Question:
What do you say when people compiment you on weight loss?

Lately many people have commented on my weight loss. These people do not know that I had surgery and sometimes I feel like I do not want certain people(ones who gassip)to know. I am proud of myself and the weight I have lose. However,I am actually becoming self-conscience of the attention and it is making me nervous. I was wondering what you tell peole when the ask you how you lost all that weight so fast. I will say things like 'small meals and exercise' but it sounds so fake. Any suggestions????    — Jan S. (posted on August 17, 2003)


August 16, 2003
Theres NO hiding the fast loss. If you dont admit whats up they will gossip that you have cancer, AIDS, or other dreaded diseases. WLS is nothing to hide or bbe ashamed of. I say this just in case this applies to you. Telling everyone for me has led to others saving their lives too, by having surgery. I hope you will do the same. Gossip is based on rumor and speculation. Telling whats up kills gossip:)
   — bob-haller

August 16, 2003
You really don't owe anyone an explanation, but if you do not want to tell them about the surgery how about just sayin you are doing a high protein diet, portion control, and exercise. It is definitely the truth.
   — [Deactivated Member]

August 16, 2003
You don't owe anyone an explanation, there's no reason for you to feel "phony" about keeping your PRIVATE MEDICAL INFORMATION to yourself. I know some people like to spout telling the world, and that's their option, but don't feel pressured by anyone (here, or elsewhere) to divulge your personal information. I also doubt that people are going to gossip you have AIDS or cancer, people are not as interested in us as we like to think. And so what if they do gossip? Eventually, when you are looking EVEN BETTER and are obviously not dying, they'll figure out they were wrong. So what if they have the wrong idea in the meantime? Keeping your PRIVATE MEDICAL INFORMATION to yourself is NOT shame. I'm SOOOOOOO sick of hearing that. It's simply personal.
   — Angie M.

August 16, 2003
If you do not want to be rude even though their question may be and you do not want to mention WLS, I suggest you just tell them diet and exercise. That is not a lie since the surgery is only the tool and the diet and exercise actually causes the weight loss.
   — Charlene W.

August 16, 2003
Sorry, but I'm on Bob's side on this one. I have always found that telling the truth is the best way to go. Those that are going to gossip are either going to be spreading the truth or lies - I want them to spread the truth...JR (open RNY 07/17/02 -13 pre-op and -187 post-op for -200 !!!)
   — John Rushton

August 16, 2003
While I agree with Bob, at least in theory, I have a hard time telling people that I havd WLS, especially those with whom I work. I tell them I am losing weight because of my diet: the protein shake for breakfast, small lunch and dinner, lots of water, and exercise. Since I lost over 32 pounds prio to surgery, my co-workers believe me, I think. Why don't I tell the truth?~~~First, I can't get over my issues with obesity and to this day have a hard time admitting I am/was obese. Second, I did not tell everyone at work why I took a month off. I told them I was having surgery, abdominal surgery to those who asked. I teach and didn't want people to suggest I wait until June (summer vacation)for surgery. You don't owe anyone an explanation. Stick with what you are comfortable saying. Just remember who you told what to. P.S. Bob, I did admit the truth to someone who is MO and told her about my surgery. So I can still be a sorce of encouragement and maintain my privacy at work, or at least I hope so.
   — Margaret S.

August 16, 2003
"small meals and exercise" shouldn't sound fake, because it is obviously not. Think about what you do everyday. You are eating small meals. You are exercising. The surgery was the beginning, but you are required to do the rest of the work, the long term work. Some people are rather evangelistic about sharing the news of the surgery, and that is wonderful. The fact that they have helped other people is wonderful. I assume that I will be one of those big mouthed people after surgery as well. But not everyone is cut from the same mold. You must do what you have to do to be happy, and comfortable with yourself, and if keeping it personal is something you prefer to do, it is certainly not something to feel guilty about. So Don't! Just rejoice in this new life that God has allowed you to give yourself and your family.....and don't worry so much about what others think. They aren't doing the hard work, for you, you are! And if they truly have nothing better to do than gossip about others, that is their problem that they are lacking a life so much that if affords them the time to have other people's business on their tongue so often. You don't have time for that now. You are living the life you have missed out on. Good luck to you!
   — TameraD

August 17, 2003
Tell them the truth: portion control, high protein, low carbs, and one day at a time. You don't owe anyone an answer. A "thank you" to the compliment and that's it!
   — Starrlina

August 17, 2003
Hi, I've been having the same issue. I've told many of my co-workers and all my friends, with the exception of one who is the Queen of Negativity, about having WLS. I have been getting compliments lately on a daily basis, and I've noticed I'm very uncomfortable when they come from people who don't know about the surgery. The Queen of Negativity saw me last week and grilled me on how I was losing weight, and I felt really lame when I answered portion control, no sugar and no flour. I know this issue is all in my own head, and whether certain people believe my answer to 'how are you doing it?" is their own problem, but I've noticed I feel squirmy when I don't divulge the whole truth. This is leading me to believe that it is more stressful to keep my WLS a 'secret' from certain people. I guess it comes down to weighing the impact of people gossiping vs the impact of feeling uncomfortable about your accomplishment.
   — Judy M.

August 17, 2003
I simply tell people "I have cut alot of things out of my life. High protien and low carbs is what I eat now." I am not ashamed at all about my WLS but this is simply my personal private business and if I don't wish to tell the whole world that is what I tell them.
   — Jen L.

August 17, 2003
Jan, I feel what ever makes you comfortable to tell them. I have ran into this myself. The best gossip yet that I have heard is she must be doing drugs. Yet the people that do know still have negative comments to make. "Your losing to much to fast, how can you stop it, your going to have eating disorders". I have found I could not please people being fat and still can not please them now with my weightloss. Good luck to you!
   — Angie H.

August 17, 2003
I also am the big smile and "thank you" type. When asked, I say "I recently had surgery" and don't volunteer what type. Anyone who is heavy will hear what kind, or anyone I am close with, but I have no problem being honest about this. I personally think "small portions and exercise" is only a half truth. How many of us could honestly loose weight with this method?? It just isn't something we could do or we wouldn't have needed surgery - and to tell an overweight person that it is the method we are using only sets them up to feel worse about themselves - "Its working for her..why can't I do this??" I personally don't work with anyone that is nasty but I won't be telling my father in law anything until I am good and ready about this - he is the king of negative - when I see him my plan is to say I had surgery, personal in nature if he asks. Let him think I had gyn surgery if he wants - I don't care - but I think the "diet and exercise" routine is not being honest - its only a half truth. Of course, everyone needs to make their own choices - hopefully you will take all of our ideas and pull something you like out of each one and put away the rest.
   — bethybb

August 17, 2003
As far as acknowledging the compliment, a smile and a "thank you" or "thank you for noticing" is plenty. As far as telling everyone your story, I'm a pretty private person, myself, especially at work where I think a little distance helps me to maintain a necessary level of professionalism. People that I know well, or who I think might benefit from knowing about WLS, I'll tell that I had surgery, but only if they specifically ask how I'm losing weight. People that I don't know as well, I'll say something like I'm working closely with a doctor and dietitian, and exercising more. That satisfies them, allows me my privacy, and while not the whole truth, is enough of the truth for me.
   — Vespa R.

August 17, 2003
When people ask how you lost all that weight so fast, tell them " with alot of hard work" because that's exactly how you lost it. Claire
   — gramof3

August 17, 2003
I said 'Thank you' and if they persisted, I told them the truth that I had decided I needed to take care of myself both physically and emotionally and that I'm working hard at it. Everyone seemed to understand that quite well. :-) GOOD LUCK to you!
   — Click

August 18, 2003

   — D L.

August 18, 2003
Don't worry about the gossip part. I lost 100 lbs in 6 months and everyone ask how I did it. I just told them that I eat high protein low carb, walk 4 miles a day, and drink plenty of water. No one questioned it and I still get compliments on a daily basis. I am now 16 months out 140lbs lighter and to this day only my husband, my parents, and his mother no I had the surgery. Best of luck rs lap rny 4/02
   — Roxanne S.

August 18, 2003
Funny story about "perpetuating the diet myth" - My mother had a VBG two years ago this month. To date, she has told me, my husband, and a friend of hers who is SMO. That's it. 8 months after her surgery, she was down 80 pounds, and we went out of state to visit her brother and his wife, also MO. Of course, they noticed her weight loss, and asked what her secret was. Mom said, "I changed my relationship with food. I have smaller portions, higher protein, and I never, ever overeat." And that was all the explanation she gave. 6 months after that, Mom visited with them again, and found that her sister-in-law had taken her advice to heart - She managed to lose 60 pounds without the surgery, just eating smaller portions and working out! She still doesn't know that Mom had the surgery (and we have no plans to tell her at this point). Of course, I don't know if she managed to keep it off, but it worked well for her! And I know, her results are far from typical, but sometimes it does work, I guess... :-) Just wanted to share that...
   — Jenn D.

August 18, 2003
I tell people I had gastric bypass surgery if they truly seem interested in why I lost so much weight. If it's a polite inquiry, but not really that pointed or interested, I don't give out that detail. You're right to assume that the first gossip who learns it will tell everyone, though, so when I began telling people I knew of that risk. It hasn't come back to bite me yet, but if it does, so be it. And I don't think you have any obligation to prosthelytize (sheesh...if I spelled that right, I'm gonna lay down with a cold cloth and call it a day) about WLS, and every right not to tell folks if you don't want to. :-)
   — Suzy C.

August 18, 2003
THANK YOU! :)
   — Ginger M.

August 20, 2003
I've never considered myself to be that much of a private person and everyone in my life, whether family, co-workers or friends, knows I had this surgery. My own personal opinion is that keeping your WLS a secret perpetuates the myth that we've "taken the easy way out!" However, I do agree with what some of the others have said, say "Thank you!" and be done with it!! Best wishes!! :-)
   — Amy G.

August 20, 2003
I say "thank you", smile like the cheshire cat and move on!
   — Cathy S.

August 20, 2003
this is coming from someone whose life history seems to be an open book and everybody knows about my surgery. Your private medical history is just that, private. If you were treated for anything else private, ie hemorrhoids, an abortion, female problems, infertility, erectile dysfunction, etc, would you feel it necessary to divulge all the details to the world? no. Bob is one of my idols, but i disagree with him on this one. I would just smile and say a sincere thank you for noticing. I would not have told the world about my surgery if I had it to do over, I would keep it private between me and my husband. I am tired of being questioned about it all the time and friends feeling the need tell total strangers that we meet that I had surgery.
   — **willow**




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