if anyone else has ever felt this way? This has been the ONLY time I've been jealous of someone having WLS when I don't have a set date yet. On all other occasions, I've felt happy and been given a new sense of hope. If you have felt this way, how have you dealt with it? I need some inspiring examples to help me let go of it. Thanks, Mea :o) — Mea A. (posted on October 12, 2003)
October 12, 2003
Mea,
I can see where you would feel somewhat frustrated. I am the original
woman with "NO PATIENCE" and things are taking entirely too long
for my tastes. When I read that someone has a date I feel so excited for
them but then I feel sorry for me too! Very silly if I do say so myself.
Take heart and know that you are allowed to feel whatever you feel. You
are very honest and forthright about your feelings and God forgives you
simply because you asked Him. Now it is time to forgive yourself.
This journey we are on to getting surgery and having surgery and post
operatively is a very emotional. It is good to express your feelings
through speaking and writing and praying. I truly believe this is a
positive way to work through our problems. I can not speak for you but I
have a very bad habit of eating my way through my problems and I think you
are wonderful for being so honest and talking about stuff. I hope as my
journey continues I can be more like you!
Take care and God bless.
Shell
PS feel free to email me anytime I am pending my insurance decision....and
waiting :)
— Momshelx3
October 12, 2003
I was beyond jealous at times. Although I wanted to feel good for
people...getting their lives saved and all...I some times just couldn't.
It really ate at me...watching people who went through the entire process
in less than 3 months, heck in one case a women I knew literally only
waited a 1 month. And I sat there wondering what about them made them get
through this faster than me? I was angry and I justified it by thinking
that this person or that person had less co-morbs and it just wasn't fair.
And I actually had to leave this site for a short while. I wanted to
basically tell everyone to go you know where because I was so upset and
jealous. I knew in my heart I wasn't any more deserving than anyone else,
I just couldn't convince my mind to believe it. So I prayed a lot. Avoided
any talk to WLS. Freaked out a few times as my insurance company gave me
the run around (at one point throwing my phone across the room and breaking
it). I didn't actually get over it until I just gave up on the entire idea
of having WLS. I said to heck with it, its just not going to happen. And
I felt a little better. Silly really. Guess God was waiting for me to put
it all in His hands. So I did. And got approval and scheduled all within
less than two weeks. I feel better now...and now I feel I can help other
pre-ops who are suffering. It stinks that we all need this WLS surgery so
much and that the WLS is so hard to get in some cases. Just consider
this...this surgery is saving lives and everyone deserves to live just as
much as anyone else...and...the sad fact is, obesity is viewed as a
self-inflicted illness and some insurance companies, doctor's, and general
public will NEVER accept that it is a diease and has only one cure! So
keep that in mind as you wait your turn. And as far as the rude mean lady
goes...have you consider that her weight is infringing on her
personality...that she's really miserable and is taking it out on others.
Maybe what she needs is a friend or at least someone to be sympathic. Its
hard living life like this and some people don't deal with it as good as
others. So next time you see her, be it pre or post op, tell her you wish
her the best and try to mean it.
GOD BLESS Renee B. So-to-be-post-op 11/11/03
— Renee B.
October 12, 2003
Wow, some great answers and advice. I think what you feel (what we ALL
feel) is very normal. After all, YOU'VE worked so hard for this too,
right?? I too, would get VERY frustrated. (TRY HAVING CIGNA) It wasn't so
much at the people, per say. This last time, all I was needing to do was
complete my 26 weeks, which I completed Sept. 15th. (Per THEIR OWN DENIAL
LETTER!!) Anyhwoo, I was denied AGAIN, and this time, with NO LETTER as to
why. So yes, it DOES chafe my backside when I see others get approved in 2
days, a month, etc. I agree with the previous poster...I simply have to
remind myself, and OFTEN, as to who is REALLY in control of all this. As
much as I'd LIKE it to be me, it is NOT. I found the sooner I let go out
stuff, and put it in God's hands, the more @ peace I can be about this
whole horrible wait. (BTW, I am on an external review...my LAST chance) I
should know by the 20th, at the latest they tell me. We'll see. Good
luck!!!
— [Deactivated Member]
October 12, 2003
Hi Mea,<br>
You're entitled to your feelings. You are human, after all, and this is
the way we humans sometimes react to adversity. <br>
Just remember, everything happens in its own time, and for some reason,
your time has not yet arrived. Don't sweat it...just know that when all is
right, it <b>will</b> be your turn!<br>
It's hard to understand why bad things happen to good people, and why bad
people seem to get the breaks. It just happens, and we are powerless to
change it. <br>
I thought my surgery would be a snap...I have Medicare, and they don't
require pre-approval. I have had a heart attack, and my cardiologist was
all for this; he even went ahead and sent a letter of clearance, along with
my records, to the surgeon--BEFORE my appointment! My PCP was all for it,
and promised to help me any way he could.<BR>
Well, the surgeon wanted cardiac clearance from a cardiologist at his
medical center. No problem...my cardiologist sent HIM my last stress test
and a letter stating he felt I was fine for the surgery. The cardiologist
at MCV said my stress test was 3 months old, and he would not give me
clearance until I had a new one. Kewl...I traveled the 150 miles to have
this test at MCV. Well, it took him over two months to get my results to
the surgeon! (And even then, I had to call and threaten to go to their
patient advocate!) By the time I was finally scheduled for surgery, MCV's
stress test was 4 months old!<BR>
But, my surgery DID happen--at the time it was supposed to happen. I did
great and all has gone well since. I don't know why it took me 7 months to
get my surgery, when it "should" have been so quick and simple,
but I know my Higher Power had a plan, even if I was not privvy to the
details!
<br>
Have faith, keep strong!<br>
Linda
— Linda S.
October 12, 2003
Hey, Mea! I know exactly how you feel! I am always so happy to hear about
most peoples' surgeries, but it seems like it is going to take forever for
it to be my turn! I am waiting with you. Hang in there!
— Kalena B.
October 12, 2003
Hi Mea: Don't feel bad. It's just human nature to be jealous when someone
gets something you want and have worked for. It's harder still when it's
someone you don't care for. I wish I had a suggestion on how to get
through it, but I really don't. In my case, I lived through it, carried on
as best I could, and tried not to beat myself up too much for not being
perfect and raising above my own needs. The same thing happened to me, but
with trying to get pregnant, not WLS. I was going through infertility
treatments, and girlfriend after girlfriend were getting pregnant and
having babies, and I wasn't. I wanted to be happy for them, and in a way I
was, but inside I had this gnawing feeling like why not me too that
interfered with being truly overjoyed. I'm not perfect, but I don't expect
I should be either. I just try to do the best I can. I had a right to my
feelings, and you do too. Best luck in getting your date soon. Sherry
— sherry hedgecock
October 12, 2003
Oh boy have I ever felt jealousy twards others! I've been waiting all year
to get surgery. It's hard to see others not wait very long to have theirs.
I keep those feelings to myself, I would never say anything negative to
anyone.
I just have faith that mine will happen when it's sappose to. I think
"what ever happens, happens". I hope this helps some. Good luck
to you!! -Grace/Ca.
— Grace loves cats
October 12, 2003
Feelings are neighter right or wrong. It is what you do with those feelings
that count. Personally I understand your feelings. Often things are not
fair.
— Danmark
October 13, 2003
I understand how you feel. I am waiting to see another doctor to have my
last testing done before I can schedule and I just found out last week that
a relative (nice lady, but not always well liked), had the surgery. I
didn't realize I would feel like I was in a competition to have it done
first, until it happened. But I also look at the positive side - the
relatives are all reacting to her surgery, so I now know how they feel
about WLS. And, if needed, I will have someone to talk to who has more
experience as a post-op. Good luck. It will happen when it is supposed to
happen.
— Dragonfly2B2
October 13, 2003
Hi, I can relate in a way. My sister is as thin as I am not. My Mom and
most other people we know act like they prefer her to me and I know that
some of it is due to our size difference. Sometimes I have had feelings of
jealousy for the preferential treatment, and then I feel guilt because I do
love her. Of course, my Mom says she is "always proud" of her,
and I wish she was equally proud of me, but I know that she isn't. Once I
made some comment and my Mom got on my case for feeling jealous and added
to my already terrible feelings by saying "your sister doesn't have a
jealous bone in her body." Oh, yes, she does! Anyway, jealousy is a
normal feeling and it doesn't matter nearly so much whether we have those
feelings or not as opposed to what we do about them. If you haven't been
rude to the person who is getting her surgery first, then this is good.
Feelings are feelings. It's more important how we handle them. Thanks.
Not that I always know anything, lol.
— catly
October 14, 2003
I don't blame you one bit for feeling jealous of others that get their
surgery before you. Your time will come, pray for patience and try to keep
busy. My situation was a 3 yr wait because we don't have enough surgeons
who are willing to do GB surgeries for the $800 that the provincial
government is willing to pay for this proceedure. We are not allowed to
self pay either. Talk about envy and jealousy! We Canadians feel both
emotions about the American wls system and all the ppl who think a year is
a long wait. In the big picture, those of us that want wls will get it
sooner or later. 3 months or 3 years, it's out of our hands no matter which
country we live in. For Americans it's the insurance companies and for
Canadians it's the government. Both tough entities to deal with. Hang in
there, you will get your surgery date and your life will change in so many
ways for the better. Read my profile if you like, it explains alot.
— mary ann T.
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