Question:
Has anyone met with disapproval from other overweight people about surgery?
I've searched and searched and have yet to find this question on here, and I know it's kind of a strange question; but has anyone been met with disapproval from overweight and obese peers when they told them they were having surgery? Most of my friends and family have been very supportive. However, I belong to a plus size support group in my area and I have not had such great responses from several members of that group when I advised them I was having surgery. One person tried to convince me that I could not possibly have all of the facts about the surgery because, if I did, then I would not be having it. A few others have simply met my declaration of surgery with a look of sheer disgust and repulsiveness. I was almost made to feel like a traitor or something. Of course, the entire group is not like that. I have met with approval from a few members of the group who have actually had the surgery. However, the negative responses from even the handful have made me feel very uncomfortable with several people that I have otherwise felt very comfortable with until now. I was just curious if anyone else has encountered this and, if so, how you handled it. I certainly don't want to offend anyone or lose any friends, but I also feel as though I must consider my health and my well being above the opinions of peers. I'm just bothered by the fact that the very people who I thought would and should be the most supportive because they know what it's like to be obese and they know what the co-morbidities problems are were the very people who showed the least support about my having the surgery. — Amanda S. (posted on April 24, 2003)
April 24, 2003
I found your question really interesting. I went through a period where I
thought the surgery was a horrible thing. A friend of mine was going to
have it done and I was so upset with her. I was doing Weight Watchers at
the time. After really giving it some time and looking much deeper at why I
felt the way I did about the surgery, I realized I was jealous and hurt. I
felt like she was abandoning me. We shared our weight problems and now she
would be skinny and I would be the sole fat chick. Now isn't that the most
ridiculous way to think? Anyway, here it is some 7 months later and I am so
amazed at her progress. She has lost over 100 pounds. She's a wonderful
person. I am going to have the surgery soon now too. She has been so
helpful and supportive. I am lucky she forgave me for being such an
ass..haha.
— A M.
April 24, 2003
I have not personally told another MO person, so I can't answer your
question personally, but I would think that their reaction of negativity
might stem from a quick pang of jealousy and maybe a little resentment that
you will "no longer be one of them". Especially if they are a
group that is into accepting yourself as a fat person. They might feel
like you are "betraying the group". My advice would be to not
worry about it! You know that this is the right decision for you. Maybe
they are scared of wls or are uninformed or think they could never afford
it. I would just let them know that you have done a lot of research and
decided this is the right choice for you, and if anyone wants you to share
information/research with them, feel free to ask. And if anyone confronts
you or says negative things to you, tell them what you put in your
question: that you must consider your health and well being above anything
else and that having the surgery doesn't make you 'no longer one of them'.
If they continue to be negative or try to talk you out of it, well, nobody
needs friends like that. Good luck!
— beeda
April 24, 2003
Angela, the support group is a plus size support group, a group designed to
support other plus size people. If you have the surgery, you will no
longer be a plus size person, and therefore, an outsider. Although you
will always remember what it was like to live in an obese body, you will no
longer be living in an obese body like they will. I think its kinda like
saying to them, your plus size is no longer OK, and I am going to change
that. I would think that they would feel threatened (like your abandoning
them) and perhaps jealous. Be prepared to lose some of these friends
post-op. It happens. It should not deter you from your goal of good
health or from being gracious to the group and not rubbing it in their
faces, though.
— Cindy R.
April 24, 2003
Amanda,
I"m dealing with some-what of the same issues, I have an MO sister,
who at the time last year January wanted surgery so bad she would have cut
off a finger to have it. How-ever her employer had a cluase in their
insurance so she wasn't able to get it, My employer on the other hand and
htier insurance is the bomb, no clause, and my surgery was done in May last
year. I kept urging my sister to quit her job and try to get on at mine,
Cards were delt right and in October last year she was hired, same
employer, same great insurance. She started the process and as of January
this year she was approved for surgery, (Letter in hand), How-ever she has
since changed her mind about the surgery, saying she's like to try it on
here own, Don't get me wrong we've all tried it and it just seems to keep
comming on back, (The weight) her doctor put her on Phentermine, and she
since lost 40 pounds, how-ever she's still dead set against have WLS,
She's older, 32 5'7 and started at 350 pounds, I know the phentermine isn't
good for her heart or anything else for that matter, but she wants to do it
that way........ She says she's watched me change, and she doesn't like the
changes, I'm 11 months post op and down 128 pounds, I'm still the same girl
I used to be just in better shape, and taking care of myself, like I should
have been.
My sister is going in surgery tomorrow for a large apron/ pelvic fat
removal tomorrow, I keep telling her she runs the same risks as having the
WLS, I wish I could change her mind, I'm working on her.
I wish that she could show some kind of support, my husband been my only
support threw-out this whole entire year, WLS is a roller coaster and this
past year has had it's up and downs, I'll admist it, but I truly stand
behind WLS and say that it's been a life saver ! ......
I no longer have any co-mobilities, NONE ! and I'm so greatful for this,
.......
So I know how you feel when you get the cold sholder about the WLS sudject,
hopefully things will change, on both ends........... I told my sister
people would die to be in her shoes, and that she'll regret the things she
didn't do more then the things she did.....
— tannedtigress
April 24, 2003
I belong to an on-line support group for plus-size women. I 'fessed up to
my decision, because I didn't want to be dishonest, and have remained
semi-active on the board. There were some who were adamently opposed - and
listed the same "concerns" you did - that I didn't REALLY know
what I was getting into, that I was selling out. The ironic thing is that
my goal was only to be healthy - that happened at 250. I'm down to 181 and
thinner than I ever have been, or really ever desired to be! Still, I fight
the fat girl fight - I see more size discrimination than ever, maybe it
hurt too bad to open my eyes this wide before. That fight will be mine
forever, for ME. So, I've tried not to take it personally.
— Mendi M.
April 24, 2003
Theres a fellow I know Wayne, he must be up over 500 pounds and is looking
to get a smaller steering wheel for his truck since he cant fit anymore.
Anyhow a friend suggested he have surgery like me and they nearly got in a
fight. Wayne said I would never do that to myself. I asked him if I looked
like I was sufferuing. He just said no way. Appears his wife wants him to
do it. So sad wayne is going to die, his health is terrible. WLS would fix
him. I did ask him what was wrong about it and he shook his head and left.
I told him if you change your mind I am there to help. Some people are
afraid others just dont understand.
— bob-haller
April 24, 2003
I haven't had surgery yet, but have received a lot of surprising opinions.
My MO step-mother-in-lawis against it, thinks I haven't tried everything
yet. MY MO father-in-law, her husband, says the dame thing. Very Obese
sister in law says its not for her, but only cuz she wouldn't be approved,
and admits her opinion is tainted by jealousy. Get this my SIZE 2 sister,
is the most supportive!!! I haven't even dared to tell my MO mother and MO
sister yet, but don't expect good answers. Good luck... Its stressful, but
you want their support, not their permission. Atleast thats what I am
going to tell any opposition.
— candylnd24
April 24, 2003
I think some of the response from MOs is the realization that something so
drastic - surgery - could be required for them to lose the weight, too. I
remember my reaction when a friend of mine told me about her upcoming WLS.
At the time, she needed to lose 100 pounds and I needed to lose 180 pounds.
It was a true reality check, but I wasn't jealous of my friend. I hopped on
her bandwagon and had my WLS 3 months after she did.
— Yolanda J.
April 24, 2003
MISERY LOVES COMPANY!!!!! You can be happy in your fat body because surgery
will not make you happy...BUT...you can also be happy in your post-op body
and HEALTHY. You cannot make yourself healthy by yo-yo dieting and being
mentally defeated all the time b/c of your weight. So have your surgery and
be happy and healthy!. They are just hating because they are not brave
enough to go through with the surgery because they most likely do not want
to give up Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Ice Cream, and all that other crap
that makes you fat!!! You GO GIRL! Follow your heart!
Feel free to email me anytime if you need support.
— Shayla527
April 25, 2003
A little over two years ago, my brother announced that he was having WLS
and I was not very supportive, I thought that he just hadn't tried hard
enough, that he needed to research a little more, that there were other
options..... the list continues. Why did I respond that way? I was
un-educated. I had no idea what the surgery involved, how it helped and so
on... Now, I am 8 months post-op and down 125 lbs! And I feel great!!! I
didn't have near the negetive responses my brother had, and I am grateful
for that. This has been an amazing journey. Someone posted a reponse on
day and I had to print it out and tape it to my computor -- "I am
getting a tool, others can dig holes with spoons, I prefer using a shovel.
That's how I see the surgery, not as taking the easy way out, per say, but
definately getting a better tool to help me dig." And the first
poster also said something that struck a cord with me, her sister said that
she is acting different. Well let me tell you, we do act different to
others, not ourselves. I felt that in my "fat" body I had to act
a certain way, society does that to us. Now I can express who I am, and
dress how I feel. Face it - the large clothing line leaves alot to be
desired. I wish you the best of luck, this is an absolutely fabulous tool
that can be worked to perform wonders!
— Dana B.
April 25, 2003
I was friends with a lady who is MO. She was researching WLS long before I
even thought about having surgery. I even tried to talk her out of it.
Why? I didnt know anything (but the bad stuff) about it and was worried
about her. I then started doing research for myself and was able to get
approved and have surgery. She, on the other hand, changed her mind and
went back to Weight Watchers one more time. She has since gained even more
weight and is in poor health but is out of work so WLS is totally out of
the question for her now. Fast forward to the comments I got from her.
"Its so sad that you'll never have childern because you had WLS."
or better yet "You do know that the transected part of your tummy is
gonna die and rot inside of you." I know better than to listen to
this kind of crap because I know she is just saying it out of being green
with envy. I have lost more than one so called friend because I had WLS
but I have made lots of new, real ones and I'm now healthy enough to enjoy
their company. TRUE friends will support you no matter what so dont worry
about part-time buddies. Sidney Open RNY 10-23-02 down 80+
— Siddy I.
April 25, 2003
Its so ironic that I read your question today. Yesterday I had an
appointment w/ a new doc and she is so adamantly against wls, she actually
swore at me! And to top it off, she is MO, larger than myself! She used
all the reasons, I'm not fat enuf, i haven't tried hard enuf, I'm taking
the easy way out. All this from a doctor. Needless to say, I won't be
seeing her again. I also have decided to not tell my family (who are all
MO) because I grew up under their impression that wls is wrong and stupid
and unnecessary. Lucky for me, I did my research and learned the facts. I
hope to use myself as an example when I finally tell them about the
surgery. My only support is my hubby and friends on this sight and my
support group. No one here is alone, we are all in this together! Good
luck!
— Kelly R.
Click Here to Return