Question:
Has anyone met with disapproval from other overweight people about surgery?

I've searched and searched and have yet to find this question on here, and I know it's kind of a strange question; but has anyone been met with disapproval from overweight and obese peers when they told them they were having surgery? Most of my friends and family have been very supportive. However, I belong to a plus size support group in my area and I have not had such great responses from several members of that group when I advised them I was having surgery. One person tried to convince me that I could not possibly have all of the facts about the surgery because, if I did, then I would not be having it. A few others have simply met my declaration of surgery with a look of sheer disgust and repulsiveness. I was almost made to feel like a traitor or something. Of course, the entire group is not like that. I have met with approval from a few members of the group who have actually had the surgery. However, the negative responses from even the handful have made me feel very uncomfortable with several people that I have otherwise felt very comfortable with until now. I was just curious if anyone else has encountered this and, if so, how you handled it. I certainly don't want to offend anyone or lose any friends, but I also feel as though I must consider my health and my well being above the opinions of peers. I'm just bothered by the fact that the very people who I thought would and should be the most supportive because they know what it's like to be obese and they know what the co-morbidities problems are were the very people who showed the least support about my having the surgery.    — Amanda S. (posted on April 24, 2003)


April 24, 2003
I found your question really interesting. I went through a period where I thought the surgery was a horrible thing. A friend of mine was going to have it done and I was so upset with her. I was doing Weight Watchers at the time. After really giving it some time and looking much deeper at why I felt the way I did about the surgery, I realized I was jealous and hurt. I felt like she was abandoning me. We shared our weight problems and now she would be skinny and I would be the sole fat chick. Now isn't that the most ridiculous way to think? Anyway, here it is some 7 months later and I am so amazed at her progress. She has lost over 100 pounds. She's a wonderful person. I am going to have the surgery soon now too. She has been so helpful and supportive. I am lucky she forgave me for being such an ass..haha.
   — A M.

April 24, 2003
I have not personally told another MO person, so I can't answer your question personally, but I would think that their reaction of negativity might stem from a quick pang of jealousy and maybe a little resentment that you will "no longer be one of them". Especially if they are a group that is into accepting yourself as a fat person. They might feel like you are "betraying the group". My advice would be to not worry about it! You know that this is the right decision for you. Maybe they are scared of wls or are uninformed or think they could never afford it. I would just let them know that you have done a lot of research and decided this is the right choice for you, and if anyone wants you to share information/research with them, feel free to ask. And if anyone confronts you or says negative things to you, tell them what you put in your question: that you must consider your health and well being above anything else and that having the surgery doesn't make you 'no longer one of them'. If they continue to be negative or try to talk you out of it, well, nobody needs friends like that. Good luck!
   — beeda

April 24, 2003
Angela, the support group is a plus size support group, a group designed to support other plus size people. If you have the surgery, you will no longer be a plus size person, and therefore, an outsider. Although you will always remember what it was like to live in an obese body, you will no longer be living in an obese body like they will. I think its kinda like saying to them, your plus size is no longer OK, and I am going to change that. I would think that they would feel threatened (like your abandoning them) and perhaps jealous. Be prepared to lose some of these friends post-op. It happens. It should not deter you from your goal of good health or from being gracious to the group and not rubbing it in their faces, though.
   — Cindy R.

April 24, 2003
Amanda, I"m dealing with some-what of the same issues, I have an MO sister, who at the time last year January wanted surgery so bad she would have cut off a finger to have it. How-ever her employer had a cluase in their insurance so she wasn't able to get it, My employer on the other hand and htier insurance is the bomb, no clause, and my surgery was done in May last year. I kept urging my sister to quit her job and try to get on at mine, Cards were delt right and in October last year she was hired, same employer, same great insurance. She started the process and as of January this year she was approved for surgery, (Letter in hand), How-ever she has since changed her mind about the surgery, saying she's like to try it on here own, Don't get me wrong we've all tried it and it just seems to keep comming on back, (The weight) her doctor put her on Phentermine, and she since lost 40 pounds, how-ever she's still dead set against have WLS, She's older, 32 5'7 and started at 350 pounds, I know the phentermine isn't good for her heart or anything else for that matter, but she wants to do it that way........ She says she's watched me change, and she doesn't like the changes, I'm 11 months post op and down 128 pounds, I'm still the same girl I used to be just in better shape, and taking care of myself, like I should have been. My sister is going in surgery tomorrow for a large apron/ pelvic fat removal tomorrow, I keep telling her she runs the same risks as having the WLS, I wish I could change her mind, I'm working on her. I wish that she could show some kind of support, my husband been my only support threw-out this whole entire year, WLS is a roller coaster and this past year has had it's up and downs, I'll admist it, but I truly stand behind WLS and say that it's been a life saver ! ...... I no longer have any co-mobilities, NONE ! and I'm so greatful for this, ....... So I know how you feel when you get the cold sholder about the WLS sudject, hopefully things will change, on both ends........... I told my sister people would die to be in her shoes, and that she'll regret the things she didn't do more then the things she did.....
   — tannedtigress

April 24, 2003
I belong to an on-line support group for plus-size women. I 'fessed up to my decision, because I didn't want to be dishonest, and have remained semi-active on the board. There were some who were adamently opposed - and listed the same "concerns" you did - that I didn't REALLY know what I was getting into, that I was selling out. The ironic thing is that my goal was only to be healthy - that happened at 250. I'm down to 181 and thinner than I ever have been, or really ever desired to be! Still, I fight the fat girl fight - I see more size discrimination than ever, maybe it hurt too bad to open my eyes this wide before. That fight will be mine forever, for ME. So, I've tried not to take it personally.
   — Mendi M.

April 24, 2003
Theres a fellow I know Wayne, he must be up over 500 pounds and is looking to get a smaller steering wheel for his truck since he cant fit anymore. Anyhow a friend suggested he have surgery like me and they nearly got in a fight. Wayne said I would never do that to myself. I asked him if I looked like I was sufferuing. He just said no way. Appears his wife wants him to do it. So sad wayne is going to die, his health is terrible. WLS would fix him. I did ask him what was wrong about it and he shook his head and left. I told him if you change your mind I am there to help. Some people are afraid others just dont understand.
   — bob-haller

April 24, 2003
I haven't had surgery yet, but have received a lot of surprising opinions. My MO step-mother-in-lawis against it, thinks I haven't tried everything yet. MY MO father-in-law, her husband, says the dame thing. Very Obese sister in law says its not for her, but only cuz she wouldn't be approved, and admits her opinion is tainted by jealousy. Get this my SIZE 2 sister, is the most supportive!!! I haven't even dared to tell my MO mother and MO sister yet, but don't expect good answers. Good luck... Its stressful, but you want their support, not their permission. Atleast thats what I am going to tell any opposition.
   — candylnd24

April 24, 2003
I think some of the response from MOs is the realization that something so drastic - surgery - could be required for them to lose the weight, too. I remember my reaction when a friend of mine told me about her upcoming WLS. At the time, she needed to lose 100 pounds and I needed to lose 180 pounds. It was a true reality check, but I wasn't jealous of my friend. I hopped on her bandwagon and had my WLS 3 months after she did.
   — Yolanda J.

April 24, 2003
MISERY LOVES COMPANY!!!!! You can be happy in your fat body because surgery will not make you happy...BUT...you can also be happy in your post-op body and HEALTHY. You cannot make yourself healthy by yo-yo dieting and being mentally defeated all the time b/c of your weight. So have your surgery and be happy and healthy!. They are just hating because they are not brave enough to go through with the surgery because they most likely do not want to give up Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Ice Cream, and all that other crap that makes you fat!!! You GO GIRL! Follow your heart! Feel free to email me anytime if you need support.
   — Shayla527

April 25, 2003
A little over two years ago, my brother announced that he was having WLS and I was not very supportive, I thought that he just hadn't tried hard enough, that he needed to research a little more, that there were other options..... the list continues. Why did I respond that way? I was un-educated. I had no idea what the surgery involved, how it helped and so on... Now, I am 8 months post-op and down 125 lbs! And I feel great!!! I didn't have near the negetive responses my brother had, and I am grateful for that. This has been an amazing journey. Someone posted a reponse on day and I had to print it out and tape it to my computor -- "I am getting a tool, others can dig holes with spoons, I prefer using a shovel. That's how I see the surgery, not as taking the easy way out, per say, but definately getting a better tool to help me dig." And the first poster also said something that struck a cord with me, her sister said that she is acting different. Well let me tell you, we do act different to others, not ourselves. I felt that in my "fat" body I had to act a certain way, society does that to us. Now I can express who I am, and dress how I feel. Face it - the large clothing line leaves alot to be desired. I wish you the best of luck, this is an absolutely fabulous tool that can be worked to perform wonders!
   — Dana B.

April 25, 2003
I was friends with a lady who is MO. She was researching WLS long before I even thought about having surgery. I even tried to talk her out of it. Why? I didnt know anything (but the bad stuff) about it and was worried about her. I then started doing research for myself and was able to get approved and have surgery. She, on the other hand, changed her mind and went back to Weight Watchers one more time. She has since gained even more weight and is in poor health but is out of work so WLS is totally out of the question for her now. Fast forward to the comments I got from her. "Its so sad that you'll never have childern because you had WLS." or better yet "You do know that the transected part of your tummy is gonna die and rot inside of you." I know better than to listen to this kind of crap because I know she is just saying it out of being green with envy. I have lost more than one so called friend because I had WLS but I have made lots of new, real ones and I'm now healthy enough to enjoy their company. TRUE friends will support you no matter what so dont worry about part-time buddies. Sidney Open RNY 10-23-02 down 80+
   — Siddy I.

April 25, 2003
Its so ironic that I read your question today. Yesterday I had an appointment w/ a new doc and she is so adamantly against wls, she actually swore at me! And to top it off, she is MO, larger than myself! She used all the reasons, I'm not fat enuf, i haven't tried hard enuf, I'm taking the easy way out. All this from a doctor. Needless to say, I won't be seeing her again. I also have decided to not tell my family (who are all MO) because I grew up under their impression that wls is wrong and stupid and unnecessary. Lucky for me, I did my research and learned the facts. I hope to use myself as an example when I finally tell them about the surgery. My only support is my hubby and friends on this sight and my support group. No one here is alone, we are all in this together! Good luck!
   — Kelly R.




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