Question:
What did you do to remain calm during this long process?
Just wondering what everyone has done to help them stay calm and not let "fear" take over. So often we have months of waiting for approval, then consultations, then surgery. — [Deactivated Member] (posted on June 14, 2003)
June 13, 2003
For me, years of living in near constant pain (heel spurs,bad knees,
vericose veins that burned and arthritis in my back and hips), suffering
the side effects of high blood pressure, never having energy due to weight
and sleep apnea and living an increasingly isolated life as I feared going
places where I wouldn't fit in chairs, motivated me to overcome my fears.
I had made my surgical consult before hitting rock bottom, but then found
myself one brutally hot summer afternoon realizing that my life had
spiralled out of control. I prayed and asked God to forgive me for ruining
the strong body that He had given me and then I asked God to give me the
strength to forgive myself for allowing food to dominate me for so long.
Fortunately, supportive friends and family, a great surgeon, the local
bariatric support group and (yes) my religious faith, got me through the
weeks of waiting before surgery as fear of what a life without food as its
centerpiece would be like was supplanted with the excitement that I would
be able to do all the things that I had been avoiding.
You might find some comfort in the profiles and webpages that many of us
have put together to help us in our process. Plus, the before and after
pictures are pretty inspiring. Good luck, Mary-- if you do decide to
finally go ahead with weight loss surgery, I hope that you will find a
surgeon who fills you with confidence.
— SteveColarossi
June 13, 2003
I think Steve, said it all! Good Luck!
— Lora T.
June 13, 2003
I still haven't been approved for surgery from my insurance company! I try
to focus on the positives. I truly believe that if I send positive vibes
out into the world, positive vibes will return to me. I know it seems
cheesy! I can't let the fear take over. I know if I do, my determination
will waver. Believe me, I have done more than my fair share of crying in
the last few months. I can't remember who said it, but it's a famous quote:
"I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to and 90% how I react
to it". Good luck to you, email me if you need support and we could
get each other thru the highs and lows!
— SweetDragonfly
June 13, 2003
Mary, I understand what you are feeling I was very nervous waiting for the
whole process, I was begining to eat to much, so what I did was I went to
wall mart, bought a couple of gallons of paint and I paint my room it took
me about 4 days, because I also made a deep cleaning on my closet, and that
kept me busy for a week, after that I went to the malls, looking for the
vitamins , shakes etc, that I was going to need, I think the key is to keep
yourself busy, call the insurance company every other day for an update,
etc. I hope I gave you any ideas. If you want to email me that also helps,
to be in touch with people . My surgery is this Monday, I am not nervous
anymore and I lost one pound. Cool haa. Good Luck, and never give
up........
— Rosa M.
June 13, 2003
I have to ditto what Steve said also. Focus, determination and faith in
God. I might ad that sharing my faith in God has also helped me through
the process. There are many out there that need encouragement and love.
We as MO people have been rejected by society on some level and it really
hurts. Many of us have restorted to our "fat" shell and for fear
of more rejection, we do not fulfill our calling in life. I find that the
more I try to help and encourage others in this journey, it pulls me out of
my shell and outside of myself and gives my life new meaning and LESS FEAR.
Just keep focused... and let me encourage you to turn to God (if you have
not already) and allow His strength to be yours! God bless you!
— Happy I.
June 14, 2003
Drink. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just kidding (ok...maybe only a
little bit). To be honest...I am only calm when the phone doesn't ring.
Every time it rings I am hoping to hear "Your approved, here's your
date". Otherwise I am trying to focus on school. That's all I can
do. The moment I'm not working on that I'm in surgery mode...research,
posting, reading, calling people, annoying friends...
— Renee B.
June 14, 2003
I know exactly how you feel. I started this journey about five months ago
looking into WLS as an intervention. I have been obese and morbidly obese
my entire life. Once I convinced myself that I wanted to have WLS, I spent
the next months researching my surgeon and completing all of the required
pre-operative screenings. Then, it was the never-ending fighting with the
insurance company, which consumed me totally. however, once I received
insurance company authorization, and firm surgery date was set (June 25th),
I have started to fear the procedure and second-guess my decision. What
has helped is my surgeon's support group, this site, positive friends,
family, co-workers, and the unfortunate realization that without WLS, I
likely won't need to plan for retirement.
— David F.
June 14, 2003
I waited 14 months for my surgery (I have Kaiser) I attended 10 weeks of
Weight Loss Management and Lifestyles (I lost 12 lbs. which I gained
back!)...and then, once I got my surgery date I had to lose 10% of my
weight (required by Kaiser), so that took every minute of the last 3 months
pre-op. I also meditated, frequented my therapist, started really
"showing up" here as far as posting and keeping my profile
current. There are lots of things you can do. If your insurance doesn't
require weight loss, may I suggest it? (put those rotten tomatoes down!)
You'll get yourself in the groove of losing weight, decrease the fat around
your liver, and your surgeon will be overjoyed you've made his job easier.
Exercise and tone up those legs because you'll be walking a lot after
surgery. Educate yourself on post-op life so you'll be ready...this will
decrease the fear a lot if you know what to expect. Hugs, Joy
— [Deactivated Member]
June 14, 2003
Mary! I just looked at your profile and you HAVE Kaiser...so you already
know about the 10% weight loss, etc. You're already exercising, and I
commend you! Keep doing what you're doing in that area. And just know
that it will happen for you...yes, Kaiser is beastly sometimes as far as
the wait, but it WILL happen. It does take supreme patience on our part.
If you want to read about my journey with Kaiser, just click on my name to
see my 4-page profile. Hugs again, Joy
— [Deactivated Member]
June 14, 2003
I know exactly how you feel. I began my bariatric battle early
2002. I changed insurance carriers in June 2002, to one that
covers the surgery, and had my 1st consultation with the
Bariatric Treatment Group. They gave me a checklist to complete
before the approval process would even begin. This was very
time consuming, and quite expensive. I missed many days from
work for appointments as well. After my psycholoigal evaluation
on February 8, 2003, my insurance carrier immediately approved me.
Great going you think? NOPE, only the begininning of total
frustration. Next I waited for a surgery date. Frantically,
I was calling my patient advocate, and she had no information.
Finally, she told me I needed a letter of recommendation from
the cardiologist. I made an appointment with him to get that,
discovering it was already in my file, which had already been
faxed over to them prior to my appointment. I had to pay an
office copay and miss a day of work for that useless visit.
I contacted the advocate again, and she said she did not have
the results of my PFT test. I contacted my doctor to get those
results, and to no avail, my primary care doctor could not find
my chart. It was misplaced when they faxed information to the
BTC group. So, I had to make an appointment to go to the office
for yet another PFT test, and get that faxed over to the advocate.
By now, weeks have passed, and I'm completely frantic! I never heard
from the advocate again. I feverishly called her leaving messages,
I called every number I could reach of the Bariatric Group, and
everyone had voicemail in operation. (DOG GONE IT!!) Finally,
I heard from Bariatric Treatment Centers, telling me that they
no longer would be participating with my carrier (BCBS) Boy,
was I LIVID! I thought of it as a sign from God that the
surgery was not meant for me, but I could not give up trying
to find a solution. So, I contacted some other groups and
scheduled several consultations with other surgeons, of course
my insurance would not pay for that! Then the worst happened,
I was informed that my job would no longer offer the BCBS
PPO program, only the Traditional program which would cost
me $400 monthly, $200 monthly more than what I pay. I can't
afford that!! So I began to think this was another sign, but
I still could not give up. I prayed my heart out asking God
to give me the strength to endure this frustration, and if
another obstacle got in my way, surely I would take it as a
sign. Well, I found a surgeon, but before I could get a
consultation date I needed my records. I contacted the
Bariatric Group, and they too lost my records, so I had
truly given up. I told the patient advocate with the new group I
was dealing with what was going on, and she went above and
beyond to get as many records as she could. The LivLite
group and Dr. Keith Marshall is a great group. As a result,
I am scheduled to have surgery on June 25, 2003. My insurance
changes on July 1. So imagine what thoughts I now have.
Maybe those were signs, and I should heed to them, on the
flip side, I'm thinking, maybe the BTC group wasn't for me.
Anyway, I am nervous and scared, but I'm more scared at what
could happen to me if I remain at 348 pds. I am a single
mother of 2 children, and I want to see them grow to be
grandmothers! I find this website very helpful, inspirational,
and much needed. I want to thank everyone for their postings,
and insights. And I'm asking for you all to please keep me
in your prayers, as I keep you in mine. God Bless
— Pamela C.
June 14, 2003
I was fortunate and from the time of my first consult until I had surgery
was about a month. However, during that month I spent alot of time on line
here learning about the surgery, making friends, attending local support
group meetings and reading tons of profiles. It was so gratifying to read
the profiles of so many women just like me. And best of all I spent hours
and hours going through the before and after pictures. It seemed like
there were thousands of happy post-ops on this site. I wanted so badly to
be them, and now I am, and you will be too! Also, make a list of all the
things you want to do after you lose weight that you cannot or will not do
now. My list was huge!
— Cindy R.
June 14, 2003
Mary, for me i did research first then i did my orientations which i did
with 2 different drs one in town and one out of town, then i did the
insurance process which happend soo fast like in 2 weeks well after my
approval then the waiting process began which was 5 months cuz the surgeon
i decided to go with had that long of a waiting list i didnt mind cuz i
utilized that time to do more research and talk to soo many people on here
it was amazing you will be surprised at how time flys when your having fun
with this make the best of it, message people, talk to them, browse,
research, enjoy your time learning more and more about this surgery thats
what I did and now im a year and 6 months post op..down 140 enjoy and good
luck hon
— Deanna Wise
June 14, 2003
Life goes on while we wait for wls. By the time I have my surgery in
August, it will be almost 3 years of waiting and not because of insurance.
Waiting for consults, waiting for tests, another consult, the phone call
with a surgery date, then finally waiting for the surgery itself. During
these 3 years, I have joined and participated in a couple of online support
groups in my area, went to support meetings in my city, read the Q&A,
read profiles and looked at before and after photos here at OH, gained 8
lbs(only), found my birth family, left hubby, hubby got sober, I came home,
been through 3 Christmas's birthdays etc., got 6 oil changes in my car, met
many new friends in my area who are pre and post ops, my son started
school, added a cat to the family, the list goes on and on. You just live
your life, whatever it is for you, and you wait for your turn under the
knife. I have no fear of wls, I have fear of 'what if something happens to
my surgeon', can't just hook up with a new one, it doesn't work that way
here. I am at peace and have no fear with my choice of having wls, are you
at peace with your choice to have wls?
— mary ann T.
June 14, 2003
Here's my two cents on your question:
1. Educate yourself on all the options-keep an open mind, but have the
FACTS - DON'T RUSH!!!
2. Establish good communication with all your medical caregivers and get
rid of ANY who are not supportive and replace them with those who care.
4. Consider meditation as a means of opening your mind to the
possibilities of how your life will change after WLS.
5. Pray for patience, peace, strength and serenity.
**Remember meditation is about opening your mind and letting ideas IN and
prayer is about asking for what you need or what you think your Higher
Power wants for you, then letting it happen.
6. Use the time from when you first considered WLS until it actually
happens to prepare yourself for the most amazing changes in your health,
attitude and self image! I keep a simple journal to look back on when I
need to remember where I've been and how far I've come, physically,
emotionally and spiritually.
7. Use visualization to 'see yourself' as you want to be. I did this
every night for months pre-op and still go to bed every night thanking God
for this gift. I AM the woman I pictured in my mind's eye just a short 18
months ago. You WILL be too!
7. Remember all the 'promises' you made with yourself once you have had
the surgery. Especially during those times when you wonder if it was
really worth it. Trust me-ITS WORTH EVERY SECOND OF DISCOMFORT AND NO FOOD
IS WORTH SHORTENING YOUR LIFE AND DEPROVING YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS OF THE
BEST PERSON YOU CAN BE!
Hope this isn't too preachy, but it comes straight from my heart.
Diane N
http://www.Weightlosssurgery.ws
— DianeN
June 15, 2003
Mary: I agree with the other posters. They are right, we still have to
keep on going with our normal lives. My biggest fear was not getting
insurance approval. I was sooo nervous, I let my eating get out of
control, I was very emotional, and even though I prayed frequently about
it, I was unable to let go of that. Once I was actually approved, a huge
sense of peace filled me. I had my initial consult on 03/03/03, and I'm
not having surgery until 08/19/03, but I feel like that gives me time to
get my things in order. I've also spent alot of time on this website,
trying to offer comfort and encouragement. Believe me, that takes up alot
of time and really makes it fly! I've prayed for God to give me the
patience to wait it out, and so far I think I'm doing pretty good. Yes,
I'm excited, No, I can't hardly wait, but my time will come. It's hard to
believe that my initial consult was over 3 months ago. I now have just
over 2 months til surgery, and I just continue to take one day at a time,
go about my daily business, go to work everyday, come home and try to do
some housework, and all the while I keep my sights on the fact that in just
a couple months, I will be on the other side and thinking about all the
wonderful things I will be able to do. I actually go to sleep at night
imagining how much better I'll feel and look. Good luck on your journey,
and God Bless!
— Moysa B.
June 19, 2003
Well I have spent my time learning about the surgery, reading everything I
can.....some days I am excited, others I get a bit nervous. I am impatient
all the time about everything, now finally my consult is next week!!!! I
can hardly beleive it! Hang in there!
— Saxbyd
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