Question:
Need support on this PLEASE.. What to do?

...since I have been married 9 yrs I have been heavy. Now that Im 7mths post op down 86lbs I feel that I have changed my thought process as follows: I would tolerate different and even minor things that would irrate me from my husband because I guess I felt that he was the only one that would "have" me and now that I feel so good I find myself saying little things; another words letting my opinion be known or my feelings. I know this has hit home for him and I promise Im only talking about everday little things... Thank you    — Audrey L. (posted on April 10, 2003)

April 10, 2003

   — MaryCinFL

April 10, 2003
Hi, Audrey! I can relate to what you're going through. I'm still pre-op, and have been MO most of my life (I'm 45). I met my husband (my 2nd) six years ago, and we've been married for 5. Keep in mind this was the first guy who had paid me any attention or who was physically attracted to me in over 10 years. I really fell hard and fast (I think because I had never had a good sex life). At first, I tended to tolerate his abuse (strictly mental and emotional). I felt he was trying to "control" me too much. There have been times when I thought about breaking up with him. But, I kind of made a conscious decision to not allow him to control me the way he was trying to. I began to assert myself more (even though I'm still fat), and let him know that I wasn't going to put up with it. I basically told him that I wasn't afraid to be alone since I had been for a lot of my adult life anyway. You know what, since I did that things have been better than ever! I think he understands that if he wants me to be with him, he's going to have to treat me the way I deserve to be treated. I truly care about him, and I believe he does me, as well, so there are a lot of reasons to continue to work on this relationship. I hope you will find that in your marriage as well. If your hubby loves you, he will learn to adjust to the changes, and will respect you for standing up for yourself. Best of luck to you! I hope it works out the way you want it to.
   — Carlita

April 11, 2003
The ladies before me have given you some good advise. I would only add a couple of other thoughts to the mix. You have to expect him to be taken back if you have never mentioned these issues to him before. It may help to sit down with him and talk about the things that bother you. I know if I don't do that with my husband I can become very sarcastic and that really does not make the situation better. I think a lot of us expect our spouse to read our minds and honestly they just can't. I believe the thing that breaks marriages up is failure to communicate effectively. Someone has to start the communication - let it be you. I do speak from experience - my husband and I were seperated for a year (had been married 2.5). When we got together and began to communicate honestly with each other things started to come together. We celebrated 10 years in October.And it has only gotten better since my WLS. My prayers are with you. Cheryl 10.5 mos -120lbs
   — Cheryl S.