Question:
What should I say to my 8 year old son?
I just found out yesterday that I will be having surgery on October the 16th and for that I am truly grateful. I just don't know what to say to my son (an only child) who can't stand to see my in any emotional or physical pain (I have really bad migraines.) I don't know how me having surgery is going to affect him. I have family support and have told everyone close to me but can't for the life of me figure out what to say to the love of my life my son. We haven't been apart for more that a day since he was born. — TIFFANY B. (posted on September 17, 2003)
September 17, 2003
Just be honest with him. I have a 9 year old so I know you can't fool
them. Be honest, tell him that you will be in pain but that you'll be
feeling better in a week or so depending on whether it's lap or open and
just tell him that after you lose some weight and feel better and more
mobile, you will do something special with him - trip to zoo, amusement
park, etc. Also, make sure he understands that he's not responsible for
taking care of you, that you have other family members who will help you.
Otherwise, he may feel that this is putting pressure on him to take care of
mom.
— Carolyn M.
September 17, 2003
My son is not quit as old as your son. He is 6 and an only child as well
and very close to me. I explained to him Why I was having the surgery so I
could be as healthy as he was and I could play with him without being
exhausted. I explained without getting technical on what they had to do
that they had to open me up and reduced the size of my tummy. He was great
when I got out of the hospital he asked me if I was in pain and what it
felt like. Since then he's so use to seing me eat small portion and we
share our dinner together what ever I can't eat he finish's it for me. I'd
have to say he has been much happier being that my whole attitude has
become more positive and I like to go out alot more which he loves! Your
Son will probley handle it alot better then what you may think! when he
see's you much happier it will be worth it! Good Luck!!
— AlleyCat
September 17, 2003
When I had my surgery (June 4th), I had my two daughters (8 and 10) and two
foster sons (6 and 4) living with me. I explained that I was having
surgery, showed them the illustration of what my surgery entailed and
answered questions. I was very excited about my surgery; therefore, my
children were just as happy. This is a major change in your life, let you
children be a part of it! My children were at the hospital before, during
and after my surgery. They also came and visited me several times and
talked on the phone alot. They told me several that the tube coming out of
my nose was disgusting. I dont know how many times I heard
"EWWWWWW!!" They all wanted to see my incision which I HAD to
show them. When the nurse came in to give me a shot, the kids would giggle
and say "did it hurt". LOL!! All in all, it was not a traumatic
event for my kids. Your child will be ok. In the end, he will be just as
proud of you as my kids are of me!!
— S A.
September 17, 2003
I know it will be a hard pill t swallow, with dealing with your son. I have
a one son he's 8. So I let him look at the before and after pictures on
here. And I let him see the M.O. people and I ask him are they healty..then
the after people pictures. I told him that mommie want to be healthy for
you and me and daddy. And show him pictures of the procedure...up to your
judgement. Just pray to GOD that he will guide you through your special
ordeal HUGGS ~Ruschell~
— Ruschell
September 17, 2003
I agree with Carolyn be honest with him. You sound like me I'm very close
to my boys. I have a 9 and 12 year old and I have been honest with them
since I started this journey. I'm still pre-op so I have yet to go through
the after effects but I have done enough research to know what might be
ahead of me. I've also explained all of this to them. Kids pick up on
things no matter how we try to shield them so its best to be honest with
them.
You could show him drawings of what they will be doing. I did this and it
ended up being a good lesson of the digestion tract. Explain to him that
you will have some pain and will be tired for awhile but that will improve.
I also explained to my sons I might be depressed at one point and may cry
at times but this too shall pass with time. Now this is a personal choice
but I did explain to my boys that there is a small chance of dying but that
I wasn't planning on it and I would do everything possible to prevent that
from happening. From choosing a good doctor to doing my walking
afterwards. Just reassure him that you will be alright and that you will be
able to do so much more with him afterwards. Good luck and I wish you the
best on your upcoming surgery!
— Renee A.
September 17, 2003
Concentrate on the benefits of surgery. Discuss with him all the things
you and he will be able to do together when you lose some weight. Make a
list together, kind of a "goal list" of the things you want to
accomplish as "mommy gets thinner". Put the list on the fridge
(it will be a good reminder and good incentive not to cheat!) and cross
things off as you accomplish them. Maybe even book a mini-vacation
getaway, just the 2 of you, for 4 or 6 months down the road, like a weekend
getaway to a hotel with a cool pool or something like that, then maybe it
will take the focus off any fears he may have, after all, if you're booking
a trip for after surgery then that must mean you'll be just fine, right? I
would just encourage him to talk to you if he's feeling uncertain, and tell
him the truth that yes for the first few days your incision is going to
hurt and it will hurt for a minute when you stand up and sit down, etc, but
that after a week or so that pain will go away and you will be fine. Good
luck!
— beeda
September 17, 2003
— Erinn D.
September 17, 2003
Thank you so much for your heartfelt thoughts regarding how to tell me son
about the life saving changes we as a family will be going thru. I really
appreciate it.
— TIFFANY B.
September 18, 2003
I have 6 children ages 13, 12, 11, 9, 8, &6. I told the three older
ones the truth, but the younger ones I told them that I had to have surgery
on my stomach, and that I would be gone 3-5 days and that when I came home
my tummy would be sore but that everything was going to be ok. My 9 year
old has ADHD and bipolar disorder so I had to be really careful not to
upset him. It worked, they didn't get upset and their dad took awesome
care of them.
— Dianne W.
September 18, 2003
Tiffany, you have gotten lots of good responses. I wanted to chime in and
tell you what we did. My kids were 8 (son) and 4 (daughter) when I had my
wls. I told them that I had a stomach problem that needed fixing, and that
I'd be in the hospital but they could come and see me. I also told them
that after I got home I would be sore for a couple of weeks, and that I
wouldn't feel like eating much. This seemed to prepare them very well. I
didn't tell them the exact nature of the surgery because I wasn't going
public with it and I didn't want them to have the burden of trying not to
tell something that was private family business. One thing that was really
neat was that my husband brought them to the hospital every night (not on
surgery day, but every day after that)about 7:30. They came in their pj's
to "tuck Mommy in for the night." They took me for a walk and
then tucked me into bed and we said our regular evening prayers together.
They left and turned out my light and told me to go to sleep -- then they
went home to bed also. They were only there for about 30 minutes but it was
a very special time. Both of them still mention it now and then. Good luck!
hugs,
Ann RNY 9/10/99 260/124
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