Question:
WLS patients ask me WLS questions that seem to defeat the purpose- How do I NOT get frustrated?
People ask me a lot of questions and I get frustrated. How do you not lose your temper when people ask you WLS questions? I am starting to lose my patience when people ask self-defeating questions like, "The surgeon says I cannot have ANY soda after surgery but I don't dump on even regular soda, so can I still have one once in a while?" That makes me wonder. Why would you go to the trouble of having major (potentially life-threatening) surgery for tens of thousands of dollars, sitting on a waiting list for months, then go against what your surgeon says? Do you want to gain the weight back? Do you want to have complications? Hernias? Do think he is kidding when he gives you advice? The surgeon has gone to MEDICAL SCHOOL. He/she is a professional, and probably has a dietician on staff to consult with on this. Keep in mind that this is only one example of the kind of question I hear a lot of. Other favorites are: "Do I really need to only eat soft food for three weeks like the surgeon says?", "Do I really need 64 ounces of water everyday?" It is hard to explain, but I am in danger of gnawing a hole in my cheek by holding back when I hear question after question from people who want to go against their doctors' advice and are basically sabottaging themselves. Are they asking for permission to do it or what? Any insight on this would be greatly appreciated. I understand that people want to be reassurred, by why ask someone who is NOT a doctor, when a DOCTOR has already told them what to do? Thanks! — kultgirl (posted on April 2, 2003)
April 1, 2003
— Joscelin
April 1, 2003
I'm a smart a** so people know not to ask me stupid questions. I say
what's on my mind and if they can handle it, fine, if not, then I'm not the
one to ask.
— Kimberly L.
April 1, 2003
Another reason to keep this surgery private, like I've done. If you don't
want to be bothered with stupid questions, then don't tell anyone about
your surgery.
— Shelley.
April 1, 2003
Shelli,
I'm pre-op and I agree wholeheartedly. I remember when I went to meet a
surgeon for the first time that I had talked to a guy who had just had
surgery. He was proud of the fact that he had eaten some really unhealthy
things only 3 weeks after his surgery!!! I was shocked that he would have
gone through all that just to try to defeat it. I know that what we have
is an illness and I know some people have their issues, but really, is it
worth it? I think the nutritional aspect is pure lack of education.
Drinking any kind of soda regardless of having had WLS or not does nothing
for you nutritionally. It took me a long time to realize this myself and
now I have given them up. I know that even diet soda has acids in it that
are so strong that it can eat through a tooth in days, if left soaking in
it. Think about what that does to your insides. I just try to keep in
mind that some of these people are at the beginning of their journey and
haven't completely educated themselves about the procedure and all that
comes with it.
— Morna B.
April 1, 2003
My 2 cents.
I think some people ask these questions, because they are hoping that for a
short time period anything is possible. For 6-8 months I can go without a
coke, but when you look at the rest of your life -- I can NEVER have a coke
again, can I do this.
I know when I was looking into this surgery I asked my self that questions
a lot, CAN I DO THIS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE??? Thats a big one. My
surgeon told me to quit smoking or he would not do the surgery, CAN I DO
THAT, I had smoked since I was 13 and a serious smoker since I was 21. That
was 29 years of smoking to give up. Did I want this surgery that bad,
YES-I quit so he would do it. I haven't started again, simply because I
realize it's not healthy. The statistics are out there. Coke's, candy, ice
cream, can I live the rest of my life without them, NO, but can I treat
myself every now and then maybe a couple times a month and keep it under
control. Yes, now that I'm 7 months out I do allow this treat every now and
then. As far as people asking me stupid questions. I refer them back to
there surgeon's, adivse them to follow his rules and if I'm asked if I do
it, yes in moderation....You have to follow your own plan and your own tool
and live with your own choices, thats what got you were you are today..
— Jeana S.
April 1, 2003
oh yeah, I forgot to add the taking in additional "empty"
calories from drinking regular soda as well.
— Morna B.
April 2, 2003
Wow . . . my thoughts exactly! Tell them they need to think more seriously
about WLS . . . after the first "stupid" question. I am 9 weeks
pre-op . . .I love caffine,diet coke and chocolate . . . bur not more than
my desire for surgery!
Good Luck!
— Michele D.
April 2, 2003
Shelli, all I can say is AMEN! I hear what you're saying and totally agree!
No, doctors are not God but why did you choose your doctor if you have
absolutely no faith in what they are saying? And if you find you do doubt
the doc's advice, hopefully it's because you've researched it thoroughly
with other post-ops! ARRRRRGGGHHH!!!
— Anna L.
April 2, 2003
Another thought... refer them to this web site and tell them it has an
excellent library where they can get opinions from a wide variety of people
and experiences. Good luck!
— daytymer
April 2, 2003
Hi Shelli- What about answering them with something like "You can do
whatever you want. You're an adult." If people are not willing to
educate themselves, try not to feel responsible for their ignorance. That
puts the "permission" back on them too. Maybe a little less
harsh answer might be "What did your Doctor say about that?".
Good Luck!
— Mea A.
April 2, 2003
Sheila, one thing I have learned thru this process over the past 14 months
is that most surgeons have totally different plans for their patients to
follow. This can be confusing to pre-ops when they see one surgeon allows
an occasional soda for his patients and others say never. Some surgeons
want their patients to eat well balanced meals to include carbs (like mine)
and others restrict you to all protein until you lose a certain percentage
of weight. Some surgeons tell their patients that they can have calcium
carbonate yet most of us know that carbonate is not good for us and that we
need citrate. Some have liquid diets for weeks and others have their
patients trying solid foods in a matter of days. Although we often refer
pre and post ops back to their surgeons and doctors, keep in mind that most
of these surgeons and doctors are learning as they go along, and that we
probably are more in tune to our after care than they are. Remember that
they are surgeons and their training is in surgery and not aftercare and
nutrition and all the other long term questions and concerns that we have.
So I can understand why these pre and post ops are asking us, who are
longer term post-ops these things. I get more frustrated with the
questions from new post ops who lament that they haven't lost any weight
for 1 week and they are only 3 or 4 weeks post-op and is this
"it" for them, then I do with those that ask if they can have an
occasional soda or can they skip the puree stage.
— Cindy R.
April 2, 2003
I just have to say at 4 weeks post-op, I have asked some of those same
questions to people, and anyone on here who has not wanted to speed up the
process of wanting to eat normally again and being depressed over the fact
that you can;t for a month or two, well then that is good for you, but to
be on here criticizing others for the struggles you think you have kicked
is just damn wrong.People have to get used to tis way of life and it is not
easy, do you think these people want to jeopardize all they have been
through-duh, no. I think it is more a matter of wanting things to be normal
again and everyone does not understand that right away, especially when you
see yourself being able to tolerate certain foods. So, my response to you
is if you don't like the questions and can;t be somewhat understanding stop
telling people your damn business-some of you people on here are so
judgemental, not to mention hypocrital it makes me sick.
— TotallyTori
April 2, 2003
Shelli, I have found advice from post-ops to be far more useful to me than
what my doc, or other people's docs, have said about what to eat (or what
to supplement, and how), especially *after* the first month or so. The
further (farther? ack, I never know) away people are from the day of
surgery, the more their issues are "head" hunger problems, sugar
or carb cravings, plateau frustrations, exercise woes, depression, etc. --
stuff outside the realm of what the surgeons were ever trained for. I've
posted a dumb question or two (and quite a few dumb "answers").
If a particular question really bugs ya, just ignore it -- folks are going
to do what they're going to do anyway. :~)
— Suzy C.
April 2, 2003
I have often wondered the same thing as you. I think they are looking for
permission to "cheat" or are wondering if they now have a magic
pouch that will allow them to do what they always did before. I followed
all surgeon directions and still faced a complication, I think that the
psychological evaluations that are required before the surgery are
sometimes not thorough enough.. all the "failures" at this
surgery and way of life have been people that I know that had the surgery
but had no intention of changing bad habits like eating too fast or too
much and eating food that make us unhealthy. I agree that it is upsetting
to see these questions, but I also wonder, how much of their weight problem
is rooted psychologically. I think those of us that are pretty stable
mentally use the sane reasoning about why we are doing this and the
sacrifices/changes needed. Those that may be mentally needing help, they
are not able to see the trees while in the forest. I feel kind of sorry for
these people...they have gone through a traumatic procedure and they are
not able to use their tool properly due to mental weakness (of course,
these "weaknesses" are not their fault! Before everyone jumps on
me for being judgemental, I am a psychology student and I understand their
problems pretty well and am not being mean...more concerned.)
— missmollyk
April 2, 2003
I have probably asked some of these "stupid" questions along the
way myself. I am 2 years post-op and I am one of those who probably didn't
take this surgery post-op "life plan" seriously enough. I regret
that now, and I am trying to get "back on track". I can't speak
for all the other's out there, but I guess I got "cocky" after
surgery and power-tripped because for once in my life I "felt" in
control of food, etc. I relished in the fact that I could eat anything and
still lose weight. (I'm 2 years post-op from BPD/DS --333/220lbs) Yes,
with the DS we CAN often eat a lot more then with other procedures, but
have I maximized my weightl-loss and did I make the best possible use of my
"window"? NO. And I'm sorry about that now. Like I said, I
can't speak for others, but as far as I go, I pushed the limits originally
because I felt "in control" for the first time in my life. Was
it wise? NO. Would I recommend that to a Pre-op? NO. I truly wish I had
invested more in my education about post-op life originally instead of
waiting until now (at 2 years post-op) to do so, but that's my story.
Sometimes we have to remember that for most people who have been obese
their entire lives, there are a slew of emotional complications and
everyone deals with this in their OWN way. While I applaud those of you
who stuck to the letter of your surgeon/nutritionists advice, I also
(obviously) feel for and understand those who didn't. The surgery changed
out anatomy ... some of us take a little longer then others to catch up
emotionally.
— S M.
April 2, 2003
All of us are human, and most just want to be normal people. Having a
occasional soda or candy bar didnt make us MO. It was the 8 sodas a day,
and bags of candy. I think anything in moderation is OK, but ideally you
dont want to ge readdicted to real bad food choices. Thin people eat candy
bars, and drink pop. I sympathize with folks who ask these questions.
Ultimately we all have to find our own way, sand these folks are looking
for guidance from others. Some here will never eat so and so again, more
power to them. Others like me try to live life like thin folks, eat healthy
with some goodies. Its everyones individual choice. Pre op I worried about
never eatibng X ever again. Most can eat anything in limited quanties. I
think many who ask these questions are looking foire reassurance that they
wouldnt be forever unable to eat a bite of cake or whatever. WLS is scary,
getting answers to questions is more than the direct answer. Its aboiut
support as well.
— bob-haller
April 2, 2003
You are them, they are you. Just as you will eventually eat ONE cookie
(and justify it in your mind), they're just doing it by asking it out loud.
IF we all did what our docs say, we'd be in deep doo. I see 3 docs
regularly, none of whom agree with each other on all things. And they're
all great, of course. But I have to find the common denominator with real
life & balance it against what Doc A vs B vs C tells me to do. I am
going through a very rough spot with my dad, and having ?? docs (who knows
in a hospital & ER) involve din his care, he is now in worse shape than
he was. Granted he is sick, but probably way overmedicated for a few days.
No one doc is "dumb", but they just all see things from what they
know in their experience. All that to say, docs are not on pedestals &
we do them & ourselves a disservice by thinking so. One final example
I can give you: there is someone else in my life who has been told
repeatedly to quit smoking OR be hospitalized (no money from job). She
promoised the doc she'd quit, BEGGED not to be taken off work, quit for
about 6 hours and is back, sicker than ever. That was 2 yrs ago. She lives
on a/b for bronchitis, catches every respiratory thing that comes down the
road, but still, she smokes, and her lungs & asthma get worse. She is
23. She is also a candidate for our surgery, but I'd be scared to
encourage her. She is missing the "take care of myself" gene, I
think. My loving her won't stop her self-destructive ways. My ripping her
lips off won't do it, either. The ones you can walk away from, walk. The
ones you love, well, I just keep silent and love her anyway. Signed, Cheeks
Full of Holes
— vitalady
April 2, 2003
It's part of the grief process. In my own life, and in the sharing of so
many people from this site, I would have to say that these types of
questions really come from a place in which the person is trying to
"bargain" as they grieve the loss of many of the foods that they
have previously relied upon for comfort and satisfaction. There are many
stages of grief, and one of those stages is bargaining. If a person asks,
"can I still have 'X' post-op", they are likely trying to come to
terms with the impending loss of some favorite source of comfort. If a
person continues to asks these types of questions (self-sabotaging in
appearance) post-op, then I would say that they are stuck in grieving the
loss of food as comfort and are unable to find a replacement that is as
satisfying as that particular food (or food in general). Many of us find
out about this surgery and run headlong into a new life that we have had no
time to prepare ourselves for. For this reason, unless a person's health
is in immenent danger, I think that a short course of counseling pre-op
around food issues is essential to eventual success. As many members have
noted on the board and in the Q&A's, this surgery is not "brain
surgery"! This surgery cannot correct a life-time of thoughts and
feelings and emotions that have contributed to our need for this surgery.
This surgery is just one tool among many. Be patient with these types of
questions. If the person who is asking is a good friend, try and find out
where they are coming from. If they are merely an aquaintence, then tell
them what you would or would not do or say nothing. But most of all be
patient. We humans are slow to learn and change; what comes easy to one,
may be more difficult for another and vice verse. I don't think any one of
us would consciously wish to sabotage our success. We all need to find
that inner source that motivates us to become our higher self. Perhaps you
could be the catalyst to some unconscious soul. Many blessings. Robin
Open RNY 3.13.03 254/236/120 -18
— rebalspirit
April 2, 2003
now, everyone together, let's say "Oohhhmmmmmmmmm." Now take a
deep breath and let it out slowly. Remember there's no such thing as a
stupid question [even if it seems stupid to you.] Everyone learns
differently; some people hear their doctor, hear their nutritionist, read
printed materials and still have to hear it from someone who's been thru it
themselves. These loving and calm words do not mean that sometimes I
wouldn't like to kick someone who loses 100 lbs by breaking all the rules.
I myself have to follow the rules or I have no chance of losing 240 lbs.
Let's just chalk any questions you get up to passing along the education
you received, in whatever way you received it. Can you imagine how many
times I've heard "It hurts when I do this..." and had to bite my
cheek not to say "Then don't DO that!". I'm just going to assume
that this vent came out of momentary frustration and move on. And next
time I see "What should I take to the hospital?" or "What's
the difference between proximal and distal?" or "Is open better
than laproscopic?", I'll just keep my dainty mouth shut. smile,
y'all. it could be worse.
— Karen N.
April 2, 2003
I think that the reason some of us ask those kinds of questions is because
we are still in the grip of the food that controls us so completely. I
thought I had my sh** together pre-op. Post-op, I am struggling and as of
now losing the battle with food addiction. Some of us will use whatever
means necessary to sabotage ourselves (not meaning to or wanting to of
course)~~~It feels like a huge wind just blowing me along out of
control...By asking stupid questions, one may be looking for help, trying
to ease their guilt, any number of things. I fought for this wls for YEARS
and here I sit screwing it up...with no one to blame but myself and my
addicton I cant break. Food addiction was not really talked about pre-op
when talking to the surgeon and attending the pre-op group. I as well as
many others counted on the dumping to force us to 'be good'. As luck
would have it, I dont dump. I am in post-op group, I have started
individual therpy...we will see what happens. I can tell you that the more
you are in therapy and have to deal with the root issue that started the
eating problem, the eating gets much worse before it gets better. That is
the stage Im at now. It is so bad that I even thought about suicide...I
keep thinking that I have fought for years for this wls, survived it, have
lost weight...nearly 90 lbs, nothing really in a LOOONG time and now I am
so totally out of control that I know I will screw up this surgery...I just
cant fight it, it seems inevitable to me, no matter how bad I want to lose
the weight. I want it with all my heart and soul...I just cant seem to get
conrol. So the next time someone askes you a stupid question, maybe you
could look a little deeper...maybe, just maybe someone is reaching out to
you for help. just my opinion
— cherokey55
April 2, 2003
Shelli, I must admit that some of these EXACT thoughts go through my head
when I'm reading the Q&A section. Many times I've thought to myself,
"I couldn't possibly go through a surgery that costs thousands of
dollars, alters my physiology, and changes my lifestyle forever without
making a MAJOR commitment to myself to get my act together right now,
pre-op! Yes, we're all human and we certainly make mistakes, and yes, many
of us have food issues that led us to this WLS journey. But the flip side
is that we have to power to choose. We have the power to choose if we're
going to comply with what our doctors tell us, or if we're going to
"get over" and "get around" the surgery. Personally
I've had WAY too many years of "getting over" when it comes to
food, and if this isn't the time to stop, I don't know when is!
— Leni M.
April 2, 2003
Oh, one other thing to add. Reading some of the "Tell me it's ok to
do something I know I'm not supposed to do" questions has proven to me
that the psych evaluation is many times COMPLETELY ineffective (in fact, I
read on the Internet that it's the opinion of many bariatric surgeons that
the psych eval is ineffective in weeding out who will or won't be
successful). If they're trying to determine who's committed to the
"lifestyle change" that's required post-op, then they've failed
miserably in my opinion. If the powers that be were truly serious about
ensuring the success of wls patients, they would require at least 6 months
- 1 year of support group/psychiatric meetings. It's a shame that we go
through all of this to conquer a physical problem, and all the while the
one thing that has truly sabotaged us never gets fixed: the mind.
— Leni M.
April 2, 2003
ohhhhh shelli! lol i get so frustrated everyday with this stuff. i hate it
when someone asks/complains "i haven't lost a pound in one whole
week", that drives me nuts. Or, "i can't live without soda",
come on...you rather drink soda that be healthy?? And "i don't dump so
i can eat what i want", (i can understand once in a while) but don't
start cryin' when you are gaining weight or the scale doesn't move. when i
see posts about this stuff i ALWAYS look at their profiles....and you know
what really get's me? they are the people who said.."this is a
tool". well your Not using your tool. you can't make a healthy change
unless you are willing. you aren't cheating the doctors by doing what you
KNOW your not supposed to do, your only cheating yourself. and for the
people who say "i've ONLY lost 30 pounds in 4 weeks" ARE YOU
JOKING ME?? ARE YOU COMPLAINING? GIVE ME A BREAK!! AND when people
say..."your doing great!" they say..ohhhhh you couldn't
understand untill you have had the surgery. WELL i say, you better start
remembering the time BEFORE your surgery. If you aren't doing what you are
supposed to do......DON'T COMPLAIN AND BE GRATEFUL FOR THE WEIGHT YOU HAVE
LOST. i am not talking about people who fall off the wagon alittle here and
there, i'm talking about the people who are off the wagon and takin' the
BUS!
— franbvan
April 2, 2003
Shelli, I'm with you. If I see one more post about "I hit a plateau,
boo hoo hoo," or "I'm XX days post op and ONLY lost xx pounds,
boo hoo hoo," I'm going to scream. The reason I got out of computer
tech support is I got tired of answering the same five questions over and
over.
And these people who post "I'm constantly vomiting and fainting and
have serious pain in my leg and I'm losing sight in one eye and I'm hearing
voices even though the radio is off -- what should I do?" ASK YOUR
DOCTOR!!!!
When I calm down, I remind myself of a couple of things. First, people want
permission and reassurance, no matter how self destructive they are. Just
because they want that doesn't mean you have to give it.
Second, the idea that each person is the exception, rather than the rule,
is very powerful. Just ask any criminal if he expected to get caught.
Third, it is human nature to believe that everything about us is unique.
That's the only reason I can come up for the huge number of plateau/slow
weight loss questions. The answers are always the same, but everyone
continues to ask because they think somehow they are different from the
hundreds who had the identical problem.
Fourth, many people really are clueless. they hear what they want to hear,
like about the people on this site who lose a lot of weight quickly and
painlessly and effortlessly. Somehow, most manage not to read about those
who had complications, who lose very slowly, who never get close to their
"ideal" weight, or the 15 percent (according to my PCP) for whom
surgery simply does not work.
If people want advice, they should not whine if the advice is not what they
wanted to hear. Isn't the whole point of seeking advice is to get DIFFERING
points of view?
— Kasey
April 2, 2003
maybe it isn't a matter of the psych exam but more to do with surgeon's not
making people at least try to comply with the post op diet before they do
the surgery. I thought my surgeon was nuts when he told me that I had to be
on a liquid high protein diet from consult to surgery. The more I read the
boards and see how many people can't comply with what their surgeon says to
do I see why he does it this way and probably why he doesn't have many
patients. He is going to start requiring more pscyhological testing for his
patients because he is having a problem with the younger patients not
wanting to comply with his instructions and coming back to him complaining
when they aren't losing weight or they have a health problem that is
related to how they are eating.
— S C.
April 2, 2003
I can see you don't feel the need to buy a bathroom air freshener. What's
it like being perfect?
— Kim B
April 2, 2003
Hi all. I completely understand the frustration. And no matter what we say,
people will continue to ask the same questions, that is what happens with a
message or question board. however, we're all not perfect, and I think all
of us were nervous in the beginning. We're human, and cannot possibly know
everything about this surgery. So my advise is just pass those questions,
they're not harming anyone. Longer post-ops are here to help shorter
post-ops and pre-ops. And yes many of the questions are asked a billion
times a day, or the person should ask the doctor, but people want personal
advise or experiences as well. So if we don't like it, don't read it or
don't reply. Some harsh comments are getting passed around, and that
shouldn't be what this is all about. Just my 2 cents. Goodluck to everyone.
— Lezlie Y.
April 2, 2003
I found these questions a help for me. I have been reading the MB and
Q&A for 7 months now. I now know that hitting a plateau is fairly
common around 3-6 out. Not to freak and to re evaluate my diet. But at this
stage its just my body "taking a break" and I'm probably still
losing inches. Any other plateau needs closer inpspection of my diet. I
knwo that I MAY be able to tolerate some bad foods so I should NOT even go
there. I too do not see why I would go thru this and still eat bad food
choices. But I also know my head hunger will play a big part of my life for
a good while and that is no fun. I know I won't be able to run a marathon
for a while but I should slowly start excersise as per doc's
advice.....Walking is always good tho. I also read about the post surgical
problems. My surgical site MAy open and drain..yuck but I won't freak out
as I know this does happen. So yes I do see these same questions over and
over but they are helpful to me. AND not everyone reads this site daily as
I do. So I just skim over these posts to the next one. Just my 2 cents.
Jamie
— Jamie M.
April 2, 2003
You are not clearly remembering being a post op as I am assuming you were
at some point. I don't think that people are born with the answers to WLS
questions. If you do not want to answer these "stupid" questions
perhaps you should not put yourself in the position to have to field them.
People come to this site desperate, with bad habits which are very die
hard. I find it very hard to believe that you cannot remember back to when
you were new and did not know everything. I am a strong believer in
sticking to my program and have a hard time understanding why people would
go through this only to screw around with it but what they do with it has
nothing to do with my success and they are grown and capable of making
their own decisions even if you do not approve. There but or the grace of
God goes you or I or anyone else.
— Carol S.
April 2, 2003
I meant you do not remember being a pre-op.
— Carol S.
April 2, 2003
The more I come on this site the worse it's getting. I'm a 20yr. old young
woman and it disgust's me to see that more and more people on this site or
becoming more and more like the people that they hated when they were xx
pounds heavier.
I had my wls 1/16/03 but i've been reading every question and every post on
the message board for months now. At first I was so excited to have found a
site that I was thrilled to come to everyday, multiple times a day, but
slowly I started seeing more behavior like this. I have asked some of these
questions and to the people that didn't find it to be "too much"
and responded to my questions I will always thank you. I remember being
thaught that there is no stupid question, but maybe I'm the wrong one for
thinking that if you've been through it and survived, then the least you
can do is help your fellow man - especially the one's that are lost and
confused. To the pre-op's that would dare agree with this....the saying of
walking a mile in another man's shoe's is more than applied here, I
wouldn't think to say a word until after I had the surgery and even now, I
know that I'm still a "rookie in the game".
I will try to make myself believe that this site will continue to be as
helpful to others as it's been to me and not start turning people away who
have already been turned away in so many ways.
— Melissa M.
April 2, 2003
AMOS MOD HERE! <P> There are varying opinions on this but lets ALL
treat each other nice please. Thank you very much.
— bob-haller
April 2, 2003
hello again. ok...i think thing are getting pretty mixed up here. i don't
think shelli was talking about people who had questions about wls, i think
she was talking about people who have had wls and are making the choice
NOT to do what they were told to do by their doctors and then wanting
someone to agree with them about their bad choices. nobody is perfect and
it takes a long time to adjust to the wls way of thinking, but to MAKE THE
CHOICE on purpose that you WILL NOT follow doctors orders is just plain
dumb.
— franbvan
April 3, 2003
I agree with Fran, people seem to have taken this away from Shelli's
original point, if you are going to have this surgery, put your life at
risk and trust your surgeon to dohis job correctly...isn't it STUPID not to
do what he tells you? I am a RN and I have to tell you one of the most
frustrating things ever to deal with is this type of questions, I know that
it comes from denial but still, if you are not going to listen to what the
doctor tells you, WHY GO TO HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE???? I also don't
understand when a post-op says they don't dump, how do they know? By eating
something that had the ability to make them dump! Did we have this surgery
to become healthy? Why take the chance of making our selves sick by eating
something that could make us sick??? It doesn't make sense! Just my
thoughts! God bless everyone in their own journey.
— garnet156
April 3, 2003
I have learned more about WLS from this site than from any book. And trust
me I've read many. I even learned from the so called stupid questions. For
example,my surgeon sends us home from the hospital eating soft foods, any
foods, carbs included. If we can get it down, its ok. We can have diet
soft drinks in moderation. Take any type of calicum we want. But because
someone asked a "stupid" question, I learned that I should stick
to soft protein and limit carbs. Because someone asked a stupid question
about soft drinks, I learned that they have no value to them and I stay
away from them. Because some one asked the studid question about vits and
suppliments, I know I should only take calcium citrate. You get my drift.
Are those people asking for the ok to do dumb things? I dont know, maybe.
But maybe its deeper than that. With that said, I would never do anything
on purpose to foul up my tool but I know I'm human and WILL make a mistake
once in a while. Its nice to know that MAYBE someone here will be nice
enough to help reassure me that no, I will not fail once again. So next
time you see a stupid question, skip it, move on. Maybe someone else wont
think its so dumb and will help that person out. Just my 2 cents. Take
care everyone. Sidney Open RNY 10-23-02 down 80+
— Siddy I.
April 3, 2003
The question was how do you not get frustrated and/or not lose your temper.
If you really want the answer to that, it lies in not getting so attached
to how others choose to live their life...letting go of the need to control
what others do...needing to express your opinion on their
behavior/questions/need to manipulate the system. By focusing on how you
are working YOUR program, you can lead by example. I sense your deeper
commitment is to the wellness of people, but each person must walk their
own journey in getting there. Maintaining your own mental wellness is
first and foremost...as a counselor once told me: If they need help, pray
for them. If they want help, pray with them. But don't let them prey on
you....
— merri B.
April 3, 2003
TO FRAN: For many people it is NOT just a matter of doing what the doctor
says. If it were that simple for some of us, we would have went and bought
the first diet book we saw, followed that for the rest of our lives and
POOF the weight would be lost and stayvgone. The thing that many are not
getting is that some of us have a food addiction. We are having a hard (or
impossibe) time controlling it. An alcholic or a drug addict can beat
their addiction by NEVER touching their drug ofchoice again. A person with
an eating disorder is not so lucky. We still have to deal with food every
day. When I read your post (and others) "just follow the doctors
orders".....it sounds so incredibly simple doesnt it. Well not for
someone with a full blown eating disorder. Its like telling an anorexic
just folow he docs orders and eat 7 large meals a day..and poof your
healed. Compulsive overeating is a horrible addiction and it is very scary
to feel so out of control. Coming to this site for acceptance and love and
guidance and maybe even to find a kindred spirit I see may be a bad idea
for people like me. You were fat once, (remember?) show a little
compassion.
— cherokey55
April 3, 2003
I have been somewhat surprised to see some of the questions on this site,
but then I think that the poster must not have been educated by their
surgeon very much. To those of you who think it's "stupid" to
ask if you don't have to follow doctor's orders, you clearly do not have
much insight into human behavior or psychology. A lot of us got to this
point not because we didn't know what to do, but because we couldn't do it.
I know I could teach a weight loss class because I know so much about how
to lose weight. Now have I been able to do it myself? Not very well, or I
wouldn't be here. I suspect the same is true for most of us. Eating has
so many complicated factors tied up to it. There is not only physiology
and genetics involved, but emotional reasons and learned behavior too. Some
people sabotage themselves when losing weight (or attaining any kind of
goal) -- whether because they feel they don't deserve it, or for another
reason. Some people can't handle vulnerability they feel when thinner,
and gain weight again in order to feel protected. Some find they can't
handle life without their comfort foods. Some (like me) want or had WLS to
live a NORMAL life, not one of deprivation and rigidity like some of you
think is the only "right" way to do things. It is so
complicated, but I would not refer to these people as "stupid".
As someone else suggested, read the title of the post, and move on if it
might frusrate you. Also, like Merri said, learn to focus on your own
life, not others. We can't control others, and learning that should lead
to less frustration all around. Thanks for listening :)
— [Deactivated Member]
April 4, 2003
terri i understand you comment, but you didn't read all that i wrote. if
you did, you would see that i agree with you. good luck on your journey.
— franbvan
October 29, 2003
Wow. I just went back and read the responses to my question that I posted
in April. <br>
Why is it that it is okay to ask questions if someone is frustrated by not
being able to eat chocolate or have a Coke..... but to be frustrated by
what I was struggling with is so bad, or surprising? We all have our own
struggles, and come here for SUPPORT.<br><br>
No, I am not perfect. And actually, I have a site that helps support my
surgeon's patients. And I love doing that.<br><br> I was having
a bad day, like a lot of us do.... and what I was talking about is people
going against specific medical advice... I was pretty clear about that-
not those of us who need more info and who might not have a supportive
surgical staff to get these answers from. <br>
Yikes. I asked for insight, and help. Not "please flame me."
<br><br>Are YOU perfect? Me neither. <br><br>
Thanks to those that offered some real insight. I appreciate it.
— kultgirl
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